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@deathbecoming
and iâve mentioned this before but the common conception that ppl who constantly suffer become desensitized to suffering is perfectly wrong. ppl who experience repeated psychological and physiological stressors, esp in childhood, actually become more responsive to stress, w stress response systems in the brain & body getting increasingly sensitive to stimuli and having more prolonged/exaggerated reactions Â
what doesnât kill you does not make you stronger, it makes you sicker and less able to cope biologically and emotionally w additional hardship
sometimes people pretend youâre a bad person so they donât feel guilty for the things they did to you
hypersensitivity
"Many effective strategies that treat anxiety and depression don't work for trauma survivors."
Iâve been living with the effects of complex trauma for a long time, but for many years, I didnât know what it was. Off and on throughout my life, Iâve struggled with what I thought was anxiety and depression. Or rather, In addition to being traumatized, I was anxious and depressed.
Regardless of the difference, no condition should ever be minimized. If you are feeling anxious or depressed, itâs important and urgent to find the right support for you. No one gets a prize for âworstâ depression, anxiety, trauma or any other combination of terrible things to deal with, and no one should suffer alone. With that in mind, there is a difference between what someone who has Complex PTSD feels and what someone with generalized anxiety or mild to moderate depression feels.
For someone dealing with complex trauma, the anxiety they feel does not come from some mysterious unknown source or obsessing about what could happen. For many, the anxiety they feel is not rational. General anxiety can often be calmed with grounding techniques and reminders of what is real and true. Mindfulness techniques can help. Even when they feel disconnected, anxious people can often acknowledge they are loved and supported by others.
For those who have experienced trauma, anxiety comes from an automatic physiological response to what has actually, already happened. The brain and body have already lived through âworst case scenarioâ situations, know what it feels like and are hell-bent on never going back there again. The fight/flight/ freeze response goes into overdrive. Itâs like living with a fire alarm that goes off at random intervals 24 hours a day. It is extremely difficult for the rational brain to be convinced âthat wonât happen,â because it already knows that it has happened, and it was horrific.
Those living with generalized anxiety often live in fear of the future. Those with complex trauma fear the future because of the past.
The remedy for both anxiety and trauma is to pull oneâs awareness back into the present. For a traumatized person who has experienced abuse, there are a variety of factors that make this difficult. First and foremost, a traumatized person must be living in a situation which is 100 percent safe before they can even begin to process the tsunami of anger, grief and despair that has been locked inside of them, causing their hypervigilance and other anxious symptoms. That usually means no one who abused them or enabled abuse in the past can be allowed to take up space in their life. It also means eliminating any other people who mirror the same abusive or enabling patterns.
Unfortunately for many, creating a 100 percent abuser-free environment is not possible, even for those who set up good boundaries and are wary of the signs. That means that being present in the moment for a complex trauma survivor is not fail-proof, especially in a stressful event. They can be triggered into an emotional flashback by anything in their present environment.
It is possible (and likely) that someone suffering from the effects of complex trauma is also feeling anxious and depressed, but there is a difference to the root cause. Many effective strategies that treat anxiety and depression donât work for trauma survivors. Meditation and mindfulness techniques that make one more aware of their environment sometimes can produce an opposite effect on a trauma survivor. Â Trauma survivors often donât need more awareness. They need to feel safe and secure in spite of what their awareness is telling them.
At the first sign of anxiety or depression, traumatized people will spiral into toxic shame. Depending on the wounding messages they received from their abusers, they will not only feel the effects of anxiety and depression, but also a deep shame for being âdefectiveâ or ânot good enough.â Many survivors were emotionally and/or physically abandoned, and have a deep rooted knowledge of the fact that they were insufficiently loved. They live with a constant reminder that their brains and bodies were deprived of a basic human right. Even present-day situations where they are receiving love from a safe person can trigger the awareness and subsequent grief of knowing how unloved they were by comparison.
