I did not realize that.... How much can change just by letting go of the things that don't let you grow for a long time in my life? Things from the past and cementing myself in my memories was something that kept me safe. It was in anchor for my sanity and a reminder that the feelings that I had. Came through from something. It was at a time in my life where I had someone convincing me that what I felt wasn't real. And I had a lot of other someones feeding into that as well, but but now I find myself finally, finally, arderously in a place in my life where I was able to let go and in turn relinquish responsibility for things that I cannot control it. Manifested itself in so many ways, including the vitriol of a lot of people around me, but most importantly. It allowed me to grow, although not all of my bridges have been burnt. Not all of my red threads have been cut, and I'm certainly not the biggest tree in the forest. Just yet, I can confidently say that I have grown, and I still have the potential to grow and yeah, there are plenty of doors that I can open for myself to grow. But sometimes that takes a little pruning, sometimes the weeds will fight back, but ultimately, i'm glad i'm here.
Lastly, and you know who you are; you aren't brave, tragic or bold for romanticizing self punishment. You can't see this, but I know the voice of me planted in your mind whispers to you at night. It'll never be louder than you own. It's your responsibility. Not mine