Dawn

[dawnoftoday-blog]

Fundraising

Originally I had attended an event on campus called UNSLUT. It was a documentary telling the stories of girls who have been labeled sluts in their communities. Now because Julia has already written a blog about it and I don’t want to bore anyone with the same story I am going to tell you about another event I recently attended. As you all know Catherine and myself volunteer at Day One which is a sexual assault and trauma center in RI. Day One serves over 13,000 men, women and children each year, so they are always looking for volunteers as well as donations. Recently I received an invitation to a luncheon where people were asked to come to brainstorm ideas for their annual fundraising event. I have never been a part of any kind of fundraising before however the more I thought about it the more I realized I might be able to help. I started thinking about all the events that I have worked being in the hospitality industry and realized I had more experience than I thought. I also had connections to multiple venues in the providence, Newport and East Bay area that I might be able to get a donation from. Then I thought of all the bands I know from around town, there are at least 5 bands I know personally and would be interested in playing for free for such a great cause. So with this in mind I decided to attend the event to see if any of this would be helpful. I was very nervous to go to an event like this because of my inexperience with coordinating events, and because I am only a volunteer (a brand new one!) at the company. When I got to the luncheon I was even more nervous because it was all older ladies who were very experienced in this type or work and clearly all knew each other. During introductions I learned that everyone but two others had been involved in this committee for many years and were close by this point. My favorite person there was a man who has been volunteering for years after his family was affected by a neighbor who molested his daughter. He gives back by helping at the annual fundraiser and by sharing his story with other parents. We started out talking about exactly what I expected, what the theme should be, where it should be held, where would people spend more money once in the venue ect… However the topic that caught me off guard was how to best keep Day One’s message clear throughout the event without “bumming people out”. The goal is to raise money and give people an amazing night out where they can feel good about giving donations. The problem was that the company they are giving to deals with some really heavy topics and it’s not something people want to talk about at a party. The year before they had featured posters with “success” stories of children who have been helped by Day One and that seemed to have been a nice way to keep the issues present without shoving it in anyone’s face. This is something I never would have thought about before but it does need to be discussed to avoid soliciting in a really uncomfortable way. When the conversation went back to matters I was better suited to discuss I learned that the committee seemed to really like my ideas. I told them about an event I attended at The Grange (vegetarian restaurant on Broadway) that had “celebrity” female bartenders come to tend bar for the night and all the proceeds from the drink tickets went to Sojourner House. That got me thinking about how “Clicky” my industry is and how we actually do have “Celebrity” bartenders who people will follow to events to support. This in mind I suggested a cocktail contest at the event that will hopefully draw a crowd of folks who know the bar tenders competing who might not have otherwise known about Day One’s event. The winners cocktail could be the signature cocktail for the evening and even be sold in the winners bar where a portion of the proceeds of that drink sold will be donated in the weeks following. This not only would extend donations after the event but every time someone orders that drink they will be made aware of the organization they are supporting. I am really pleased with the responses I got from this idea and it made me feel like I made the right choice in going and participating in something that I might not have done if I hadn’t been looking for an event to write about! They even asked me to be on their committee fulltime J They were also offering tours of the new Children’s Advocacy Center which is expected to be extremely cost affective by using multidisciplinary teams who will work together to ensure that costly mistakes aren’t made. All this money being saved will go to those 13,000 men women and children Day One helps every day.

Every child that comes to Day One and the Children’s Advocacy Center for services receives a new teddy bear to help make their experience less traumatic. Click here for the Teddy Bear Drive form.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

Menstrual myths and taboos

I loved my Topic on Menstrual Myths and Taboos. It was really fun to do research on but a bit devastating because of the sheer lack of education that kids receive. The ridiculousness of the myths are proof of the misinformation floating around. I was a bit unsure of how my first group project with the diagram would go because I didn’t want it to be too hard. I was glad that one out of two groups were able to accurately arrange the steps in the menstrual cycle, no one in the class had seen or been made to memorize the steps in school. I also added in a side with other examples of diagrams that were much more complicated and got the reaction I was expecting. Although my example was hard, the others were harder. I really enjoyed the participation regarding the Tampax ads and other images that drove home the taboos that plague our culture. I did this because I didn’t want to come out and tell people how to feel when they looked at an ad, I wanted to get some really authentic actions. It also brought about other points I would never have made. I did notice however that most people were hesitant to use words like “ew” or “disgust” when the “bloody” underwear picture came up. Now that could be because the class is mostly women but when I showed that image to others (when practicing), those were the words used to describe that particular image. It also could be that our class is more open minded and tolerant of such material. My last game 2 Truths 1 Lie (which ended up being 2 Lies one Truth, oops!) was the best way for me to get my point across about how many myths have been engrained in our society that they are often confused with truths. I was going between this game and myth or fact but I found that when grouped together the truths and lies made people question their initial instincts. Overall I felt like teaching was way more of a challenge than writing my paper, it's hard to get up in front of a room of people, even if it was just 6! I struggled with the way I would best present my material in a way that would make my point without being a talking head. If I were to do it again I might have added more slides about how other countries treat menstruating women. Because although we have our issues we are lucky to live where we do but we still have a ways to go.

[brookkeeposts-blog]

Repeat Rape & Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists

I chose to read the article Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists. I almost wish I didn’t. The statistics horrified my beyond belief and only further proved how prevalent rape culture is in our society.  The article starts by telling readers that “It is estimated that between 64% and 96% of all rapes are never reported to criminal justice authorities.” (Lisak & Miller pg. 73). This basically is saying that there is no justice for victims because their abusers are rarely brought to justice. (This could also lead to victim blaming and a number of psychological damage left on the victim.) Also, rape is a hard crime to prosecute if there is no evidence. It also could turn into a he said she said type of case, which is not saying good things about our society.

