does anyone else agree that colors
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@decadentcollectivebarbarian
does anyone else agree that colors
tick tick tock and it's bombs away!!!
One of the stranger things about training brand new nurses is explaining how to min max small talk. It feels very weird to coach people on how to chat.
if I make and post an insanely detailed powerpoint on the twenty different equations I run mentally during casual conversation to make it flow better, everyone has to say that it's sexy and cool and not weird at all
remember, everyone promised to be cool! also disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer assume I said all the things you'd say to be like "i know human interaction is complicated, i know some of what i listed here would be very annoying to some people," and all that
ive found that when i say “save me [x character] save me” im usually saying it about a character that has gone through something similar to what im currently going through (ie saying Save me arthur morgan when i’m coughing horribly) and it dawned on me recently that it’s essentially the same as praying to saints for intercession
let me ask my catholic mother about this actually
ora pro nobis arthur morgan.
It is really important to me that all of you learn about Al Bean, astronaut on Apollo 12 and the fourth man to walk on the moon, who after 20 years in the US Navy and 18 years with NASA during which he spent 69 days in space and more than 10 hours doing EVAs on the moon , retired to become a painter.
He is my favorite astronaut for any number of reasons, but he’s also one of my favorite visual artists.
Like, look at this stuff????
It’s all so expressive and textured and colorful! He literally painted his own experience on the moon! And that's just really fucking cool to me!
Just look at this! This is one of my absolute favorite emotions of all time. Is Anyone Out There? is like the ultimate reaction image. Any time I have an existential crisis, this is how I picture myself.
And then there's this one:
The Fantasy
For all of the six Apollo missions to land on the moon, there was no spare time. Every second of their time on the surface was budgeted to perfection: sleeping, eating, putting on the suits, entering and exiting the LEM, rock collection, setting up longterm experiments to transmit data back to Earth, everything. These timetables usually got screwed over by something, but for the most part the astronauts stuck to them.
The crew of Apollo 12 (Pete Conrad, Al Bean, and Dick Gordon) had other plans. Conrad and Bean had snuck a small camera with a timer into the LEM to take a couple pictures together on the moon throughout the mission. They had hidden the key for the timer in one of the rock collection bags, with the idea being to grab the key soon after landing, take some fun photos here and there, and then sneak the camera back to Earth to develop them. They had practiced where they would hide the key and how to get it out from under the collected rocks back on Earth dozens of times.
But when they got to the moon, the key was nowhere to be found. Al Bean spent precious time digging through the collection bags before he called it off. The camera had been pushing their luck anyways, he couldn't afford to spend anymore time not on the mission objectives. Conrad and Bean continued the mission as per the NASA plan while Dick Gordon orbited overhead.
Fast forward to the very end of the mission. Bean and Conrad are doing last checks of the LEM before they enter for the last time and depart from the moon. As Bean is stowing one of the collection bags, the camera key falls out. The unofficially planned photo time has come and gone, and he tosses the key over his shoulder to rest forever on the surface of the moon.
This painting, The Fantasy, is that moment. There have never been three people on the moon at the same time, there was never an unofficial photo shoot on the moon, this picture could never have happened.
"The most experienced astronaut was designated commander, in charge of all aspects of the mission, including flying the lunar module. Prudent thinking suggested that the next-most-experienced crew member be assigned to take care of the command module, since it was our only way back home. Pete had flown two Gemini flights, the second with Dick as his crewmate. This left the least experienced - me - to accompany the commander on the lunar surface.
"I was the rookie. I had not flown at all; yet I got the prize assignment. But not once during the three years of training which preceded our mission did Dick say that it wasn't fair and that he wished he could walk on the moon, too. I do not have his unwavering discipline or strength of character.
"We often fantasized about Dick's joining us on the moon but we never found a way. In my paintings, though, I can have it my way. Now, at last, our best friend has come the last sixty miles." - Al Bean, about The Fantasy.
There’s also Alexei Leonov, writer and artist and first person to conduct a spacewalk!
This is his art.
You can't forget this, the first art made in space.
March 1965, Alexei Leonov made this drawing only moments after narrowly surviving the very first space walk.
Sorry but like
He fucking littered on THE MOON?!!??!
LOVEEE when i’m in the kitchen while someone else is cooking and they say “could you give that a stir for me?” brother. i would be HONORED to give that a stir for you
british towns will be called Fuckmouth or whatever and people will just go with it
obsessed with this
i literally live 10 miles from shitterton and i can confirm that the council had to replace all of their signs with rocks because they kept getting stolen.
memes i miss: Pooh Baseball
Ok so a lot of people are confused over this, allow me to give some clarity.
