A Haiku Moment

I'm always in search for moments of haiku. .......................................... "I'm bless with style, so I run my mile" facebook twitter blogspot myspace google+ Truly Rich Club about me

[davevisaya]

I’m starting to wonder where...

Is it over the mountains? Is it over the seas? Is it over the skies? Or is it somewhere beyond. Over the moon or over the stars? I hope not...

I’ve been looking for that high, that alluring satisfaction. But I only seem to grasp just the trace of it. I’m starting to wonder if it’s even real. I hope it is...

I’m afraid that what I’ve been looking for was here all along. Beside me, between her smile, between the gaps, between the regular days. But I’ll never know if I never go out and discover. I can’t help to think that all this searching, all this musing, I could be wrong all along. I hope not...

Letting the days pass by as if the sun rises and sets at the same place forever. Settling with the speed of light. Settling with E=mc squared. Or settling with the theory of creation. The light even tries to reach as much further to the edges of this black humongous mess the Big Bang made. A lifetime is never enough to figure it out. This thought makes me lose hope. But I still, undeniably, hope. As if Hope is all I got. Deep in my heart I know it’s all I got...

Come to think of it, all I need might just be in one person, a mi amor. She could be the universe, or at least pretend to be. And I’ll be satisfied. I’ll sleep with the heart contented. Or.. will I? Til’ that day, I’ll keep exploring, keep looking at the blue sky as if I already figured the answer. I know it will come or it may not. Well, it doesn’t really matter anymore. But I hope this hoping will be of meaning, will be of truth, will be of reality. I hope it really does...

(This song apparently is not related to this post, or is it?)

[davevisaya]

Our Story

It’s been a long time since I’ve written something. I think I’ve forgotten already, how to type, how to think out of the heart, how to feel, yet, here I am trying.

It’s sad to discover that what you think was the right decision, turned to be the wrong turns. In the depths, you find that you can never go back. Interestingly, I wonder what I’m going to do about it.

Intentions don’t always bring good. Illusions are real in the real world. I think I know “me” and I feel my mind is disconnected. Indifferent from the heart, the brain seeks more than it can take.

I never thought I’ll be this confused after finding the right reasons to live. I thought your smell was one of a kind. In the end, it wasn’t. It wasn’t the scent I’ve been looking for.

I might say goodbye, the affair was short, but I  wouldn’t want more. Incomplete as I may think my life is, you’re not the completion I was seeking for. 

In the end, I may never be complete. I will continue for that’s all I got. I’m sorry.

[davevisaya]

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Child’s Play

We come as a child in this world and some of us never grow. We’re allowed to play in this world and some of us never show that we love the freedom. 

Yet people set rules because the children are plentiful. The resources are scarce because we’re afraid to live in the sea or in the cold poles. 

Now it’s a cold, wet world with nothing but us naked. But we play nonetheless. Like children without parents, we fool ourselves that everything will be told. That truth will be known. But the truth is always evasive and perhaps never real. 

Let’s all rejoice because we’re all on this together, figuring it out. But some kids don’t want to figure it out, so they bomb other nations and our flags and made up stations.

We will bleed and may not recover, but we are just fine as we are now. But we never know if we really are because we know nothing. We’d love to ask the older children, we call as parents, but they were once children and may still are. We may die not knowing and we may die while playing. But in this world with nothing, and something is less of meaning, we rather stay as children and stay as we are.

Here is my child’s play to remind me that I may never grow yet I’ll enjoy it anyway.

-Dave

Random musing and an awkward creation that I thought I’ll never finish so I posted anyway. 

[davevisaya]

cling

Like a dish, you miss the girl. You missed how she tastes and how she smell. If only you are the one who cooks his own meal. But no, the pathetic you do not even know how to lift a knife. All you’ve used are forks and spoons, not even chopsticks. You were so used to being served...

Now the chef is long gone. Chefs, once they leave, they never go back. There’s always someone looking forward to having them. The dish has long forgotten for each person has their own way of cooking, and one could not simply mimic a beautiful dish as her. 

The dish long lost, you wish to taste her again. It’s that feeling you get. The hurt from the longing that never ends. Some days you wished you never took a bite. But all is too late. You loved it so much you gulped everything without notice. Now her memory is stuck. That feeling that you’re always not done. The days always long.

