:)))

24 • they/them • vent acct

[howlsnteeth]

[shinjissss]

when does it stop feeling like this

i dont understand how people work it feels like theres walls around me and everyone is moving around me and im stuck here wondering where everyone is going

i genuinely dont know what im making an effort for anymore the medication is supposed to help

[canis-dies]

01. Jimmy Neutron Had a Dog, So Why Can't I Have a Friend? - Hot Mulligan. // 02. Herakles - Euripides (Tr. Anne Carson) // 03. so what i lied - Negative 25 // 04. neurocophany-theyshe on tumblr // 05. Unknown - Liana Finck // 06. lostmf on tumblr // 07. soapstore on tumblr // 08. Letters to Felice - Franz Kafka // 09. deer333teeth on tumblr // 10. With Solitude - Jane O. Wayne // 11. theambitiouswoman on tumblr // 12. Unknown // 13. Unknown // 14. Futile Devices - Sufjan Stevens // 15. Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? - Jeanette Winterson // 16. The Life Cycle of an Attachment Style - AttachmentProject // 17. Avoidant Attachment - AttachmentProject // 18. Unknown // 19. eternalworm1 on tiktok // 20. Hey Ken, Someone Methodically Mushed the Donuts - Free Throw // 21. So That's What They Do In College - This Is Pointless // 22. Unknown // 23. I Just Sighed. I Just Sighed, Just So You Know - Los Campesinos! // 24. Fine, Great - Modern Baseball // 25. 偽物人間40号 - ¿? shimon (English Translation) // 26. 偽物人間40号 - ¿? shimon (English Translation) // 27. Great Romances of the 20th Century (Demo version) - Taking Back Sunday // 28. Something About a Bunch of Dead Dogs - Hot Mulligan // 29. DreadfulHounds on instagram // 30. Unknown // 31. Something About a Bunch of Dead Dogs - Hot Mulligan

[shinjissss]

i dont think i can let people close anymore. i think im meant to live and die alone. what other purpose does hurting those i love serve? other than teaching me this lesson? making people question if i care about them, making them feel like i cant be approached. what am i doing wrong?

[shinjissss]

I AM THE ISSUE. I CREATE AN IMPENETRABLE FORTRESS AROUND MYSELF AND I ACTIVELY REPEL GOOD PEOPLE. TO BE LOVED AND SEEN IS TO BE IN DANGER AND TO BE MISUNDERSTOOD. EVERYONE LEAVES BECAUSE I MAKE THEM.

[avoidant-attachment-culture]

dismissive avoidant attachment culture is this post

[5051704xoxo]

sorry, i might disappear from time to time but so does my will to live

[shinjissss]

i dont think i can let people close anymore. i think im meant to live and die alone. what other purpose does hurting those i love serve? other than teaching me this lesson? making people question if i care about them, making them feel like i cant be approached. what am i doing wrong?

[shinjissss]

realized that ive been doing things like its going to be my last year on earth. went all out for christmas for my friends and my mom, thinking about what my future actually looks like. i really dont know what else to do. i know i need to probably be on medications to get myself feeling better and that this will pass but fuck i wasnt supposed to make it this far. i dont understand myself or anyone else and i think im the issue in every situation. im self absorbed and i dont know how to think about other people without having to remind myself. i want to smash my head open i want to overdose i want to slit my wrists i want to disappear completely.

[theexplodingpsychology-blog]

The central nervous system of a human. This is everything you are.

[erotomechanixxx]

[shinjissss]

depressed child, genuinely not having a great time, depressed and having a hard time finding the motivation to get out of bed and do anything: *does literally anything*

parents: why do you have a stick up your ass

[tanzderjunkies]

Graf von Baphomet + blood

[vixvaporub]

Gokurakugai by Yuto Sano – Chapter 19 ⦿ Let’s Make a Suicide Pact

[feaftlikeabeaft]

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”

[shinjissss]

four years clean down the drain🎉

[shinjissss]

i thibk i should have killed myself when i was a teenager

[shinjissss]

i also think i should have been a lot meaner to myself. im too soft. or just mean in general. maybe people would see that im a piece of shit and point it out aloud. i need to shut the fuck up permanently. i dont need to say anything about how i feel about anything because why would anything be wrong theres nothing wrong im a big crybaby and have a meltdown at the slightest inconvenience when i have to work hard theres no use in dragging people into shit that i can do myself ao i think ill just do it and crumple myself up into a million more unrecognizable pieces until i can recreate someone else entirely and not have to think about anything anymore

[shinjissss]

i thibk i should have killed myself when i was a teenager