daydreamer

34, female. ( 18+ reblogg account)

[thinkinghardhardlythinking]

The One Before: NSFW 24 Hours with Soulless Sam

Summary: The reader spends 24 smutty hours with Soulless Sam

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: This very long. And very, very smutty.

Word Count: 16160 words

A/N: I wrote a fic for @smol-and-grumpy SuperFriends Title Challenge and @msmarvelouswinchester 500 Followers Celebration which you can find HERE

This is the flashback/timestamp companion piece to that. The one that no one asked me to write. I realise it’s very long but it absolutely spiralled out of control and got away from me, I guess because I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about Soulless Sam. Whatever….this is very dirty and also very long. Do with that information what you will.  

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[thinkinghardhardlythinking]

The Eyes Have It

Summary: Sam and the Reader have been testing Dean’s last nerve with their endless ‘looks’ and obvious attraction. And then there’s a spell with unusual side effects.

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: Smut, Fluff

Word Count: 7794 words

A/N: This was based on an Anonymous Request (I take requests super seriously!) It is also my offering for @girl-next-door-writes​ ‘Make Me Feel Bingo Challenge’. (I know ‘Crack’ fics are usually a bit more ‘out there’ or tentacle based but this is pretty weird in places! For me anyway!)

Square Filled: Crack

FEEDBACK ALWAYS APPRECIATED!!

Gif credit: @samgifs on Twitter

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[likeahorribledream]

ᴏɴᴇ ꜱɪᴍᴘʟᴇ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ

Summary: Bucky is trying to get used to being around other people again and turns to you for comfort, one simple touch is all it takes to make him feel at peace with himself.

Pairing: Beefy!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: I think it's mostly fluff, maybe a teeny tiny bit of angst for 0.01 second

Requests: Fluffy piece with Bucky where reader is trying to get Buck to feel more comfortable with touch so reader braids his hair and he gets really relaxed and soft because he’s not used to it. Like a gentle kiss or something too.

Maybe after Wakanda, he and reader are friends and Reader asks to braid Bucky’s hair and it’s just really fluffy. Maybe with a head massage and Buck has never gotten one before so he just melts?

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ

Bucky found it difficult to get used to being around people again. For over 70 years the people that were always circling around him were usually probing, poking or hurting him. Steve had suggested to Bucky to move in the tower, join the group. He assured him he would have his own living space and no one is going to force anything on him if there's something he doesn't want to do. Bucky had his doubts but fortunately he was proven wrong. He had almost an entire floor to himself, the doors in his apartment locked from the inside and if someone wanted to see him they knocked and waited for him to allow them inside. Privacy had almost become a foreign concept to him but now that he had it, he never wanted to let it go again.

It took him a couple of months before being comfortable enough to join the rest of the group when they hung out together or ate together. It was a lot of people to deal with at the same time, lots of loud noises and voices overlapping. Bucky was used to silence, calm, darkness and solitude. Hanging with the Avengers was everything but any of those things.

You had joined the Avengers only a few months before Bucky moved in. Steve had been the one to find you and introduce you to Tony. You were a little genius, even more so than Tony and it didn't take long to realize that your wonderful brain was a needed addition to the group. You always came up with weapons ideas, battle strategies and flawless plans. The way your brain worked was almost magical. You could analyze something and within seconds you had come up with a solution or an idea. When Steve brought you in he thought you were only going to work in the labs but as it turns out, you had very useful skills for the battlefield as well and now you were pretty much around all the time.

You were quite reserved, no matter how many times you had tried breaking out of your shell. You were like Bucky in that way; solitude and silence had been your only companions for so long that it was hard to get used to being with so many people all at once.

Even if you weren't familiar with being around people, there was something about you that made others gravitate towards you. Your presence was soothing, calming. You were soft in more than one way and your colleagues liked that. You were always smiling, even if you were having a rough day. You always made the time to listen to other people's problems even when you should have focused and used your energy on your own problems.

Steve was your favorite from the group. Tony liked to make the joke that you were both elderly in some type of way and that's why you got along so perfectly.

You could see a small part of you in Steve. Not Captain America, but the little Brooklyn boy that was still there buried under pounds and pounds of muscles. He always made you feel like you could be your true self around him, he never judged you or made fun of you. He was a great friend and you told him that almost every day.

Bucky liked being around you, even if he had never actually talked to you except for the occasional hi and how are you, in passing. He gave himself small goals to achieve and when he'd be ready to try to make more friends aside from Steve, you were his very first choice. The top of his list. It terrified him and excited him at the same time, there's always the fear of being rejected because of who he is, who he was and what he has done. None of it is a secret, apparently people can read about him on the internet though he's never checked. Steve tried to tell him time and time again that no one would judge him for the things he did when he didn't have control over his mind but Bucky found that hard to believe, so he didn't.

One night, Bucky woke up from a nightmare which wasn't unusual. The throbbing pain in his head was a new, unwelcomed addition. He can't even remember the last time he had a headache, even less a migraine. He turned around in bed trying to find a comfortable position with his neck stiffening with every second that passed but he quickly realized that lying down was only making it worse. He got out of bed and went down to the shared living room to sit in the dark, hoping it would help get rid of the pounding in his head. He hadn't expected to find you already there, sitting in a corner of the room with a few books scattered around you.

He wanted to turn back around to leave you in peace but it was too late, you had already seen him.

"Hi, James." You greeted him quietly with a smile that rapidly turned into a frown. "Are you ok?"

"Mh-mh. I'm fine. Why?"

You tilted your head to the side, narrowing your eyes as you looked at him. "You seem in pain."

"You've been looking at me for 5 seconds and you can tell I'm in pain?" He asked, surprised. People usually have a lot of trouble figuring him out but he should have known that you were going to be different.

"What's wrong?" You asked, avoiding answering his question because that would mean telling him that you liked looking at him from time to time and that's just creepy.

"I woke up and my head's pounding. I can't make it stop." He admitted, knowing it was useless to try and lie to you.

"I'm guessing medication wouldn't have any effect on your system because of the serum?"

"Not even a little bit."

Your brain worked its magic to find a solution to his problem.

"Relaxing your muscles will help get rid of your migraine."

"I don't know how to do that." He sighed.

"I can help, if you want. I'd have to touch your head, maybe a little bit of your neck and shoulders."

"At this point I'm willing to try anything."

"Sit on the couch."

He did as you said and you made him sit sideways so that you could kneel behind him on the couch.

"You say the word and I'll stop, ok?"

He nodded. "Just do your thing."

You started by massaging his temples with your fingertips, drawing small, soothing circles there. You then moved up to the top of his head where you ran your fingers through his hair, moving them away from his face. With your thumbs, you followed down the tension from the sides of his neck all the way to the middle of his shoulder blades.

Bucky's eyes fluttered closed under your touch. It gave him goosebumps and shivers every time your fingers touched his skin.

He didn't even flinch when you started rubbing at his neck and slowly worked your way down to his shoulders. You were massaging directly onto the skin, thanks to the tank top he wore to bed giving you easy access. You started with the right one and when you moved to the other side, you hesitated.

Bucky could feel your hesitation and knew you wouldn't want to touch him there.

"Is it ok if I do your left side?" You asked him quietly.

It was such a simple question but it left Bucky speechless. Like having headaches, he can't remember when was the last time someone asked permission to touch his left arm. You didn't hesitate because you were uncomfortable or disgusted, you hesitated because you wanted to respect his boundaries and he could have cried just from the simple question. Truthfully, he almost did.

"Yes." He whispered, not trusting his voice to go any louder.

You were very careful when you massaged his left shoulder. There was so much scarring tissue, you weren't sure if he could even feel anything because of it.

"Do you still have nerve endings?" You finally asked, still gently massaging where metal met skin.

"Yes."

"Does it hurt sometimes?"

"All the time." He admitted.

"I'm sorry." Not for asking the question but for everything he went through and Bucky could tell simply by the tone of your voice. It wasn't pity, it was empathy. A sincere apology for something you didn't do but it still felt nice to have someone say those words to him and mean them.

When you feel him starting to really relax, you let your hands roam from his temples to his shoulders, and back again.

"How's your head?" You asked, 10 minutes later.

"A lot better. Thank you."

You smiled even if he couldn't see it. "Anytime. I'm glad I could help."

"Could you maybe… run your fingers through my hair a little while longer?" He asked quietly, slightly embarrassed and most definitely shy.

"You got it."

This time you used both hands and, though you didn't time it, you're pretty sure you did it for a full hour but never once did it bother you.

Bucky showed up in the living room a few more nights before it slowly began to become a routine for the two of you and your newly found friendship.

At first, Bucky only came to you in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep and he knew that you were most likely sitting in the dark, surrounded by opened books while your mind was racing all over the place. It didn't take long for him to notice that you took a lot on your shoulders, put a lot of pressure on yourself and you always felt like you needed to be perfect by fear of them kicking you out. This was your home, these were your friends, you didn't want to be left out on the street by yourself.

They would never do something like that but it was a constant fear at the forefront of your mind.

Soon after he realized that, Bucky was now coming to you every night. Even when he felt fine, because he was worried about you and he wanted to make sure that you would stop and rest, go to sleep even.

"Sweets, we talked about this." He said to you from the doorway, leaning his left shoulder on the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. "1:30 is your cut off time. Then you go to bed."

You looked up at him. "What time is it?"

"1:45"

"Oh. It's not that bad." You started closing the books around you.

"Because I came down. Wanna bet I would have found you here, like this if I had come an hour or two later?"

"I know, I know." You mumbled, stacking up your books neatly in the corner.

While you had your back to him, Bucky pushed himself off the doorframe and walked over to you to offer you his hands and help you up.

‘’Off to bed, sweet girl.’’ He gently nudged you towards the door, following behind you to make sure you actually headed to your room.

Already in your pajamas, you climbed into bed right away and gestured for Bucky to do the same. He shook his head.

‘’Another time, you need to rest. I’ll survive one night without you playing with my hair.’’

‘’Please.’’ You pouted. ‘’You know it helps me, too.’’

He stared at you. ‘’Fine.’’ He huffed, getting on your bed. ‘’Just for a few minutes, sweets. I’m serious, you need to sleep. That incredible brain of yours needs a break from time to time.’’

‘’A few minutes.’’ You repeated, like a promise.

Bucky sat with his back to you while you kneeled on your mattress behind him. You started the way you always do by massaging his temples and then moving up to his scalp. You could feel the way his skin rippled from the shivers and goosebumps, which never missed to make you giggle. Bucky loved hearing that sound coming out of you, it made his heart flutter in his chest every single time.

It didn’t take long for Bucky to start melting under your touch, his eyes fluttering close and his neck going almost limp. You knew you did a good job when you could see his shoulders slouch, a sign that he was fully relaxed. Only then would you stop massaging his head and start playing with his hair. What you loved to do was braid his hair, it’s just so soft and fluffy that you can’t help yourself. Bucky loved it too. He loved the feelings of your fingers running through his hair and the way you’d sometimes scratch at his scalp, barely grazing him but just enough to get to a hitch he didn’t know he had until you touched him.

You’d braid his hair, then undo it by running your fingers through it and then you’d start all over again.

You always ended your little routine by massaging his left shoulder where skin met metal, now that you knew that Bucky could still feel through the scar tissue. You were currently working on something for Tony and Bruce but the moment you are done you will be focusing on trying to find why and how his metal arm could irritate his skin so much.

You are the only person Bucky trusts enough to touch that arm. He doesn’t think he’d be that comfortable even with Steve. There’s something about you that just makes him trust you, almost as if he could tell just by looking at you that you were never going to do anything to harm him in any way.

He trusts his gut, it never stirred him wrong so far.

The little yawn that escaped your mouth broke him out of his trance to look at the clock on your nightstand.

‘’We said a few minutes.’’ Bucky groaned after realizing that it’s been 45 minutes.

‘’I know but you looked so relaxed, I didn’t want to stop.’’

He stood up from your bed, shaking his head. ‘’Go to sleep.’’

You chuckled and got under the cover, watching Bucky walking to the door.

‘’Good night, James.’’

‘’Good night, sweet girl.’’

You smiled at him before he turned off the light and walked out, silently closing the door behind him.

After that night, he started seeking you out during the day to make sure you’d always go straight to bed at night.

One day he knocked at your bedroom door and when you saw him walk in you could tell that he was mad.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ You sat up, looking up at him as he came closer.

‘’Don’t want to talk about it.’’ He mumbled, climbing on your bed.

He sat with his back leaning against your headboard and scooped you up long enough to sit you down between his legs with your back to his chest. Without a word, he started playing with your hair and did to you everything you do to him that he loves so much. It didn’t take long for his bad mood to be gone, back to his peaceful and relaxed state that he’s always in when you’re around.

Another morning he walked in after knocking looking sad. You sat up in your bed and felt your heart break at the sadness in his eyes.

‘’Nightmare?’’

He simply nodded and this time when he got on your bed instead of sitting he laid down, resting his head on your lap and closed his eyes. Your hands found their way to his head and you softly stroked his hair, whatever you could reach without disturbing him. You kept stroking his hair with your left hand and with your right hand you traced his features with your fingertip. You barely touched him, if he wasn’t so focused on your touch he probably wouldn’t have even known you were doing it but he could feel your finger moving along his hairline down to his ear, then your finger followed the curve of his ear down to his neck and went back up to his nose. You did this until he fell asleep.

One afternoon, you were the one looking for Bucky.

‘’Jamie.’’ You greeted him cheerfully when you found him sitting on the couch of the living room. You were clearly excited about something as you walked over to him. You stopped moving when you noticed that he was watching a documentary. ‘’Oh. You’re busy. I’m sorry.’’

‘’It’s ok, what’s up?’’ He turned his head to look at you.

‘’It’s nothing important. It can wait until you’re done.’’ You smiled.

He turned off the tv and put the remote down on the coffee table. ‘’Come here, sweet girl. Tell me.’’ He patted the empty seat next to him.

You were too excited to argue so you quickly joined him on the couch, sitting with your legs tucked under you. ‘’You know that tech that I’ve been working on that Tony came up with but it kept failing and he couldn’t figure out why?’’

He nodded, turning slightly to his side to look at you.

‘’It’s been driving me crazy because I couldn’t figure it out either and you know how much I hate it when I can’t solve something.’’ Your words were coming out so fast, Bucky had trouble keeping up sometimes but he was getting used to it. That’s how you get when you’re excited about something.

Without even realizing it, you were running your fingers through Bucky’s hair as you kept talking. ‘’I tested it over and over again, took it apart then put it back together, tested it again. It was driving me nuts, which is exactly what I said in my head and then I figured it out. I took it apart and instead of putting it back together like Tony showed me to, I did it my way and I added those tiny little nuts to tighten it all up. It fixed everything. Everything. But that’s not even the best part.’’

Bucky smiled as he listened to you but the position started to get uncomfortable so he grabbed you by the hips and made you straddle his lap instead so you could keep playing with his hair. He laid his hands flat on your back to keep you from falling backwards and none of it slowed you down in the slightest.

‘’I thought it was tech for you guys but turns out it was for Stark Industries, he’s going to patent it under my name and he’s going to pay me every time it’s sold. Around the world. Can you imagine? Something I did is going to be sold to people, under Tony’s name and he said he doesn’t put his name on just anything; it has to be perfect, flawless and genius. Those are the words he used.’’

Bucky chuckled when he noticed you were getting breathless from talking so much. ‘’That’s amazing, sweets. I can’t believe you said it was nothing and that it could wait. That’s huge news. You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you.’’

You smiled brightly at him and tucked his hair behind his ears. ‘’Sorry for messing with your hair.’’

‘’It’s ok.’’ He smiled back at you.

‘’How was your day?’’ You asked while moving a little closer, getting ready to listen to him.

As time went on and your friendship solidified, you could tell how Bucky was feeling just by the way he was seeking your touch. You didn’t need to say a word, you just watched him and waited to see if he wanted to talk about it.

When he curled up on your lap, you knew that he was either sad or feeling guilty and sometimes even both. When he sat behind you to play with your hair it meant that he was too angry to speak or sit still. When either of you was happy or excited and had something to share with the other, Bucky would sit you on his lap facing him with your legs on each side of his body so that he could look at the way your eyes would lit up at good news whether it was yours or his.