So you wrote as if you could bring justice to the memories. Some of them are locked in the vault. You threw the key away. Yet the stink oozes out the crevices. You can’t run away! But writing makes you feel easy. Fare on my friend.

Like you will ever get to understand everything. To take control means to lose it. 

[davevisaya]

fAll in Love Again

fall in Love again -- They say.

Love is a word overused yet acted less. People, oh people, just yearn the security of the arms that wrap them. If this was the case, when insecurities are gone, the love is gone.

People, oh people, say they want to meet the perfect person. The perfect person always seem to have a pretty face. When the face grows old and weary, the love grows old and weary. 

People, oh people, think of love as butterflies living in the stomach. But realize, we instead have worms that may never become butterflies. 

Love is everywhere - people, oh people, say. But you know deep inside you want more of it. Like chasing mavericks and chasing unreal monsters, we never are satisfied. More love. More good things. Less hate. Less bad things.

Yet Love is the only hope we have. The redemption from loneliness and suffering of not having an identity. 

Deeper love means deeper hope. Yet, what are we hoping for? It’s hard to love, when we don’t know.

Love is to believe in the future. Love is to believe in oneself. Love is to believe in one another. Love is to lay it all out there. Love is to be vulnerable. Love, therefore, is to hurt. Love is to ache. Love is to bear through the sacrifices that you should make. Love is endless yet love is short. Love is intricate. Let’s leave it that way.

Fall in love, they say.

[davevisaya]

Morning

I just want to listen to this song. It’s so depressing yet so full of hope. I am always drawn to sad songs. I may never figure why.

Let there be morning. 

We want to stay forever on this happily ever after stories. We love tales of heroes and victories. Never of winter, never of dark skies. We always want the morning. 

Yet morning never come sometimes

Like yearning for the word that rhymes

I lay in bed with desperation

But sleep with no reconciliation

In my dreams I still yearn for the morning

Of futures, yet unfolding

All I wish is that I could cope

All I have is to hope...

I shan’t call this poetry

Only things that don’t matter, really...

so I’ll end this awkwardly

So silly, so silly.

[davevisaya]

Fade to White

I almost died today... Or so I felt I was. It happened in a split moment. But during that tiny gap, time went eternal. 

It’s funny because I just finished editing a video in iMovie of our Boracay escapade. It was like adding the slow motion effect to a clip and then adding a certain type of transition called ‘fade to white.’ Scary thing is, at that moment, I don’t have any idea what's next. For life is no series of clips. Life is an uncertainty. 

So I stood there helpless, with cold sweat, with body numbed. The transition was all that matters and it took excruciatingly long. Everything became light and slowly turning to white. The different kind of white, the final kind of white. 

It was then that memories and thoughts came flashing in. I thought of being in a hospital. I thought of what I’ve done so far for this world. I thought of causing trouble to my friend and how big of a hassle I was if I were to stop moving there. I thought of such bad luck. And, I thought of being gone.

The color white was so beautiful yet so full of despair. It was surreal for a lack of a better word.  

I thought of being gone. I thought of passing through this world. I felt like I already did. I couldn’t feel myself. And it kept on repeating, like a broken record, the words in my head: How easy, how simple, how insignificant I was. 

But, I’m still here. I’m still alive. I manage to get through that ordeal. I had that thing called orthostatic hypotension. It’s caused by gravity and blood, and the heart and dehydration, and perhaps other things I am unaware of. I forgot to mention that I was riding my fixie in the middle of the day. I may have taken it too far. Who knows? What I know is I’m here.

I’m here. But now it’s a better picture. Now I know what it feels like when you are about to faint (or die). Now I know that life is beautiful and life could be short and no one really knows, or no one really cares. I have so less yet I have so much. I have not given enough to call this a life though, I know, but I don’t know on what basis. I’ll probably never know not until the world completely fades to white. Until then.

[davevisaya]

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Audioblog 23: The Light

Walking through the shadows of the sun, the moon, and the world, we create our own light in the hopes to see each other a lot better -- to see that pale face of yours, to find what they call the true path. 

Like scientists finding a solution through trial and error, we faint and emerge like the cycle of the clock. Forever bound by time, the beings of time yearn for so much -- and so the light was one of the greatest discovery. 

