I'm Rotting I'm Dying

Kyrie Eleison It hurts

[b4st4rd-420]

overstimulated

[mentally-fucked999]

Everytime I feel like I’m ’normal’ I’m always reminded that I’m not. Every time I miss social cue, every time I miss a look of disinterest, or a joke or an uncomfortable expression or someone upfront telling me I’m strange, I’m reminded that I’m merely wearing the costume of neurotypicals, I’m not one of them. People see that costume, the only reason they don’t point it out as bluntly as others do is just out of social obligation. In truth, they’re uncomfortable in my presence and in my oddities. No matter how hard I try.

[moomonty]

i hate having autism. its making my life so fucking difficult. i had to quit my job today because it was just getting to be too much, mentally and physically. i cried five times yesterday thinking about going in this morning, and i finally quit. i feel like such a fucking failure. i hate being a big girl i wish i could just be little

[miyaeto]

[rowanisawriter]

You can survive your childhood and escape the horror of your parents by creating and existing solely in a rich inner world in which you contain all your thoughts and feelings and this will not have any effect on your relationships as an adult

[headless-chicken-disco]

I’ve known this is a problem for so long, but it’s like, how the hell do you even start to explain this shit to people? How do you admit, ‘a good portion of my atrophying social skills came from the fact that I replaced human interaction with daydreaming about myself in media that I liked and formed safe emotional connections with them instead of having to risk being abandoned by the people I trusted again’. How do you say that without sounding like a mental patient or a child?

I know deep down that I will never truly become less lonely until I address this, but how do you even start that conversation with feeling deeply ashamed? And how do you give up the characters who have loved you unconditionally when no one else did?

[twicethestarsss]

realizing that you’d prefer sitting in your room listening to songs and pretending you are someone/somewhere else and feeling guilty about it. thinking you are “bad” for daydreaming about people who understand and care for you when no one else seems to.

knowing you could open the door. that you could walk into the living room and talk to your family. but you couldn’t, not really. and suddenly you realize you’ve delved so deep into your mind that you don’t even know if you can claw your way out and form connections without being able to direct every aspect of the relationship.

not having the ability to redo a conversation or start a scene over. losing the control and safety that these fictional people and places provide you. the stability of knowing that you can’t get hurt, that you have the power to make any decision, change any outcome.

hating how when you finally make a connection you start to doubt yourself and pull back. canceling plans just to stare at the wall for hours.

you know you can walk out the door. but you don’t.

[apologies for my rambling i don’t know if this makes sense. in my feeling about shit right now.]

[dreamstars]

[pridefulsuggestion]

enough is enough.

[alas-ausentes]

es tu culpa si

si no fuese por ti por ti por ti

todavía podría ser humano

[deadsignaltv]

[jemsettin]

[greelin]

people when trauma victims act traumatized especially in a way that is unpalatable to them because it involves lashing out and unpredictable moods and having boundary issues rather than just being demure, sad, and consumable

[peargirl20]

I SHALL NOT WANT , by me , 2025. i don’t usually do textile work but i have been lately i guess!

[strangledplanet]

[inksplit]

[vomitcrisis]

[psychotic-gerard]

the thing about disability is it really does sometimes boil down to "wow i wish i could do that" and then you can't. and it sucks.

[psychotic-gerard]

accomodations are important but i think they miss the point of this post. sometimes you can't do it. at all. someone needs to do it for you or it will never happen.

[psychotic-gerard]

"and then you force yourself anyway" folks im starting to think some of you really do not understand what it means to not be able to do things.

[strangledplanet]