Barney's Barn (of Donuts)

Barney; he/him; ancient evil donutbarn.org Banner and avatar by Rick/FoxxJ

[dbarn]

Howdy

I write Zootopia fanfiction.

My userpage on AO3 is: donutbarn - Works | Archive of Our Own

I also have a website at donutbarn.org, although it's mostly just links to my fics on AO3.

Occasionally, I may post here rambling about whatever zips through my mind. Musings on writing, roadblocks I've encountered, maybe just a heads-up that I've published something new.

[lycanthrology]

[attempting to flirt] if i was stuck in a timeloop id desperately explain my situation to you every single reset

[arbitraryexistence]

Ever since reading my first time loop-based book as a preteen, I’ve had a Secret Time Loop Code Word. It’s been the same word all these years. I’ve never written it down anywhere or told anyone what it is, just kept it tucked away in my brain. That way, if someone I know ever confided in me that they were stuck in a time loop, I would have a way to confirm it: I would tell them the time loop code word and instruct them to find and talk to me again on the next loop. Of course, if it’s a time loop, I wouldn’t remember telling them the code word. But they’d remember it. So if someone ever came to me and said “I’m stuck in a time loop, and the time loop code word is [X],” and it was indeed the word I’ve secretly held onto for most of my life, I would know that we had had this conversation in a previous loop and that they were telling the truth.

Will this ever be useful? Almost certainly not. But hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a completely absurd contingency plan. In case of time loops.

[jackhawksmoor]

[mari-monsta]

why is it that when im reading fanfic i feel like i have a fairly good metric for if something is characterized accurately but when im trying to write suddenly its like ive never seen this character in my life. would he say that. would he fucking say that. suddenly i have no idea

[dapper-lil-arts]

Did you know? It's make a terrible comic day. Go make your terrible comic today!!!!

[prokopetz]

Flavours of unreliable narrator:

Lying to the reader

Lying to themselves

Simply misinformed

Not paying attention

Has weird priorities

Assumed you knew

Hates you personally

Bad at communicating

Easily sidetracked

Will believe anything

Has weird prejudices

Just kind of dumb

[dbarn]

If my life was a traditional work of fiction, I would be all of the above

[nondelphic]

writing isn’t hard. i just have to extract 80,000 words from my brain using sheer psychic force

[dbarn]

In the past week or two, I've started writing again. More specifically, trying to write something longer than the usual drabbles I've been publishing lately.

If I do manage to finally finish this "epic story", it'll probably top out around 10k words, max. 80k is just... Not What I Can Do

[belovedgamers]

The BEST trope is when a character tells another “let’s run away together, we can leave all of this behind and start a new life somewhere” and gets rejected. And then the rest of the tragedy unfolds

[dbarn]

I mean, yes, but Zootopia 2 would have been a lot shorter

[mad-not-disappointed]

Gummigoo after finding out he's an NPC: my whole life was a lie.. what about my mother? my family? my memories? were any of those real? is my only purpose in life to entertain real people while i suffer in this stagnant existence? am i destined to live out the rest of my life with the knowledge that i've never been a real person?

the main cast after finding out they were brain scans and not real people: oh no. anyway

[dbarn]

At the risk of becoming part of "the toxic side of the fandom"...

The last episode felt incredibly rushed despite being double the usual length. Like someone was unwaveringly committed to there being nine episodes but also wanting to have at least fourteen episodes worth of plot and development.

It's doubly strange since so many of the earlier episodes were built around slow establishment of characterization and relationships, and then... just an avalanche of stuff in that final hour.

[jellyfish-enthousiast]

Tadc fans are always like “omg I hate the toxic side of the fandom!!” And the toxic side in question is like “I don’t think the writing in this part was that good also you shouldn’t be racist.”

[feyburner]

99% of fanfiction is absolute dogshit bathwater and that’s beautiful, I love that, I love that the barrier for entry is nonexistent, I love that anyone can do it, I love all the badly written porn, I love that it’s just creation for creation’s sake, I love it. Except when it’s something I’m into. When it’s something I’m into, then I’m gonna need everyone to step it up.

[scales--and--feathers]

Cousin(GideonxRuby)

I miss drawing these two. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE WildeHopps, but I've been neglecting other comics for them. This has been lying around, unfinished, for a couple months.

I had something like this in mind for awhile, even before Z2. Originally, I was just going to make up a cousin character but when I saw the Michael J Fox cameo reused Gideon's character model, it felt to perfect not to use him lol

WildeHopps will come back. I have not abandon them!