Bucky had never realized how touch starved he was until he let you into his life. He was so sure that other people’s touch terrified him, that he’d be spending the rest of his life literally pushing people away so they wouldn’t try to touch him but as it turns out, he loved it and craved it. Sometimes there were little pieces of his mind he would get back, snippets of his life from before the war of who James Bucky Barnes was before he was turned into a killing machine. He remembers smiling a lot. He always had this goofy grin plastered on his face and he could almost remember how light his chest used to feel without the crushing guilt that gnawed at him now. He used to laugh too, he used to make jokes and tease Steve. He wasn’t scared of anyone, quite the opposite. He was always surrounded by people; friends, family, girls he’d easily picked up by using his signature grin and a few charming words. It wasn’t unusual for him to be seen hand in hand with a woman he met earlier in the day. You brought that side out of him, you brought out the man he used to be and wanted to be again.

Steve had started to train and work out with Bucky. Every day they would go down to the gym and go at each other, full strength no holding back. They both loved it but Bucky was exhausted all the time. He had just enough energy to take a shower and then he’d crash. The first week was especially rough and Bucky was so tired that you hadn’t seen him at all. Steve noticed that it started to affect you, you weren’t as cheerful and without Bucky to tell you to go to bed you had spent a lot of nights awake and working.

Come Friday night, Steve had suggested watching a movie and even went to get Bucky from his room but came back down without him.

‘’Sorry.’’ He said when he saw your disappointment. ‘’He was sleeping and I don’t think he heard me through the door. I left a note under his door in case he wakes up.’’

‘’It’s ok. He’s better, he’s sleeping. That’s good.’’ You smiled but it didn’t really reach your eyes.

You were happy that Bucky had found something to keep him busy and make him feel good enough to sleep through the night but a selfish part of you was sad that you weren’t that something anymore. You missed your friend and the little moments you used to share together. It had been really hard for you to trust someone this much, to be completely yourself and let down all your guards. You went from being alone most of the time to having someone waiting for you and back to being alone and it left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You let Steve choose the movie and sat down on the couch, staying on your side and leaning your head against the armrest.

About halfway through the movie, a very sleepy Bucky walked into the living room holding up Steve’s post-it he had slid under his bedroom door.

‘’Got your note.’’

He hadn’t even noticed you when he first walked in because of how small you made yourself all curled up in the corner of the couch but he smiled when he saw you.

‘’Hey, you.’’ He walked over to you and sat down beside you. ‘’Got some hugs to spare for a bruised old man?’’

You untucked yourself and stood up. ‘’Sorry, I’m not feeling so great. I think I’m just going to head out to bed. Good night guys.’’

Before either of them could say something, you were gone.

‘’Is she ok?’’ Bucky turned to look at Steve.

Steve shrugged and turned off the TV. ‘’She’s been having a bad week.’’

‘’Really? What happened?’’

Steve waited a few seconds before speaking again, thinking of how he could explain it to Bucky. ‘’You’re not the only one who’s been having trouble fitting in, trusting people and allowing them into your life.’’

‘’What’s that supposed to mean?’’ Bucky frowned.

‘’She’s had trouble too. She always feels out of place and she doesn’t like being around other people because they always make her feel like she’s different.’’

‘’Did someone say something to her?’’ Bucky stood up, ready to go to whoever it is that said something hurtful to you.

‘’Bucky, she used to be alone all the time and then you became friends and she wasn’t alone anymore because you were always together.’’

‘’Steve, get to the point.’’

‘’She’s been alone all week, she misses you.’’ Steve finally admitted.

‘’You could have lead with that, punk.’’ Bucky didn’t wait for Steve’s answer and left to find you.

He had hoped he could have caught up with you before you got to your room, and he probably would have if it wasn’t for Steve playing Riddler downstairs. He knocked on your door softly.

‘’Sweets, it’s me. Can you open up, please?’’

‘’It’s open.’’

He sighed with relief, he had been scared you weren’t going to let him in.

Bucky opened the door slowly, walked in then closed it. He got on your bed and lied down behind you over the covers. ‘’You must feel really bad because you’re in bed before 10.’’ He teased you, speaking softly. ‘’I’m not feeling great either. Maybe we got the same thing.’’

You quickly turned around when you heard Bucky wasn’t ok. ‘’What’s wrong?’’ You asked him, your worry was showing in your eyes and the little crease between your eyebrows.

‘’I miss my girl. I haven’t been able to hangout with her for almost a week and that’s way, way too long.’’ He kissed your forehead. ‘’I’m sorry I have been such a shitty friend.’’

‘’It’s ok, you’re busy and you have things to do. You can’t always have time for me.’’

‘’From now on, I’ll always make time for you.’’ He smiled and put your foreheads together. ‘’I really want to spend time with you because I really do miss you but right now all I have energy for is sleeping. Can I do that here? With you?’’

Your grin was all the answer he needed. He quickly put his arms around you and brought you with him when he turned to lie on his back. He tucked you into his side with the covers between you, letting you rest your head on his chest which allowed him to run his fingers through your hair to help you fall asleep.

‘’Good night, Sweets.’’

‘’Good night, Jamie.’’

Within a minute, the both of you were out cold.

Now that you had added this new ‘’activity’’ to the list of things you did together, it got a little easier to spend time together during busy days. It was easier for you to go to bed at a reasonable hour when you had someone waiting for you. It always made you laugh whenever Bucky would come into your bedroom, half-asleep from the day he’s had because he’s a super-soldier he’s not supposed to be this tired but you guess that’s what happens when your best friend is Steve Rogers, the overachiever who doesn’t like taking breaks. Ever.

Those nights, Bucky would come in wearing sweats and a tank top and get on your bed, crawl to you for dramatic effect and then lie down on top of you. He’d hide his face in your neck, stay awake long enough to ask you how you were doing and then he was out. If you were stroking his hair, then he’d just pass out mid-sentence.

Bucky went from avoiding people at all costs, to learning to trust people and himself around people, to craving being touched or hugged all the time. Not by just anyone though, it had to be you. Always you.

‘’Where’s Bucky?’’ You asked Steve after entering the gym, one afternoon.

‘’His room. Why? Something wrong?’’

"Thank you.’’ You said over your shoulder already halfway through the door and in the hall.

You knocked on his door and waited for his permission before entering.

‘’Hey, Sweets.’’ He smiled from where he was sitting on his bed, reading.

‘’Why aren’t you training?’’ You frowned, coming to stand next to his bed.

‘’My shoulder.’’

‘’I was hoping you’d say that!’’ The excitement in your voice made him frown and close his book.

‘’What did I do for you to be excited that I’m in pain?’’

You froze, slightly embarrassed. ‘’Oh, no. I’m sorry.’’ You shook your head and held out your hand in front of you to show Bucky a little tub of cream. ‘’I’ve been trying to stop getting so excited. I’m sorry. It’s just that I finished the cream for your shoulder and I think this time I got it right. I was happy that’d you’d be able to try it and hopefully it’ll work and you won’t be in pain anymore in a few minutes.’’

‘’Hey.’’ Bucky said softly, putting an end to your rambling. ‘’Never apologize to me for being yourself.’’

You almost apologized again but Bucky gave you a warning glare, making you laugh instead.

‘’Now, come on. Let’s try it.’’ He took off his shirt and watched as you straddled his lap and started rubbing in the cream.

You were very meticulous, you needed to make sure all the skin directly connected to his arm was covered.

‘’Now we just have to wait a few minutes to see if it works.’’ You put the cream down on the mattress next to you. ‘’What have you been reading?’’ You asked pushing his hair to his right side, making sure not to get cream on them.

‘’One of my favorite books from the 30s, Steve got it for me.’’

You smiled. ‘’That was sweet of him. What is it about?’’

‘’Nothing interesting.’’ He shrugged.

‘’Something has to be interesting if it’s one of your favorite books and Steve took the time to find it for you. C’mon. You listen to me talk about my work and research all the time, I want to hear about what you like.’’

‘’Are you sure?’’

You nodded with a big smile to show him you really were interested.

That’s when the flood gate opened and now Bucky couldn’t stop talking even if he wanted to. He had tried talking about his book with Steve but Steve was never interested and barely listened to him. He liked having someone to talk to that actually listened to him from start to finish. He spent most of the time explaining the book to you with his head down, flipping through pages as he did so. At some point Bucky looked up at you and his breath hitched in his throat at the sight in front of him. You were looking at him, truly listening to what he was saying and you had this cute little smile you always have whenever you’re happy and relaxed. What caught his breath though was the look in your eyes. He can’t remember the last time someone looked at him with that much love and adoration in their eyes, he wonders if it ever even happened before.

He couldn’t resist any longer and leaned in to kiss you. He was severely out of practice but he couldn’t think of anyone better to have his ‘’first’’ kiss with.

He started to panic when you didn’t kiss him back and started pulling away but you stopped him by kissing him back. He had forgotten all about kissing. He had forgotten how soft lips could be, how one simple touch like that could make him feel weak and strong all at once, how his heart would flutter and butterflies roamed free in his stomach. Most of all, he had forgotten how intoxicating it was to kiss someone you love and now that he remembers, he never wants to stop. When you broke apart, Bucky leaned back against his headboard to look at you and smiled his big goofy grin. The James Bucky Barnes grin. He couldn’t feel any pain now in his shoulder, he just didn’t know whether it was because of your cream or just you and the power you have over him.

‘’The only thing I’m sorry about is how rusty I am at kissing.’’ He said to let you know that this wasn’t just a spur of the moment kind of thing.

‘’Apparently, practicing helps a lot with those kinds of problems.’’

‘’You’re probably right.’’ He put down his book on his nightstand and then brought his hands to your waist to pull you closer. ‘’Think you can help me with that?’’

‘’Definitely.’’

You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck just as he kissed you again. One of your hands held onto the back of his neck while you ran your fingers through Bucky’s hair with the other.

Maybe Bucky should feel embarrassed about how one simple touch from you makes a big, strong super-soldier like himself melt so easily but he honestly didn’t care.

Bucky had spent decades trying to avoid people touching him at all costs, even as he slowly began to become the man he once was. Just the thought of having someone put their hands on him made his skin crawl. Yet here he was needing and craving your touch, he loved the way his skin felt on fire wherever you were touching him. It made him feel alive, human and no longer like the emotionless assassin he used to be.

He had spent so much time avoiding other people’s touch and now he’d be ready to do or give anything to make sure that it would never stop.

For the first time since he woke up after falling off the train Bucky isn’t afraid to give control to someone else. You were the one thing since 1943 that Bucky wasn’t afraid of, that he didn’t regret.

One simple touch is all it took to change everything.

It's been so long since I've written anything for Bucky! Hopefully this is not too bad!

@n3ssm0nique | @lover-of-bucky | @beingagodsucks | @littlemissthistle | @dancer3205 | @thatblondebrownie | @rainbowkisses31 | @benbarnesbussy | @bucky-hues

[flordeamatista]

Nick Fowler ─── Sebastian Stan

The 355 (2022)

[intrepidacious]

not even a little

summary: The problem of living with Bucky is that he makes it impossible not to fall in love with him. Even though you could list several hundred reasons why it’s a bad idea. And you have.

pairing: roommate!bucky barnes x reader

word count: 5.7k

warnings: pining idiots in love, slightly questionable roomie behaviour, simultaneously the softest and cockiest bucky i've written so far, blink and you miss it throwing shade at iron fist

a/n: this is my very late submission for kathie's (@pellucid-constellations) love letters writing challenge <3 thank you for this lovely idea, writing this was a challenge indeed but that is, as they say, a me problem. also huge shoutout to @barnesafterglow and @sweetascanbee, this really and truly would still not be done without you. love you both 💛

masterlist | read on ao3

You’re screwed. You know that you’re screwed.

Surely, there’s a rule book for these kinds of situations, and rule number one tells you in big, blinking neon letters that you should absolutely, under no circumstances, not ever fall in love with your roommate. Especially not if he also happens to be your best friend.

And yet.

Trouble is that Bucky Barnes is the type of guy that makes it very, very difficult not to fall for him.

Honestly, you should have known better when Nat had suggested the two of you move in together, that night at the bar right after college, “since you’re both new in town and all”. You’d almost spat your drink in her face when she waved him over to where you were sitting, because there was no way in hell a man called James looked like that.

“Friends call me Bucky, actually,” he’d said, a smirk on his lips that went straight to your core.

Natasha glanced between the two of you with that smug look of hers, and you shot her a warning glare because she knew. She knew from the moment you awkwardly shook Bucky’s hand that he was gonna mean trouble for you, with his leather jacket and his blue eyes and his fucking horrible tendency to be both suave and sheepish within the same sentence.

So how are you supposed to say no after that?

It’s so easy to grow close to him, too. Way too easy. You fall into a routine with such effortlessness it has you wonder how you've ever managed without him at all. Grocery runs after work and movie nights on tired Friday evenings, conversations that would be nonsensical to anyone eavesdropping, dreary-eyed breakfast at 2 p.m. Quickly, it becomes difficult to remember a time in your life that didn’t include Bucky.

Needless to say, it’s a struggle.

Thankfully, you come up with a brilliant plan about a month into your new living arrangement. Or rather, your friends do.

“You should kill him.”

“Darcy!”

“What?” Darcy tucks into her mozzarella sticks. “We’d claim temporary insanity in court, if he’s that hot, there’s no way the jury wouldn’t understand.”

“You’d make an awful lawyer,” Colleen says drily, continuing to pat your head awkwardly.

Darcy raises one impeccable eyebrow. “Got some better idea to save Y/N from Barnes’ death grip, buzzkill?”

“Remember before I broke up with Danny?”

You snort at the visceral shudder that goes through Darcy. “Those were the dark days.”

“Hah.” Colleen rolls her eyes. “Anyway. I wrote down every single time he did something that pissed me off, and whenever I felt myself falling into old habits, I went over the list. Worked like a charm. I was over him like that.” She snaps her fingers.

“And thus, another national holiday was born,” Darcy says, clinking her bottle against Colleen’s. “May we always commemorate Independrandce Day to remind ourselves that bad times don’t last.”

“All the things that piss me off?” you ask doubtfully. “I want my crush to go away, not make my apartment unbearable to live in.”

“Just try it for a while, then,” Colleen shrugs. “If it doesn’t work, you can still resort to physical violence. There’s an open spot in my Thursday class.”

You’re busy Thursdays.

It’s almost surprising how little time passes until you need to take your friend’s advice. You’re just headed into the kitchen to grab a snack before you leave for work when you screech to a halt.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Bucky turns around slowly, having the audacity to look confused even as he’s still holding the bottle. “Having a drink?”

“Of milk?” you say, trying not to actually gag. He’s lucky you’re not a milk-sharing household or you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from going off.

“Gotta keep my bones strong.” There’s a glint in his eye as he says it, too, because at this point he already knows exactly how to rile you up. He loves seeing you explode.

This time, though, you won’t give him the satisfaction.

Slowly, an empty smile on your face, you pull out your phone. Bucky, you are an actual horrible disgusting psychopath, you type with a forced sense of serenity. who tf drinks milk straight from the bottle.

You feel strangely better after that and another deep breath.

“I’m gonna go now,” you tell him a bit too sharply and turn on your heels. You’ll get food on your way.

It quickly turns into a habit. Every time he does something small that would normally set you off, you open your notes app and write it out, instead. It helps at least somewhat to stop romanticizing your situation. Level things out a little.

Because the truth is, Bucky Barnes absolutely aggravates you sometimes, and it’s good to remind yourself of those times when he’s once again wandering around the apartment in nothing but his sweatpants.

“Jesus, Buck,” you say, slumping down on the couch a few feet away from him. “Would it kill you to wear a shirt every once in a while?”

“It’s like a hundred degrees in here,” Bucky whines, not moving from where he’s reading.

“So? You don’t see me strip naked.”

His smile is lazy, but his eyes sparkle with amusement as he turns his page. “I know, and it’s a shame.”

“Fuck off, Barnes.” Your cheeks are on fire and you can only hope he can’t tell. “Nat’s gonna be here in five minutes.”

“Okay,” he says, not moving an inch.