Anxiety and depression are considered commonplace, but I suspect many of those who consider themselves anxious or depressed are actually experiencing the fallout of trauma. Most therapists are not well trained to handle trauma, especially the complex kind that stems from prolonged exposure to abuse. Unless they are specially certified, they might have had a few hours in graduate school on Cluster B personality disorders, and even fewer hours on helping their survivors. Many survivors of complex trauma are often misdiagnosed as having borderline personality disorder (BPD) or bipolar disorder. Anyone who has sought treatment for generalized anxiety or depression owes themselves a deeper look at whether trauma plays a role.
someone in a fanfic: s-stutters in embarrassment
me, closing the tab: sorry I must go
Unrealistic Stuttering: âS-sorry I-I d-d-didnât m-mean t-toâŚâ
Realistic Stuttering: âSorry, I uh⌠I didnât mean- I didnât mean to do thatâŚâ
When people stutter, they usually reword what theyâre saying as they speak, and subconsciously insert âfiller wordsâ such as âuh, like, you know,â and etc.
*puts on speech therapist hat*
ACTUALLY! It depends on why they are stuttering.Â
A Nervous Stutter results in what is called Mazing, or rewording the sentence. That is the classic âI, um⌠well I⌠look itâs just that⌠so weâŚâ that @hellishhues is talking about. When someone is mazing their words youâre seeing a form of Speech Apraxia where the brain is having trouble forming verbal speech. This can be brought on by brain damage, memory loss, anxiety, nerves, and several other things.Â
The root cause of a nervous stutter is a disconnect between the mouth and the brain.Â
With this you will also sometimes see the classic âS-s-s-sorryâŚâ especially if the person has been training to speak clearly and is now at a point of fatigue or stress where they are not mentally capable of forming the words.
The other kind of stutter is a Physical Stutter, sometimes referred to as slurring, and another facet of Speech Apraxia. This stutter is caused when the muscles of the mouth, tongue, and throat are physically unable to form certain sounds. This is most often seen in the very young and victims of brain trauma.Â
Sounds are acquired at different ages, so a 2-year-old will probably not be able to clearly pronounce certain words (which is why toddler sound so off when theyâre written with developed dialogue). These mis-pronunciations are sometimes referred to as lisping, but only if the sounds are run together. If the person starts and restarts the sound because they got it wrong, it can also sound like the classic sound stutter.Â
But it all depends on why the character is stuttering!
Do they have Speech Apraxia, Audio Processing Disorder, muscle dysfunction, or another medical reason to stutter? (1)
Are they stuttering because of anxiety, stress, or fatigue? (2)
Does the stutter stem from intoxication or blood loss? (3)
All of those will sound different!Â
1 - Will have mazing, repeated sound stutters, and be the classic stutter that annoys OP.
2 - This is where youâll see the repetition stutter, mazing, rephrasing, and filler words.
3 - This is where you are more likely to see starts and stops and slurring of words.Â
My mum has apraxia and I just wanted to say thatâs one of the most concise and clear ways Iâve seen it explained, thank you!
shoutout to everyone whose âbiting phaseâ lasted way longer than it should have
I think at least half of you do not understand what I mean by âbiting phaseâ. Itâs not âtee hee, I like biting my kissing partners âcause itâs kinda sexyâ.
I mean âthis person made me mad, so I used my mouth weapons against them in self defenseâ and/or âI did not realize how powerful my jaws were in comparison to flesh and caused genuine injuries during playâ.
I stand by our earlier statement.
Oral fixations are super common with autistic-spec and autistic-cousin DDs
honestly i think the most validating thing ive ever heard was âgood parents donât have to try to convince their children they werenât abusedâ so yknow. remember that.
when people write fics with psychotic characters being violent & murderersÂ
me: what the hell is wrong with me brain: hereâs a repressed memory that explains a lot of things me: Well Lock It Back Up?? Did I Ask For All That????