Light brings about ideas where you would rather sleep and lay defeated by the darkness. With light, you can write the things that are running in your head. With light, you will be able to have a date at midnight, under the beautiful sky full of stars. Those tiny lights in the sky showing us how the way it should be. Shining, fading, blinking, like our hearts when they’re filled with emotions. Shining, fading, blinking, sparking, and shining even brighter! 

We’re little stars wanting to give birth of more stars. Star particles creating worlds. It’s so simple and we’re here to understand that the world is indeed us and the people is indeed the universe. We are the universe trying to discover itself! In its billions of lifetimes, it got tired with the darkness and so it invented the light in it, which gave birth like a ripple that brought us here and there.

Life is light in a sense. And ideas are light in a sense. Fire is light. Love is light. Light is warm and home, and you could almost feel it just by looking at it. We developed our eyes to see this light. Light is beauty and it may be the only meaning of this all. But nobody really knows, not even the stars blinking up in the sky, not even the darkness that gave birth to it. 

Dave Visaya

[davevisaya]

The March

I was once part of a marching band back in high school. That extracurricular activity taught me so much about life that I wouldn’t have learned from just taking regular class and listening to regular and irregular teachers. 

When you’re part of a marching band, you only have one task and that is to bring the noise to the streets. It is an announcement, a signal of a commencement, an event, a festivity!

In early history, marching bands were used in battles where the beat of the drums was said to raise the morale of the fighters. Increasing their enthusiasm to kill and win, or (maybe) just to make them feel that they’re still part of something while they’re wasting their lives. Luckily, I live in an era where I don’t have to face such cruelty and despair.

So, music has been part of me ever since. When I was a kid I’d listen to backstreetboys, then it became red hot chilli peppers, then matchbox twenty, then blink 182, then radiohead, then glassjaw... it went on. Bands and their music inspire me to think and to see the world differently. Just like when I play the double drums in the marching band, making noise in the street... 

It felt like I saw everything, everyone, differently. I felt that I’m part of this elite group. A group only a few understood. It felt good to be different. 

So it was inevitable that I’d learn a musical instrument and that is the guitar. With a guitar, you could either cover songs or create songs. I leaned on the latter. I love creating tunes even back then when I was still starting. We love to create compositions with our late vocalist from my first band, Eroica. 

We don’t usually do covers, because we want to start with something fresh. But also, we don’t know how to do covers. I find it hard to cover tracks at that time, and in introspect, even until now.

Nonetheless, life was good with music and my guitar around. It has kept me safe on my darkest and happiest moments. Driving is better with my playlist in Spotify titled ‘A Long Drive Down South.’ Recently, I bought gadgets that are way too expensive just for this hobby. I know I won’t be getting any returns for this, financially that is. Except the fact that I get to have an identity, sufficient enough to satisfy myself. It pays to be different, I said.

So as this weird mind of mine think and relate to the vast universe, I saw that the reason behind this yearning for being different is deeply rooted, it’s written in our DNA.

We are born to be different.

We are the results of chance. We are the results of lasting cataclysm that should have not given us a chance, but we strived. We’re forgiven by nature. We’re blessed by gods and creators. We’re products of billion years of evolution. There’s got to be something in you and in me that keeps us staying and believing on who we are.

It pays to be different, I say.

Running away from the norms is definitely a feat. It is not for the weak heart or for those who don’t believe in their individuality. But, what other proof do you need for your divine individuality? You are a product of miracles, so act like one! ~ I say.

Get rid of anything common. Be a hipster or whatever they call you. Be weird and read the things people don’t read. Share the thoughts that people consider taboo. Make mistakes in the hopes that it will bring you to the right path. Experiment on experiences that completes you, it’s you and not them after all.

Raise the cup high for your individuality, create and be unique!

So be different. 

Despair and depression is common. It pays to be different, to be optimistic and see the good views no matter what. Sadness is overrated and poverty is common. Traveling and getting to places where your friends have never been is different. Getting enough for you to give more to people you care and to get the things that satisfy you is different, not better, but way different than the thousands consider.

The march to being an individual is a difficult path. You may need some tools (like music, meditation, other forms of art, and so on) for you to make this work. You may need to read more books, to encounter more eye-opening events, and you may even hurt others or be hurt in the process. The point here is that you keep on keeping on. Discovering that inner beauty that is you. 