There’s this little flash game online from way way back, Pooh Baseball.
It starts off innocently enough as a nice little baseball minigame, but soon spirals out of control. No, it’s not doing creepypasta shit, but it’s just the difficulty ramps up. IT RAMPS UP HARD. It starts off with just introducing curve balls and stuff like that, but then people start cheating. For instance, Tigger can do physics-obliterating zig-zag balls, and the owl’s ones would disappear in mid-air. It was severely difficult, and when 4chan’s /v/ got a hold of this, any incredulousness towards the game soon evaporated. I guarantee that any little kids back in the day probably gave up quickly, but the people from /v/, battlehardened from Dark Souls, Touhou, Wario Ware and all sorts of reflex-driven games, took it upon themselves to try and beat it.
But then people from /v/ perservered and managed to push on and finally take on the final pitcher - Christopher Robin.
And they discovered the true depths of hell.
See, Chris is a cheating motherfucker. There is no other way to describe him. He took notes from every other pitcher (Or devoured all their souls to gain their power, depending on how memey you want to go with this), and can use every one of the tricks that the other pitchers can.
AND HE CAN COMBINE THEM.
This resulted in stuff like dissappearing zigzag balls and speed-changing screwballs. It was borderline impossible to beat him.
I should stress: The people playing this were from /v/. There were men who could go toe-to-toe with Gwyn with no armour and come out on top. There were some who could take on Remillia Scarlet and escape without a hit. There were people who could get through Oblivion with never levelling up.
And they almost all fell against this child and his celestial pitching arm.
And the memes began to flow.
I’ve played it myself, and got up to 6.
I don’t think I have the words to express how much I want to kick a nocturnal bird up the arse.
What the heck, I’ll give it a shot.
How bad could it be?
Guys I’m not ok
Do tell
Oh jeez where to begin
Ok, First of all, Dorothy Gale is played by a young Fairuza Balk.
These pictures do not do justice to the raw Traumatized Child energy she brings to this role.
A bit of plot: Dorothy Gale won’t sleep. She’s always talking about Emerald Cities and Talking Scarecrows and Ruby Slippers. At her wit’s end, Aunt Em decides to commit her to the sanitarium for electroshock therapy.
Disney made this.
It is strongly implied that her journey back to Oz is a hallucination caused by the electroshock treatment. Herr Doktor flips the switch, lightning flashes, and the supernatural part of the movie begins.
Ok. So. Dorothy gets to Oz by almost drowning in a flash flood. She rides to safety in a produce crate with one of her family chickens.
This is where one of the core Uncanny elements of the film first appears; this movie does not share continuity with the 1939 Judy Garland film.
It is a much more faithful adaptation of L.F. Baum’s Books, but despite being a sequel both objectively and canonically, it really just pretends the ‘39 film doesn’t exist.
They land in a desert that turns people to stone called the Deadly Desert. They get food from a Lunch Pail Tree. The chicken can talk. The Scarecrow is King of Oz, allegedly.
But, like,
Here’s her house from the first movie.
The one that landed on a witch? Right smack dab in the middle of a whole dang Munchkin Village?
There was literally a whole song and dance!
Where did the Munchkins go, you might ask?
Well, while Dorothy was away,
There was an Apocalypse.
OZ HAS FALLEN
And this is where we meet the nightmarish Eldritch spawn of Roller Disco and David Bowie:
The Wheelers
Alright. The fucking Wheelers.
I don’t-
What is-
What these pictures don’t convey is that, as they move, they make the exact same sound the gurneys in the sanitariums make. The Wheelers are played by the same actors who play the orderlies. Oz is the sanitarium.
Now, let’s discuss Jack Skellington Pumpkinhead
This is one of the Good Guys
He’s just a guy. Like, really, very much, Just A Guy of a character. His entire personality, such as it is, is comprised of
His quest to find his Mom (we’ll get back to that) and
Commenting on his lifelessness. For example, when faced with death, he comments calmly that he won’t miss eating or sleeping, since he does neither.
His mom ends up being this girl:
We’ll get to her.
I had this fever-dream memory of the Army of Oz in the Hall of Ornaments from when I was a kid as well and I gotta say it’s kinda nice to finally put that memory in some kind of context. A horrible, terrible, awful context, but a context nonetheless.
One and the same, friend.
I LIVE TO PLEASE
Ahem. Sorry. Anyway.
So. I mentioned an Apocalypse.
Behold! The citizenry of Oz!
They have been turned to stone by the evil Nome King! Why, you ask?
For stealing his Emeralds, of course!
