deactivated

moved to a new blog

[nevergenders]

I’M SO PROUD OF GERARD WAY

HE WASN’T EVEN PLANNING TO LIVE TO BE 30 YEARS OLD

HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC FOR A LONG TIME

HE WAS IN A VERY DARK PLACE

LOOK AT HIM NOW

HE’S 37

HE’S HAVING TEA WITH HIS DAUGHTER

HE’S WRITING HIS OWN MUSIC

HE’S SO HAPPY IT WARMS MY HEART

[pigmenting]

“I know a boy who called his girlfriend’s body a “crime scene.” Dad, my body is a crime scene. My body is lint and gasoline and matchstick. My body is a brush fire. It’s ticking, Dad, a slow alarm. I have rain boots. Lots of them. It isn’t raining anymore. The words are coming back, Dad. The way they fit and jump in the mouth. I want ice cream and long letters. I want to read long love letters but I don’t think he loves me. I think I’m used up. I think I’m the grit under his nails, the girl who looks good in pictures. I don’t think he loves me. I think they broke me, Dad. I think I drink too much and it’s because they broke me. I heard about two girls recently, two women crushed like cherries in a boy’s jaw. It opened me, Dad. My body is melted wax, it is ripe and stink and bent. It is a mistake. I walk like an apology. I don’t hate men, Dad, I don’t. I want a washing machine. I want someone else to do the dishes, someone to walk the dog. I have a hornet in my head, Dad. A hornet. She’s an angry bitch — she hurls herself against my skull. She stings. And stings. I know I don’t make sense, Dad. This is the problem. I’m a sick girl, a crazy wishbone. I have razors under my tongue. I’m sorry I cut you, Dad, I’m so—so sorry. I gave you a card for Father’s Day once, it said you were my hero. You are. Your laugh is a thunderclap, you love like surgery. I think they broke me, Dad. I can’t erase their faces. I want to swim, Dad. Remember when I used to hopscotch? I used to make you laugh. My feet are hot. The bottoms of my feet are scorched sand, August asphalt. My body is a slug, a mob of sticky wet rot. No one touches me anymore because I’m rot. Because my body is a spill no one wants to clean up. They cracked me open, Dad, I know you don’t want to hear about it. You don’t want to hear how they scissored me, how they gnawed me like raw meat. No one wants to hear how they made me drink lemon juice, how they kicked the dog, how they upturned the furniture, no one wants to hear how my skin turned to a dark thick of purple and black and lead. I watch the homeless a lot, Dad. I watched a man with a cup of coins and chips of skin carved out of his face. He had freckles. He needs medicine, Dad. He needs to stop the hornet. My body is a hive. I am red ants and jellyfish. A yellow sickness. My body is a used condom in an alley in Jersey City. I don’t think he loves me, Dad. My body is a fetus in biohazard tank. A Polaroid pinned to a corkboard in Brooklyn. I think I’m hurt, Dad. I think I was the tough girl for too long. My body is a wafer, a thin, soft melt on a choir boy’s tongue.” — Jeanann Verlee, “Communion”

love me cancerously:  

[deactivated-04-1-15]

In this film, some audiences will say that the title seems to be very cynical, because it is about two persons living together, and at the end, they are just separate. But to me, happy together can apply to two persons or apply to a person and his past, and I think sometimes when a person is at peace with himself and his past, I think it is the beginning of a relationship which can be happy, and also he can be more open to more possibilities in the future with other people.

Wong Kar-Wai on his film "Happy Together"

[awildchase]

An interesting thing will always leave an aftertaste in your soul.

Jenn Satsune (via ohsatsune)

[deactivated-04-1-15]

AWADACHI, 2014

[c0ntemplations]

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of solo adventures. Everything from eating lunch by yourself to strolling in the park alone all help to shape your sense of independence. If you’re never by yourself how will you ever know yourself.

(via c0ntemplations)

True or false?

(via psych-facts)

[flyartproductions]

U can be tha prince but

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert at the Ball costume, Edwin Henry Landseer / Monster, Kanye West ft. Rick Ross, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj and Bon Iver

[deactivated-04-1-15]

Formerly Known As..

[deactivated-04-1-15]

I'm grateful to have friends who i can talk to about everything and anything. They never feel awkward when asking about my father which is really really comforting. We have conversations from "what kind of violence would you inflict to bad people" from "I'll teach you something about love". My favorite thing is they know how to listen. Even if they're really really tired from school works and especially when they're drunk. It's rare to find people like these during college. Good friends are important because they will shape you into the person you wanted to be. I had been surrounded by amazing people that deserved the words "i love you" an infinite amount of times more than some people ever did.

[nautics]

[ephe-deactivated20250329]

Jenny Holzer, “Survival Series”

[fleurishes]

sadness is so strange, but as i grow older, i’m beginning to realize that we need it. happiness is important, of course it is, but i need my negative quiet days just as much as i need my optimistic days. i’m sad a lot of the time, actually, and i’m beginning to be okay with that. it’s who i am at...

[fleurishes]

He starts it off, as they always do, by saying, “I still want to be friends” but I am already on the next subway, the next taxi, the next whatever. I am thinking about dinner that night, or the next night: Angus beef, sauteed chicken, mahi mahi fish tacos. I am thinking about the coffee pot and runner’s knee and how much money I have in my savings. I am thinking about hypothermia and missing bodies; all the knives in my bed. I am thinking about how the very word promise sounds more like an undoing. I am thinking about the easiness of mouths. How they open. How they give so much but also about how they take away the things our minds have committed to that permanent place of the brain, where memories continue to rattle around long after we’ve stopped shaking. I am thinking about how he has turned me into a lake and I’ve never learned how to swim. I am thinking about how I now have to unlearn all of his secrets. Become a tourist to his body again, blink against the hurt. I am thinking about expensive hair cuts and retail therapy, dressing room girls who are used to outlandish requests from customers. I am thinking that this isn’t a dress my mother would approve of, but honey, I look so good in red.

Kristina Haynes, “The Breakup Sweats” (via fleurishes)

[lauronicamars]

no but you don’t understand to have someone of a certain status completely own their sexuality and acknowledge the fact that it’s okay to be fluid and that labels are not absolute in areas where lbr the media doesn’t exactly excel at (bi/pan-erasure i’m looking at you) is such a big deal to me like UGH natasha negovanlis where have you been all my life

[deactivated-04-1-15]

This is the scene where I cried so so hard, my eyes got swollen the next day. Hits so close to home. 

[alecstasy]

[20aliens-deactivated20200625]

From Lifeguard Station 26 / #15, 1999 by John Humble

[deactivated-04-1-15]

There are certain films you just can't get out of your head after you've watched it. In my case, it's Milo Sogueco's Mariquina. I don't usually post reviews for films I've watched but this is an exception. This one took me by surprise, I thought it's about a documentary about shoes in Marikina. I watched it with my sister so I was flaccid the whole time on the heavy parts, but the truth is, I want to cry. The cinematography is charming. The music matches the mood of the films ( I can't find it tho). If I could watch it again and again I would.