Happy birthday to my one true kin, Kevin Day, my 35 year old kind of a mess boy.
I will be drinking the whiskey that’s been in my car but also eating one apple for him today.

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@deaddrunkroach
Happy birthday to my one true kin, Kevin Day, my 35 year old kind of a mess boy.
I will be drinking the whiskey that’s been in my car but also eating one apple for him today.
WHEN IT HURTS TO ADMIT IT Prompts
⟡ “I don’t know when I stopped feeling like myself, but I know it wasn’t all at once.”
⟡ “I keep waiting to miss this life more than I hate it.”
⟡ “I don’t even know if I’m sad or just tired of pretending I’m not.”
⟡ “You ever wake up and realize you’re living a life you didn’t mean to choose?”
⟡ “I don’t hate you. I just don’t recognize who I am around you anymore.”
⟡ “I thought if I ignored it long enough, it would go away. It didn’t.”
⟡ “I’m not asking you to fix it. I just need you to stop telling me it’s fine.”
⟡ “I keep telling myself this is enough, but it never sounds convincing.”
⟡ “I don’t know what I want, I just know this isn’t it.”
⟡ “I’m scared that if I stop, everything I’ve been holding together will fall apart.”
⟡ “I don’t want to leave. I just don’t want to stay like this.”
⟡ “I don’t feel brave. I feel cornered.”
⟡ “Every time I say I’m okay, something in me flinches.”
⟡ “I don’t know how to explain this without sounding ungrateful.”
⟡ “I keep thinking there has to be more than just getting through the day.”
⟡ “I don’t trust myself to make a decision because what if I regret all of them?”
⟡ “I don’t know who I’d be if I wasn’t needed all the time.”
⟡ “I thought being strong would feel different than this.”
⟡ “I don’t want to disappear. I just want the noise to stop.”
⟡ “I don’t know how to ask for help without feeling like I failed.”
⟡ “I keep hoping something will force my hand so I don’t have to choose.”
⟡ “I don’t know how to leave without hurting someone.”
⟡ “I don’t want to be the reason everything changes.”
⟡ “I don’t know if I’m scared of losing this or scared of keeping it.”
⟡ “I feel like I’m watching my own life instead of living it.”
⟡ “I don’t know how much longer I can carry this and still call it living.”
⟡ “I keep thinking tomorrow I’ll feel different. Tomorrow keeps showing up the same.”
⟡ “I don’t know if I’m asking for permission or forgiveness.”
I’m not well and I don’t know what to do
At this point, I would take a cancer diagnosis over not knowing wtf is wrong with my body. Just anything with a name that leads to steps of things to do that aren't just a doctor going "idfk, take these vitamins and other low-grade drugs and see me again in 6 months and also fuck you bitch" on repeat for the rest of my life.
"why am I feeling so agitated and aggressive, not sleeping, disregarding my responsibilities, coming across as really angry and/or intense...."
*remembers I am bipolar*
Whoops!
Sorry, I thought you cared and that I wasn’t too much.
It’s my favorite delusion…
Back to our regularly scheduled programming
Random bad Guy:"I have evidence you are cheating on Soap. You are going to do what I want or I send him a Video of you kissing Ghost."
Roach:"he also kisses Ghost."
Random bad guy:"what?"
Roach:"we all kiss Ghost...he needs it. if we don't he thinks we hate him."
Random bad guy:"the fuck?
IT'S OFFICIALLY THEIR DAY
Rant
I think what I’m struggling with most about having chronic pain is that,
I was just starting to get my life together, I was working and my mental health was getting better. I was making plans, and starting to like being alive.
But now I’m in constant tears due to the pain in my knees being so bad I can’t walk without feeling like I’m going to fall at any moment, my 10 years of bulimia has given me GERD so I can’t eat normally anymore, I can’t sleep normally cause I’m just always in fucking pain.
I’m 21 in 2 and a half weeks and I can’t run anymore, can barely walk, can’t dance and I’m so so so tired of being alive. It’s just continuing to drain me, and I didn’t have much to start with.
I was clean from self harm for almost 6 months but I just can’t do it anymore, I gave into the voice in my head and I’m so close to fully giving into it.
My brain wants me dead and I’m starting to agree with it.
+
The doctors have no fucking idea why I’m in so much fucking pain which is also so fucking disheartening
I just want to be okay again
I want someone to fix me
I want freedom
+
Its been 3 almost 4 months.
They still have no idea what’s wrong with me
My friends left me
Im alone again
And I’m really thinking of taking that big sleep ya know
Just to see what happens
Who knows
We might get a wedding and a funeral this year.
...
So It's been two years.
Here's a brief update.
Still a medical mystery, and found out that two of my friends actually hated me,,, sooooo they're gone completely out of my life thankfully.
I'm working again but now as an administrative assistant.
I've been on Testosterone for almost 3 years and I'm feeling better mentally.
I'm Two years clean of SH and it's really great to be able to wear short sleeves again.
I released Music and I've been through a lot of bullshit these past three years,,, but I'm okay.
me 8 years old hoping something bad happens to me so that i'll finally get attention not realizing something bad in fact did happen to me but no one noticed lol
your child had to learn to love themself after years of hating themself because of constant criticism, they had to learn to love every part of themself, their “flaws” and who they are. if the only love they ever got was from themself, then maybe you didn’t do such a good job as a mother
Reblog to bonk your mutuals on the head every time they start thinking negatively about themselves
specifically this kind of bonk.
Hades as John Mulaney quotes compilation
trying to figure out this wet mop of a man's design
Malevolent fanart
family members will be like 😌 i do not see it 😌 about the years of trauma they caused you growing up but then will never let you forget how moody you were when you were 14
please bring back 2014 indie pop (i could care less that a few of these songs were pre or post the 2014 era if the song fits it fits)
cecelia and the satellite by andrew mcmahon in the wilderness
i wanna get better by bleachers
cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant
ways to go by grouplove
girls by the 1975
miracle mile by cold war kids
take a walk by passion pit
little talks by of monsters and men
tongue tied by grouplove
midnight city by m83
undercover martyn by two door cinema club
i can talk by two door cinema club
young blood by the naked and famous
kids by mgmt
1901 by phoenix
young folks by peter bjorn and john
daylight by matt & kim
animal by neon trees
stolen dance by milky chance
out of my league by fitz and the tantrums
talk too much by coin
greek tragedy by the wombats
chocolate by the 1975
anna sun by walk the moon
everybody talks by neon trees
what you know by two door cinema club
dancing on glass by st lucia