But I’m getting ahead of myself. I forgot to introduce The Army of Oz, affectionately referred to as Tik-Tok!
This guy
That’s… apparently the whole army?
He’s spring-wound. Has 3 winding keys: one for moving, one for talking, and one for thinking. At one point his thinking gears wind down while his action and talking gears are still tight and he creates a lot of trouble. He has a… spin attack…
I really don’t know what to make of him to be honest.
Ok so like fully half of what makes The Wheelers so unsettling is the audio so I found a clip:
Hospital gurney noises and echoing, mocking laughter. The way it’s cut doesn’t help. Nor does the… craft store kitsch of the Wheeler outfits. I genuinely have no idea what they were going for. David Bowie vibes, a little bit, but not in a good way.
Oh this film. This isn’t even the end of it.
This is one of the few films that tried for, and managed to succeed for the most part, at capturing the same sort of dark magic of films like Labyrinth, the Dark Crystal, or the Secret of NIMH. That time when some creators were willing to tell stories to children that reflected the darkness that we already saw in the world.
It’s got some problems, but Return to Oz is honestly great. I also never felt like it was patronizing me when I watched it as child, which seemed like an awfully hard ask for most movies.
Yeah this is absolutely of its era, when it comes to terrifying 80’s children’s films.
I used get dad to rent this film for us when I was 8 or so. Mostly because I knew it was the only film my tough little sister was visibly scared of. Children are brutal.
This breakdown doesn’t even touch on Mombi, who scared the living daylights out of me. She is played by the same actress who plays the nurse at the sanatorium. And she is the reason the citizens of Oz up there are missing their heads. She keeps the still living heads locked in glass cabinets in her palace and swaps them out for her own head depending on her mood.
There is a later scene where all the heads are screaming as Dorothy makes a run for it. Mombi’s original head bellowing ‘Dorothy Gale!’ It is genuinely disturbing. I love this film so much.
I’ve never heard of this movie before, and all I can think now is
WHAT THE FUCK
It has been such a long time snice I saw this. I remember reading the books and being terrified of it. Because this is part of more than one book.
I love this movie! WAY better than the first OZ movie, I wanted a Lunch Pail tree SO BAD as a kid.
Karliene wrote a great song about it too!
Scissor Sisters also used it as inspo!
I love this movie so much. It’s weird as hell, but also really charming. Plus the visuals can’t be beat.
oh i loved this movie as a kid!
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human: dude you've been in our d&d group for literally like three years, you don't need to keep asking if you're invited every time
vampire: i knowww, i just get anxious ok?
human: oh fair
I feel personally attacked. Lol
IT’S CALLED AN AESTHETIC, SUSAN.
he's gonna take you back to his mass
to play heretic games from hell's asp
he'd rather have
a protestant
nail 95 theses
to his door
he'd rather hear
a non-believer
deny his savior and
fill him with fear
he's the holiest gamer you've ever heard
he's the catholic nintendo nerd
You ever look at the big shawarma in kebab shops and just want to ask them to give it to you. I want the King Meat. I want the big dinosaur drumstick. I want hold my mouth up and use my teeth to peel it as it spins.
When I was like 18 I worked for a gyro place for a few years and was good friends with managers, important later. We had 3 of the machines that spin and cook/ heat the gyros, it's important to mention that our gyros came precooked but frozen and the machines only really cooked a few inches in at a time, you could only really get 2 or 3 shavings in before it got cold and mushy.
I don't remeber the circumstances leading up to it but there was 1 full hunk of gyro, the thing weighed to 25 - 30 lbs of pure meat, just spinning. We couldn't sell it, couldn't throw it out, couldn't take it home, it was just there cooking away. At some point during the day I was left alone, never a good thing I will cause chaos when an opportunity arises. I KNEW this thing was going in the trash at the end of the day and that I was good enough with the managers to not get into to much trouble.
When enough time by myself passed I did it. I put my apron up to my chin, lowered the temperature on the machines and started digging in. I turned my head to the side and started ripping into this hunk of meat. I felt like a shark, I wasn't chewing, I wasn't tasting I just went. There was oil all over my face it, i could feel my cheeks press against the more rounded bits of the gyro, there was gyro just everywhere it was a mess. I got maybe 6 or 7 bites in before I heard the back door open and I ran to the bathroom to hide and hopefully enjoy the sensation I've just allowed myself.
I slam the door shut, back pressed against the wall and I hear my manager, normally a loud and fun guy who is trying to get through the rest of the day like the rest of us, very quietly, destroyed even, say to himself 'what the fuck'. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it's so horrible it's hilarious. My apron and shirt are drenched in oil, I have gyro meat in my hair, I can feel the pimples on my face forming as the oil just gets absorbed by my decision, my cheeks are so full of gyro that I look like a hamster, absolutely stuffed.