Life is good.

Post inspired by this song:

[davevisaya]

Love is Waiting

I'll be waiting for you baby I'll be holding back the darkest night Love is waiting till we're ready, till it's right Love is waiting

So everyone is so into Valentine's day. Thanks to social media, most couples need a reason to show their love and show whatever gifts they received. Also, the singles to be a little more bitter about their situation. I'm ambivalent about this. Although, I know one thing: We're here because of love.

I always tell myself that love is the language of the universe. We're in existence because of the love of growth and never ending creation. We're here because of the love of life. With that said, love is essential and the most primitive language I should say.

But we all know we're not talking about something philosophical this time around, especially not on Valentine's day. We are focused on the 'relationship kind of love,' the eros and philia kind, and sometimes the storge kind.

It's really magical to be in love with someone. It's a blessing. It's a privilege and sometimes an obligation. But as we all know, love is not something we force. Love is patient, love is kind, as been written. But who really knows love?

Not Shakespeare, not the greeks, not Cleopatra, not C.S. Lewis, and probably not your mom and dad.

I believe that we are not able to truly know what love is. I believe that we are given a lifetime to experience it, and perhaps we're going to die with our own definition of it. How to know whether our definition was right or wrong? No one could really tell. Yet our definition, experience, and expression of love could resonate for eons to come. Love could be everlasting. 

And yet my mind wonders again, so... relationship kind of love -- the boyfriend girlfriend type. You may be reading this while you're with someone or you may be reading this thinking that you have no one. Let me tell you, it's not everything and it's everything at the same time. 

For the ones in relationships

Love as much as you can. As much as you want to stay in this feeling, to stay with someone, and hope for forever, no one really knows what the future holds. What you and I have is now. The more reason why you should cherish each moment that you have with them. Post anything on social media or post nothing at all, but don't forget that what matters most is you and that person you love. Love like never before -- better and stronger each day!

For the singles

You don't have to hurry about getting into a relationship. You could love as much as you could. And being in love is the best feeling of all, so be in love with something. Find a hobby, find an outlet, go and travel. Love is waiting for you. Love is out there waiting to be found. Adventures always end up with something fun. Be a kid, bold and ready who's willing to cry when he/she needs to and ask for whatever he/she wants. Go out!

May you be with someone or not, love is present. So love.

I just discovered this song and I feel it ~the feels. I am single for three years now and I could probably recall the three Valentine's Days and where I was at those times. Don't get me wrong, I could fall in love with anyone. Love could be cheap, love could be easy, but I don't think that's the kind of love I wish to define nor experience. So this song, love is waiting, is just perfect. No one's got to hurry or worry. Anyone could hold back the darkest night.

At a glance, love is waiting could mean two things.

It could be that love is about waiting and being patient with the right person to come into your life at the right time. It could also mean that love is just waiting around the corner, waiting to be found. Both perspectives are meaningful. You just have to be patient for it will come and you should be glad and excited for love is is just a few steps around.

Take comfort in this song. Take comfort that soon love will find you. Learn that love is not all that matters, but it is all that matters at the same time. Be comfortable with the confusion. Life is meant to be filled with mystery. And we go through it alone, but sometimes we could always hold someone else's hand. 

[davevisaya]

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Audioblog 22: Here and There

There are things you see differently. Some places you seem to consider the same and different. We always wanted to get to a better place, a higher ground, apart from here. And sometimes, we don't know where we are exactly. Here and there, must we really care?

Dave Visaya

[davevisaya]

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Forever Starts

Forever may just be a dream. But whenever we listen to the voices of our heart and the speculations of the mind, we revel to the "infinity and beyond" of the soul. 

Forever starts when you praise your life as part of something grandiose. It may start with a drum beat or with the clashing cymbals. It may start without you knowing it.

Forever is not a place but a destination nonetheless. They say it's the journey. No one knows until one takes the plunge. Though forever may just be a lie we tell ourselves, the lie is worth the deception. We are what we believe we say, so forever starts.

Forever starts like a fire that keeps on burning. You add the acoustic guitar and your lone voice singing while camping with peaceful bears and watchful owls, somewhere in nowhere. And in that moment, you felt that it would last. You felt you're at the start and at the end. You felt and that is all that matters.

To forever, cheers!

