( meme from somewhere: not accepting | @xwingingit )
THEY HAD JUST MET a few hours prior so why was the new deputy on his mind? Ben rolled back against the dark sheets and gazed up at stars that had been stuck there when he was a boy. They were a memory of a time when his family was whole, when they were happy. Keirnan was just another goody two shoes his mother brought home, still hoping someone could be a good influence him. He was beyond that now. But why, when he gazed up at the starred roof, could he only think of him? The stars mapped the constellations that dotted along Keirnan’s cheek bones and he knew as he rolled over to sleep that he would dream of stars.
THE BITING WORDS, acidic and final still lingered in his mind. He sat at the bar, beer in one hand and a coaster in the other, flipping it over and over as the words repeated in his mind. Keirnan didn’t want him around, lingering at the police station and who could blame him? They all saw Ben the same way, just a nuisance. Maybe the deputy tired of his babysitting duty. If that’s all he was, he would follow Keirnan’s command and NEVER go back. Ben’s entire life was spent being the nuisance, the one no one wanted around and he refused to be that burden. As he raised his hand and ordered something stronger, he knew he would need more than one drink to push Keirnan from his thoughts.
HE HAD GONE A WEEK without ‘visiting’ his mother at work, without doing anything but hanging around the local bars and getting into fights. Cuts and bruises swelled his cheekbones and fists. It never became more satisfying. There was still the urge to destroy something. To do something that would draw attention away from the fact that he hadn’t stopped thinking about Keirnan and his stupid freckles and green eyes. Each thought was replaced by fists crunching against sharp jaws or busted noses. It was satisfying to see something come apart because of his hands. Only when it was done and dusted, the thoughts remained, his fists ached and he was being dragged to the one place he promised to not go to. He supposed you can only beat someone up so much until the cops show up.
AS FAR AS HE WAS CONCERNED he had not broken the promise because Keirnan came to him. It was hard to disguise the pleasure he gained from that knowledge alone. They moved past it fairly quickly, falling into bad habits and hanging around one another. He had taken Keirnan to his favourite bar and in turn had been invited to hang out with all the cops for board games. It was good, clean, wholesome fun and completely unlike what Ben regularly did. He had to admit it was fun, drinking beers and just watching Keirnan as he interacted with everyone. The deputy was so unlike himself, perhaps his completely opposite. What he couldn’t stop thinking about was the way their shoulders had brushed together, hands almost touching as they reached for a beer or a card from the deck. Ben could still feel the tingling in his arm as he gazed up at the stars on his roof that night. This deputy was becoming a problem, one he couldn’t seem to shake.
THOUGHTS OF KEIRNAN HAD become overwhelming. He refused to let them take over his life any longer. Stalking a deputy was a bad idea, even worse considering he was doing it outside of a police station but he refused to wait any longer. It couldn’t just be him that was plagued with thoughts, whose skin vibrated and tingled from just the barest of touches. It was him who dreamed of stars as freckles and darkened capillaries made by his lips. He had to know what it would feel like when their lips touched. If he was punched for finding out, at least he would have his answer and he could move on.
As the deputy emerged from the station (Ben had timed this according to his mother’s schedule), Ben wasted no time closing the space between them. No longer would he lurk in the dark, hiding from the light, hiding from a chance at something better -- something he didn’t deserved. The surprise was clear on Keirnan’s features as his face lit up, eyebrows shooting up. “ Ben? What are you doing here? ”
He had no time for words. Svelte fingers curved around his cheek, finding their way into red hair as he tilted the deputy’s head up. Dark eyes dragged along his lips before he finally closed the gap. It was just like the stars. The sensation vibrated through his bones, making his body yearn and tingle. This was what it was meant to feel like. This was what he had dreamed of.
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