When You need to take your own advice
There are times when you have a moment of weakness and you ignore the red flags on the play. This is my story:
It’s hard to see the red flags when you’re wearing rose colored glasses…
Recently I had been dating a nice young gentleman who seemed kind, considerate and goal oriented. After spending a healthy amount of time by myself, and still discovering what I want, he seemed to fit some of the requirements. I was intrigued.
After dating for a few weeks I discovered first, he still lives at home with his parents🇦🇱, (he was saving money for a place of his own) had tattoos of Wolverine, Predator, and an evolved Pokémon on his body🇦🇱 (I know, I know) and is an avid, self-proclaimed Pokémon Master 🇦🇱(there’s really no way to justify it).
Even with all of his eccentricities, I still thought to give him a chance. So what if he spends his free time eating pizza and playing video games?🇦🇱 He was employed, had a degree, and still came off as thoughtful and kind. A ball of anxiety and lacked the drive to deal with confrontation or business, 🇦🇱 but seemed kind nonetheless.
One evening he invited me to come by his place and visit for the evening🇦🇱. Knowing that he lived with his parents, I didn’t want the first potential meeting of his parents to be awkward and last minute. I didn’t want his mom and dad to see some random chick in their home. So, we decided that I would meet them more formally, as I am more traditional. I was nervous of course, and thought maybe making a dessert would be a nice gesture and would break the ice.
We agreed that I would meet the parentals in a couple days.
The big day had come. I had baked a sweet potato pie (Because I’m black and I’m proud) and hi tailed it out to Long Island for what I thought would be a great evening. I got off the train and he was waiting for me at the station, outside of his orange SUV, the color of Charizard.🇦🇱
After a delightful meal of pizza (at my suggestion), we ended up at the family home. I and my pie were escorted inside. Captain Anxiety called for his mother who was sitting upstairs in their living room. He escorted me up and somehow forgot how to talk. There was a brief second of silence as a glint of confusion washed over her face. My beau stood at the stairs and let me fend for myself.🇦🇱
“Hi, I’m Tamika”, I said “You have such a lovely home”.
“Thank you!” she said, cordial, but confused. I immediately picked up on her confusion and my intuition told me that something was not very normal.🇦🇱
“I made you a pie!” I clamored. She graciously took the pie and hurried off the kitchen and put the pie in the microwave for safe keeping.
“I hope there’s whip cream!!” my ball-of-nerves beau said. “Where’s dad?!”
“He’s in the shower.” His mother retorted. I found that odd. It was almost 9pm. If they knew I was coming, why was he in the shower?🇦🇱 Something was fishy.
After my guy hurried me off to his section of the home, his own little apartment (normally called the basement) I asked him what that was all about. Why did his mother look surprised and why was his dad in the shower?
“I didn’t tell my parents” he stuttered. “I was going to tell them earlier when they were at dinner but my cousin was over and I was too anxious to say anything.”🇦🇱
“Wow”, I said. “So she didn’t know I was coming?” After some slight hesitation on his part, he finally admitted that not only did she not know that I was coming, she didn’t know that I existed at all. She was totally thrown off, and the pie, which was supposed to be a gesture of kindness, I now knew was a gesture of territorial command on my part.🇦🇱
Any woman would think “who is this bitch? And why is she bringing me a damn pie?”
I sat there and tried to process my feelings at 9:30 pm. He said that he felt terrible. I had traveled two hours on the train, out to Long Island to be humiliated. Apology after apology I tried to bury it. We watched a movie and I tried to be affectionate and say it was ok. I know what it’s like to have anxiety and have it be so crippling at times.
When I said I was tired and wanted to pass out,He said that I couldn’t stay much longer and needed to get back on the train to go. 🇦🇱I knew then, that this wasn’t going to last much longer.
So there I was, on a midnight train, by myself, back to the city. My phone died and I cried salty tears.
The next day he texted me and I told him that although I tried to be ok with everything, my feelings were still hurt. After a brief back and forth he said “If it’s a deal breaker, so be it”. 🇦🇱🇦🇱🇦🇱🇦🇱I thought for a while and said we should meet in person. He ran, and we never did.
Like a coward he shipped my precious, glass pie plate back to me and that was the end of that.
Later I found out he had begun seeing his ex around the time of the pie incident. I laugh now because it seems they enjoy living with their parents and enjoying Pokémon together. Next time I’ll bake a pie for a man with his own place.
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