The authors of this article wrote about studies conducted by several professionals (doctors, law enforcers, scientist etc) of men who were convicted of sexual assault crimes. One of the studies results were: those who commit these crimes are often repeat offenders, which is not hard to believe. “…126 identified rapists admitted to 907 paraphilic acts against 882 victims.” (pg. 74) This makes our world scary to live in. Is this why we tell women to walk with keys between their fingers or not to leave their drink unattended? Yes there are sick people in our world, but I would rather believe there is more good than bad. What I took from this particular study was that there was a lesser amount of men who rape. Although these men did rape they committed multiple offences instead of 907 men raping. It is a terrible crime and not even as a feminist – as a woman - I am appalled and disgusted.

The study goes on to differentiate assaults based on stranger and nonstragner rape. Nonstranger rapes are harder to convict because get this – they can claim miscommunication and misunderstand as a defense. On page 74, the authors write, “Consistent with the tendency to view nonstranger rapes as less serious than stranger rapes, it is not uncommon to find discussion of nonstranger rapes referring to “miscommunication” and “misunderstanding” between offender and victim.” I actually highlighted this and wrote “omg sick bastards” next to this. There is no question in my mind that society often excuses these acts. We teach women to cover up and be conservative rather than teach men not to rape. Our society puts men on a pedestal based on their number of sexual partners. The more women a man sleeps with often equates to his masculinity.

As a woman, I do not want to be fearful of men. I don’t want to think my brother is capable of this act. I do not think all men are like this. Not only does it make women fearful of situations, it also makes men look bad. Not all of them are bad but we are taught to use caution when being in situation with an unfamiliar male, weather it be on a date or at a bar, etc.

Also,  speaking of society here are a few wonderful ads depicting rape in our media….

Please tell comment below with your opinions!

[dawnoftoday-blog]

How to make your holidays more cheerful: “Spike your best friend’s eggnog when they’re not looking”. Real nice Bloomingdales. This is a great example of why men think its ok to drug women. The Dolce & Gabbana gang rape isn’t any better but do people really think this is what we want to see? Sick. The worst part about this article was that one offender averages 5.8 victims….so in actuality only a small percentage of people rape but they do it frequently! So for women to fear men at all times is insane because most men aren’t going to hurt you, however the ones that will are usually not behind bars! So until we start prosecuting 100% of rapists…carry pepper spray because you have to protect yourself but you can’t stop living your life.

6

[helen-south]

Like a Man

“Historically, no industrial society other than the United States has developed such a violent ‘boy culture’.” (Kimmel-Mahler 1450) Violence is clearly a very current issue and pattern we see in our American Society, whether it be adolescents in schools, within marriage, or even with sexual violent acts. In Michael Kimmel and Matthew Mahler’s article Adolescent Masculinity, Homophobia, and Violence, they seem to narrow down where this assertion through violence comes from… “masculinity is the single greatest risk factor in school violence.” (Kimmel-Mahler 1442) As we know, we live in a societies with extreme gender ideologies: men & masculinity; women & femininity. In our pop culture, Eminem is quoted “the lowest degrading thing that you can say to a man… is to call him a ‘faggot’ and try to take away his manhood.” (Kimmel-Mahler 1445) Men in our culture are often portrayed as strong, dominant, not emotional, and assertive. When this is questioned, males “in this culture, when someone questions your manhood, we do not just get mad, we get even.” (Kimmel-Mahler 1451)

With this being said, we can know take a look at just how the gender ideals within our culture can further influence our actions in everyday life beyond school violence. As we know, another current issue we are faced with today concern the rape culture. In David Lisak and Paul Miller’s article Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists, we are faced with many statistics concerning an overwhelming majority of undocumented rapists or even reported rapes. What really caught my attention was their sample of 1,882 men at a mid-sized commuter university with students that are both diverse in age and ethnicity, who after answering questions assessing rape, violence, and abuse (while being discreet), had come up with a majority of undetected rapists with many who were repeat offenders. “Almost two-third of them raped more than once, and a majority also committed other acts of interpersonal violence, such as battery, child physical abuse, and child sexual abuse.” (Lisak-Miller 80) They talk about how typically these instances involve victims within their social networks- “acquaintances” –where they have refrained from violence so that there were no physical injuries present. This made me think of the quote, “Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.” I think this really speaks to the holes within the criminal justice system where “prosecutors are less likely to prosecute” (Lisak-Miller 81) because of the lack of physical evidence and use of a weapon. Because of those two factors, we find ourselves with a case “difficult to prosecute” (Lisak-Miller 81) and turns into a case of ‘my word against yours.’

Another area within our culture where we are faced with violence is marriage. With previous articles, we can clearly see that women are often viewed as sexual property of men, especially with marriage. Margo Wilson and Martin Daly in Till Death Us Do Part speak about violence and homicide with men with their married partners especially when being faced with the possibility of adultery or abandonment. “Men…strive to control women” (Wilson-Daly 339) whether that be through coercion, intimidation, or even murder. They went through a series of cases and found that “at the core of nearly all the cases… the husband responded out of frustration at being unable to control his wife, often accusing her of being a whore or of having an affair.” (Wilson-Daly 340)

I think it is safe to say that we can see a pattern going on, the questioning of masculinity and the assertion of being considered a ‘real man’ socially through violence. It’s not a new concept of men being more physical when getting what they either feel they deserve or what they want; what men want they take. So with this ideology, when it comes down to asserting themselves within their environment and surviving, men are reacting the way that our society insists that they should react by. Our media culture often portrays heroes and manly men that are physically violent, using weapons, and using their environment to get what they want. With this being constantly reinstated, it becomes this ‘norm’ which can be then turned into the actions needed to be taken in order to gain their status in our society.