You stare at him incredulously. “Can you please put some clothes on?”

“I am wearing clothes,” Bucky states dryly. “Besides, Nat won’t mind.”

“Dot might,” you mumble, but he ignores you. Not that you expected him to; his on-again, off-again relationship has been a topic of contention for a while now, and not because of you.

Truly, you’ve been doing a lot better lately, keeping a lid on your feelings. Which is why you’re able to look at him and his naked torso and his arms and be completely fine. Really. You pull your gaze to the book he’s holding and frown.

“Is that mine?”

Bucky finally glances at you, looking almost bashful. “You said it was good.”

You blink in surprise. You did say that, but not to him. You remember telling Colleen how much you loved it the last time you were facetiming in the living room while Bucky was perched at the kitchen counter with a bored, absent expression on his face as he silently scrolled through something on his phone.

The fact that he listened makes you choose to ignore that he’s definitely going to ruin the spine if he keeps holding the book like that.

“How do you like it?” you ask, voice slightly higher than usual.

“It’s great.” His smile returns, and you will never be sick of him looking like that, looking at you like that. So content.

The doorbell wakes you from your trance with a start.

Bucky sighs quietly as he carefully places a bookmark between the pages and gets up from the couch, rolling his shoulders. You watch him as he shuffles away to his room without another word, sweat making the hair stick to his neck. It takes you another moment to stand up yourself.

You pull out your phone as you wait for Nat to get upstairs, hesitating for a moment before you open your notes app. The feeling in your stomach uncoils.

***

There are days, despite your best efforts, that you still let yourself hope. Like when Bucky makes enough pancakes for dinner to feed an entire football team and you talk about the book he’s borrowed over maple syrup and jam until it’s eleven at night. Or when you’re out with your mutual group of friends and his gaze always finds yours after he’s made a joke, as if to gage your reaction, as if to make sure to catch a spark of amusement in your eyes.

Other times, like right now, you simply don’t have the time to question your relationship too much.

While the prospect of your upcoming promotion is great, it leaves you with an almost insurmountable pile of work that’s to be done as soon as possible, and the long hours make you putter around the apartment like a zombie. Thankfully, Bucky’s been avoiding you while you’re in this state, spending his days at Dot’s, or at Steve’s. You’re sure he’s told you at some point, but you don’t really remember.

You’ve set up your little work space in the living room, because it’s the only room with proper light in it. Most of your time is spent on the couch, noise-canceling headphones on and trying to focus on what feels like seven different projects at once. You miss feeling the sun on your skin.

As you’re trying to get your eyes to focus on the numbers and nonsensical reports flickering over your laptop screen, you notice movement in your peripheral vision. You flinch, pulling off your headphones, and then blink.

Bucky freezes mid turn, clearly not having expected you to notice him. “Sorry,” he says. “I just got home.”

Your stare remains fixed on the table. Your favorite mug is filled to the brim with tea, placed delicately on the previously empty coaster next to your pile of books.

“You looked like you needed it,” he continues, and your heart swells.

“Thank you,” you mumble and he shrugs.

“Dinner should be here in twenty, if you want some.”

You nod, watching the steam curl when he leaves you to your reports again. Strange, how easy it is to suddenly overthink a cup of tea.

You wait a couple of minutes for it to cool, then take a tentative sip. Your nose scrunches up.

He’s oversteeped it to the point of no return.

Still, you find yourself drinking most of it, because for some reason you can’t bring yourself to just pour it down the drain. It’s like you can’t quite let go of the gesture.

When the week is finally over, you both sit on the fire escape with a drink in your hands and breathe in the cool early night air. There’s undone dishes and at least three machines’ worth of laundry and a thousand other things demanding your attention, but for now, for this one evening, you’re finally content to do absolutely nothing and do it guilt-free.

It’s nice to just sit next to each other in utter silence as you watch the people below hurry along home through the traffic. The streets smell like spilled gasoline and the very last fringes of summer. The sun is setting at a deliciously lazy pace.

Bucky nudges you and points to the other side of the street. You coo as you watch the corgi waddle around the corner, almost itching for your phone to take a picture. Instead, you look up.

The sky looks beautiful, as if someone had softly smudged the deepest blue ink while it was still drying and dabbed the most glorious shades of pink and orange at the edges. A plane goes by overhead, blinking and leaving a trail of gray across the vast firmament.

“You know,” you say, leaning your head against the wall. “When I was little, I used to think these clouds were made of cotton candy.”

Bucky doesn’t laugh, but you feel the smile radiating from him without even turning. It’s like that, between you. Random thoughts are never weird. Only there to be outweirded.

“I used to think the moon was made of cheese,” he offers tonight.

You do laugh, then, short and loud. When you meet his eyes again, they’re the color of the darkest parts of the sky, and the look on his face is indescribable. Almost like surprise. It sends a chill through you.

“What?” you say, and he shakes his head.

A car alarm goes off in the distance, and you avert your gaze again, pulling the blanket tighter around your shoulders. Bucky’s phone vibrates with a message, but he doesn’t duck inside like you expect him to. Instead, you both sit there until the sun has fully disappeared, and something seems to settle.

It’s a setback that follows you well into the next year.

“I vote arsen or arsenic,” Darcy says. “You have insurance, right?”

She reaches over to grab your phone, swiftly entering the pincode with that set frown of hers as if she’s trying to hack into the pentagon again.

“I doubt they cover homicide,” you deadpan.

“Manslaughter, actually” she reads from your phone. “In the first degree. Ow!” She rubs her shin.

“Who are we getting rid of?” Natasha asks, sliding back into the booth next to you.

“No one,” you say at the same time as Darcy says, “Barnes, duh.” You give her a sharp look. She sticks her tongue out at you.

Nat bumps her shoulder against yours. “How long has it been, coming up two years in June?”

“Shut up,” you murmur, taking another sip of your milkshake. “Darce, what are you doing with my phone?”

“Well, I’m done googling, I wanna see if you actually made that list.”

“What list?” Natasha asks.

“Okay, give me that.” You try to grab your phone back, but Darcy snatches it out of your reach quickly.

“Come on, you never tell me these things anymore,” Darcy complains and continues scrolling. “We used to have so much fun! Does he snore? Does he leave his socks all over the floor? I have a need to know!”

“And it’s making you rhyme, too.”

She’s still dodging your efforts to get your phone back while she’s talking. Natasha watches both of you in amusement, eating her cheesy fries.

“Hah!” Darcy exclaims and your heart drops. “I knew it, he seems like the type to break a spine. I can always tell.”

“Darcy,” you say warningly.

She gasps theatrically. “He killed Fernadette? You said it was an accident!”

“Plants die, Darce, it’s not a big deal.”

In the moment of her outraged distraction, Nat plucks your phone from her hands. She scrolls down once, smirks, and finally hands it back to you. “Change your passcode, WikiLeaks.”

You throw the phone back in your bag resolutely, cheeks burning.

Darcy pouts. “I didn’t even get to the good stuff.”

“You know,” Natasha says, dipping her fry into the melting whipped cream on your shake. “Some of this stuff you should probably tell him.”

“It’s fine,” you say through gritted teeth. “I’m fine. We’re both still alive, aren’t we?”

“Only because you’re boring,” Darcy rolls her eyes.

Natasha lifts her glass. “To two years’ survival in June,” she grins innocently at you.

As you clink your glasses together, there’s something in her eyes that makes you feel like you’re toasting an ultimatum.

***

It’s irrevocably over with Dot when Bucky officially breaks up with her the day before Valentine’s, which is a bit extreme even by your standards, and you’ve never liked Dot.

Matter of fact, it would have made the list anyway, but all the more so when he decides to wreck your following evening as well in the process.

Being eternally single, you’d planned a nice, relaxing night home alone with a movie and some takeout to keep you from obsessively refreshing Instagram as a way to torture yourself. Cozy, quiet, totally not alone forever.

Instead, you now have a sullen-faced Bucky to contend with.

“If you’re gonna be moping all night, you can do it in your room,” you finally snap after he’s complained about your choice of food, the candle you wanted to burn in the living room, and how you decided to eat the giant box of chocolates you’d treated yourself to.

“I’m not,” Bucky says mopingly.

You roll your eyes. “Seriously, you couldn’t have chosen literally any other day of the year to break things off with her? There are a lot of them, you know.”

Bucky throws a pile of chocolate wrappers at you. You retaliate with a pillow to his face.

There’s a second for you to laugh at his expression, when he’s still too stunned to react, before the pillow comes flying back to hit you in the temple and you almost fall off the couch with a shriek.

“Aren’t you supposed to be nice to me?” Bucky asks, grabbing a pillow in each hand to use as defense.

“Pretty sure that’s a dumpee privilege,” you say, mimicking what he’s doing.

You stare at each other for a second, then Bucky throws one of the pillows he’s holding at your head. It lands on the floor as you block it with your own, taking the unlit candle down with it. You smack another of your pillows at his face.

Finally, there’s a little glint in his eye again. “I thought you didn’t like her.”

“Doesn’t mean she deserves to be dumped on February thirteenth,” you say. The second pillow misses and Bucky’s grin turns feline. Shit.

Slowly, you put one foot on the floor, Bucky watching your every move. You can see the pillow on the floor out of the corner of your eye.

You dart towards it and Bucky throws his second pillow. You duck. Your chocolates go flying to the ground, scattering everywhere. Both of you grab the floor pillow at the same time, struggling for it.

“Dickhead,” you gasp, thinking of your nice ruined chocolates. You twist to wrangle the pillow out of his grasp, but in doing so stumble. Bucky, to his credit, tries to stop your fall, but you only take him down with you, landing uncomfortably on top of each other on the couch.

Your breath hitches when you feel his weight on you, closer to him than you’ve ever dared before. There’s something in the depths of his eyes that makes it very hard to have a single coherent thought.

“Maybe,” Bucky says, and there’s a tiny crack in his voice as if he knows it, too, “I was sick of pretending.”

Time seems to freeze. He doesn’t move, and his face doesn’t change as he looks at you, not really. It’s just Bucky. Just … everything.

You can feel heat rising.

The doorbell saves you from embarrassing yourself further. You can hear Bucky cursing under his breath as you gently shove him off you and hurry to the door, your heart still thundering.

It’s a moment you keep replaying in your mind obsessively even weeks later, as if remembering it as often as possible would change the outcome at all. Would stop your food from arriving at that exact moment, and instead …

Going down that line of thought is a dangerous game, especially now that you’ve seen the freckle next to his mouth up close, delicately placed there like a dimple, like it was painted with the softest brush. It begs to be kissed.

Sam’s voice calling your name snaps you back to the present and you lock your phone, sharply turning on your heel and almost spilling the buckets of popcorn you’re precariously holding in one arm while attempting to balance the nachos with the other.

“Isn’t that a lot of snacks for four people?” Bucky asks, taking some of the stuff off you.

You don’t meet his eye and frown instead. “Why four people?”

“Nat just sent a text,” Sam says, his arm still around Misty’s waist. “Apparently Steve’s got a cold and they’re staying home.”

And with Joaquín still in Mexico and Darcy running so late at work she’d meet you at the bar later, your group of eight had just been reduced to a date with a plus two. Wonderful.

“Did you only get salty?” Bucky asks, already eating as you make your way to your seats.

“Of course not,” you say, keeping the second bucket out of his reach. “But we’re sharing these. Every time I trust you with the popcorn they’re mysteriously gone ten minutes into the movie.”

“Ain’t no mystery about it,” Bucky says. “Gimme some.”

“No!” You sit down between him and Sam. “You can wait until the trailer show at least.”

“That might be hours! I could starve by then!” He looks at you with his saddest puppy dog eyes, and it might have worked on you, too, had you not had this exact discussion several times before. “Please?”

You cross your arms over the bucket so that he won’t just reach over. “Nope.”

Sam grins. “You got a ruthless one there, Buck.”

The lights go down before anyone can notice the slight twitch in your expression.

Bucky does make it all the way through the trailer show before he starts shifting in his seat, softly tugging at your sleeve. You keep staring at the screen.

“Come on, sweets,” he whispers and you swear you feel all the hairs in your neck stand up. You don’t turn your head or move your arms. He leans over until his head is basically on your shoulder, his knee nudging yours, his hand sneaking for the bucket in your lap.

“The popcorn. Stays. With me,” you hiss. You’re tempted to slap his fingers away, but you find yourself completely immobilized.

“You said you’d share,” Bucky says into your ear. His entire arm is pressed against yours now, and it takes everything in you not to tremble. “Just let me have what’s mine.”

You can only hope no one will ask you about any particulars of the movie later on.

***

You don’t expect it all to fall apart so soon after that.

“Well,” Darcy says as the five of you huddle underneath the tiny awning in front of the bar. “I sure am glad I still came out tonight.”

It’s pouring down in buckets, the wind tearing at your jackets, the sky pitch black. The nearest subway station is a seven minute walk away, and you share a total of two umbrellas between you, one of them snatched from the lost and found box at Luke’s.

“Any of us going in the same direction?” Misty asks, opening her own umbrella. Sam takes it out of her hand to cover them both.

“Not really,” you answer, looking at Bucky. “Uber?”

He nods. “My phone’s empty, though.”

“Jesus, why isn’t this working?”

You snort, unlocking your phone without looking and pressing it into Bucky’s hand before hurrying to assist Darcy in her fight with the lent umbrella. “You need to hold it against the wind. Seriously, for someone with two PhDs—”

It finally snaps open, cutting off Darcy’s cussing. Her glasses are already blurred with raindrops.

“Well,” Sam says. “We’d offer to wait with you, but I don’t think this is gonna get better any time soon, so …”

“Just go,” you reassure him. “I’m sure we won’t be long, either. Right, Buck?”

“I don’t know,” he says, and the unexpected iciness in his tone makes you turn around slowly.

You have never seen this kind of look on his face, that coldness skewing his beautiful features into an ugly mask. In his eyes, there’s nothing, not even a trace of the fondness that swirled in them less than a minute ago. Your heart drops.

“Are you alright?” you ask softly.

“Great,” he says brusquely, shoving your phone back in your hand. “In fact, I think I might go on a walk.”

And without a word of goodbye, without a second glance, Bucky walks out into the opened floodgates.

For a moment, none of you can do anything but gape after him in disbelief. He doesn’t turn when you call his name, doesn’t seem to hear it at all. His hair is wet through immediately, sticking heavily to his neck, but it’s like he doesn’t notice the rain, his hands shoved into his pockets as he turns a corner and disappears out of your sight.

“What’s wrong with him?” Sam asks, and even though you understand why the question is directed at you, it feels like an accusation.

“I don’t know, I—”

It’s then that you glance at your phone, still opened to your notes app, and your stomach plummets again as you read your own angry, frustrated words. I actually hate you, you know that? Hells even wrong with you.

Your vision blurs.

You want to vomit, vomit or cry or both, but there’s no time.

“Take this,” you say to Darcy, pushing your phone and bag into her startled hands before you run. The wind and rain whip in your face, but you don’t care.

You have to find Bucky. You have to tell him that this is all a misunderstanding, a terrible, terrible error.

Youre such a fucking idiot.

Your boots splash water in all directions as they hit the pavement. Slow. You’re too slow. “Bucky!”

This was a mistake. I shouldve never moved in with you.

When you reach the corner of the street, Bucky is long gone.

***

You’re not sure how long you stand there in the rain before they catch up with you, huddling you between them and their two umbrellas until you stop crying long enough to get into the car they’ve called for you.

Darcy climbs into the seat beside you, and by the look on her face you can tell that this time, she’s read the entire thing.

She doesn’t say anything about it, for once keeping her mouth shut as she fishes for your keys and lets you both into the empty apartment. She’s offered to take you to her place for the night, but you shook your head so vehemently at the thought you got dizzy with it.

Maybe he’d come home. Maybe there’s still a chance to clear this thing up.

But his shoes aren’t there when you stumble through the door, and it’s cold in here. As cold as the look in Bucky’s eyes had been.

Darcy forces you into the shower, and when you get back out, there’s a steaming cup of tea waiting in your favorite mug. Of course, she still doesn’t quite understand why that only makes you cry again.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” you whisper as she wraps her arms around you.