types of healthy coping skills
1. self-soothing
comforting yourself through the 5 senses
Touch: stuffed animals, stress balls, taking a bath, a soft blanket
Hear: music, audio book, guided relaxation
See: snow globe, glitter, calming images, art, anything that pleases you visuallyÂ
Taste: tea, mints, gum
Smell: lotion, candles, incenseÂ
2. distraction
removing your focus from the stressor for a period of time
puzzles, art, crafting, reading, movies, gaming, exercise, being social
3. opposite action
doing the opposite of the impulse that aligns with a positive emotion
affirmations, inspiration, lighthearted and encouraging focus
4. emotional awareness
identifying and constructively expressing what youâre feeling
journaling, listing emotions, using a emotional identification chart, drawing, therapy
5. mindfulness
centering and anchoring yourself to the present moment
meditation, guided relaxation, yoga, breathing exercises, candle gazing, going for a walk
6. ask for help
this is important to do when you feel like your coping skills are not enough or they are too negative and detrimental Â
therapy is ideal for helping a person create a healthy coping strategy and incorporate it into their lifeÂ
*a coping skill is considered healthy if it helps you to deal with stress more positively, does not hinder your progress, and isnât harmful physically or mentally. A coping skill can become negative when it is used to completely avoid dealing with the stressor.Â
Just a heads up that some forms of mindfulness (particularly meditation, guided relaxation and hypnosis) can be negative / detrimental to those with PTSD and dissociative disorders as it can actually increase dissociation, depersonalization and derealization in these mental illnesses. If you have a dissociative disorder, instead of these types of mindfulness, practice physical grounding techniques instead in order to prevent flashbacks!
hey fall is coming around and that post âintrusive thought: eat a leafâ or whatever is probably gonna be floating around again so hereâs a reminder that that post is not describing intrusive thoughts, but rather an impulse. intrusive thoughts are serious and can cause significant distress and should not be treated lightly. all those uwu relatable intrusive thoughts uwu posts are made by people who have a crucial misunderstanding of what intrusive thoughts are and likely donât actually experience them, so keep that in mind before you start reblogging them uncritically. keep your mutuals with actual intrusive thoughts in mind and donât reblog posts mocking and downplaying their experiencesÂ
i found a handy chart that can help you tell the difference between impulsive and intrusive thoughtsÂ
hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and itâs less likely to creak
socks are quieter than bare feet on tile/wood and for the love of god donât wear slippers/shoes if you can help it
climbing ON the furniture will disrupt the pattern of your footsteps and make it harder to hear where you are in the house
crawling will do the same and if you get caught crawling you can pretend you fellÂ
the floor near the wall can be really loud if the floorboards/carpet is old and not completely flush to the wall
do NOT attempt to use a rolling chair to travel without footsteps. they are extremely loud and hard to steer
Also. Breath with your mouth and not your nose. Your nose will whistle. Trust me. If you need to get into your fridge, jab your finger into the rubber part that seals the door closed and create a tiny airway. This will prevent the suction noise when you open the door. When drinking liquids (juice mostly), pour out your glass (or chug from the jug) and replace what you drank with water. If it was full enough in the beginning, no one will notice. DO NOT STEAL ALCOHOL. THEY WILL NOTICE IF ITâS WATERED DOWN. Bring a pillowcase for dried foods like cereal and granola. It helps to muffle the sound it makes when it pours.
If your house has snack packs (like gummy bears or crackers or chips), count them every day until you know the rhythm that they get consumed. (This took me a week and a half with my twin brother and sister). Then join the rhythm when you make your nightly visits. It will be that much harder to figure out it was you.
KEEP A TRASH BAG UNDER YOUR BED FOR WRAPPERS AND STUFF BUT DONT FORGET TO THROW IT OUT WHENEVER YOU CAN. BUGS YKNOW. Hope this helped.
I might have some useful info to add.
-a jar of peanut butter is long lasting and easy to hide under a bed or in a dresser drawer. I lived off of jars of peanut butter and boxes of saltine crackers I would buy on grocery trips with my mom.
-two words: Slipper Socks. These are the socks that have rubber designs on the bottom for grip. They make no noise, and also keep you steady on slicker surfaces like tile and wood. You can find them cheap at Walmart. They also keep your feet more protected if youâre outside.
-if youâre secure enough in your room to have a small food stash, make sure youâre not too obvious about it (duh) but also move its location every few days. I kept mine in a shoebox under my bed, then switched it to a backpack in my closet, then wedged between my bookshelf and wall, and I would cycle locations until i moved it permanently to a false-bottomed drawer I installed in my dresser when my father was gone for a weekend. I would NEVER put food directly into my stash after taking it. I would keep it in pockets of my clothes and between books until everyone went to sleep, then Iâd stock and stow my stash for the next few days.