[gend712]

It is terrifying seeing how far some men and boys will go in order to keep their status of masculine. And, unfortunately, they see women as just as tools to prove how manly they are, so they find it acceptable to rape or even kill them whenever their manliness is undermined or questioned. It is horrible and makes me sick.

[brookkeeposts-blog]

For some reason men in our culture as terrified of showing their softer side. Calling a man a faggot or a pussy is one of the worst things you could insult him with. Pussy, being another word for vagina is basically calling a man a woman therefore disrespecting and oppressing women in the same insult.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

“Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.” This is an interesting concept, a lot of abuse doesn’t always end in physical evidence which is good for the victim but bad for law enforcement. It reminds me of the “under the thumb” concept where a man could hit his wife with a stick that is thinner than his thumb. Or any of those old tricks about putting potatoes in a bag so it doesn’t leave a mark but hurts like hell. The sick things people do to conceal their rage. Which also eludes to how thought out the beatings really are, unlike the idea that men hit women in a fit of rage and don’t think about it first.

[julesblog-93-deactivated2016050]

Week 12 Reading Response

In the reading Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists by David Lisak and Paul Miller, I found out a lot of information about repeated offenders that I found to be disturbing. I have heard of repeated rape, mainly because so many rapes are not reported so the person just continues to get away with it and assault other people. “The repeat rapists averages 5.8 rapes each. The 120 rapists were responsible for 1,225 separate acts of interpersonal violence, including rape, battery, and child physical and sexual abuse” (Lisak & Miller). This statistic really did shock me and scare me. Not only are these rapists going out and continuing to repeat this crime, but they are also committing other physically damaging crimes. The fact the authors states between 64-96% of all rapes are never reported is just so sad to me. These women are probably not only scared to report it, but they do not get treated as victims when they do go to report it. When being interrogated the victims are known for being treated as if they causes the assault to happen or they deserved it. Questions are asked such as their sexual history, how they knew the person, what was the woman wearing, and how exactly did they try to stop the rape from happening. To me, none of those questions help the woman to feel they are being taken seriously. They are victims and need to be treated with sympathy and support! “Consistent with the tendency to view nonstranger rapes as less serious than stranger rapes, it is not uncommon to find discussions of nonstranger rape referring to “miscommunication” and “misunderstanding” between the offender and the victim” (Lisak & Miller). This is absurd, how is it a miscommunication that the woman did not want to partake in the sexual act with the offender? Just because the woman may know the guy, does not mean the rape should be treated any differently. What some people fail to realize is most sexual assault victims are victimized by people they know, nonstrangers, so why wouldn’t their cases be taken just as serious as an assault done by a stranger? It really pisses me off how the victims are not treated properly and it causes them to stay silent.

           What shocked me in the reading Till Death Us Do Part by Margo Wilson and Martin Daly was the part where they discussed how in other countries they justify the males rage and murdering of their wives and the men the wives are having an affair by saying it is a “legitimate” reaction and reason. I don’t understand how these countries, and even the state of Texas, can say it is okay for the husband to commit murder if he catches his wife cheating, but if the tables were turned it would be a different story. If a woman were to kill her cheating husband and mistress, she would be sent to prison for first degree murder. Or, when a battered woman kills her husband because she cannot take the abuse anymore and is too scared to try to leave, she is also labelled a murderer. I think it is bullshit, but that is just my opinion. Instead of committing murder, how about the man asks for a divorce and leaves the woman since she committed adultery. Murder is not a legitimate excuse for that circumstance. It is just another way for men to have power over women and their decisions, to the extent of murdering them over adultery.

           In Adolescent Masculinity, Homophobia, and Violence Michael Kimmel and Matthew Mahler the section on why boys are more likely to result to this violence reminded me of how in most of my classes teachers always said studies show boys result to violence quicker and find it more logical than girls do. It’s unfortunate that boys/men feel being violent is a masculine trait. To me, violence is just hurting others, but they feel it is a way to prove their masculinity. We see it in media, and first hand, boys fighting to impress a girl or because another boy said something about them. I remember in high school guys would always get into more fights than girls and I always thought it was just because of their egos. One male wanted to prove to the other he was stronger and not one to be messed with, so they would turn to violence to prove this to each other. It is all childish and unnecessary, but unfortunately, society promotes it through media and other sources.

           I found all three of these readings to be really interesting as well as informative this week.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

All the readings this week had a similar message "Men are dangerous". That was loud and clear, however the reasons are much more disturbing. The idea that men commit these crimes because of the way we raise men to conform to gender ideals makes me sad. It means we need to reconsider the lessons we are teaching boys about how they need to behave. We also need to report more of the crimes so that we have a better understanding of how to help the victims and potential future victims.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