There’s a long pause before Darcy says, “He’s got no clue what he’s walking away from.”

You don’t plan on moving from the couch, so you get Darcy to agree to use your bed for the night. She seems hesitant to leave you, even if it’s just down the hall. You stay where you are, half-seated and huddled in the patchwork blanket Bucky’s mom had sent from Shelbyville. It smells like dust and homemade cookies.

The hours seem to tick by ever so slowly, and the only noises you hear are those of the city. You doze off every now and then, for no more than a couple of minutes at a time, your head turned towards the hall.

It’s very, very early in the morning when the soft click of the front door wakes you. The rain has reduced to a drizzle, the first hesitant rays of sunshine glimmering through.

“Bucky?” you call out quietly. His steps halt for a moment, as if he’s not expected you to be here, but he comes in anyway.

He looks terrible. The rain has molten off the terrible cold mask, but his expression underneath is even worse. He doesn’t meet your eye, doesn’t even acknowledge you sitting there as he walks past you, his dark circles not quite hiding the shattered, matted blue of his eyes.

He doesn’t react to your saying his name again, and the bathroom door closes behind him before you can get up.

You stand there, unsure what to do next, how to make him look at you, talk to you again. You’re still standing there, twisting your phone between your hands, when he comes out of the bathroom again only to vanish into his bedroom without so much as a glance at you.

Two minutes, you decide. You’d give him two minutes to get dressed and sit down.

The eternity of that time span seemingly flies by, and you make yourself move.

“Bucky?” you say quietly, putting your palm against his door.

Of course, he doesn’t answer. He’s not pacing, either, like he usually does when he’s upset, but in this case, you’re not sure if that’s better or worse. Swallowing hard, you open the door.

Bucky’s sitting on the edge of the bed, as if he’s been waiting for you, his head leaning heavy against his arms. He looks terribly small like this.

“Hi,” you whisper, awkwardly. Your face feels like it’s about to melt off. “Can we talk?”

He lifts his head slowly, as if each degree it takes costs too much energy. When he finally looks at you, it almost makes you flinch.

There’s a sadness inside them, mixed with tiredness, that you’ve only caught in your own reflection.

For a long moment, you just stare at each other, before Bucky finally says, “Do you want me to move out?”

Of all the things you expected, this is not one of them. Particularly not with this hoarseness in his voice.

“I want to explain,” you say, taking a tentative step closer.

Bucky huffs a dry breath, pressing the palm of his hand to his eye. “I think it’s pretty self-explanatory that you think I’m the ‘biggest pain in the ass the world has ever seen’.”

You cross your arms in front of your chest to keep them from shaking. “I know I wrote that, but I—Colleen said I should—that it would help.”

“Help what?”

“Make it easier,” you say, so, so quietly, but he still hears you.

“And did it?”

You shake your head slowly, uncrossing your arms. “It pretty much backfired.” You unlock your phone again. “You see, I was supposed to write down all the things you did that made me crazy, but at some point … at some point I started adding the things that made me crazy about you.”

Nothing but confusion in Bucky’s eyes as he stares at you, then at your phone. “What are you saying?” he asks softly.

You close your eyes. “You should continue reading.”

Your hands are trembling so hard now he has to take the phone from your hands to make out any of the words. The silence that follows is unbearable, but you don’t dare look at him. So you talk.

“Like, remember when you went to IKEA with Steve and I couldn’t come with you, so you got me one of those shark plushies and a whole almond cake?” You can’t help but chuckle, even though you don’t feel like it. “I tried reading into that for so long, if it was his idea or if I just got stuck in your mind.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything, so you continue, still not opening your eyes.

“Or when Dot used to stay over and you’d make me an extra batch of waffles to make sure I wouldn’t feel left out. Or when we stayed up until 4 to make those Christmas cookies, even though it was September?”

He huffs again. “I broke up with her that day.”

You do look at him, then. “No, you didn’t.”

Bucky’s still staring at the list on your phone. “I brought her the last of her stuff before Valentine’s Day. I don’t think it’d hit her before then, that she could be nasty about it all now.”

His eyes are very blue again when he turns them towards you, clear and focused entirely on you. It’s hard to keep your knees from buckling.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

And there it is. The question that’s been haunting you for almost two years now, that’s been unspoken in Natasha’s gaze and in Darcy’s hug, even though they knew the answer.

Because you’re a coward.

“You’re my best friend, Buck,” you say quietly, your eyes burning. “I just didn’t … I don’t want to lose that.”

“Hey.” He stands in front of you before you even notice him moving, his hands cupping your face and turning it towards his. A shuddering breath falls from your lips. “You,” Bucky continues, “could never, ever do anything to lose me.”

“I almost did today,” you whisper and his face falls.

“I’m sorry I ran away.”

You shake your head and he pulls you into an embrace. His hair is still damp, but soft from his shower. He doesn’t smell like city rain, only the way he always does. As if it all had never happened.

And when he finally draws back to look at you with that glint in his eye, hands still loosely gripping your waist, it almost feels like a bad dream.

“So,” he says, and the cadence in his voice makes your heart stutter. You inadvertently move backwards, out of his grasp, and a wicked grin appears on Bucky’s lips. It’s impossible to look away. “She ‘didn’t deserve me’, huh?”

“She didn’t,” you say warily, watching him. He takes a step closer and you retreat.

“At least she never ‘wanted to burn all my shirts’.”

“And how would you know?” He’s still coming closer. “Just because no one’s done it …” You trail off.

Bucky hums. “No one’s ever told me my eyes ‘look criminal in this light’, either. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Bad,” you say, wincing as you bump into his dresser. “So bad.”

He’s very close to you now, his arms trapping you on both sides, towering over you. Your eyes flit between his own and his lips. That freckle.

The look on his face reminds you of late evenings on a fire escape.

Bucky’s nose bumps against yours, once, twice, as if testing the waters. You don’t think you can breathe. His eyes are so dark when he looks at you, the longing suddenly bursting through the surface, and you realize you’ve both been pretending for far too long.

His brows are knitted slightly, contemplative, as if he’s trying to commit you to memory. If he weren’t standing so close, you’d be shaking.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmurs, and the words explode into a million butterflies in your stomach. “You did get stuck in my head.”

And then he kisses you.

The rain stops.

thank you so much for reading!! please don't forget to leave a comment or a reblog if you enjoyed this 💛 if you want to see more of my writing, check out my masterlist or follow @intrepidacious-fics for update notifications!!

[daydreamerinadazedworld]

Her writing is so brilliant. Check out her other stories is a must

[mattsundaes-interact]

Can I request a jealous Santiago Garcia headcanon?

Jealous Santiago Garcia

Santiago "Pope" Garcia x f!reader

When you and Santiago started sleeping together sometime after your friendship with the boys commenced, he made it abundantly clear that he wanted it to be casual. Recently back in Florida after an extended stint overseas with far too much mental baggage, he outright told you he wasn’t fit for a relationship. Not the kind you deserved, anyway. So you let yourself play a dangerous game with him, consequences be damned. 

As time goes on, the two of you continue to dance around one another—friends by day, a needy, sweaty mess in the sheets by night. It grows harder to continue to stamp your feelings down the more times that you tangle your fingers into Santi’s greying curls as he kisses you squarely on the mouth, but unbeknownst to you, he’s struggling, too. And while he may resolutely keep his lips sealed, Santiago’s jealousy begins to find a way to slip through the cracks anyway, bit by bit.

Content: NSFW 18+, smut, p in v, oral sex (f!receiving), FEELS

The first time it happens, you don’t think too much of it. A particularly rowdy night at the bar finds you in Benny’s arms on the dance floor, and given his lack of awareness of what exactly goes on between you and his best friend behind closed doors, his hands skirt the boundary of indecency as he chuckles and playfully brushes his nose against your neck.

Afterward, Santiago insists on driving you home, but you only make it to the bar’s parking lot before his hands find a familiar home around your waist, and his lips track their favorite well-worn path across your collarbone. There’s an impatient, slightly frantic edge to it all, the way he can’t even wait to get you to your apartment, choosing instead to fuck you right there in the backseat of his truck, gripping your hips like his life depends on it as he drives his shaft into you. 

Try as you might, Santi has always turned down your invitations to come along to the local farmer’s market on Saturday mornings. However, when he hears Frankie insisting that the friendly vendor that gives you a free flower every week is probably at least a little bit in love with you, Santiago’s suddenly ready to come along bright and early the following weekend. And when Frankie elbows you with a chuckle when the florist’s booth comes into view, Santi’s wallet is already in his hands as he strides over and makes a show of buying you a bouquet of sunflowers. 

Later, when Will, Frankie, and Benny all decide to call it a night after having dinner at your place, Santi’s thrown off by the way your phone’s lock screen lights up with an array of messages from a dating app (which you’d recently downloaded for the sole purpose of a distraction from him). Santi doesn’t say anything about it, but he does cage you in against the sink while you’re washing the dishes. He presses a trail of hot kisses across the back of your neck before sliding up the skirt of your dress, gently kicking your legs apart and licking his way into your sensitive folds until you’re a sopping, trembling mess for him. 

One evening, as Santi’s in the midst of slipping out of your bed to head home after you’re both panting and sated, he casually asks you to have dinner the next day. You’re borderline embarrassed to tell him that you have a date with a guy from work who’s been trying to ask you out for ages. When you return home alone after said lackluster outing, you pause when you spy Santi’s jacket still hanging on the hook in your entryway. Like a fucking statement. Meanwhile, the soft, black cotton t-shirt he’d been wearing under his button down the night before still lies “forgotten” on the floor on his side of the bed. (Since when did he have his own side?)

When the time for your work’s holiday party rolls around, you wave your phone around to show the boys the plus one tacked onto the email invite. And though Benny ultimately wins the impromptu pool tournament that ensues to secure the spot (fuelled by the promise of very fancy food), unbeknownst to you, Santi later bargains his way in instead—by way of a ludicrous amount of favors to be owed to Benny, of course. 

Failed date or not, your coworker still has eyes for you at the party. Eyes that certainly don’t miss Santi’s lingering hand on your waist throughout the evening. Said man makes the bold decision to slide into Santi’s vacated seat to chat with you while he saunters off to the bar to grab drinks. And yet, despite the fact that you’d introduced Santiago as your “friend” to your coworkers when dinner began, the title doesn’t quite roll off the tongue as well when you then find his cock plunging deep inside of your cunt as he fucks you in a bathroom stall before dessert’s even been served, drinks long forgotten back at the table. 

Santi fucks you again when you get back to your place, but it's different. It’s unhurried. It’s soft. It's vulnerable. It’s more goddamn intimate than it's ever been—the way he gazes down at you as he breaches your entrance, the way he brushes his thumb across the curve of your jaw, the way his mouth desperately seeks out yours as his hips begin to stutter…the way he whispers cariño as he presses a kiss to the top of your head when he thinks you’re already asleep.

(It’s the first time he’s ever spent the night.)

The next morning, you’re disappointed to find yourself alone in bed...until Santiago makes his way back from the bathroom a moment later, and he doesn’t miss the look in your eyes as you glance over at him—the relief, the longing, the hope; it’s mirrored on his own face as well.

“You stayed.”

“I’m tired of pretending that I want to leave.”

“So don’t.”

And after he crawls back under the covers, back to you, Santiago holds you tightly in his arms as he finally admits to himself that there's nowhere else he'd rather be.

[mottlemoth]

Please reblog this if fanfiction has been beneficial to your mental health.

[switchablecities-deactivated202]

Crazy Little Thing - Chapter 1

Paring: Poe Dameron x Reader(female)

Chapter Summary: Poe has to pair up with you for a mission, and he is pissed.

Chapter Warnings: Angst, pining, mentions of war and violence.

Chapter Rating: Gen

A/N: Thanks for reading! Please comment and re-blog!

Series Masterlist

“Really? Her?” Dameron is livid, and you try not to flinch at the sheer amount of vitriol he manages to spit into those two words.

“Yes. Her,” General Organa meets the incredulous fury in his rich brown eyes with a stern calmness. “You’re an adult, Poe. Act like one.”

“Well I’m sure as hell the only person here thinking like one right now,” he retorts – face red and nostrils flaring, “We don’t even get along! And you expect us to work together? You expect her,” he points and accusing finger at you, “to work well with me?”

Now, the thing is, he’s not really wrong. You haven’t exactly had a smooth record when it came to getting along with the poster boy of resistance, so you understand where he is coming from. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t burn an angry gash right through your heart.

It started right after you’d landed on the resistance base at D’Qar. Commander Dameron had been there with General Organa – all kind smiles and soft curls and dark amber eyes shining in the late afternoon sunlight – welcoming each new recruit of your group with a firm handshake followed by a very sincere Welcome to the resistance, and the moment your palm interlocked with his you knew you were in trouble – Dameron was trouble – as the touch burned into your skin like hot iron and his piercing gaze shot a blasterfire straight through your soul, and a hologram of his smile etched a permanent place in your heart. A hologram that would come to taunt you in your dreams every night since, haunt you. That smile could light up a thousand suns, you’d thought, and alarms had blared inside your head in angry, red urgency. Run run run run run run.

Not much unlike now. Dameron is glaring daggers at you, and you wonder – not for the first time – if that glare pointed at you would ever turn into their usual warmth again. Not that you’d blame him if that never happens. Not his fault really. One day – you tell yourself – one day the war will be over...

Right after you Met him, right after he touched you, you’d decided to stay the hell away from the Black Leader because if you didn’t you knew you won’t be able to resist the pull of those eyes. You’d swirl right into them like an X-wing tumbling into a black hole after being hit. Maker, you won’t even want to resist every time that dazzling smile lit you up from inside. You’d drown into him like a moth in flame – and you’d love it. So, as Dameron had given you a tour of the base, guiding you all the way through the hangars, mess hall, med bay, mechanic and repair sections and offices to your bunker, you’d pointedly kept your eyes trained forward, never meeting his even once. You’d tried the hardest not to lean into the heat radiating from his sturdy form right beside you – the bright orange fabric of his jumpsuit almost grazing against the bare skin of your arm, his woodsy smell caging you in, not to close your eyes for a second to immerse all your senses into the deep, slightly nasal timber of his voice. You responded with only a curt nod after he’d given you the pass code for your bunker and then handed you your datapad.

Dameron hadn’t thought much of it back then. Hadn’t really minded anything even. Being the commander he is well familiar with first time nerves and the fact that almost no recruit usually ends up in resistance completely unscathed. Nobody in their right mind would subscribe to a guaranteed possibility of death unless they’d been convinced enough by life, not so kindly that is, that there are things worth dying in a battle for. Bigger things, greater things. So he hadn’t thought much of your jittery behaviour as he nodded one last time with a smile before leaving you to yourself for the night, completely oblivious to the dread curling around your spine, turning your stomach – a dread that felt dangerously akin to intoxication. He’d left you alone, blissfully unaware of your resolve to stay as far away from him because with him in your vicinity, you won’t be able to function with an unclouded mind.

And you know now in your bones that you’d been right to make that decision back then, because even now swallowing the sharp pangs of hurt at his blatant disapproval of this current arrangement was proving to be difficult – if the sting behind your eyes and stone lodged in your throat were anything to go by. Even after you’ve gotten pretty much used to being at the receiving end of his stiff shoulders and ice cold indifference by now, it still hurts.

It hurts that he doesn’t know how his mere presence beside you is slowly turning your limbs into jelly. How that voice – even when cutting a new slash with its sharp edge every time he spoke – is clouding your head. What you won’t do to take that beautiful face in your hands and erase that firm thin line of his pressed lips with your own. Maybe then, then he will understand that you’ve never hated him at all. You couldn’t. And what hurts the most is that you can’t do any of that. Can’t say anything to him. Not now, not with a war looming above. Everything might be fair in love and war – or that’s what they say, but you’ve known firsthand how love in the middle of a war ends. And you’ll be damned if that happens to you. Again. So you bury the urge to smooth the angry lines between his brows with your fingers and stand uptight, looking straight at the General’s direction. One day, when the war is over – you hope – if I’m still there... One day.

“Someone has to balance your fire, Commander,” she raises her eyebrows at him, “She seems to hold her own really well against you, keep a level head.”

