I’m drowning in depression.
Depression isn’t just being sad all the time,
Nor is it just crying or hurting yourself.
That’s not depression.
Depression doesn’t just pop out of nowhere.
It doesn’t pop up at 3 AM or at midnight.
It’s always there.
Depression is not having the energy to do anything,
Even if the only thing you did today was get out of bed.
Depression is that sinking feeling that you feel at 2 PM,
When you’re out hanging with your friends and laughing.
It’s being in class, surrounded by other students, who are all laughing,
And not being able to partake in their conversations because you know you’re about to breakdown.
It’s being able to laugh for a few seconds, but then that quickly fades and once again,
You’re drowning in depression.
It’s about not being able to cook something on the stove,
Or even being able to cross a bridge,
Because you know what might happen.
It’s about trying to keep yourself safe from yourself.
It’s about being surrounded by your best friends,
And wondering what you did wrong,
Because you’re not able to laugh or be carefree like them.
It’s about walking through the hallways at school,
And trying so hard not to have a mental breakdown, every single day.
It hurts and it hurts,
And it doesn’t stop.
It never stops.
And you’re constantly trying to distract yourself from the monster inside you,
But nothing works.
And all you want, is for it to stop.
There are nights filled with nightmares,
Screams, hair pulling,
Tears, blood,
And shattered glass,
But, it still doesn’t go away.
It’s about being afraid of yourself.
I’m drowning in depression,
And no one is trying to pull me out.
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