Till Death Us Do Part

Till Death us Do Part by Margo Wilson and Martin Daly, was so relevant for me that I need to vent. First I want to explain why this is relevant. For my Feminist Inquiry course I am instructed to hold my own activist event on any topic of my choosing. I choose to hold a demonstration to spread awareness for those who suffer from domestic violence. I chose this topic after completing 30 hour training for Day One (a local Rape/ Domestic Abuse crisis center) to be able to volunteer for their helpline. We were asked to each come up with a new reason why someone would stay in an abusive relationship. Because there was about 22 of us we didn’t think it was going to be possible but once you start thinking, the reasons are endless. This inspired me to come up with a demonstration where I will ask strangers to come up with a reason and place a large rock on the “victim” (a dummy) until the pile grows larger with all of the reason why this woman feels trapped. My hope is that the people who see my project never again say “Well she stayed so it can’t be that bad”. That being said reading this article that explores the reasons why men abuse or even kill their wives is beyond disturbing. “A small proportion of the men who kill their wives are found “unfit to stand trial: or “not guilty by reason of insanity”. This is being said because it was thought that a so called reasonable man could not commit murder based on emotions alone.  They refer to those emotions as “morbid jealousy”. The problem with jealousy is that it stems from a feeling of possession. “Until 1974, it was the law in Texas that homicide is justified-not a criminal act, and therefore subject to no penalty whatever-"when committed by the husband upon the person of anyone taken in the act of adultery with the wife, provided the killing takes place before the parties to the act of adultery have separated"….so a man is allowed to walk in on his wife with another man and kill them both. I doubt such a law exists for the opposite situation.  Until 1974, it was the law in Texas that homicide is justified-not a criminal act, and therefore subject to no penalty whatever-"when committed by the husband upon the person of anyone taken in the act of adultery with the wife, provided the killing takes place before the parties to the act of adultery have separated". The sexual restriction men put on woman was seen in cultures that required bride-prices and forced their women to wear chastity belts. Proprietary control has been the main cause of jealous slayings. A friend of mine used to talk about her friends from Utah who were in an unhealthy relationship. One day the woman decided to leave and when she came to get her things her ex was there and shot her than himself. This murder suicide was the result of the “if I can’t have her no one else will” scenario. I can’t begin to understand that kind of mind set, the amount of rage and feelings of ownership that led to this outcome. Why do men feel that they have need to respond to a failed marriage in such a lethal way? It all stems from previous acceptance of ownership over anothers life. This is why boyfriends and girlfriends refer to each other’s body parts as their own, for no one else’s eyes or hands. Today this idea of having the only aces to anothers body is what you get anytime you enter into a relationship without ever having a conversation about what is acceptable behavior. I have had many conversations with my friends about why they aren’t ok with their girlfriends showing their nipples in public. One conversation went like this: “if my girl shows her tits to a guy he’s gonna hit on her and then im going to have to beat his ass”. So in response I pulled off my shirt and asked him if he felt like he was now obligated to hit on me and if I needed my boyfriend to come and beat him up. He got my point but his first thought was that men have irrational urges that can only lead to violence. This particular friend still struggles with a very jealous relationship that comes from both sides, it’s exhausting to witness. This is why in my relationship I refuse my partner to refer to my body as belonging to him. I make it clear that it is my body and I allow him access as long as it’s what I want. To me this is the best way to avoid arguments over what I do and what is “acceptable”.

Please feel free to attend my demonstration, it will be held in the “quad” (grassy area between the library and the café) November 30th around 12.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

Obvious Child

I had seen Obvious Child before and was not at all upset about watching it again to write this blog. Jenny Slate was hilarious when I first saw her in parks and recreation but I really enjoyed seeing her serious side in this comedy/drama/romance. I loved Donna’s informal, raw comedy about her sexuality even when it was hard to watch. That being said I was moved by Donna’s reaction to her pregnancy. It was exactly what I would expect it to be. Starting with her initial reaction to curse, then cry, and ask for an abortion, it all seemed like a legitimate reaction to a one night stand turning into an unwanted pregnancy. I did however have a problem with her lack of concern for any possible STD’s. The doctor briefly mentioned that the abortion would include HIV testing and other STD tests but Donna didn’t seem worried about that at all. I loved the support Donna got from her friend Nellie who was clearly struggling with her own decision not to inform the man who got her pregnant of her abortion. This is seen in her rant about how the patriarchy already governs their “cunts” so she doesn’t feel the need to inform them of any procedures, as they wouldn’t do the same for her. Donna seems to go back and forth with wanting to tell Max about her abortion and ends up doing so by using comedy. While Donna deals with losing her job her boyfriend and planning an abortion, Donna feels isolated and alone. And although Donna has a close relationship with her father and not so much with her mother, she ends up confiding in her mother which ended up being a good decision. Her mother was so supportive and tells Donna about her own illegal abortion years prior. I wonder if her mother had told her this story when she was younger, if the whole experience would have been easier for her. When considering all the difficulties I read about recently in the article Backlash and Continuity I was glad to see that she didn’t face as many issues as she might have if this movie was set forty years in the past. The events of her mother’s back alley abortion is more along the lines of what we read about then Donna’s experience.  Because Donna doesn’t have health insurance and has to come up with 500$ in two weeks (almost as much as her rent) while she waits to have the abortion. The fact that the clinic had a policy that made her wait until she was further along was strange because I always thought it was best to abort as early as possible. I know that some states have a mandatory waiting period in order for the pregnant woman to be sure of what she is committing to but it didn’t seem like that was their prerogative. During Donnas final stand up, she tells her audience (max included) that she will be having an abortion the following day. She talks about how she doesn’t feel so alone anymore (probably because her mom and best friend have both been through the same ordeal) which is significant because as a society, people don’t often open up about having had an abortion unless they are trying to assure another that it will be ok. Luckily Donna is surrounded by pro-choice, caring individuals who empower her.  Finally I appreciated Max’s acceptance, he didn’t try to make up her mind for her and was exactly what Donna needed. I wish this movie had kept going, but I’m sure they ended up dating. That’s a sequel I would watch.

