Damn dude, almost three months. I still get vivid dreams of you. The last comment I made to you was very rude. I apologize. You need to understand that I did not want to talk t you that day, and it seemed like you were pushing to talk. I just didn’t want to be reminded of you. I just wanted to move on. The day after I was frustrated and was rude. You were there in front of me and I regret not saying anything. I called you a child which was wrong.
You need to understand me. You never tried to in our relationship. You let your ego control everything and quite literally it blinded you. I don’t want you to think I’m attacking you. I’m not. You cut me off like a piece of trash. This was in the beginning of out falling out. I was there when you were out your worse. I stood there next to you, and I even held you. I miss you, and I’m rationally I am not supposed to.
I did not cheat n you with anyone, Ashley told me to say that to make you mad. You cut me off like junk, and I hated you at the moment. Now I just feel empty feeling like I did. Trying to attack you at that moment.
I understand your anger. I led you on with the colorado idea. My lawyer let me believe it would be alright in the beginning and last minute he said the opposite of what he led me to believe. You are a control freak maggie, You are also a rape victim, which I was fully aware of. Which is why I did a lot of compromising while we were together. What troubles me is that you fail to notice that. I held that back until last minute because you are you and you have set ideas that nothing or anyone can change and you were probably plotting something against me anyway even though I have no control over my immigration situation.
I miss laying on the futon with you inbetween my legs. Calling me goober. But rationally I should not. I miss rubbing your nose with mine. Your dimples, but I shouldn’t…and yet I do.
Yes, I have been with guys, and girl in the past three months. I’m finding myself pansexual. I am attracted to intellect. No one seems to be like you. This might be your little ego boost. I still think of you. Even if the sex we had was pretty okay compared to what I’m doing now. I’m not attack that those moments. I at least felt a connection with you. Everything is empty now. I miss your eyes, lips and lisp. I just miss you dude. Even though you treated me like trash at the end. I know I’m no saint either.
I’m in new brunswick now. In my room staring at the ceiling. Next to rutgers, just waiting for life to start for me again. I just want to apologize for being a dick.
Love,
Abdul.
Im deleting this blog because I DO NOT want to talk to you. Ever. Again.
And I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor.
And you dont get a gold star for not telling me lies, just to be hurtful.
