nat

ִ ࣪𖤐 things i love ִ ࣪𖤐

[dearestmuse]

your worth is not measured by someone else's inability to choose you or love you. you were never meant to be loved in a limited way

[dearestmuse]

there will come a time when you'll forget the sound of their laughter, their voice, their gentle touch, their warmth. there will come a time when you can think of them and not be terrorized by longing emotions. there will come a time when they won't cross your mind for days, weeks, even months. there will come a time when your heart becomes numb to them. that is when you've healed. but until then, live for that moment of freedom

[dearestmuse]

it's a sad sort of relief - when they finally hurt you enough. you're able to dismantle the perfect image you envisioned but you do it with sadness. you're no longer crippled by the hurt, just disappointed and numb. it's at that moment you realize that you'll survive

[dearestmuse]

he is not the same boy I fell for. the boy that bought me water bottles because he knew I had a bad habit of not drinking enough. the boy that drove me home safely while I slept holding his hand. the boy that would hold doors open for me and place a kiss on my forehead as I walked by. the boy that held me close to his chest while he whispered promises of our future. that boy is gone. he lives only in my memories now

[dearestmuse]

but the worst thing he ever did was making me feel like I was forgettable. replaceable. not worth changing for. how does a person go from loving you, taking care of you and creating a soul tie with you, only to abandon it with such ease?

[dearestmuse]

withdrawal tests your body, mind and soul in ways that are meant to break you; to give in to something that makes you feel anything other than pain. that's why substances like alcohol, drugs, and nicotine are controlled - to prevent dependence in the first place.

when you go through a heartbreak, your body experiences symptoms of withdrawals. there's the aching need to text them, the panic from overthinking, the inability to control your emotions because the one thing that made you feel safe, secure, loved and at peace has now been ripped away from you. sometimes the effects of withdrawal doesn't subside; it intensifies. and then gradually, it leads to your destruction.

love cannot be controlled or locked away by law, making it the most effortless way to lose yourself completely

[dearestmuse]

the depth of your grief is simply a mirror of the depth of your love; it's both a curse and a gift to be able to love someone with every atom of your soul

[dearestmuse]

maybe my absence drives him crazy. maybe he's just good at hiding it. but god, how I wish that mask slips for just a second so that I know i'm not suffering alone

[dearestmuse]

have you ever wanted to be hospitalized in hopes that they'd care enough to check up on you? spoiler alert: they probably won't.

the grief was enough to land me in the ER a couple times over the last few months and each time I told him, there was a momentary concern. but that's all it was-- momentary. no follow ups. no additional questions aside from "what happened?".

save yourself the disappointment, save yourself the grief. save yourself.

[dearestmuse]

but I would pick the sadness and hurt he let me endure while I was with him a thousand times over the pain of not being with him. is that love? probably not. does it make me sound crazy? I would say so. but I miss him so much that his absence feels like a wound that would never close

[dearestmuse]

"don't double text", "don't tell your ex you miss them", "if you keep pining, you'll look desperate", "you'll only ruin your own image if you don't leave them alone". bullshit. bull. shit.

let them remember you as the one who tried to make it work. as the one who loved them deep enough to hold on when it hurt. as the one whose heart was so pure that you prayed and wished to be with them while your heart was breaking. let them remember your love, your sincerity, your longing, your yearning; let them remember your intensity. because that's the only way they'll regret losing you.

[dearestmuse]

the thing about love is that you never know how deeply and fiercely it encompassed you until you're forced to live without it. and then suddenly, that loss hits you all at once and you can't remember how you ever lived without it before

[dearestmuse]

it's easier to grieve the dead than it is to grieve the living. at least through death there is closure; but to grieve the loss of a soul that's still alive? a soul that could be with you but chooses not to? death would be more peaceful

[dearestmuse]

to be remembered is to be loved

[dearestmuse]

but if we knew we were dying tomorrow, we'd do it. sending that text. confessing our love. telling the ones we care about how much we adore them. apologizing to them for picking silly fights. because that's all that matters. love is all that matters in this cruel and unpredictable world. this is the only time we get to experience love. the people we love, and the ones that love us in this world, are all we get. but do we really have to be dying to express it in its purest and fullest form?

[dearestmuse]

dain and violet's entire interaction in fourth wing

dain: violet, please, you have to quit and get into the scribe quadrant

violet: it's not clocking to you. it's not clocking to you that i'm standing on business

[dearestmuse]

and if no one's told you lately, let me remind you that you are loved and needed and wanted. this is your life and this one life is all you get. no second chances, no do-overs. don't let other people destroy your one chance at experiencing this world.