Mal - Adaptive Day Dreaming Therapy - Session 4
This is my 4th therapy session for my Mal-Adaptive Day Dreaming.
To see Session 1, go here or to see Session 2, go here or to see Session 3, go here. This blog is to help those who want therapy, but don't think they need it, or can't afford it. Hope it helps.
We reconnected via Skype for our 4th session. This time I brought up the fact I have 2 types of thought patterns I consider abnormal ... 1 is the standard MaDD (talking to myself, daydreaming) and the other is intrusive, angry daydreams (acting out in public, swearing). The angry ones comes and go, but usually bother me quite often in public or when I'm in a period of high stress. He said this is where the mindfulness techniques he showed me earlier come in handy.
I tend to get worked up over the 2nd type of daydream, and it activates my flight or fight response, and I feel agitated, and sometimes very angry. He says this of concern, and should be my primary focus.
I talked about the meditation practices he gave me. There are 3 I had to practice.
1 - Paying attention to my sense of hearing
2 - Paying attention to my sense of feeling
3 - Paying attention to my thoughts
I noticed I have a hard time focusing on the first two, mostly due to marijuana use and lack of practice, as well as my ADHD. I could also use a routine, quiet dark space and mat. That is usual for meditative practice.
My therapist told me to make friends. I blew off one friend this week and opted to daydream. I would have had more fun with this person. My therapist told me to reach out to him. I did do some big city at the city this week, so it wasn't a complete loss. Still, my therapist said to make plans with him next time.
I also practiced working 15 mins on / 30 off / 15 mins off for my job. I told my therapist, when I feel more aware, I tend to daydream less. He said this is VERY SIGNIFICANT. I now am starting to think, the trick to beating it is becoming more mentally aware of how I think, and how I waste my time doing this.
He told me I also need some structure and routine.
Whenever I try to just focus, I tend to have negative flashbacks from early childhood, saying I'm not good enough, I need to do MORE etc. He says I should try labeling these thoughts. Then once I label them, I can let them go and focus my attention elsewhere. Even give it a name, like Randal. It's something about developing the executive functioning part of my brain - which tends to lack in ADHD brains like mine. And possibly yours, too!
My inner dialogue, tends to be quite negative, and centers around hating people and life. Also, sex and girls pops up a lot.
My therapist thinks something called "Cognitive Defusion" is the key to my recover.
I need to make small patterns of committed action ie change happens slowly and good habits are key.
The point of the mindfulness exercises is to "build some space" between me and my thoughts. It's like I'm "superglued" to a TV, but the TV is my brain and daydreams. I can remove the glue by being mindful, and by enjoying real life stimuli more. I also need to find tune my focus like a guitar string when I meditate, not too tight, not too soft. Just the right amount of tension (if that makes sense, it's confusing me, too).
Practice labeling my thoughts during meditation. Also add in meditation where I focus on my belly while breathing. Also, ask myself, "When does my awareness become aware?"
Rate my 15 min work / 30 min off / 15 min work Schedule for 1 - 3 pm every day
Label my angry thoughts / daydreams as "Randal". Talk to Randal and tell him to leave me alone. It's just a technique. The point, the learn to recognize him when he comes, and switch my focus.
Try to stay in touch with my friends. Call my friend and hang out.
@madd-information @madd-para @cookiedreemurr @socialanxietyofficial
