L O S T G I R L

I A M (NOT) O K A Y I’m already dead [INSIDE] SW:215lbs CW:125lbs

[day-dreamers-reality]

Do you ever just want to not exist? Not necessarily die just wish you never existed.

[day-dreamers-reality]

Not sure what I’m feeling but I don’t like it. Sometimes it just feels like I’m existing floating through space. But I’m always thinking about food and how to avoid it. Also I really wish my family understood what having an eating disorder means instead of being dismissive and insensitive. I still have my stash of Percocet, trazodone, and muscle relaxer under the bed. I’ve definitely thought about suicide more so in recent times especially since my bf’s dad broke his arm. I’m tired of being a caregiver at home.

[day-dreamers-reality]

Successfully down to 140 although idk how long it will last I always end up binging around my period and I feel so much guilt after

[day-dreamers-reality]

Ed has been really loud food gives me so much anxiety

[day-dreamers-reality]

Love me not

I told you I wasn’t ready, but you didn’t listen.

I groveled for human decency from family.

You said you loved me.

I felt exiled.

I said I’m feeling and you told me I’m wrong.

How can you be wrong about how you feel.

You demand I talk to you, but I can’t trust you.

Your promises are hollow kind of like your head.

I’ve been saying what’s wrong why I can’t get out of bed.

But you tell me I’m lazy.

And make the darkness spread.

So I’ll lay in my bed for one last time.

As you lay in yours.

And I’ll take my last breath before fading away

With the thought

Of love me not

[day-dreamers-reality]

I’m tired of people telling me it’s okay and that it’ll get better it’s been not okay for 4 years and certainly hasn’t gotten better the past 4 years have just been worse and worse as each one passes

[day-dreamers-reality]

I don’t know how much longer I can keep going it’s getting dark outside and darling I’m scared of the monsters under my bed

[eothins]

[ohnoregrettio]

Restaurants Safe Foods Masterpost

Food from my master post, this is just so you don’t have to scroll through the whole thing if you didn’t want to on my masterpost

A&W

Applebees

Arbys

Bojangles

Burger King

Bj’s

Carrabas

Cheddars

Chick-Fil-A

Chilis

Chipotle

Chuck E Cheese

Cici’s

Cracker Barrel

Culivers

Dairy Queen/Orange Julius

Denny’s

Dominos

Dunkin Donuts

Fire House Subs

Five Guys

Fuddruckers

Golden Coral

Hard Rock

In and Out Burger

IHOP

Jasons Deli

KFC

Krispy Kreme

Little Caesers

Krystals

Logans Road House

Long Horn Steak House

McAlisters Deli

McDonalds

Movie Theaters

Olive Garden

Outback Steak House

Panda Express

Panera Bread Co.

Papa Johns

Papa Murphys

Pizza Hut

Popeyes

PF Changs

Red Robins (yuUUMMM)

Ruby Tuesday

Sonic

Steak and Shake

Subway

Taco Bell

Texas Road House

Tim Hortons

Waffle House

Wendy’s

White Castle

Zaxbys

[coldnpretty-deactivated20220723]

Rebloging so I can keep this🤞🏻stay safe

[xxchampagnemomyxx]

Having an eating disorder and not being skinny is the most embarrassing thing ever.

[purbl-princess-deactivated20220]

[can-i-give-up-now-please]

I’m not tired, I’m depressed

I’m not tired, I’m anxious

I’m not tired, I want to die

I’m not tired, I’m suicidal

I’m not tired, I hate myself

I’m not tired, I’m disgusted with myself

I’m not tired, I’m numb, empty and apathetic

I’m not tired, I’m hurting and in pain

I’m not tired, I’m exhausted

11.02.19

[verpasstzuleben]

[day-dreamers-reality]

My body hurts and my soul is tired. I’m constantly feeling fatigued. I’m tired of having to be emotionally accountable for others. I’m tired of loosing people I’m tired of having family turn their back on me. I’m exhausted my memory is slowly slipping and I hardly have the energy to get up and go to the bathroom. I’m having to live alongside an addict all over again and it kills me to watch someone actively destroy themselves. I’ve already lost someone to addiction. It’s hard to live with an addict because you never know what kind of mood they’re going to be in and their behavior can eradic and unpredictable so you’re constantly asking yourself am I going to piss them off if I try to approach them. You start to second guess yourself and question your own judgement. Living with an addict will make you feel small and trapped like a caged animal.

[valentina-poem]

[day-dreamers-reality]

I’ve been fighting for so long but with no prevail

I’ve been screaming so loud but I am not heard

I’ve been suffering greatly but no one can see

I have wounds and scars that I wear upon my heart

I have tears flooding my eyes rolling down my cheek but I still say I’m okay and I got this

I am a disappointment and a disgrace to my spineless creature of a father although not fatherly at all

I am held hostage by my brain and at bay by someone who calls themselves my step mother

A woman who my father says loves me but not once have the words “I love you” slipped out of that woman’s tightly purses lips or at least not to me

[kipplekipple]

“I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to exist any more” sounds mild if you’ve never experienced it, but it is in fact a horrible, violent way to feel.