-Dave Visaya

[davevisaya]

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Audioblog 20: Let me take you

Do you want to go to a place where your dreams are real and your reality is fantasy? Do you want to go to a place where money grows on trees and water is fuel to the clouds, where clouds are the mode of transportation? Like san Goku (the legendary Saiyan) who travels on a cloud, do you want to go wherever you want on a whim? Do you want to go to the 'highest place ever' that no one has been, to a secret place that only you have named? Do you want to go to the ocean? Where you feel the source of it all flowing through your body, through your veins, and you breathe and understand why. Do you want to meet the person you've been looking for all your life? To say the words you wanted to say, to stay in the most memorable way? And you close your eyes and hear the noise of it all -- the world, the sound of the vehicles on the road, the music that's playing on your mp3 player, the worries of your mind, the beating of your heart, and the yearning of the soul. Do you want to go where there is serene peace? 

Me too. So, let me take you...

[davevisaya]

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Audioblog 19: There's nothing here

You've reached another place, another star, another world, another opportunity, and so you raise your hopes. Eager, you walk with each step shaping the ground with what's in the sole of your boots, expectingly carrying your weight. You notice your steps are becoming lighter and lighter. The air is thinner, you've just got down the ship. Your sweat colder, dripping to your chest and raising the short hair on your skin. Slowly, you float as the burden of the matter dawned on you, there's nothing here. 

[davevisaya]

What I do remember is You

Just want to share this piece of art to you. This song is beauty in its poetic sense. 

The Lyrics:

Fortune by William Fitzsimmons

There's fortune in the furlough On the other side Wrap ourselves in blankets The crossing of a bridge so wide, so high It's murky in the meadow As we draw in the lines we threw And leveraging the ledgers Forgetting all the blood we drew But what I do remember What I do remember is you What I do remember What I do remember is you It's hollow in the harvest What I've lost I count as gained Filling up the firmament Visions of the one you gave away But what I do remember What I do remember is you What I do remember What I do remember is you

My TAKEAWAYS:

There's fortune in the furlough on the other side.

I wrote a post about what's on the other side and of invisible circles that weren't real. This line from the song paints a picture that is quite common to us all. The picture of a person separated by a fence, yearning for the greener pasture on the other side. The fortune could be the money, the woman, or the life he or she always dreamed of. 

But as you know, everything is temporary. Feelings are fleeting and the furlough is a temporary absence of sadness, or whatever it is that you wanted gone when you've reached the other side. But it's proven, you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.

So enjoy the ride, wherever you are should mean something. Don't dream of complacency though. Stability is a lie. Change is the ever-flowing river of life. 

What I've lost I count as gained

We think of past hurts and gone loved ones as lost. But no, you can always count them as gained. What we've lost always played a huge part in our lives and it has, one way or another, brought you here.

Be proud of whatever made you as who you are, for today, you are alive. And you still have the option to be someone else and to be someone great or worse, whichever you prefer. What I try to say is that you have the gift of freedom at this very moment, and the chains of the past has no power to stop you.

If you don't feel free at all, then you might be thinking of past lost as loss. Well, think twice. They are gains, beautiful gains. They are the lessons and blessings so count them. Cherish the sweet times and let the sourness of pain mold you strong. 

But what I do remember What I do remember is you

We still remember you, whoever you are in our past. There's no denying it. And it's okay. I'm proud of you who have shared a good amount of time with me, who built memories with me that are now still memories. But never forgotten...

Although ties may be broken, although separation is inevitable, and we may never see each other again, it'd be too unfair to say that I don't love you. I still do, and will always do. I will remember you all the time. Bitterness is too much to bear for the rest of our lives. Gratitude is the route of the wise and the sweeteners to add to our coffee. It'll keep us awake and enjoy the mystery of it all.

We should never forget. In life, we're here to create more memories. Like a film, we have a story to finish, and perhaps a creator to amuse. So we try to make the most of it. We direct our lives like an excellent orchestra, not because we need to, but because we can.

C'est la vie!

And oh, the song

[davevisaya]

Travel

We don't belong here. We don't belong in one place. We belong in the sky. We belong in the sea. We belong in the mountains.

We never settle down and that's okay.

The world is big but it is quite small as well. We meet people by chance and we meet more when we meet new places. Places bring people, people bring experiences, experiences bring life.