I try to actually start chewing on my newly acquired lunch and at first it's good, great even!! The gyro was nice and hot, some parts even crispy, the flavor was amazing. Something about cavemaning a full thing of meat really does enhance the flavor of it. But as I started to enjoy it more it got worse. Some of the bites I had taken, in my overzealous of giving in to the intrusive thoughts and not wanted to get caught, I bit into parts that hadn't been cooked yet. What crispy and flavorful food turned into cold mush, not unlike playdoh, in only a few bites. I ended up spitting everything out and trying not to throw up.
After a few minutes hiding I come out, face washed, gyro removed from wherever it decided it wanted to be in the aftermath and apron tossed in the trash wrapped in a burial dress of paper towels to hide the smell. I see my manager just staring at the slowly spinning gyro, one side untouched as if nothing happened, the other absolutely decimated. Full mouthfuls gone, strips of meat hanging off the sides of dents I had put in, there was one that was just teeth imprints from where I thought I was going to get caught and didn't finish the bite. I walk up to my manager, he doesn't look at me, eyes dead set on the meat just carouselling in it's warmer. We spend maybe 30 seconds looking at it together, him probably wondering why I smell so strongly of gyro even though I don't even like it, me wondering if he's going to catch on to the fact that I did this and have no defense for myself other then ' I saved you the other half'. During my managers mourning of this gyro we couldn't even sell I clocked out and went home, this event never spoken of again.
This story feels biblical to me. In every way. This could be a new religion.
OP’s ambition and clarity of vision really rocked me at first - like, of course, why DO we not simply ask for the King Meat; it’s right there, it’s always been there, how foolish that we did not even perceive it as something we could acquire. But @hoodie-lum , it was your story that gave me peace.
Hades is a stupidly funny game 😭
i'm taking an accounting class and i gotta ask: how do you do this. what does any of this mean. what's a number
welcome to X-Treme Sudoku
i love when people talk about accounting as a job that will be automated in the future as if i, an human being, do not struggle to interpret whatever the fuck this thing is that i’m supposed to believe is an invoice
there are people who think accounting is hard because they assume it’s math, and people who think accounting is easy because they assume the computer does all the math, and they’re both wrong because most of accounting is trying to figured out what the fuck they expect you to do with this
what does this mean. who is jeff. does he have a tax id number? is he an exterminator or did you buy rats. it looks like he wrote 300.00 but instead of putting a decimal he just put the zeroes in the second box but then forgot to do either on whatever that second number is. is that the amount of the discount or is that the total after the discount. are you trying to tell me these discount rats were tax deductible. if you think discount rats jeff is gonna use the kind of centralized invoicing system that would be necessary to let a computer deal with this, you are mistaken and he still wants his money.
The best part is when Jeff, trying to Get With The Times, sends you an email with a shitty scan of this paper as an attachment. It’s a .jpeg. And it’s sideways. And way bigger than it needs to be.
Goddamnit Jeff.
jeff called asking when he’d get paid and when you told him you never got the invoice because some idiot shoved it in his coat pocket and never actually turned it in, he helpfully scanned the carbon copy of the invoice at the lowest resolution you have ever seen in your life. the image is huge, but so are the pixels. you cannot confirm that he increased the image size thinking this would help his shitty scan, but you have an inkling. you’re still not clear on who in the department is supposed to have the purchase order you need before you can pay whatever this is, because jeff just kept referencing him as ‘your guy’. you don’t think jeff knows who it was, either. you just have to keep showing people this shitty scan and asking if they recognize it. jeff’s official business email is truckferguson69 at yahoo dot com.
A scan? Oh, no, Jeff can’t figure out the scanner. It’s a picture from his old digital camera from 2005 – because he does know how that works (finally), and it’s good enough, right? – and on an angle so that all the info at the top is bunched up and hard to read, like this
you attempt to explain to jeff that in order to pay him you must first have information on who he is and how to pay him. you attempted to mail him a w9 form using the address you managed to glean from his invoice, but it turns out that belongs to his estranged mother whose invoice book he borrowed. he insists you can just email him the form. you send him the pdf. two weeks later the guy who hired him asks why his friend jeff hasn’t been paid. you explain that you still don’t have his paperwork. he forwards you a screenshot of his email, where jeff for some reason emailed this department head his w9 twelve days ago instead of just replying to your email. he filled it out by screenshotting the pdf and drawing on it with his finger on his iphone. his legal name is richard mcleod and he lives a ten minute walk from your office.