Leia walks around and past the conference table to cup his cheek in her palm. “I need to make sure someone keeps you in check, Poe,” her confession is tender, and it visibly strikes a chord within him because the angry lines of his jaws softens a bit, losing some of the sharp edges.

“I’ve done solo missions before,” he presses,”Quite successfully. You’ve never had anything against my methods in any other missions.”

“But this mission isn’t like that. Is it, Commander? It’s not just some recon or intel.”

It really isn’t. So far, there hasn’t been any formal declaration of war from either the First Order or the Resistance. But with the steady and certain fall of the New Republic the first order is getting more daring every day, starting to bare it’s teeth and claws. It still hasn’t really done anything that directly calls for war, but that’s only a matter of time at this point. Meanwhile, the planets and systems that have been neutral or resistance sympathizers are being raided by the imperial fleets for recruiting new people in the royal army – which basically translates to kidnapping children and imprisoning youths, and destroying everything and everyone that stands in the way. If that means complete wreckage of an entire village, or even an entire planet, so be it.

This time, the base has received an SOS beacon from a Rodian village, a strong ally that has been helping with manpower and supplies since the beginning of the rebellion. General Organa, bless her heart, couldn’t just sit around in good conscience and hence this rescue mission.

The plan is simple. Send the most efficient fighters, rescue the people and bring them into the base all the while engaging with the imperial fleet only when necessary. This is a mission of strictly defense and optimal outcome. The resistance couldn’t afford losing people unnecessarily.

But, since this mission is way more dangerous than the usual recons or supplies have been so far, and because there had been little to no time for preparation or strategy, the fighters have been teamed up in couples to watch each other’s sixes, – hence the current arrangement that has got Dameron seething. Under any other circumstances you would have understood, hell, you would have even agreed with him that you two are better off working separately but now... Now if you’re being honest you’re actually glad you got paired up with him because even if he probably won’t trust you with his life, you know you do. You know you’d go through hell and face the Maker and come back again if that’s what it took. Not that you’d ever tell him. When the war is over...

Poe finally gives in with a resigned sigh, and offers a general a very curt, professional nod before storming out of the room. Just as you turn to follow him, Leia calls you from behind, and you turn around.

“I’m trusting you with the face of the resistance, Captain,” if there’s a slight tremor in her voice, you don’t mention it, “Bring him back to me,” she swallows, “Bring Poe back.”

“I will, General,” you’ve never said anything with more conviction, and you have an inkling for the first time that she believes you. That she knows.

Maker, is it that obvious?

Next Chapter

[tropes-and-tales]

My Best Friend’s Girl:  Prologue

Characters:  Santiago “Pope” Garcia and F!Reader

WC:  1159

Other Pieces:  This is part of a series (eventually).

CW:  One instance of language

________________

Frankie “Catfish” Morales talks about you so much that Santiago “Pope” Garcia feels like he knows you before he even meets you.  You’re the girl next door, the girl back home.  The one who sends Frankie long letters, elaborate care packages that make the other guys groan in envy.  You’re the one that links Frankie to home, grounds him, and Pope can’t help but feel a little jealous.

When leave comes up, the boys decide to go to Frankie’s hometown – it’s close enough to base, and they really just want to relax and unwind and forget about the shadowy things they do for Uncle Sam.  Frankie, of course, can barely contain his excitement to introduce you to them.

“You guys are gonna love her,” he tells them.  “She’s just the best.”

And that’s when the problems start for Pope.

Keep reading

[tropes-and-tales]

Black Sun Squadron

Characters:  Poe Dameron and F!Reader (plus-sized)

WC:  10,617

Other Pieces:  This is a one-off piece.

CW:  Angst (oblique jokes about weight); smut (PiV, unprotected).  18+ only.

AN:  Requested by the lovely and patient @winchestershiresauce​ 🌻

Everyone wants to be a pilot.

In the social hierarchy of the Resistance, pilots rank the highest.  There’s a certain swagger about them, a magnetism that draws others into their orbit.  Perhaps it’s the fascination with being so close to death.  Each mission may be the last:  if a pilot dies in battle, they become immortalized as a hero.  If they return from battle victorious, they are toasted and feted as heroes.

Keep reading

[daydreamerinadazedworld]

Absolutely love this story ❤

[foxilayde]

Nine [Poe Dameron x fem!Reader]

Warnings: *looks you dead in the eyes* Bitch if you only knew how long this has been in my drafts. Nearly two thousand words of cunnilingus, piv, one tickle fight, alien alcohol consumption, mixed metaphors, and the projection of sexual/emotional desires onto the best pilot in the resistance 18+ ONLY.

Summary: Idiots in love. You’re the idiot, mainly. You happen to hear something quite salacious about your bestie. And oooh boy, are you awful at keeping your shit together.

Word Count: 15.7K 

There are some things you can’t unhear. Tidbits of information that just fuck your whole day up with the implications. Specific ideas or mental images, solicited or not, that take form in your brain and proceed to run through your mind like a fathier on a racetrack. Oh Maker, you wish you could unhear this conversation. Because you know, you know after hearing all that… you’ll never be able to look at Poe Dameron the same way again. At least not for a long, long time. 

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop. You really didn’t. You were in the stall peeing, minding your own business for Maker’s sake and they just happened to come in and have this conversation. This was on them, not on you. What were you supposed to do? Cover your ears and hum to yourself? Bolt out of the toilet without washing your hands? 

You were just having a normal, routine, piss in the cantina bathroom- spotchka going right through you, as per usual… and that’s when you heard them. Maker, you wish you’d never heard them. 

Voices coming from the sink area.

Keep reading

[batshitbimbo]

▬❝ crush? ❞

summary: one moment he was just some pilot and the next he was your Poe, ⟶ {Poe Dameron x f!reader}

warnings: minor alcohol consumption, injury mention

ONESHOT. 5782 WORDS

find more of my work here // masterlist !!! or get to know the author here :))

You weren’t quite sure when exactly it had happened but you did know that Poe Dameron was paying you more attention than ever before. One day you’d barely interacted with him and the next you seemed to be seeing him everywhere. 

As one of the resistance’s assistant strategists you didn’t officially have that much to do with Poe. The two of you had been in meetings together, you’d run a few errands for your superiors that had involved delivering something to him, once he’d come directly to you to ask your opinion on a plan he had, but aside from that your paths didn’t cross. And then they did. 

All of a sudden he was greeting you as he passed your office - somewhere so far away from anywhere he’d need to be it was ridiculous. Then he was bumping into you in the hallways with an ‘extra’ cup of coffee that just happened to be exactly how you liked it. And soon you were one of his friends. A feat you had nothing to do with and yet still managed to make a few of your peers jealous. It wasn’t as if you’d done anything, or at least nothing you could remember.

Sitting at the end of one of the long tables, you listened to a fellow strategist, Makaki, tell you about their nightmare bunkmate. “And I mean, she leaves her clothes everywhere. She might as well have been assigned my bunk too because her shit is always over it,” they complained.

“I swear, some people have no basic respect for others,” you agreed, “the first bunkmate I ever had thought it would be great to grow a kind of fast-growing sprout from Dagobah. We had to spray our room with toxins and quarantine for a week.”

“Y/N. Y/N!” Poe called from across the mess hall. You looked up to see the pilot strutting towards you. One of his arms was slung over Finn and had a very-full tray of food propped against his hip. They were upon you in a moment.

“Hey, guys. What can I do for you?” you asked, looking between the two of them.

Poe dropped his tray down next to yours and wormed his way onto the very end of the bench prompting you to scootch yourself and your own tray down a bit. You couldn’t tell if he simply didn’t notice his sudden takeover of your spot or simply didn’t care. Either way, it didn’t matter much because he was immediately into an enthusiastic ramble.

“Finn and I were just discussing whether droids are alive or not,” he said, turning a bit in his seat to face you, his knee moving to rest against yours under the table, “And since you’re a delightfully insightful person I thought you might help us out here. See, I say they are alive but he disagrees.”

Finn slid in next to Makaki across the table with a small ‘thanks’. Sharply contrasting Poe’s full immersion in the topic, he didn’t seem to care all that much. “They’ve been programmed and made by a person, I just don’t think that can be classed as alive,” he said, spooning a mouthful of stew into his face.

“We were all technically made and programmed. The only difference between us and droids is that our programming is genetic,” Poe continued, gesturing fervently, “You’re telling me that with all of his jokes and zest, you seriously don’t think BB-8 is alive?”

“It’s artificial intelligence,” Finn said, “I don’t doubt BB’s personality nor the fact that he has feelings, but that doesn’t make him alive like we are.”

Poe grit his teeth, shaking his head lightly as he looked at Finn incredulously. “Doesn’t it? Define alive, hmm?” He turns to you. “C’mon, you agree with me, right, Y/N?”

“Well, uh, I don’t know,” you admitted, pushing around the beans on your plate with your fork, “I don’t know if alive is the right word but I think some droids are beyond artificial intelligence. The emotional connections droids form with people doesn’t exactly fit that term, don’t you think?”

“Exactly! Thank you!” Poe exclaims, slapping a hand on your shoulder, “Someone of intelligence.” 

“Have you asked BB-8 what he thinks yet?” You asked.

“Not yet,” Poe said. He reached for his water and took a sip before continuing. “I don’t wanna hurt his feelings.” You laughed. Of course he didn’t. If there was anything that would remain indisputable about Poe it was his adoration of that little astromech unit. 

“What were you two talking about anyway?’ he asked, “Any fresh base gossip?”

“Just shitty bunkmates,” Makaki said with a shrug. They didn’t seem particularly phased by the sudden invasion of your conversation.

“Hmm, I feel that,” Finn said, his tray already half-empty, “I haven’t been here that long and I’ve already gone through about three.”

“Well, maybe you’re the shitty bunkmate in the equation,” Poe suggested, buttering his roll and ripping a hunk off with his teeth, “Ever thought of that?”

“You’re only saying that ‘cause I got rid of you in a week,” Finn replied.

“Oh. Oh, am I just? Well for your information I was at my breaking point with you too.”

Finn snorted. “The problem with that one is that he needs constant attention,” he said to you and Makaki.

Poe rolled his eyes and took another sip of his drink. “Whatever you say, Finn, whatever you say.”

“Hey, you can’t be any worse than the guy I had that would sit and watch me work. No talking, no movement, just sitting there. That was just creepy,” you said, shivering as you remembered.

“Everyone’s got their thing, right?” Makaki joked.

“What’s your thing then, Y/N?” Poe inquired, “Your red flag, per say.”

You had to think about that for a moment. 

“I like to stay up late. Reading, working, anything really. I do my best to keep light as minimal as possible of course but there’s always something on so I can see. Haven’t had any direct complaints yet but I figure it’s gotta be a little annoying.”

Poe nodded slightly, full attention on you. “Interesting,” he remarked plainly.

“Is it?" you asked, chuckling awkwardly.

You noticed he often did things like that, including you in what felt like mostly meaningless discussions or going out of his way to have a conversation with you. He never did it alone though you realised. He might invite himself into your space, or the opposite, but he’d always bring Finn or Rey or even C3-PO once. 

You began to pick up on the little things about him. How he hated maintaining the paint on his ship despite his love for keeping her in tip-top shape. How he would much rather be in a freezing wet forest than a boiling desert. You could tell he was doing the same and no matter how dull or mundane you thought a detail about your life was he acted as though it was fascinating. You couldn’t tell if you should be flattered or if all of that going in circles in his X-Wing had done something to his brain.

It wasn’t that you had a problem with this new friendship, Poe was a total babe, but some part of you couldn’t help but doubt the sincerity of it. He had such a wondrous presence that you felt almost undeserving of it. Everyone was drawn to Poe, he was utterly magnetic and yet you weren’t sure you’d ever gone out of your way to have a conversation with him. There was no need to since he kept appearing around you though.

It was reasonably late one evening when you finished your day’s tasks and decided to get some supper. After picking up a Corellian pear along with a knife to cut it with, and a bottle of water you turned to the mostly empty mess hall. You would’ve just gone back to your room but the sight of an uncharacteristically tired looking commander caught your eye. One of about ten people in the room, Poe sat at the table furthest away from the food stations. He had a bowl of stew or soup or something in front of him and was engrossed in reading the book he had propped up in his hand.

You hesitated for a moment before heading towards him. It wasn’t until you were stepping into the seat opposite him that he noticed you.

“Hey,” you said with a small smile.

“Hi,” he replied.

“Oh, no you don’t have to stop,” you said as he went to put the bookmark in his book, “I just thought it'd be better to come sit with you than be alone in my quarters.”

He moved the book aside anyway and picked up his spoon again. “Wow, I’m honoured,” he teased. If he’d looked drained from afar, he looked positively exhausted up close. His whole demeanour was subdued and the energy he gave off was diluted. 

“As you should be,” you joked, cutting a slice off the pear and holding it up to your lips, “Long day?”

He sighed with his entire body, the light chuckle following unable to disguise his fatigue. “The longest. Black Squadron and I were doing general maintenance to get ready for the scouting mission when Sammant’s blaster cannon malfunctioned and boom.” He mimed an explosion and made a little phoosf noise. 

“Ah shit,” you said sympathetically, “Is everyone okay?”

“Sammant took the brunt of it. He and Dev are in med with first degree burns. They’ll be fine by the time we’re set to leave next week but y’know.” He had a spoonful of soup before asking, “Why don’t you tell me about your day?”

“Not much to say,” you admitted, “We looked over all of the latest known movements of the First Order to try and figure out their next moves, just seems like they’re still trying to get more corrupt governing bodies on their side.”

“They having much luck?”

“Do you really wanna know?” you asked. 

“Not really, no,” he said honestly. 

A healthy pause in conversation fell between the two of you as he continued to eat his soup - the occasional slurp making you smile - and you slowly whittled away at your pear, the soft crunching of you chewing keeping silence from settling. It was nice; sitting there with him. There was no pressure. It made for a nice change from the regular urgency of your lives. 

Once you’d finished eating you reached for your water. You frowned, struggling to twist off the cap. Before you could try again Poe wordlessly reached across the table and took it from you. He unscrewed it with ease, returned it, and went right back to eating. After uttering a soft ‘thank you’, you couldn’t help but stare at him as you took a sip of your water. 

When he looked up again, you noticed how his Adam's apple bobbed when he locked eyes with you. It made your stomach twist.

“It’s never just us is it,” you began, “Alone, I mean. We’re always around other people.”

“Yeah,” he said thoughtfully, “I hadn’t really thought about it before.” He didn’t ever look away, not even as he stirred the last bit of his soup lazily.

“Yeah, I just… thought that was interesting.” Your throat felt tight and you knew you were gripping your water too firmly. Something about the way he held your gaze made you feel small.

“‘You saying you’d like us to be alone more?” His tone toed the line between a playful jest and a hopeful question. 

“No,” you replied quickly, “Well, not ‘no’. It’s just- it was an observation.”

“Okay.” He shrugged, seemingly content with your answer, and went back to eating his soup. 

Apart from that night you hadn’t spent any more time alone together and you found yourself a little disappointed. You still saw him everyday he was on-planet. That brief moment of utter exhaustion you’d found him in hadn't been repeated which you were glad for. 

However, from that moment on there was a tiny shift in your friendship, nothing you could point out or name but it had changed. Poe was softer. Not in the way he spoke or how he acted or anything like that. No, it was his eyes. Something was different in how he looked at you. You didn't know how else to describe it other than intimate. It made you feel a bit warm.

A couple of months had passed when you found yourself in the thick of a local celebration. Sensing how low overall base morale had been recently, General Organa had authorised a trip for any interested to the closest city where a lights festival was being held.

You pushed your way through the crowds towards the bar Rey had told you she’d be at. Above the throng of heads, you spotted the brilliant neon sign, “Baipipe’s Best”. Entering the establishment you were pleasantly surprised to see it emptier than expected. There were a few empty stools at the bar as well as a few empty tables. 

It didn’t take you long to find the people you were looking for. In the far corner of the room you saw they’d pulled a few of the square tables together by a long booth seat to fit everyone. From a distance the sight of them made you grin, eleven of your closest friends and coworkers crowding together laughing and having a good time. You couldn’t recall the last time you’d seen them all so happy.

