Jayde @deadto-be - Tumblr Blog

Wanting mum.

Sometimes I wish that for just a second Josh understood what was going through my head, that he could finally have all the answers to the reason I am the way I am. I know that he just thinks I'm a sook and that I can't handle not getting my own way but it's so much more than that - but how can I explain that to him when I barely understand what's going on inside my own thoughts. My anxiety is getting worse and worse and I'm too scared to get mediated for it, for reasons I don't even understand. I snap at the poor boy too many times a day for me to count, and I know how hard he tries to understand me, but he continues to fail - and I continue to fail to tell him how much I appreciate his effort, I focus on all his flaws and make me feel so little. I don't even know why, but how do I stop? Only having one person in my life who truly understands my thoughts, even more than I do, is so so so frustrating. I need more - especially when my only person is fighting so many of their own battles, how selfish to load them with mine. I'm pathetic. I love living out of home, but sometimes I just want my mum back. not that she would understand anymore than Josh does, but it's mum.

thegirlwithfernweh

Learn to put on your bracelets and zip up your dresses by yourself. There will be times when you will be alone. Get on a long plane ride. Look out the window. Understand the immensity of our world. Understand your insignificance. Understand your absolute importance. Press the send button. If you don’t say it now, you never will. Do not sneer at happiness or roll your eyes at sadness. Be aware that apathy is not healthy. You are more than the amount of people who want to have sex with you. That pit in your stomach when he doesn’t text you back, it shouldn’t be there. No one should be able to control you like that. Shopping is cathartic. Buy the shoes and deal with one-ply toilet paper for a while. It will get better, but it will never be perfect. Learn to live through the small moments of happiness. When they disappear, remember they will resurface. I promise that cookie will not change anything (except that it will make you smile). Please, please, take care of yourself. You are everything to somebody. You are everything to your self. That alone is enough.

things to remember (via bl-ossomed)

imisshowitwasbefore

Learning Love 💖

what scares me the most about love, is that I have to learn it from scratch. I don't have the ideal family where the child grows up with both their parents, watching and learning love right there in front of them. I had my mum, countless guys - a different once each time who she would sleep with, craving their attention but swearing she was just 'looking for the right guy' and then I had my dad, who married and had more children, yet is so controlling of his wife who he only speaks to if they are fighting or something is wrong with a child. but even then, it's rarely a civil conversation. I was the result of a one night stand, my parents didn't even know each others last names when I was conceived. they attempted to make it work for me, which I am appreciative of but it ended in cheating and lies. I never saw love. all I know about love is what I see in movies, and things like old people holding hands down the street. it's scary never knowing love, but getting to create it myself is also so exciting. I get to make things up as I go along, create my own definition and learn to be happy with my partner in my own crazy way. I love our relationship - he has taught me what he considers to be love and together we have altered it and made it our own. I am so disappointed in the way my parents brought me up, but at the same time I'm glad I had the opportunity to create.

kushandwizdom

freedfromcontext

Time will pass; these moods will pass; and I will, eventually, be myself again.

Kay Redfield Jamison, “An Unquiet Mind - A Memoir of Moods and Madness” (via recoveryisbeautiful)

veryfunnymemes

kushandwizdom

I can relate to this..

waronawrites

Try not to feel jealous about things, or people or places. It’s toxic. Just keep living. You will find your happiness.

(via luv-me-tender)

darden-road-deactivated20190722

devilbxby

This shit is pretty deep, infinite is dependant on time,some times infinities are smaller than others.

tardiscrash

Let’s be real, in a time before the internet people didn’t have more adventures and make more meaningful connections. They watched TV and listened to CDs. Before that they listened to records and read magazines. Before that they listened to the radio and read bad dime novels. Before that they embroidered or some shit.

People have been staying inside and ignoring other people for as long as there have been buildings.