[julesblog-93-deactivated2016050]

Week 11 Reading Response

In Partners as Parents by Charlene Gomes the part that upset me, because of how ridiculous it was, was the part on the myth of homosexuality and pedophilia. It is said that when gays or lesbians are trying to seek custody, the question of whether or not they will potentially abuse these children come up. Molestation is also brought up, a topic that is not mentioned when a heterosexual man wants custody of his child. It’s like society just thinks because these people are gay or lesbian this means they are bad/dysfunctional people who will harm children. Really? That is absurd! Gomes says, “It is a common misperception that gays are more likely to molest children than heterosexuals” (p. 413). I’ve heard of people assuming that gay couples will raise gay children, which is also discussed in this reading, but assuming they would do something that extreme is just insulting to them. Especially when Roth discusses statistics, obviously proving this thought to be far from true, “94 percent of molested girls and 86 percent of molested boys were abused by men. Of the boys abused by an adult male. 74 percent were abused by someone in a heterosexual relationship with the child’s mother, while only 2 percent of perpetrators could “possibly” be identified as homosexual” (p. 413). What I do not understand is why is this even correlated to strictly gay men or lesbians, what makes them more likely to be a perpetrator than a heterosexual male or female? That whole part just made me really mad at how ignorant people can be. If you’re going to question whether a gay man or lesbian will abuse a child, then you should question the heterosexual individuals as well since they are all human.

           In Backlash and Continuity by Rachel Roth the discussion on abortion caught my eye because in a gender topics course I am currently taking, on reproductive rights, abortion is a central topic of our discussions. It’s crazy to think women did not have this option available to them and they had to fight for so many years. It wasn’t until the the win in Roe v. Wade that women could finally obtain a legal abortion, much safer than the drastic means they had to go to beforehand. But, of course there was a catch in the beginning, during the third trimester the state could prevent you from getting an abortion because they felt this was too far along to terminate, unless the woman’s health was at risk. Today only a few doctors will willingly perform these third trimester abortions if the woman’s life/health is not at risk. Even though abortion is legal, states do everything in their power to create obstacles in hopes to change the woman’s mind about the procedure. Roth states, “Pennsylvanias’s mandatory twenty-four hour waiting period after a state scripted counseling session designed to discourage abortion passed this test” (p. 346). This also reminds me of something else mentioned in my other class, sorry this reading really intertwined with a book we just finished in that class, about how in some states the doctors have to not only read to you a script about the procedure and what your fetus currently looks like, but some states require you to listen to the heartbeat and view the ultrasound. Now, to me that is not only cruel to the patient but the doctor as well. To form a bond and plan this procedure out with your patient to then have to surprise them with a tactic the state is enforcing to make them change their minds about something they have the right to obtain, this does not make sense to me! The obstacles also enrage me because some women have to take the day out of work and travel many miles to a clinic, only to be told well you have to come back tomorrow to let yourself ponder for a whole day about what we discussed in counseling. Granted, I agree the women need to talk to someone before the procedure and be counseled, but making her wait is only going to make her worry and second guess a decision she prepared herself mentally for. It’s just the states way of messing with women’s heads and trying to make them back out of something they do not want people doing in the first place; they want to control the woman’s body. Sorry, end of rant. I enjoyed both of these readings and am looking forward to reading everyone’s responses!

[dawnoftoday-blog]

The myth of the pedophile was also really upsetting to me since we have such a shockingly high number of children who are molested in this country. It also reminded me of a movie I saw a while back called Little Children, it is about a man who struggles to live in his community after registering as a child molester. It shows us how pedophilia is honestly a sickness that needs to be treated and how hard it is on everyone involved (I highly recommend it). I also agree with what you said about understanding women seeking counsel but it can be difficult if you can barely afford the doctor’s appointment and now you had to see another doctor and wait longer… it can be traumatizing.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

Pregnancy and Child Rearing

Backlash and Continuity By Rachel Roth explores the difficulties women face when dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. Roe vs Wade granted women the right to obtain safe legal abortions however since its creation in 1973 women have fought to keep their rights and to block the attempts of others to control their bodies. As Roth says “The creation and promotion of fetal rights in situations besides abortion has led to a highly demanding set of expectations about how women ought to behave during pregnancy for the sake of the fetus.” The policialization of pregnancies leave women feeling as if there is a list of rules and regulations to abide by. These expectations often revolve only around the fetus and avoid talking about the woman at all. Doctors are given a lot of control over how a woman will eat while pregnant, what medications she will be on, where she will give birth and even how she will give birth. Possibly the worst part of this article was surrounding the “new” birth control Norplant which was 99% affective, it has since been taken off the shelves and Implanon has taken its place. It is a form of birth control that is placed in a woman’s arm and is effective for up to five years. As soon as it was made public many politicians had ideas on how they wanted to use it. They wanted to make it mandatory for those who were on welfare. A Judge in California wanted to make it a condition of probation for a woman who pled guilty to child abuse. Birth control is meant for a woman and her partner to plan their family building and not to be used as punishment to govern other people’s bodies. This article was a great Segway into Parents as Partners by Charlene Gomes. When a child does come into the world we hope that the two responsible will be fit to raise the child but as we know that is not always the case.

When reading Partners as Parents I shared the same frustrations as I did when listening to Alex’s transgender lecture. It seems to me that there are just as many barriers for gay parents as there were for the transgender community. Gay partners face so many issues building families. When couples try to procreate on their own they face costly insemination procedures with low results or an equally costly surrogacy contracts. If a couple is ok not having biological families they may try to adopt, however because heterosexual married couples are the preferred, gay couples are left adopting the least adoptable children, older children that have behavioral or developmental issues. And if the couple already has biological children from another marriage they face even more difficulties gaining custody of their children! Courts will usually not grant custody to a divorcing parent who is living with a partner they are not married to, and as we know at the time this article was written same sex marriages weren’t legal everywhere. The court will say it is all in the best interest of the child. However according to Kathryn Kendall author of Debunking Myths about lesbian and gay parents and their children: “children raised by gay or lesbian parents are indistinguishable from other children in terms of gender identity, gender role behavior, and gender psychological health”. So why are we trying so hard to keep gay parents from raising their own children or children of others? But by far the worst part of this article was the myth of homosexual and pedophilia. Being gay is no synonymous with pedophilia. Pedophilia is a sickness that millions of people live with and unfortunately are often untreated. This reminds me of when I was growing up when gay parents of children in the Boy Scouts were not able to be group leaders because parents feared they would molest their children. This is no longer the case but the myth still exists.