-get a water bottle with a filter in it. I used to be able to reach my bathroom from my bedroom door down the hall using a huge step or minor jump/leap. If I was afraid of being caught at night, Iâd fill up the humidifier tank we kept under our sink while I took a short shower, and would refill my water that way. It might not be the best option, but I kept a small stockade of water under my bed for emergencies.
-if you can, smuggle your garbage out in your backpack or purse. Dispose of it at work/school. I got caught twice by carelessly throwing away packaging.
-if someone knows the situation youâre going through (close friend/partner/etc) see if thereâs a way for them to get food or other supplies to you at school or work or what private time you may get. A hidden first aid kit literally saved parts of my body before and I owe it to a close friend.
-try learning the buildingâs natural rhythm. The house I grew up in would creak and settle heavily every night for 3-5 minutes. That was my shot, and I had to be QUICK. I still got caught a few times, but learning the patterns in our floors and walls, when they creaked, WHERE they creaked, kept me going. Eventually I was sprinting in slipper socks to the kitchen and back in less than 90 seconds.
-if you have stairs, or live upstairs. Sit as you go down them one at a time, or climb up them like an animal. It keeps you low/out of lots of motion sight, and also can reduce noise and creaking by distributing weight over more than 1-2 steps.
-You can use common hand sanitizer to remove the stains certain snack foods leave behind (coughs cheeto fingers) and a dry toothbrush can help scrub the color off your tongue. If you can get powdered toothpaste or toothpaste tabs to keep on hand, it makes a huge difference in sneakiness.
-I donât recommend going for dried foods like granola or cereal unless you can sneak it to a secure place to get it. Itâs too loud, itâs a gamble every time for something with less caloric intake than itâs worth if you get caught. Of course, there are times when thatâs the only option!!
-if youâre taking milk, add water, but be SURE to shake/agitate the bottle to distribute the dairy fat with the water. I got into the habit of shaking milk jugs when I started sneaking it, and explained the habit as something I read in an old comic strip my father showed me. (Back when whole milk had a lot more cream fats and theyâd separate, so shaking it would redistribute the cream.) I still shake milk jugs to this day.
-if your windows open or donât have screens, eat leaning out an open window. Any food mess will be lost in the dirt. I was lucky I had bushes and birds outside that would catch my granola bar crumbs before anyone could notice.
-canned goods are tempting, but not worth it. It requires too many tools (can opener/strained sometimes/utensils/some need heat) stick to thinks like various nut butters (sunflower/peanut/almond), crackers, dried fruit, and easy to conceal food bars (nature valley/nutrigrain/etc.) dried ramen packets are good uncooked if you can stand the texture. Apple sauce and pudding cups are also easier to sneak and stash than one might think, and can be eaten with your fingers. The only canned foods I recommend are condensed soups and precooked pasta (spaghetti-oâs). You can easily mix them with a little bit of hot water from the tap and get something more sustaining than a handful of captain Crunch. The cans are cheap, sometimes recyclable, and drinking soup takes way less time than chewing solid food.
-if you menstruate, attempt to stash pads/tampons in a safe location. Sometimes shit happens. Pads can work as bandages in emergency situations. Sometimes shark week comes unexpectedly. If you can sneak a roll of toilet paper or paper towels, these are also life savers.
-plastic utensils from takeout containers can be hidden inside socks and will be worth their weight in gold when you least expect it. I bought myself a tiny plastic bowl from the dollar store and kept cheap trinkets in it on my desk so it didnât seem like a bowl I was eating out of. You could try this with something like a mason jar, which is also useful for drinking out of or storing water.
-if youâre eating a crunchy or solid food, try soaking it in water. Mushy food can be repulsive in texture, but I could clock the sound of someone eating a nature valley oat bar from like 6 miles away. Dunking it in water (or using a secret bowl+water) can reduce noise, and also eating time since you donât have to chew as much.