After getting a drink from the bar you walked over. Rey, Finn, Makaki, and three guys from the Black Squadron, Lin, Kray and Adan, sat in chairs with their backs to you while another strategist, Annlos, sat beside Dev, Sammant, a relatively new member of the resistance, Vexdall, and finally Poe at the booth. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Annlos greeted, prompting the rest of the group to see you and call out a mix of ‘hello’ ‘hi’ and ‘sup’ with a noticeably last, “hey” from Poe. 

With his arms resting across the back of the booth, legs stretching out beneath the table, he looked… lean. When you’d first walked in it had been nice to see everyone in their preferred clothes but up close your stomach felt like lead at the sight of Poe’s rolled up sleeves and very open collar. Not to mention the chain and ring around his neck was visible for once.

“Sit here,” Poe said as he watched you reach for a nearby chair. He shuffled down a bit, opening up space for you. It wasn’t as if you could refuse so you gave him a small smile before plopping down beside him. He’d taken it off when he’d moved down, but once you were seated he replaced his arm on the back of the seat so that it was behind you. He turned his head to look at you. “Hey,” he said as you sipped your drink, “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” you said, not quite understanding how a simple tank top and pants looked nice, “Your hair looks good.”

“Thank you,” he replied with a grin, “I washed it.” You laughed, shifting to get more comfortable and unintentionally getting closer to him.

“Y/N, did you see the fireworks earlier?” Adan, asked from across the table. The two of you shared a homeworld, Chandrila, so despite your lack of common ground elsewhere you had a sense of understanding for one another.

“Yeah, they were really beautiful,” you replied, “Did you see the one that looked like an opee sea killer?”

“An opee what now?” Poe asked before Adan could reply. 

“It’s a giant fish on Naboo,” Adan explained, “Y/N and I saw one once.”

“They’re terrifying,” you added, shivering at the memory.

“You guys went to Naboo together?” Poe asked, looking at you with a slight frown.

You hummed in confirmation. “Yeah. A couple of years ago. One of my only non-strategist missions,” you said, “There was an ex-imperial Chandrilan informant there and General Organa figured she’d respond better to people from her homeworld. Which she did, thank the Maker.”

“Wow. Look at you being more than a nerd,” Poe said, putting his hand on your shoulder and squeezing playful, “Then again who wouldn’t listen to you, hmm?”

He didn’t move his hand when the conversation shifted to everyone’s favourite planet, and at some point during Dev’s speel on why Coruscant wasn’t just a polluted shithole, Poe started to trace small circles onto your bare shoulder. You were having trouble focusing on what anyone was saying. You chalked up the blossoming warmth in your throat to be the effects of the drink you’d just finished.

“Okay, okay!” Makaki said, the volume of their tone telling you they’d had a few drinks already, “When this is all over, when the First Order is just a name, what is everyone gonna do?”

“I think I’d like to travel for a long time,” Finn said, “Just going from place to place. Experiencing everything.” Rey hummed in agreement beside him.

“I’d like to be a famous performer,” Vexdall said, surprising all of you. He didn’t add anything else nor specify what kind of performer but it was nice to think about. 

Poe sat up straighter in his seat as he answered, “I’m gonna retire as a legendary war-hero, settle down, become some small town’s big name.”

“BB-8 coming with you?” you asked, grinning.

“Of course. What kind of life would it be without him?” he said like it wasn’t even an option to not have the droid around, “What are you gonna do, hmm, sweetheart?”

“Well, I uh…” You’d had an answer but the pet name momentarily stumped you. Blinking a couple of times, you regained your composure. “I always figured I’d get away from it all, help people on a smaller scale. Maybe be a teacher or something.”

“You should come to my little town,” Poe suggested, stroking the top of your shoulder with his thumb, “I’ll use the impressive wealth I’ll have amassed via my heroism to build you a little school.” The way he grinned at you made your stomach flutter. Maker, every single thing he had said to you tonight had made you feel a tad lightheaded. It wasn’t like he was doing anything different. Sure, he was a little more physically affectionate and when he talked to you his eyes seemed to deepen and he’d just invited you to share in his future but that wasn’t anything.

“Should we go and watch the rest of the light show before heading back?” Adan suggested.

“Sure,” you said, “I’ll probably get separated from the group given how big the crowds are though.”

“You can hold my hand if you like,” Poe said, his whole head turned sideways, looking at you with dark eyes. You swore you could’ve drowned in them.

“Okay.” You felt like a little mouse with how quiet that’d been.

The rest of the night blew by, the remainder of the light show shaping up to be one of the top ten most beautiful things you’d ever seen. Even though the crowds had grown since you’d last been in the mix, you faced no threat of getting lost which was nice but also meant you hadn’t taken up Poe on his offer. Despite that, he still stayed fixed to your side the entire time your jaw was hanging open as you took in the spectacle. You pulled your eyes away from the sky a few times to look at him. Watching the lights reflected in his dark irises was almost more beautiful than the real thing. 

It was the experience of a lifetime.

A few weeks passed by and you were busier than ever before. The sheer amount of stuff going on had you performing yours and others’ duties to keep the base functional. You’d barely had a minute for yourself let alone any to spare for your friends and it was getting to you. You felt a bit lonely.

It was nearly eleven at night as you sat at your desk. Your bunkmate was off-planet for a while so you didn’t have to feel too badly about still being awake. With about a third of a pile of paperwork left you figured you’d only be there another hour or so. It would be so easy to turn off your light and just crawl into bed but if you didn’t finish everything tonight you’d be stupidly behind tomorrow. Pulling the next piece of First Order transmission over, you felt that your brain was going to melt the moment you tried to decode it. 

A light knock at your door made you turn. You weren’t quite sure if you were just imagining a distraction or not so you stared at it for a moment longer. A second knock. Now that it was real you got up and hit the button on the wall to open it. 

Poe leant against your doorframe and grinned when he saw you standing there. You should’ve frowned at him being up this late but the desperate lack of interaction you’d had recently made you forget that.

“What can I do for you, Commander?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“Just came to say hi. Can I come in?”

You stepped to the side and he wasted no time moving in past you. Hitting the button again, the door slid closed after you.

“Why the hell are you working?” he asked, standing over your desk as you fell back into your chair, “It’s late. You should be asleep.”

“I could say the same for you,” you replied, “and you wouldn’t have popped in if you didn’t think I’d be awake.”

“Wouldn’t I have?” he said cheekily, moving to sit on your bunk behind you, “Maybe I stopped by hoping to catch you fresh from sleep.”

You snorted. “Oh, sure. What reason would you do that for, though?”

“I figure you gotta be extra cute just after waking up,” he said thoughtfully. You had to fight the urge to whip around and look at him as goosebumps popped up across your skin. “I’ll have to test that hypothesis another time.”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, thankful you weren’t facing him so he couldn’t see how flustered you were.

“What are you working on anyway?” You heard him climb out of the bunk and grab the second chair in the room to pull up near you. 

“Decoding.” Turning, you found him behind you to the left peering over your shoulder. 

He frowned lightly. “Since when do strategists decode? Don’t we have decoders for that?” he asked, reaching out to look at the paper in front of you. You watched as his eyes flitted across it, the curve in his brows steepening as he went. 

“Yeah, but most of them are in med. They all got food poisoning.”

He grimaced. Dropping the paper back to your desk he shifted his attention to your face. “You shouldn’t be working this late.” It wasn’t a disapproving remark from a friend so much as an order from a commander. 

“If I don’t finish this tonight I’ll be up even later tomorrow.”

“This is too much work for one person,” he said, putting a hand on your arm. Maker, every time he did that you wanted to fold into him completely. 

“I know.” It came out a whisper. When he’d said it aloud you couldn’t escape how exhausted you were. This moment reminded you a little of that time you’d found him sitting alone.

“Take a break with me,” he said, caressing your arm with his knuckles. Staring into his eyes, you softened.

Oh, Maker, those eyes. Everything in them made you ache for something you couldn’t name. There was a beautiful sincerity in his eyes that told you to trust him and part of you feared you’d jump off a cliff if he asked you to with those eyes.

“I can’t,” you said, hating yourself for it, “If I do, I’ll just go right to sleep.”

“I see no problem with that.”

“Why'd you come see me?” you asked.

“I miss you.”

“Really?” you said, chuckling lightly in disbelief, not quite willing to comprehend the gravity of that confession.

“Yeah,” he said. Gripping the edge of his chair, he scooted closer to you. “Do you miss me?” The eagerness and anticipation in him were clear.

You turned your whole body towards him, slotting one of your knees between his. He gave off the energy of a man teetering on a precipice without any fear of falling. Something about that scared you.

“‘Course I did,” you said, “These last few weeks without you have been incredibly dull.”

“Is it wrong of me to be happy that someone else isn’t spicing things up for you?” he asked, a grin twisting onto his face as he grabbed your knee playfully.

You swatted him softly in the chest with the back of your hand. “A bit, yeah. You wouldn’t be happy for me if there was?” you asked.

“I’m far too selfish for that,” he said, shaking his head, “I’d probably sulk for a while. Maybe even throw a tantrum.” You put a hand to your chest in fake gratitude. He leaned forward in his seat. If he got any closer you’d go cross-eyed looking him in the eyes. 

“Guess I’m stuck with you,” you breathed, trust in your ability to speak wavering.

“Only if you want to be,” he said. 

With gentleness beyond your imagination he reached up and cupped your face. It was slow and careful and clearly gave you time to pull away if you weren’t comfortable. You didn’t move. 

Caressing your cheekbones with his thumbs, Poe tipped your head up ever so slightly. His eyes flitted downwards to your lips for a moment. Your heart might’ve stopped then and there and you’d have been none the wiser.

And then he leaned in and kissed you and your entire life flashed before your eyes.

What in the galaxy could you have done to earn this moment? His lips were tender and sweet and practised. The way he cupped your face made you feel like the most adored being in the galaxy. He seemed to be holding you like letting go would mean losing you forever. You could taste the slight greed on his lips as he kissed you and behind the softness of him you could feel how he wanted to envelope you so completely. He was terrifyingly all-in. 

At first you couldn’t think to kiss back. Too drunk on this new feeling to register you were just sitting there, eyes shut. When Poe started to pull back you realised that he probably thought you weren’t into it and the sudden, overwhelming desperation to not part from him took over and you moved forward and kissed back with as much affection as you could muster. His shoulders dropped some of their tension at your participation.

You grasped at his collar. In the time you’d known him, Poe had always been up close and personal, a knee brushing yours, a hand on your arm. But now, with him closer than even it wasn’t close enough. You wanted to be suffocated by him - smothered. Perhaps he was psychic because he dropped a hand from your face and pulled you into his lap. Rather awkwardly that being said, one thick palm under your thigh, he dragged you forward clumsily off your chair so you were straddling him in his.

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” he breathed into your lips, snaking his arm around your waist to hold you flush to his chest. Had you not been focused on how warm and comforting he was, you would’ve understood the depth of his words.

“Uh huh,” you mumbled unthinkingly, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck, every bit of distance between the two of you a sin. You could feel him smile into your lips as you scratched your nails into his hair. He was wonderfully present holding you like this, fully invested, fully immersed in you.

Being loved by Poe was like being loved by the very stars themselves. He was a miracle and to be held by him was to be blessed. In the vastness of the galaxy and the millions of wondrous things you’d witnessed there was something so fulfilling about this moment.

“You're so pretty,” he began in a breath between the heavy kisses he was pulling from your lips, voice delightfully hoarse, "’I ever tell you how pretty you are?”

“No," you mumbled into him. Threading your fingers into his hair, you eagerly swallowed the sigh he released.

"Well you are." He started to trace circles into your back, the familiar circles you'd spent more than one night thinking about. "You're fucking stunning."

Till now you hadn't realised just what you'd been missing in your life but being worshipped by Poe Dameron made you keenly aware as it filled that gap in your soul. "You're gorgeous, Poe," you whispered, speaking quickly so as to do so without ceasing to kiss him, "Every single piece of you."

He melted in your arms a bit. "You're never getting rid of me now." It was so soft and sigh-like, his voice perfectly illustrating how sincere he was.

Another kiss. "Good."

If it had been late at night when you'd first heard him knock it you figured it might be early morning when the kiss finally cooled. You were sitting in his lap, faces apart, staring down into his eyes, playing with his hair as he held your hips in each palm. You'd never noticed them before but looking at them now, the slight creases in the corners of his eyes - smile wrinkles you'd determined - made you feel all warm and fluttery. There was so much detail to him that you were delighted to discover, a smouldering curiosity with no urgency to it. It settled in you that you'd have more moments like this now, that you had all the time in the world to notice everything about him.

"You should go to bed," he said, gazing up at you like one would look at a natural wonder. The ache of exhaustion in your bones hadn't left but with Poe holding you like this it felt less heavy.

"Probably," you replied, "that would require getting up though, and I'm perfectly happy where I am."

His chuckle made you smile. "Not necessarily."

You felt him shift beneath you slightly before his hands moved to the underside of your thighs and he lifted you with him as he got to his feet. With your limbs wrapped around him and him supporting your weight, he kissed you again. This one wasn't anything more than a peck but it felt like a promise.

Turning carefully, he moved to lower you into your bunk - ducking to not bump his head.

"There we go," he said softly once you were safely on top of your covers, head resting on the pillow. He reached up and brushed a hand across your cheek. "All safe and sound." He pressed a kiss to your forehead.

He started to pull back, unhooking his arms from you as your legs dropped from him. 

"Aren't you staying?" you asked, suddenly distressed by the fact he was intending to leave you in your cold bed, robbed of his warmth.

"Do you want me to?" he asked, vaguely surprised by the question.

"Yes." It may well have been the easiest 'yes' of your life. There was no decision to make, it was just what was happening.

He seemed to consider your expression for a long moment before replying, "Okay." You hummed at his agreement. "Lemme take my boots off first, baby."

You supposed when he called you that you could allow him to remove his shoes. He did move out of your grip which made you grumble a little. Moving your legs to make room, he perched on the edge of the bunk and pulled his shoes off. He shed his jacket and belt as well.

And then he was crawling back into your welcoming arms. "You sure this is alright?" he asked, hovering over you, propped up by the elbows, "I don't wanna be here unless you want me to be."

"More than alright." Running your hands up and down his arms, you willed him to relax atop you. And he did, and it was bliss. He was heavy, heavy enough that you had to slightly reconfigure your breathing but as he wrapped his arms around you, his face pressed into your neck you felt more at peace than ever. The weight of him was delicious, you decided. You held true about wanting to be smothered by him. Never before had you felt so desired in such an intimate way.

"Just to be clear," he said, lifting his head up to rub his nose against your cheek before kissing it, "you're into me too, right?"

You felt a little bad but you couldn't help but laugh. "Yes. Very."

He hummed low in his throat and you shivered slightly. "Are you saying you have a crush on me, baby? Is that what you're saying?" he teased.

"Yeah. I'm down bad," you said, moving your hands up and under his shirt so your palm was flat on his warm back. You suddenly recalled the word that he'd uttered against your lips earlier and you seized up a little. 

"Are you really in love with me?" you whispered. 

The silence that followed your question was haunting.

"Yeah," he replied finally, all of the light teasing replaced by truth, "is that okay?"

It was your turn to be silent. "Yeah," you whispered, "I think I might be in love with you too but I haven't thought enough about it to be sure."

"That's okay," he said with a small smile. Every square inch of you ached for him and you weren’t sure you’d ever recover from how tender he was. You had him in your arms and would undoubtedly have him there again but you felt that every moment from now until you died that you did not have him near, you would miss him. You’d never really been selfish or greedy before but with one taste of Poe Dameron you feared you might become quite unbearably depraved. 

"Good night, Poe,” you said, wrapping your arms around him a little tighter as you kissed his forehead. He snuggled in a bit more, sighed into your neck and pressed a kiss to your jaw.

“Sleep well, sweetheart.”