[tmbgareok]

[helenvaughans]

i think the normalization of gambling is one of the most deeply evil things currently happening in american society, and it goes without saying that there is some STIFF competition in that department……..

[helenvaughans]

going through the replies on tweets related to this and it’s crazy the number of replies that are trying to minimize or dismiss this. i think it’s a combo of sports betting industry-planted bots and also people who probably bet themselves, but please PLEASE remember that a gambling addiction (which all this shit is DEEPLY enabling of!!!) can totally fucking ruin your life!!!

[dbarn]

There are a lot of radio ads I've heard lately encouraging people to bet on everything. The extremely smug narrator brags about how fast he achieved enlightenment during meditation, he scoffs at the other "losers", etc. The tagline is "winning is everything." Then, in super-fast speech and at much lower volume, there's a law-mandated thing about "gambling problem? Call (some number you probably can't decipher) or visit (mumbled website)."

Seriously, when did it get like this

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

no more historic events this decade that is ENOUGH, i’m putting my foot down

[alettertofutureme]

History is not done with us yet my friend

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I have received all manner of threat, up to and beyond “I will play a flute carved from your femur,” and yet this is the first time I’ve felt truly threatened

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i knew posting this in 2022 was risky but holy fucking shit

[fellshish]

i feel bad for people who don’t read fan fiction. imagine only having canon

[scales--and--feathers]

Birthday

Alternate title "Orange dog being an orange dog"

I really just wanted to draw Nick doting on Judy. Also Nick didn't ignore Judy's calls, his phone died. I didn't know how to squeeze that in without going through the effort of drawing an extra page(maybe I'll add Finnick mentioning it or something)

Now for the bad news. I'm dry! I think I'm going to have to tap out. I really wanted to do 26 weekly Wildhopps comics(starting with "the Talk" so not counting anything before that). 26 means I did 6 months of weekly comics. But here I am with comic 19 and I've run out of creativity. I have 1 more comic I will for sure do, 1 comic that I did a rough draft for, that I'm thinking of shelving till I can think of a better way of structuring it, and 1 comic that I want to draw but I feel like the contents are treading on familiar territory. I also have a RubyxGideon comic I am working on a little on the side but I wasn't going to count that as part of the 26. Next week I will have number 20 out but I will most likely start a hiatus for WldeHopps comics until further notice. I need to recharge my batteries. Get new inspiration. And work on some things I've been giving less time for these comics(The Ballet AU will be entering it's next faze soon and will require more attention from me).

If you have been following me for my WildeHopps comics, thank you! There have been some hard things for me these past few months but you guys have been making me so happy! You're comments have put so many smiles on my face. You guys have made me laugh and have just been so sweet! I hope I can return to these soon and I'm sorry for dropping this on you so suddenly. I am so grateful for the support you guys have given me.

I will be going through some of my older comics and fixing some small things(like making the eyes of the older comics match the eyes I do now and just fix things that I find ugly and is bothering me).

Also if anyone wants to shoot me an idea to reach comic 26 feel free to leave a comment. But I don't promise to do it(I have no idea what will spark inspiration in me). People have left me comments and without realizing it sparked inspiration in me. If I get inspired I will go past comic 20 that I have planned already. But if I do hit 26 then I will for real take a hiatus after that.

[wildehacked]

things in fic I'm used to people kind of faking their way through writing about:

the city of los angeles

the city of new york

sex

how drinking alcohol works

how getting high works

how a child of any age speaks

how nuclear physics work

how [my job] works

how debilitating being shot in the shoulder is

how hypothermia works

things I have never before seen someone fake their way through writing about, until today:

what french toast is

[headspace-hotel]

read through the notes on this one trust me

[kiragecko]

Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:

SHRIMP COCKTAIL:

banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol

generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is

#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro

And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!

POMEGRANATES:

zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple

thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute

sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.

FRUIT TREES:

zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''

salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE

baander: #cranberry trees

DOUGH/BATTER:

maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre

livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles

lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY

Some other topics:

ANIMALS:

catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear

piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave

pluto-lichen: horses

misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like

pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially

SEX:

dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.

dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”

SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:

thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad

shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze

sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon

alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices

dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.

the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes

typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy

draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices

11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note

fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is

emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣

NON-FOOD STUFF:

red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.

bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket

nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English

sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp

danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author

meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does

vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'

leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake

fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?

dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic

msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate

shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September

baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird

twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)

waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up

violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours

purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.

[dbarn]

On one hand, these make me laugh, but on the other hand, now I'm terrified to learn what I've faked my way through and am completely unaware I've gotten horribly wrong