[brookkeeposts-blog]

Mainstream Porn

As we all know, the adult entertainment industry is huge. There are a variety of mainstream porn websites such as Pornhub, Xvideos, Youporn, Redtube, etc. For the assignment, I chose to explore one of my personal favorites - http://www.xvideos.com. The homepage has eight rows of five thumbnails of videos with the titles of each right underneath. This particular website displays their most recent videos on their homepage. Right above the videos are categories including such categories as Anal, Asian Women, BBW, Black Women, Blonde, Gay, Interracial, Lesbian, Shemale, and about a dozen other categories. This leads me to believe that this website is very inclusive to all types of people. Some examples of videos that were on the homepage were also very inclusive to all types of people.

When browsing for the perfect video to watch, everyone has their own preference, but since this mainstream porn typically people do look for what they are familiar with. If they want to watch a specific kink then they typically go to another website that specializes in that. I noticed that the homepage is also inclusive to race, gender, age, sexual orientation, and even some type of kink. Out of the forty videos shown on page 1, there were only two heterosexual white people having sex. There were 3 videos of interracial couples, 4 threesomes, 1 asian masturbation, 6 lesbian scenes. What I noticed was missing was homosexual men and any type of disability.

The point of watching porn (for most people) is to get off. With that being said, I feel as though I should acknowledge the fact that there are porn videos that exploit certain types of people. Looking through the next few pages, I found Asians are exploited and fetishized more than any other race. There were several “Thai Massage with happy endings” videos. The girl is always dressed in a sexual version of a kimono, (which is Japanese but is tradition “Asian” attire to an unknowing viewer I guess?) who starts off giving a massage and then all of a sudden she is performing oral. In two of these videos, there is oriental sounding music in the background and the person getting the massage is not asian - he is white.

Also, I think for most people watching porn and wanting to get off they do not pay attention to the stereotypes or possibly offensive material they are watching. I am an avid consumer of porn but I often see things I disagree with, such as the over sexualizing of cultures. Yes, it is hot a beautiful Asian women having sex with someone, but it is important to remember that the director of this video is insulting the heritage of Asians.

[helen-south]

I liked that even being an avid consumer of porn, you really dug deep and pulled apart some of these themes to reveal potential offensive material present. I do believe that most people don’t realize that some of the porn they are watching can be offensive, for the sole purpose of watching the porn is for pleasure. I also am a fellow consumer of porn and have seen some videos that have made me questioned whether or not the scene was truly a mutually consenting decision or if one of the parties was persuaded to go along. What was nice to hear, otherwise, was that the website you personally chose to look at had seem to have a wide variety represented on the main page of many different kinds of porn. Typically, I feel you don’t get to see the variety but rather heterosexual, white and able-bodied videos more often than not and if it is interracial, it still involves a white person. 

[dawnoftoday-blog]

i also disagree with the way cultures are portrayed in porn. Like in other types of media the director tends to play up the “Asian” by putting them in traditional roles often extremely offensive. The fact that you almost never see two Asian in the same film speaks to the fact that their can only be one or it wont be relateable. I was also surprised that you saw a video featuring “Shemales” i dint see any transgender people at all in my search.

[julesblog-93-deactivated2016050]

Mainstream Porn Response

While searching through Pornhub I noticed some similar patterns in the title, cover photos, and the people in these videos. One thing that stood out to me right away had to do with race. I noticed that not only were there different sections for Asian porn but I noticed some titles that had ebony in it always showed an African American woman. Another observation based on race was that most of the videos that had Latinas not only said so in the title but also emphasized in the picture on the woman’s butt or that they were engaging in anal sex; I would assume this is because culturally Latinas are known for having bigger backsides.

           Another observation that my boyfriend pointed out to me was in most of the titles they used the word slut, “slut likes it in the rear”, the fact that they use this word to degrade these girls while also sexualizing them so it will be appealing to men was slightly annoying to me. Just because these girls do porn does not mean they are sluts. Another term was “big tits” or “busty brunette”, or pictures of girls giving blow jobs, the porn industry uses terms and cover photos like these because it is appealing to men and will capture their attention. Majority of the cover photos in the three some section had two young girls and one guy, who usually appeared to be older. This is most likely because there will obviously be girl on girl action with a 2 to 1 ratio, which again is appealing to the audience.

           The ages varied in the categories I skimmed through. I noticed that obviously the women were always younger than the guys, or at least were portrayed to be. There was even a category titled teenagers, these girls obviously appeared to be very young here and the older women were shown under the MILF section.

           Another section that I found funny was the parodies, they used titles like Fast and the Furious or other movies, even though most of the time it had nothing to do with the movie. One of the parodies was called Assvengers, instead of the Avengers, in this the woman was once again much younger and attractive than the man. She was searching for her sex tape that got stolen and had to do sexual favors for the older man in order to retrieve it. The only correlation to the movie was her costume, Black Widow, except it was sexualized to where she was basically wearing nothing.

           Celebrity names were also used, there was a whole section on it. Most of the names shown were “Kim Kardashian”, “Selena Gomez”, and even “Hulk Hogan”. But, when you look at the cover photos it is not the celebrities at all, granted some of the girls had similar features but they were definitely not the actual people. Again, I think this is just a marketing strategy to get people to view the video by using popular names by people viewed as sexy to the general public.

           Many other categories were thing like fetishes, strip tease, toys, etc. The one category I never seen though was disabled. I did not see one video with any disabled people having sex. This to me seems wrong since disabled people are just as sexual as an able-bodied person is. Since society does not view these people as sexy, but instead asexual, they do not give them the chance to appear in these videos like a typical person so easily can.