-keep a laundry bar or tide pen on you. Laundry bars are super useful, a little hard to find though. I washed a lot of stains out of my clothes with laundry bars in my bathroom sink as a kid. Not proud if it, but it kept me flying under the radar at school.
-clear rubber bands, plain twine or string, paper clips, and thumb tacks. Indescribably useful. I once rigged a system to open tricky cabinets and get objects from inside using two paper clips and a foot of plain string like a mock lasso system.
-if youâre pulling objects from tall cabinets, use your chest or stomach to cushion them. Let them fall into your torso and then into your hands cradled underneath. Not as loud, not as much grabbing, if someone sees it they can mistake it for it falling on you by the body language.
-get a bandana. Or four. Napkins, bandages, tool, and accessory all in one.
-get a tiny sewing kit. Iâm talking 3 needles and a spool of thread tiny. Scissors if you can sneak it. See things into your clothes. Make hidden pockets or compartments. Threadbanger on YouTube did a video a few years ago about sneaking things into music festivals using tiny clothing mods, but they may be useful in sneaking money or medicine.
-on the topic of sneaking money. donât take bills, take change. If your abusers donât meticulously count their nickels and pennies, theyâre an easy(ish) way to build up a tiny savings pool. I found nickels the least noticed coin I took, even more than pennies, and taking two every few nights from where theyâd be tossed on our countertop soon built up to a semi-reliable fund I passed off to someone to get me food for my stash without having to sneak it from the kitchen. As soon as I became âindependentâ in my food storage, I was subjected to much less scrutiny. I managed to build up a solid 1-2 week ration supply after hoarding change.
-you can tape SD cards to the inside of book dust covers(the part that folds inside the actual cover of the book), if you have a sewing kit or zipper on it inside the stuffing of your pillow (trim a corner, stuff it inside, stitch it closed) or (this is final resort) VERY CAREFULLY remove the covering from your outlet and tape it to the wall stud before replacing the casing. I kept mine inside part of my wooden bed frame that I hollowed out using, you guessed it, take out silverware knives and 4 nights without sleep.
-THE FLOOR IS LAVA WAS KEY TRAINING FOR ME AS A CHILD. I learned to take pillows with me, climb on furniture to disrupt my flow of movement, toss a pillow down, and use that to cushion any rattle our living room could give off as I crept to the kitchen from the side entrance so my momâs dog wouldnât bark or alert anyone. I highly suggest crawling around on all fours like some sort of beast to stay out of sight.
-can you run your house blindfolded?? If you canât. Maybe you should try to learn. I suffered some heavy eye traumas growing up and had a collective 3-4 months just IN THE DARK. Eyes bandaged, left alone. It was terrible, but damn if I couldnât navigate the whole place silently, without any visual cues. This helps a lot with the whole moving around in the dark thing, too. Listening is obviously key.
-if your parents start getting suspicious, or youâre suspicious theyâre getting suspicious, watch out for traps. String on the ground that gets shifted when you walk on it. Baby powder or flour left to track footprints or doors opening/closing. My dad was partial to wrapping a bungee cord around my doorknob and attaching it to the closet across the hallway. I wouldnât be able to open my door enough to get out, or if I did, I risked ruining the structural integrity of the wrappings he did, and he would notice.
-learn to tie some knots. Strong ones. Theyâll come in handy at one point or another.
-remember that youâre not totally alone. Thereâs people out there for you. Wanting to make everything better. You donât deserve whatâs happening, it isnât normal, and you will eventually find help. But staying safe is important, and you are important.
It upsets me that people might need to know these but I know it could really help someone by reblogging
ALWAYS REBLOG
It pains me to think some people have to live in houses like this. Especially since I myself have had to use some of these tips growing up. Reblogging for safety đ
Because I feel like kids of color donât hear it enough: domestic abuse is not a part of your culture.Â
A lot of us where raised with the idea that âits normal for wives/children to get hit! it helps them learnâ only white folk donât get beaten when they misbehaveâ. Thatâs not true, white people arenât the only ones who deserve a safe and abuse free environment. Black and brown people can and do have loving families.Â
If youâre in a situation where you are enduring abuse and people use your culture to justify it, I want you to know that what theyâre telling you are lies.