Oh how I wonder if I've met the right one for me. Is there such person? Of course, it may be the reason why I'm still breathing right now -- which is to find her and love her with all my heart.

The big question however is, Where shall i find her?

She might be up in the sky or swimming in the sea. She could be trekking the mountains or kayaking through the rivers of the world. The truth is I don't know. But one thing is for sure, I won't find her sitting in this not-so-comfortable chair, facing this old computer, and writing stuff about her. 

I need to go out.

Go out and chase her. As I look at my window, there is so much, much more out there. It's so close that I could taste it -- the dew that fall from the leaves, the trees, the path... But I stayed home today because of a warning of a storm. Storm sucks because they take away the sun. But no, nothing should have stopped me if what is outside is beauty, then there should be a way.  

But this does not apply only to me. I am not that selfish. It is for you, my dear reader, as well. You are part of something big -- the world, the galaxy, and the universe. Everything is waiting out there. 

We all need to go out. 

We will never know what we are looking for if all we see are the things we've seen all our lives. Those who have reached the highest mountains, the deepest seas, and the faintest clouds, are individuals who are bold enough to let go. They let go of everything within their boundaries and went out of it.

Picture a circle. You are inside that circle and the rest of life is outside. You will never know what is out there not until you go out of that circle. This is so true in our lives. Denial is the cage you are in. Fear is those "We Don't Speak Of" in the movie The Village. 

We live all our lives in the village, played by the rules built by people before us who never went out of their cages and circles as well. Oh how miserable that truly is! We rather believe in magic and things that glitters and shine -- for these might help in blasting those walls that locked us within. 

But no.

Think about that circle again. That circle is an illusion, there are no boundaries. Those "We Don't Speak Of" in the movie the village is not real (spoilers).

There is no circle separating us and there are no shackles. You have the magic in you to cross bridges or build your own. You have the power to go beyond the stars. Therefore, the world is for your taking. ~ Oh how I wish someone told me this sooner.

p.s. See you out there!

(also, Noctilucent clouds are the highest clouds and they are normally too faint to be seen.)

[davevisaya]

There is an answer

If you are looking for an answer, yes there is an answer, and the answer is yes.  This post will not make sense, but for some it might. This idea is not tangible, but for some it may touch their hearts and perhaps soul. I'm kidding, nothing touches us unless we allow it.

There is no one answer, but there is a yes answer to everything. Take for example today where you can't decide whether to wear a black shirt or a white shirt. You don't make a mistake when wearing either one of them. However, you have to choose an option. And hence yes, yes is the answer you have give to one of them (or both of them if you decide to wear both). 

So when we question about our life and the religion we are born with or even with the mundane things like why we have the appendix, we really don't have one answer. There will always be two or three or hundreds of sides about it. You see, truth is tricky and it is volatile and chasing after truth is like chasing the winds. Nonetheless, you either have to say no or yes to chasing truth -- and the answer to that is "Yes." 

Yes is the answer to our questions. Is there a God? Well probably not and probably there is. But stopping to that query is denying the truth of a possibility of there is. So your best bet is to say yes -- yes to continuous discovery.  

When we talk about love, some say pain is love and rain is needed to form rainbows. Some dare to say that love is truly a fluffy world and once you get it, it gets fluffier and the unicorns even exist there. Well, who knows? No one can tell. But there is one answer, and that is yes to seeking more of love. Yes to knowing more of it.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that we don't know the answer, but the answer is always going to be yes to finding more. This is a design given to us, a design we may never comprehend -- but it has one key, and that is yes.

May it be a yes to new beginnings, a yes to new endings. A yes to exploration, a yes to defeat and winnings. A never ending yes to infinity and a yes to whatever comes next. The universe is expanding towards whatever is out there. It is also trying its best to discover. It's trying to reach out -- it does so because the universe itself is saying yes. 

Now take a look at your magical yet seemingly all by chance life. We all know that life is going to be hard and we may never know if we are right or wrong. We won't know if our names are the right ones or the wrong ones because we don't have a life to compare with. We only have one shot with life and that is why we try so hard. We become desperate.. We become needy. We become lost.. But no, don't stop. Don't be gentle with the good night, don't be calm and yet don't be agitated too. But be open, embrace, and say yes. For life and the answers will always hide in this three letter word.

Yes!