           Overall I thought this assignment was interesting because it gave me a chance to look at porn from a different perspective and to pick apart at the stereotypes and binaries that exist just by looking at the titles and cover photos.

[helen-south]

I loved how in depth you were when critically looking at this specific mainstream porn site. I also noticed that many of the titles were extremely degrading to women and a lot of the paused videos often feature the women, which definitely speaks more to a male audience than a female audience. I also noticed that with many of the searches through mainstream porn sites, there really aren’t any disabled persons being represented sexually, only able-bodied persons. There are often many stereotypical titles and themed videos when involving interracial people and often emphasizing their stereotyped assets. Many of these porn sites attempt to gain the audience of the general public without thinking about some of the offensive qualities these videos uphold. 

[dawnoftoday-blog]

I also thought the parodies were funny, its almost laughable to even compare porn to an scripted movie. They have great zoom lenses but lets not pretend there are any writers involved in the making of a porn. I also noticed that disabled people were never featured but i imagine that if they were it would be considered fetish because any sex that isn’t “vanilla” is fetish. Also your boyfriend made a good point with the titles often degrading women, i think we tend to ignore the titles because we are usually there for a purpose and the titles aren’t really important. But they are, they often give us a hint towards who the sex will be in favor of and if its something we are going to be into.

[britthuff13-blog]

Themes and Patterns in Porn

For many, porn was their introduction course to sex. They learned how to have sex, what kinds of sex are normal, and how to be good at having sex or being sexy. That being said, the most popular pornography sites had very similar themes and patterns that may help people build up what they believe sex should look like. Based off looking at popular porn sites, such as pornhub, youporn, and other popular porn websites I noticed some very prominent themes and patterns.

1. How the bodies looked

Almost every single woman in the videos were completely bare of bodily hair, and most men. Almost none of the people featured were overweight.Men are usually circumcised and are usually well endowed.No one in the videos had any deformities or were disabled in anyway, and almost all of them were young.

These themes can give someone the wrong impression about what is sexy or who people who enjoy sex may look. If they feel like they don’t fit into the image they may have negative feelings about sex and themselves.

2. Whose on top/bottom

Almost every single time the man was on top and women was submissive. Men controlled exactly what happened during sex, almost every single move.

This can cause women to think that they have no say or that their job is to only focus on their partner’s satisfaction during sex.

3. What was featured on main page/ads

Gay sex between men was not featured on main page at any of the sites I looked at. Almost all featured porn was with white porn stars with a male and female or two females. 

This can also give the impression that only heterosexual sex between white partners or sex between two women is accepted, while other sexual preferences are hidden away.

4. The actual sex

Mostly fast paced, penetrative intercourse, with almost no romantic/loving sex. Almost absolutely no kissing. Women were in degrading positions a lot of the time, and when the men spoke to the women it was often to degrade them further. 

This can cause people to have unrealistic expectations about what kind of sex they like, and may cause people to not view sex as a loving or spiritual act that many people do experience. It also may have women under the impression that these degrading positions and words are completely normal and okay in any situation. 

There were many other themes and patterns present, but the main issue with these websites is they primarily represent one kind of porn. This can lead people to believe that anything that deviates from this sex is different. For instance if there was a porn video with a heavy set women or an older person or even anyone who wasn’t white, it was portrayed as a fetish. I feel like this kind of belief about who sex involves can make some people feel like it is not normal or ideal. It also gives the impression that for the most part, sex is for the male to enjoy and for the female to just be a part of. This I believe can cause many women to not even enjoy sex, because the whole experience is based off getting the man off.

I am not saying that all porn is like this, only that the ones represented in the ads and on main webpage featured these things. If you search, you most definitely can find porn that is different than these things. But the point is that you have to look for it, it doesn’t just appear on the main page. And if people never look elsewhere, they may believe that this is the only representation of what sex is.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

I agree that you can absolutely find porn that is for women but it isn’t usually featured as the main focus. But where can we find porn that doesn’t make us feel like the sex we are having is boring and unsexy? We all know the difference between the sex we all have and “porn sex”. Its not the same. Its funny too how when your partner tries something you have never heard of we immediately assume they saw it in a porn. 

[dawnoftoday-blog]

Porn

The first thing I noticed when searching for porn was how I couldn’t navigate these sites without being brought to other sites by accident. These new sites were all sites that needed to be paid for unlike the original page. The other thing I noticed was that the adds were all geared towards men. They featured many different ads for growing a larger penis, or finding “real” girls near you. Then next thing I noticed was that most if not all of the videos were labeled describing the girl in the film even if there are ten dudes who are also in the video. The men don’t matter because it is necessary for the guy to be able to put himself into the fantasy. Without leaving the first page I found titles such as: Smoking hot teen model fucked on camera!, Teen escort gets a huge creampie, Sucking Til He Cums, Only Teen Blowjobs- Lola Foxx, BTS of Black and Blue pat 1, Beautiful Eyes Asian Creampied, and Aziza on very hot masturbation. I couldn’t help but noticed how often the word TEEN was in the title. Even if they didn’t look like teens that was the draw. This mentality of “the younger the better” is disturbing. Other sites featured a category for “Barley Legal”. Still on the home page they offer a category section but the only two featured are “lesbian” and “Big Tits”. Below this was a link to Popular Pornstars, when I clicked the link I noticed that 14 out of 15 were women and all 15 were white. So far with only clicking two link I have only seen two non-white people. When the Asian woman was featured her title said “Beautiful Eyes Asian Creampie…as if her eyes being different might deter a viewer they made a point to ensure us they are not different but beautiful. As Many of my classmates noticed, everyone featured on the main pages are able bodied and usually free of hair. I also noticed that unless it’s lesbian porn so I decided to see what the gay porn had to offer. They still refer to men as Ebony rather than black, and it is also the only place so far that I have seen a condom. They also refer often to straight men “turning” gay. So even in the homosexual categories, it is still better to be hetero. But by far the most disturbing thing I have seen was an image of a young girl on a considerably older man lap looking away in seeming disgust and then mans hand is on her face trying to get her to look at him. It was very obvious that she did not want to be having sex with him and the body language alone was enough to make me want to run screaming from this website. I don’t think that should be shown on the homepage of an site because I know for me it was a huge turnoff. This is why knowing the website before visiting is important so you can have the experience you are looking for without being exposed to all the other crap that some people are into.

