Stranger Things
ojovivo
I'd rather be in outer space šø
Cosmic Funnies
ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
todays bird
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Discoholic šŖ©
d e v o n
Janaina Medeiros
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Love Begins
Product Placement
Xuebing Du
Show & Tell
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Origami Around
ā
blake kathryn
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@decadence136
KICK THE CAN!
Letās play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.
To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.
the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13Ā½ years now
And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!
why is this post completely broken in every way imaginable
Broken notesā¦ deactivated accountā¦ removed imageā¦.
Finally, we have them all.
In addition: OPās name is justā¦ gone. No ā[insert username]-deactivated[insert a bunch of numbers]ā as is the standard for deactivated blogs.
Just the world ādeactivated.ā Look upon their post, ye mighty, and despair.
Itāll be almost impossible to find this post unless it wanders across your dash.
It wandered across mine. I shall help it travel forward.
this is not a place of honor
Oh hey post of Ozymandius, good to see you again standing on your feet in a desert where no one remembers you
What month were you born in?
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
Doing a final project in my stats class, we have to pick a subject and collect data on it. We need at least 100 data points, and I figured this blog is big enough that a poll on here could get to that pretty easily!
Doing my project on if itās more likely to be born in certain months :]
I have gotten the OK from my teacher to collect data using a Tumblr poll, btw. Iām also going to have to send her this post as proof of where I got the data from / proof I didnāt just make up the numbers. So. Behave
I have you blocked because I don't like your blog at all but I hope you're doing well. ok blocking you again adieu
Hello???
Anon bb come back i can change for you
oh, no, you misunderstand me. those were my monkeys. yeah the circus and i have since parted ways. yeah it was the elephant thing, i dont really want to address that right now though
I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.
He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense
Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.
My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.
Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.
He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM
watch video on resident evil cheater. they mention dream's cheating scandal. truly he never escapes it i hope we never forget about it
lets make fun of dream cheating in every video about any new cheating scandal with youtubers who aren't even in mcyt
ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY
you guys are so right, I should have added the best part
This meme ages like a fine wine every year that passes.
the bad news: I now hate my current wip and strongly believe there isn't a single joke in it that lands
the good news: I know my process enough to recognize this as the slump that I hit in everything I write when it's like three-quarters-ish done
the bad news: the only way out is through
the good news: I do know the way out!
the bad news: yeah but it's through
making a cross stitch that says "I am funny and he would fucking say that" to hang directly above my monitor
"hey toast you stayed up past midnight because you were working on the fic and not because you were procrastinating by making a hideous pattern for a joke cross stitch" have you never met a writer before
gonna tell my kids this was live laugh love
Iāll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words ācrucifix nail nipplesā into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.
I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?
All right buckle the fuck up kids, itās the year 2012 and Iāve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. Itās a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I havenāt edited a single thing in months which isnāt about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice thereās a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see Iām not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. Itāll be dead by page 24, but I donāt know that yet. Iām just editing one more vampire boner fest.
The MC is a girl who weāll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girlā¢, Sue is Not Like Other Girlsā¢, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boyā¢ for a boyfriend. Weāll call him Dickhead.
Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The Oneā¢ but he loves her really so itās okay. Except itās not okay because Sue is a Good Girlā¢ and holding out till marriage which heās fine with except heās got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words āhey studā and he follows, dick out before sheās even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because sheās a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that heāll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now heās a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause itās about to get weirder.
Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Loveā¢ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! Heās been āinstinctively protecting her from rapistsā by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because thatās not fucking terrifying at all.
Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only sheād let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he canāt decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I donāt mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.
If youāve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.
So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: āher breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldnāt stopā
This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be āgod fucking dammitā as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.
When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with āa dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flowerā (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, thereās more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and Iāll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and itās all a bit of a blur.
A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed āTHATāS NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEARTā and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldnāt take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.
And thatās the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. Youāre all fucking WELCOME.
Happy ten year anniversary to this fucking post š
My very first tiger drawing and my latest
Your skill level is unquestionable but listen.
I love him.
me also. as well.
This is the COOLEST thing Iāve seen in AGES. You both completely made my entire week.
actually fucking disgusting that glasses cost any money like if you actually think about it for more than a few seconds it is so unconscionably inhumane. this goes for things like insulin and mobility aids and hearing aids too ofc but fuck man, fucking glasses? the thing you need to fucking see? its genuinely sickening and inhumanly evil that those cost ANYTHING.
let's put Scooby and the gang in a genuine horror movie situation, i wanna see what these freaks are truly capable of
"didn't they already do this withā" no. put them in a slasher film. put them in a BLOODBATH. put this van full of weirdoes in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre scenario i have FAITH in them
THEY'D DO WELL IN SAW
okay I'm thinking about this
not Saw specifically but a slasher with a legit body count. Summer camp slashers are overplayed but I think it really works because it's the type of thing the Scooby gang WOULD get caught up in.
like some of the counselors didn't show up (got got) so the head counselor calls his younger cousin to see if him and his friends can fill in last minute. They show up and they're a bunch of nerds, one of them even has an anxiety dog, and they don't have a big role at first. It seems like the movie is setting them up as cannon fodder.
and then the deaths start and suddenly the nerds are locked the fuck in. The little one with the glasses actually fixed the phone line and is taking stock of all their supplies in case the vehicles go out. The counselor's cousin who seemed like a himbo has set up a perimeter and made makeshift alarms for all the doors and windows, knows all the entry points. The anxious one and his dog are keeping the mood up with the snacks and activities that were supposed to be for the kids, making sure nobody panics and starts making dumb decisions. Somebody tried to grab the redhead and she flipped him over and had him zip-tied before anybody noticed. Weren't they a D&D group or something? What is happening???
Fuck the slasher movie just effectively becomes Home Alone but with Four Kevin McAllisters
Bro's fucked.
art by Daviddv1202
at one point the kid with the anxiety dog says, "man, why does this keep happening? this is, like, the eighth time thid year!"
it's barely June. abruptly all the normal councilors understand a) why he has an anxiety dog, and b) why the dog has anxiety too.
"He wouldn't say that" has a beautiful cousin, and her name is "That's Not What This Story is About".
This kills me every time