⭑ ⟵ ★ ⟶ ⭑

a/n: I was highkey blushing as I wrote this, this man is just hhhhhhhhhh, i love him I LOVE HIM - this was originally meant to be some headcanons and then just a lil drabble and then a small oneshot and now it's the longest solo piece I've ever written.

if you have any ideas, suggestions, or comments please comment on this post, dm me or drop your thoughts in my inbox! i'd love to talk to you :))

[daydreamerinadazedworld]

Love me a good Poe story 🧡

[geeky-politics-46]

Deserve Better

Smut/Explicit content - 18+ only!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Another blow to your confidence tips you over the edge when a guy ditches you. Bucky is determined to show you that you derserve so much better.

Warnings: Smut (NSFW) - 18+ ONLY - oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, dirty talk, pet names, language, alcohol use, negative self image, general filth

More of this story than I would like to admit is based on real experience, at least all the crappy stuff. Alcohol was involved while writing. I suck at spelling & grammar but correct things as I find them. Hope you enjoy the results of my shitty evening.

Well this felt really pathetic. If you started crying could this count as a temper tantrum not a breakdown? You didn't really get stood up or dumped. Your friends with benefits bailed on you... Again.

You weren't mad. He had given you good reasons. Granted you had no idea if they were true or not, but if they were they were reasons you would have cited too.

You were diaappointed though. You had pretty much given up on dating, it seemed the only guys who were ever interested were nut jobs or people you would have to be paid to touch, & you didn't do one night stands. They just didn't feel safe. So this had been your last chance to get laid for a few months. You had also passed up the chance to go to a Rangers game to meet up with your FWB.

You sat waiting for your to-go order running through the options in your head, quickly realizing your best option was once again your vibrator. You inwardly sighed as you threw down the rest of your gin & tonic way too fast. You realized you were actually sick of fucking yourself, the thought of another night with your own hand & even your favorite toy made you groan, & not in a good way.

The waiter dropped your bag next to you & you paid for your drink. You tipped an extra dollar since he was nice enough to ignore that you probably looked like you were about to cry when you had ordered it.

As you were pulling a couple ones out of your wallet a cute-ish seeming guy came in by himself. Clearly from out of town with a slight European accent. You figured what the hell? & said hi pulling out your flirty yet coy smile. He totally ignored you.

Well that was close enough to 3 strikes you're out. You tilted your glass as far back as you could, hoping for even the tiniest amount of gin, & grabbed you bag of food. You headed back to the tower with your tail tucked between your legs, pity tears pickling at your eyes, & your new lingerie you had bought just because feeling like it was an irritant on your skin.

At least it was windy. You could play off the stray tear as being caused by that or picking at your mascara. Your only stop was a drugstore where you grabbed a bottle of wine.

As you stepped into the elevator you opened the twist top on the glass bottle & let the first couple real tears fall. All your life you had never felt good enough, pretty enough. You were never anyone's first choice. Now you weren't even good enough to just screw & leave.

You didn't think you were asking a lot, you really didn't care if this ever became anything beyond sex. But for the first time in your life, at nearly 32, you were finally having good sex. The thought of going another 4 years, your longest dry spell, untouched made you want to throw yourself off the roof.

Thank God the elevator doors opened & pulled you from your own destructive thoughts. There was no one in the living room or the kitchen & it was basically silent, because of course it was. It was a Friday night & everyone had their own things to do. So you wandered into the kitchen grabbed a fork from the utensil drawer & the new pack of AA batteries from the junk drawer.

Sinking into the couch you displayed your sad little picnic on the coffee table in front of you. Burger & fries, screw top wine bottle already part way empty, & batteries that were now your date for the night. You collapsed forward onto your own thighs letting your arms wirelessly drape over so your knuckles brushed the floor & sighed in complete defeat before muttering a "just kill me" into your leggings.

Sure you wanted a relationship, not necessarily with your FWB, but you were also very aware that beggers can't be choosers. You were a begger & you always had been, which is why you were where you were now. Horny, a little drunk, & on the verge of tears.

"But what if I kinda like having you around?" A deep but light hearted voice answered you softly from the hallway. Clearly trying not to startle you. Ending his statement with a chuckle, seemingly to apologize for eavesdropping.

With a groan you lifted your upper body back up to a seated position before flopping back into back of the couch. Looking up at the man who had spoke you felt your heart lift slightly. You should have guessed Bucky would be there. He wssn't a big fan of going out on the weekends, there were too many people out.

He cautiously moved forward, not 100% sure if he was welcome or not. You noticed his hesitancy & moved a few inches to your right signalling it was fine to join you. To reinforce your comfort with him joining you you told him "sorry Buck, if I knew you were here I would have gotten you food, but you can have mine if you want. I'm not that hungry anymore. Just don't touch my wine."

You forced a small laugh past your lips & tried not to come off too sad. As he sat down next to you, Bucky wasn't buying it. He could see the pain in your eyes. He wanted you to tell him what was wrong. He wanted you to tell him everything.

He knew you had plans tonight with that guy, the one that he really didn't like, but now you were here with tears in your eyes. He wanted to punch him for putting that look on your face. You had told Bucky you had no intention of getting serious with this guy, that you were friends from forever ago, that it just made you feel good someone was actually interested in you that way. You said you were so sick of dating & heartbreak, you just wanted to have fun. Well you didn't look like you were having much fun, & it didn't look like you felt particularly good. That tore him up inside.

You curled your legs up underneath you & pulled the blanket off the back of the couch onto your shoulders. You tried to ignore the way Bucky kept glancing at you as he picked at the fries. Every couple minutes he would hold one out to you & you would accept it. Eventually you softened enough that you finally said with a little bit of a shaky breath "he bailed on me at the last minute, again."

All Bucky could do was nod in understanding & turn to look at you. You were still staring at your hands, tears sparkling at the corners of your eyes. Finally letting them fall as you spoke again.

"I'm now consistently getting blown off by my friend with benefits. I can't even keep a guy interested when the only thing I'm asking him for is sex. How pathetic is that? I'm not even good enough to just be a regular fuck buddy for someone I guess."

You choked back a small sob. It wasn't about that particular guy, it was about all of them. How they had all beaten you down & made you feel worthless.

You had confided in Bucky one night after a particularly terrible date how you hadn't even gone on a date until college. That you had spent so much time watching all the other girls in high school get asked on dates, go to dances, & fall in love. While you were left to wonder what was so wrong with you. It's a wonder you had managed to lose your virginity at 19. Especially considering only one other guy had even so much as kissed you before that.

You had spent all your life being the girl who felt passed over, so when the opportunity of having a friend with benefits opened up you jumped at it. Not that you were overly attracted to the guy, which in a sex only relationship was a good thing, but you felt desired & that felt great. It was also the best sex, & really the only good sex, you'd ever had. So you put up with all the little inequalities & things.

Bucky wanted to grab you & hold you. Tell you how much time he spent thinking about you. Wanting you. How you deserved so much more. How he wanted to spend the rest of his life trying to give that to you.

The straw the finally broke the camel's back was when you stood up to go to your room. The wine bottle now mostly empty but most of the food still untouched. You shrugged off the blanket as you got up & started to wiggle your shoulders & reach back behind you with Bucky watching on in confusion.

"You wanna know the really pathetic thing? If it weren't for the fact that he's the only guy who's ever made me cum I don't think I'd put up with it... Or spend the money. There's $75 I'm never gonna see again." You chuckled in absurdity as you pulled your bra out through your sleeve & let the metallic maroon lace dangle from your fingers.

You said goodnight & shuffled away to your room dragging the see through bra behind you, leaving Bucky a jumble of emotions. On one hand he genuinely cared for you. In truth he was head over heels for you, & he didn't want to leave you feeling so down on yourself. You were kind, & smart, & funny, & my god you were so sexy.

He was also furious that not only had all these other guys treated you so badly, apparently they couldn't even mange to please you either. You were overdo probably at least a couple thousand orgasms & Bucky would happily give his right arm to be the one to remedy that.

Between your admission that none of your worthless ex's could make you cum & pulling your bra off like some dirty magic trick Bucky was also now really turned on. He didn't want to seem like he was taking advantage of you, especially since he really wanted you to be his girl, but he wanted you so bad right now. He looked at the table trying to formulate what to do.

The batteries. You had probably meant to take them with you. He could bring them to you. Although if his plan didn't work & he had to listen to you play with yourself with that fucking toy tonight thru the wall he might just explode. His hand lingered over the packet, it was now or never.

Before he could second guess himself he snatched the packet & quickly walked down the hall to your door. Knocking on the door before his brain could register the sound of the shower from the other side. He cringed as he heard you sniffle fumbling toward the door, cursing as you tripped over something before opening it

"Sorry for interrupting. You... You forgot these." He extended his vibranium hand & you noticed the batteries. Truth be told you had forgotten about them completely. You had been wrapped up in thinking about the man that now stood in front of you. You adored Bucky, but you didn't want to jeopardize your friendship when you were sure he didn't feel the same way. Secretly you dreamed of him whisking you off your feet like your very own Prince Charming, but you wouldn't take the risk of losing him completely. 

Now here you were, with your dream guy standing at your door. In your grungy sweatshirt, fancy new very tiny lace panties, & mascara tinted tears on your face. You moved back from the door & sat on the edge of your bed pulling your hands into your sleeves & staring at your fingers. You let the dark thoughts take over.

"Thanks you can just throw them on my nightstand. Umm.... Can I ask you a question Buck? As a guy... What's wrong with me? Why am I so unwantable? What makes me so unsexy? It's not even about him, I just..."

You finally broke. Dissolving into sobs completely forgetting the shower running. You held one hand to your face, trying to hide, & wrapped your other right around your waist.

Bucky's heart shattered & he scrambled into the room shutting the door behind him. Dropping to kneel in front of you, sliding your legs apart to slot himself between them without even thinking. He grabbed your hands away from your body & cradled your face in his hands. Quietly shushing you & kissing the tears away from your cheeks. Trying his best to soothe & calm you.

"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me sweetheart. There is not a god damn thing wrong with you, y/n. It's all those fucking guys that have something wrong with them. Okay? I wish I knew what to tell you to make you believe this, but you are so fucking sexy & incredible. Any guy that doesn't spend every moment of everyday wanting you is insane or stupid. I can't stand to hear you talk like this, watch you feel like this. I wish you could see what I see."

He pulled you flush to his chest & let you wrap your arms tight around his neck, fingernails digging into his shoulders. He let you heave & squeak out a few more sobs into his neck, complete with several hiccups & hurried anxious breaths. He rocked you side to side, gently kissed your head, & tried to hold back his own tears. His heart ached for you, to love you, & he had let you down by even letting you feel this way in the first place.

Your breathing slowly leveled out & your arms released their death grip. Bucky let you pull back from his chest & pressed his forehead to your's. Your eyes puffy & your cheeks red. He had to tell you how he loved you. He had to show you how amazing & beautiful you were. Hopefully you would let him. Even if it was only for the night, he was determined to make you feel like the goddess you were to him.

Your soft sniffles continued & your eyes were still closed, but the tears had now subsided. He let his hands slide from your waist to the outside of your thighs rubbing his thumbs up & down against your soft skin. He suddenly became aware that he was on his knees between your bare legs, a place he thought he would only dream of ever getting to be. He started to speak & he knew there was no stopping.

"Listen I know that you are in a bad frame of mind right now, & I need you to know that I would never take advantage of you. If you tell me to leave I will. Just say the word. But... I want you to know that I mean every word okay? You are the sexiest woman in the world & you drive me absolutely insane. You have no idea how bad I want you. All you have to do is smile at me & I turn to goo. You can be dressed up or in this ratty sweatshirt & all I want to do is take you to bed & worship you. When you pulled that trick with your bra out there, oh my god, I nearly passed out with how fast my blood left my brain."

That statement made you giggle. It was only then that you realized you were holding your breath. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. This couldn't be happening. It was too perfect. You let your hands rest on the back of his neck & play with his short chestnut brown hair. The muscles of your stomach clenched & your heart jumped when his fingertips pressed into your hips just below the thin waistband of your panties.

Your eyes had opened at some point during his confession & you were now staring deep into his gentle blue eyes. You bit your bottom lip as you gazed at him looking for any hint of hesitation or lies. You found none.

You moved your face just a little bit closer to his & began to pull his body into you. "Yes please Bucky. Make love to me."

"It's not just physically either. I mean you are fucking gorgeous but God I love all of you so much, y/n. Your sense of humor, the way you think, the way you get along with everyone. I can't believe I'm actually telling you this, but I love you & I have loved you for so long. It has killed me watching you be with all those idiots. The fact that they made you feel this way, & didn't even put your pleasure first, makes me want to rip them limb from limb. You deserve so much better than them, you deserve so much better than me. You deserve the entire fucking universe at your feet. Right now I don't care if I'm making the biggest mistake ever & if you never want to even look at me after this, but please even just for the night, let me show you how much I love you & how incredible you are. Please just let me make love to you. Let me make you feel good. Let me try to give you what you deserve."

"Please y/n, just say something. You're killing me here." He pleaded, trying to steal his feelings. Now fearing the worst.

Your mouths finally met in a soft but passionate kiss. His plump lips running over yours slowly caressing your skin. His tongue slow slid against your bottom lip asking to deepen the kiss, to let him in. You quickly obliged & he began to massage your tongue with his.

As you pulled apart you both panted out of breath. Pressing light kisses on each other & nuzzling your faces together it was your turn to confess.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. I love you too Buck. I just thought there was no way you could love me."

He moved his hands to grip your ass & yanked you forward on the mattress. Groaning as he felt your bare ass cheeks separate by the delicate lace g-string. "I'm gonna spend all night showing you how much I love you, y/n. I'm gonna make you cum so many times you will forget anyone else exists."

He smashed his lips to yours & began clawing at the plush flesh of your hips. He pulled your sweatshirt over your head leaving you in just your panties. He dropped his gaze to look down at your body & inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of your warm body & your now apparent arousal for him. The sound of him making you nipples stiffen in anticipation.

Bucky began placing hungry open mouthed kisses up & down your neck & throat as you wrapped your legs around his waist making his hips start to grind against you. You could feel his large hard bulge through the rough material of his jeans & the feeling of it only spurred you on. Your hands scraping up his side's to pull his shirt off.

"You are so sexy Bucky." You marveled at his body as you ran your hands up & down his chest. He smiled & sweetly kissed your lips.

"You're sexier baby. Now, since you've already got the shower running, why don't we go clean up before we run out of hot water. Plus if we keep going like this I'm gonna rip these tiny fucking panties right off of you, & if I remember right you said they weren't cheap."

Moaning at his suggestion you looked at him through lust heavy eyelids, now blissfully unaware of your smudged makeup. You nodded enthusiastically & squeaked in surprise as he effortlessly hoisted you up off the mattress, his hands under your thighs & carried you into the bathroom that was now clouded with steam.

He gently lowered you to your feet. Taking his time as his hands caressed slowly up your body. He looked at you like you were a precious piece of art. Your mouth fell open & you stood speechless at the man before you who in a single moment in a single touch had nurtured your heart, your mind, & your body in a way no one ever had.

He softly pressed his lips to yours as he pulled your hair loose & brushed it back. He started making his way down your body. Pressing kiss after kiss to your skin that was now buzzing like a live wire.

First he kissed your neck & whispered in your ear how beautiful you were. Then your collarbone, the top of each breast & between them. He let his lips ghost over your nipples without providing direct stimulation. He chuckled as you whined in protest & tried to angle a nipple back towards his mouth.

He pressed his face to the center of your ribcage & gently scolded you, "not just yet babydoll. I wanna take my time with you." Once he had reached your hips he kissed the top of each hipbine before placed a kiss right onto your mound over your panties.

Hooking his thumb under each side strap he gazed up & you for permission to take them off. You let your hands thread through his hair & whispered "please Buck".

He gave you a lopsided slightly goofy grin & said "as incredibly sexy as these are doll, & I definitely want to see you in the whole set sometime, I think you will be fucking delicious with them off." With that he slowly slid them down your legs, pausing momentarily as the wet fabric separated from your slick pussy. A groan was pulled deep from somewhere in his chest as he got his first good view of your sex. You were soaked.

"So wet doll. Can't wait to taste you later. All this really for me?" He inhaled your sweet scent & had to fight the urge to devour you right then & there. He dropped your panties to the floor & you stepped out of them as he stood back up bringing his hand to pop the button & pull down the fly of his jeans.