[helen-south]

The Internet is for Porn.

Just like the very infamous song from Avenue Q “The Internet is for Porn,” over 30% of all internet data being transferred is porn. 70% of men watch porn, 30% of women watch porn, and the numbers keep increasing. Many mainstream porn sites offer a wide variety of porn with many different themes and fantasies. But looking closely to one of the more popular mainstream porn sites, we can look critically into many of the different themes that are prevalent.

I decided to look at the porn site xnxx.com. Right away, within the first three videos on the main page there is a video with the title “Anally devirginized without Consent” and the video has an image of a girl with tears in her eyes, her mouth being covered. There is this huge issue with rape culture and the question of consent, especially in the adult industry.

There seems to be three main themes when it comes to heterosexual porn:

           “1. All women want sex from men.

            2. Women like all the sexual acts that men perform or demand.

            3. Any woman who does not at first realize her sexual desire for sex                   can be easily persuaded with a little force.” (Aulette-Wittner 127-128)

Generally most of the videos featured on the main page are geared toward heterosexual themed and 7 out of 60 of them were interracial, the majority featured white couples. The couples featured in the videos were typically young, fit, and able-bodied. There was one video that involved an older couple having sex with a young girl named “OldCoupleFuckTeen- Fix This Fuck That,” and then there was one video that involved two sets of twin girls having sex with each other which was named “double the twins, double the fun.”

There is a whole section where you can dive into the many other themes that are offered, and it seems to be limitless to the things you can find. No matter what you are looking for, the women in porn can be portrayed as completely submissive to the male, reinstating this male dominated culture with the portrayal that they are in fact the ones who have the power. The names of the videos often refer the women with a very negative language, often being referred to as whores, sluts, slutty, or a freak.

There is also this reinstatement of heterosexuality over homosexuality which is clear when there is only one video concerning women having sex with other women, and there were no videos that featured two men having sex.

With these free mainstream porn sites, they do offer many different options and kinds of porn to watch, but they advertise this overwhelming cultural standards of today. Many of the porn directs your attention to straightness, whiteness, ablebodiedness, and generally being sold to a male audience. Of course, this is not to say that women would not be interested in watching some of these videos, but you get a sense that they are really looking towards more of a male audience.

[reasonablemongoose]

Has it occurred to you that they may be… acting?

[helen-south]

Many of them could be acting but there are facts and statements from actual porn stars who talked about experiences where they didn’t have much of a choice when participating in certain themed videos and who were often threatened. But even if they are acting, it doesn’t justify the oppressiveness of the material. There are some videos too where the man is being very forceful, there’s a fine line between dominating and abuse.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

I totally agree, the issue isn't whether or non they are acting or its real the issue is that we are teaching the public that it's ok to have sex without consent. And honestly the second I see porn where a girl looks like she isn't having fun, for me the fun is over too.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

Hooking up & Polyamory

The two articles I would like to compare and contrast are Polyamorous women, Sexual subjectivity and Power by Elisabeth Sheff and Hooking up by: Sex in Guyland by Kimmel. Both articles are exploring the unknown activities of people who are either choosing to hook up or engage in a taboo type of relationship. Hooking up was once a taboo itself but has become a phenomenon. Michigan Sociologist Willard Waller explains how the process of what he calls “rating”-“dating”-“mating” has died and we are left with a series of hooks up that leave men unprepared for real relationships later in life. Although this article is written with men in mind, it tells the reader a lot about how women are consider (or not considering) during the hook up process. Waller says that in order for a woman to get rated well, and get dates “Her datability, though, no longer depends simply on social attributes. To be sure women have to be pretty and sociable but according to recent survey they also have to be sexy, and accomplished, and ambitious, and athletic and not to show that they are expending any energy at all.” To be effortlessly perfect is how you will gain attention from men. However when you accomplish this and do hook up, it ruins their reputation whereas for men it improves theirs. This is probably why women with multiple partners feel the need to justify their life choices. “Polyamorous women reject the power dynamic embedded in the persistent sexual double standard that continues to limit women’s sexual choices and stigmatize those who refrain from living by its mandates.” To me this sounds like hooking up is the first step to rejecting the double standard and could be the gateway to polyamory. The main difference in the two acts is that hooking up comes with the assumption that there will be no future commitment, whereas polyamory is a commitment to multiple partners.

Both of these concepts seem to making those who conform to typical dating or monogamous relationships uncomfortable. The taboo surrounding these topics prove that the world is skeptical of anything that isn’t the norm. By breaking these norms and talking about different types of relationships be they casual or committed, opens doors to understanding and therefore less ignorance.

I also wanted to say how awkward it was reading Hooking up, because to me if felt like my mom going around interviewing “teens” about this mysterious behavior. It didn’t feel as if the author was willing to connect by rather study them like they were another species that needed to be poked and prodded. I think this also speaks to how other generations relate to new concepts surround sex.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

I loved this scene from dope, it speaks to a lot of the issues we talk about in class about race and how black people are portrayed in the media

[upworthy]

A mom’s post about Halloween costume from Target just went viral.