You took his hands & moved them to your waist before taking over where he had left off. Sliding your hands inside the denim fabric at his sides & catching your thumb in the waistband of his boxer briefs you tilted your head up & whispered into his throat. "All for you Buck. Just for you."

Placing a wet sucking kiss on his Adam's apple as you pushed the fabric of both layers down his muscular frame. Feeling the resistance of his hard cock against the elastic band of his underwear, you dropped your head down to see him as he sprung free. You both gasped in unison, him at the delicious bit of friction & you at the magnificent sight of him bare before you.

Dragging your fingers across his low belly you let yourself run your hand along the underside of his thick cock before stroking him up & down several times. As if reading your mind he leaned down to whisper in your ear "All for you babydoll. All because of you." & placed a kiss on the sweet spot under your lobe. 

Relishing each other's touch for a moment longer you stood on the balls of your feet & sunk into his kiss once more. As an anxious as you were for him to take you straight to bed you did want to wash the lingering stress from your body. So you reluctantly pulled apart & stepped into the shower under the warm water with Bucky's firm body pressed up behind you.

Between the heat of the water & the comfort of Bucky's arms around you, your muscles melted & you immediately felt even better. You grabbed your face wash & proceeded to scrub the remainder of ruined makeup for your eyes & cheeks.

Bucky's lips had yet to stop dragging along the skin of your neck, shoulders, & upper back. One flesh palm & one vibranium held tight against the curve of your soft stomach. If this was any other man you would cringe & move his hands away from your most insecure spot, but with Bucky it felt right. You extended your arms backwards to give his thighs a squeeze, telling him to soften his grasp momentarily so could reach to grab the body wash.

He gladly obliged & grabbed the bottle from your delicate fingers. He deftly flipped the cap & squirted a line of gel down the center of your torso. Your hands met & spread the slick substance over your frame in tandem. The heady scent of berries, patchouli, rose, & amber quickly enveloped you both adding to the eroticism.

His large hands groped & kneaded your breasts. For the first time his fingers began to toy with your nipples. Swirling the pads of his fingers around them before gently pinching them. The sweet sudden pressure caused your hips to buck back grinding your ass against him. His now leaking head making contact with your low back & his shaft sliding between your cheeks.

The touch of him so needy against you sparked a flame in your chest & you spun around in his arms to face him. You spent several more minutes running the fragrant suds over each other, seemingly trying to memorize the curves & planes of each other's bodies. Lips locked in heated contact.

It was you who reached the end of your rope first, pulling him under the stream to rinse you both as you began to beg him for more.

"Please James, I can't wait any longer. I need you to fuck me."

Between hearing you call him by his real name, & your desperate plea for him, his own resolve snapped. Quickly turning off the water & grabbing a towel to hurriedly dry you both. He picked you up once more, your legs wrapping around him & your dripping cunt pressed to his abdomen, & he carried you to your bed.

He laid you down on the soft blankets like you were a priceless piece of porcelain & gingerly lowered his large frame to rest on top of you. Your legs spreading open to slot his body flush against you.

He let his weight balance on his vibranium forearm & ran his flesh fingers over the curves of your right side. Cutting across the crease of your hip he stopped just short of where you body was screaming for his touch. He locked eyes with you one more time to confirm that  you still wanted this. That you still wanted him. As if there was any stopping the cascade of need for each other that had been set in motion.

You brushed your thumb across his cheek & grinned with a single nod. With that his fingers finally slid past your mound & down to caress the supple wet lips of your pussy. Initially ghosting over them with a single digit, but on feeling how drenched you were Bucky moaned a breathy "fuck" & pressed 3 fingers firmly to your slit.

The pressure he finally made against your cunt caused your back to arch & your eyes to snap shut. You legs pulled back farther to grant your soldier even better access to your sex & your hips were starting to rut against his fingertips. Bucky couldn't help but smile, never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought you would react like this to his touch.

He gently slid his long middle finger inside you as he brought his thumb to dance along the edges of your clit. He wanted to memorize every noise you made, from the whimpers coming from your plush lips to the wet suctioning against his finger each time it plunged back into you.

Without any warning he added his index finger to action, feeling your tight hole stretch to accommodate his second finger had his own control hanging by a thread. His vibranium hand gripping onto the pillow beneath your head.

"Fuck so tight babydoll." He praised under his breath as he bit his lower lip trying to keep focused on the pleasure he was wringing from you.

He quickly added his ring finger to his assault. Dragging all 3 three fingers in & out of your fluttering heat as he let his thumb draw more direct circles on your now throbbing clit. He could tell you were quickly hurtling towards the point of no return as he added a flick upwards in his wrist.

"Oh god Buck! Gonna cum, don't stop. Fuck yes James. Please don't stop!"

You now gazed slack jawed back into his sparkling blue eyes that were entirely focused on seeing you fall apart beneath him. Eyes that belonged to the sweetest man you had ever met, who was now responsible for the filthiest noises falling from your lips. You couldn't help but plead for him not to stop as your body began shaking & squeezing his fingers even tighter. Letting the wave of your orgasm crash against you.

You let him coax you back down slowly, stroking your hair with his metal finger tips as his flesh ones began to still inside you. Placing small kisses on your lips as fingers slipped from your wet depths, teasing along your now swollen sensitive pussy feeling how your orgasm had left you dripping. The thought that he was responsible for your wrecked state made a pride flourish in his chest.

Making sure you were watching his movements, he pulled his fingers to his mouth & took his time licking your juices from each one. It may only be his first real taste of you, but he knew right then that he would never get enough.

The sight of Bucky savoring the taste of your cunt on his fingers was almost too much to take. You felt empty & the only thing that could possibly make you feel full was Bucky's cock. You slid your hand down his sculpted abdomen & trailed a finger around his swollen leaking head working to spred his pre-cum around his ridge before closing your hand around his thick shaft & starting to pump him.

The feeling of him made your mouth water & your walls clench in anticipation. His cock was perfectly veined & silky to the touch. So solid & thick your fingers barely touched when wrapped around him. He began to needily thrust up into your fist when you added a twist at the end of each stroke. When he started to whimper you released his shaft & started to roll his balls between your fingers.

He eventually pulled your hands away from his cock & pinned them to the bed beside your head. He pressed his forehead to yours in between slow deep kisses as he tried to gather his composure. Panting as he looked at you laid out under him.

"I wanted to take my time with you doll, make you cum over & over before I let myself fuck you. Make you see stars with my fingers & my tongue, god so many times with my tongue, before I let you have my cock. But, fuck, you & this pretty little pussy are driving me nuts here. Don't think I can wait any longer."

You wrapped your legs around his hips & pulled his pelvis down to yours, managing to angle your hips just right so the tip of his cock was slotted just inside your opening.

"Then don't wait Bucky. Fuck me." Your expression softened for a moment, from one of passion to one of love, & you added, "wanna be your girl Buck."

Without a moment's hesitation he plunged his cock all the way inside of you. Eliciting a moan from both of you. Bracing & holding himself in place while your body adjusted to the stretch of him. While he waited he cupped your cheek with his left palm, the coolness of the vibranium a sharp contrast from the rest of his body.

"I've dreampt of hearing you say that. My girl."

Bucky placed one last sweet kiss on your lips before he started slowly thrusting in & out of you. Each push & pull dragging deliciously against your walls allowing you to feel every milimeter he gave you. Slowing all the more as the top of his cock head slid against your g-spot.

"Oh god Buck, you're so big. So fucking deep! Fuck me harder baby!"

You were gripping onto his shoulders, burying your face into his scar where his metal arm connected to his body. Making a conscious effort to place extra licks & kisses along the mared skin to show him how much you loved even the spot he sometimes hated.

"Yeah? You want it harder doll? Here I wanted to be all soft & sweet with you the first time. Should have known you were really a dirty little girl. Let me hear you baby. Tell me how my princess wants me to fuck her tight little pussy."

He punctuated his statement with a bite your neck & started thrusting harder into you, but he purposely kept his pace slow to let you get your words out. Even though he wanted to plow you into next week.

"Soft & sweet later James, right now I want it hard & fast. Been teasing me all night. Turning me into your little slut. You know what you're doing to me. Fuck me hard."

Bucky moaned loudly into your neck the moment he heard you call yourself his little slut. It took every ounce of strength he had not to cum right there. You were an absolute minx & he was the luckiest son of a bitch alive.

"Well if you're my little slut then why am I doing all the work?" He quickly rolled so you were on top of him & before you could react he brought his right hand to slap your ass.

"Now be a good little slut & ride my cock. Take what you want baby. Make yourself cum & let me watch. There's my good girl."

Bucky had been so incredible to you already, even though you knew your night was no where near over, you wanted to give him a good show. You sat up nice & straight as you started to bounce on him. Letting your breasts jiggle up & down as the sound of you ass hitting his thighs richoted around the room.

You rolled your hips forward & backward as you rode his cock creating an extra friction on your clit. When that friction started to build & throb you let your head drop back & your eyes squeeze closed. Your hips thrust faster & shallower as you chased your orgasm.

Little squeaks & grunts coming from your lips as you fucked yourself on Bucky's cock. Your body was thrown over the cliff's edge as you felt his hips buck up from underneath you & your weight fell forward onto his chest as you shuttered & wailed.

He kept fucking you through your orgasm, thrusting into you from below. Each time his tip brushed your sweet spot a new firework burst behind your eyelids. Your mewls & whines pushing him right to his edge & he was chanting "so close baby."

As you started to come down you wanted to feel him even closer. Knowing his orgasm was just around the corner you wrapped your arms under his neck & pressed your lips to his ear as you whispered "Cum in my pussy James. Want you to fill me up."

Something snapped in Bucky's brain when you said that. Something animal took over & he threw you hard on your back before frantically rutting into you like his very life depended on it. His face was pressed into your neck & his teeth clenched when you heard him growl as he came.

Feeling his thick warm cum fill you spray by spray you sighed in pleasure & wiggled your hips to milk even more from him. Cooing in his ear about how good it felt being full of his cum, & it did.

He slowly leaned back & pulled himself from your body much to your reluctance. Watching as his cum began to trickle from you. He grabbed his shirt off the floor from were you had thrown it earlier & quickly wiped you down. It wasn't the best job but it was good enough for now. He wanted to hold you for a bit before either of you did anything else.

He dropped the shirt back to the side & pulled you tight to his chest. He knew what you said about being his girl, but his mind kept telling him maybe you just said it in the heat of the moment. So as you snuggled into his chest eyes closed with a content smile he began to open & close his mouth like a fish gasping for air.

From your comfy spot you said with a chuckle "I smell the gears starting to smoke Buck. Stop worrying. I meant it. I wanna be your girl. It took you long enough to ask."

You lifted your head up & kissed him. Staring into his eyes once more. Both full of passion & boyish charm. He couldn't help but a sheepish shrug & replied "well, I thought you deserve better than me."

Tilting his chin up slightly with your index finger you answered, "James Buchanan Barnes, there is no one better for me than you. I love you Bucky."

A genuine smile crossed Bucky's face & after so long the feeling of being honestly happy & in love felt brand new again. It was a feeling he could get used to.

"I love you more, y/n."

[thenhewaswrongaboutme]

your hands have made some good mistakes

“I kneel into a dream where I am good and loved. I am loved. My hands have made some good mistakes. They can always make better ones.” - Natalie Wee

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Bucky has to spend six months locked up with a stranger.

His teammates went on an international press tour and left him behind. They hired someone to supervise him, per the conditions of his pardon— a roommate, they said.

A roommate?

In which: Bucky’s heart slowly thaws, he develops a soft spot for his idiot roommate, he discovers his vibranium arm is extra-sensitive, he rediscovers that whole ‘sexual attraction’ thing, he has Not Great mental health including nightmares and therapy, he has a complicated relationship with his ex, he remembers the 40s, he’s an absolute fluffy sweetheart, he really enjoys blow jobs (lol), he deals with the backlash from his criminal trial, he addresses internalized guilt and shame, he gets laid for the first time in decades, he gets irrationally jealous, he realizes WHY he was irrationally jealous, he digs up old feelings, he takes pain meds and traumatizes everyone in the room, aaaaaand more.

Warnings (added as they occur): 18+ minors DNI, angst, Bucky’s mental health is Not Great, cursing, lots of awkwardness and banter, pining x100, SMUT, masturbation (m), alcohol consumption/drunkenness, needy!bucky (he gets a warning), not-so-dry humping, a Steve Rogers plot twist, hand jobs, slightly subby Bucky, vaginal fingering, oral (m and f receiving), outercourse, human disaster Bucky Barnes, angst (it bears repeating), legal proceedings, panic attacks, PIV sex, creampie, cum kink, possessive behavior, jealousy, semi-public sex, slight voyeurism, past/period-typical homophobia, ~complicated~ relationships, slight emotional infidelity, sexual fantasies about current partners & others (imaginary cuckolding?), hurt/comfort, blood, hospital setting, medicinal drug use

Word Count: 103k+

a/n: This is the xreader rewrite of my hands have made some good mistakes (yes, I think I’m clever). Told (mostly) from Bucky’s POV. Not really an AU, just not Endgame/TFATWS compliant (everyone is alive). Chapters are rewritten and posted as time allows.

My Masterlist

Find me on ao3: dewystars

Chapters with titles listed are already published in their original format and will be published here very soon. Chapters with smut are marked with ❤️‍🔥

Send me asks, thots, requests, or drabbles about this series and I’ll love you forever 🥰

Summer

Part 1 - The Babysitter

Part 2 - Embroidery

Part 3 - Sergeant

Part 4 - Like the Tide

❤️‍🔥 Part 5 - Static on the Lines

Part 6 - The Nightmare

Part 7 - Celebration

❤️‍🔥 Part 8 - What If

❤️‍🔥 Part 9 - Back in Brooklyn

❤️‍🔥 Part 10 - Supernova

❤️‍🔥 Part 11 - Barnes Beach

❤️‍🔥 Part 12 - Spiraling

❤️‍🔥 Part 13 - Minefield

Fall

❤️‍🔥 Part 14 - Jealousy

❤️‍🔥 Part 15 - Jealousy, Reprised

❤️‍🔥 Part 16 - Samson

Part 17 - Just a Taste

Part 18

Part 19

Part 20

Winter

Part 21

Part 22

[daydreamerinadazedworld]

Amazing series so far!

[sebastians-stan]

SEBASTIAN STAN L’Officiel Hommes Thailand

[jawritter-deactivated20250327]

You Deserve To Be Happy Masterstlist

Summary: Even heroes get lonely. Dean had resided to his fate that one day he would die alone, but one trip on a supply run changes all of that.

Series Warnings: SPN Level Violence, Angst, injured reader, Smut, nudity, Soft!Dean, Unprotected Sex, Language. (Each chapter will have its own individual warnings)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Dividers By: @firefly-graphics​

A/N: This fic is totally unbeta’d! So all mistakes are mine!! You Deserve To Be Happy was the first Dean Winchester x Reader fic I ever wrote, and then decided to take it down from Wattpad where I first started, clean it up, and give it back to you guys fresh!! Please don’t copy my work! Feedback is golden! This series is complete on Patreon! 

A/N 2: All tags will be added once series is complete on here as well!

Masterlist       My Patreon

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[bucksfucks]

Left Gasping For Air

summary┃doused with sex pollen, you & bucky are met with a difficult decision.

pairing┃bucky barnes x f!reader

word count┃2,737 words

warnings┃sex pollen, dub-con/non-con elements, mention of anxiety, injuries, masturbation, lots of raw sex [unprotected sex], desperation for each other, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, breeding kink, cream-pie, crying, side kink, choking kink, praise kink, slight mocking & degradation, pet-name [baby & honey], authority kink, oral, alludes to shower sex, happy ending — 18+ ONLY // MINORS DNI

notes┃you are responsible for your own media consumption — DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ANYTHING MENTIONED ABOVE.

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[maskedmistress87-deactivated202]

Dear god I need a cold shower! That was hot…intense, damn! 🥵😏♥️

[bucksfucks]

a cold shower and bucky is exactly what i could go for 😩😩🥵🥵 too bad that’s asking for too much!!

thank you for reading! i’m glad you enjoyed!! ✨💕