a boy who writes poetry

Nate | 21 | poems

[maykitz]

every time theres a new bad tv show or movie people act like its the end of the world you guys need to learn about the not watching shit method i’ve been successfully employing the not watching shit method for years

[the-better-rainbow-unikitty]

This tag deserves to be seen

[inkskinned]

i only bake when im happy. my grandmother taught me this. she says she has "a stigma" about it. (i say "isn't that the holes in the hands like jesus?" and get, from my father, a not-altogether unexpected back-of-the-head whack). she says that cooking you can kind-of fake. but you can taste if someone put their heart into baking.

i haven't made anything in an oven for over a year.

at first it was just plain grief. i couldn't even eat, much less mealplan. i have a weird thing about food; and can eat the same thing, every day, and be extremely happy about it. then i moved; and the oven here is weird, and i figured - ah, i'll figure it out eventually.

being sad silences such odd parts of your life. it's not like i meant to give up baking. i like baking. i list it in my hinge bio. people who have been friends with me for a while know she bakes. i like to make complicated, artistic things - things that take days to plan and a week to execute properly. my favorite does remain chocolate chip cookies - something about them being so simple and so immediately satisfying.

there are people i met in the last year who don't believe me. you don't cook, they laugh. which, i mean, i guess is true. as we speak, i'm eating something out of the microwave for dinner again. but still. i call one of my new friends and i tell her i saw a recipe for snail pretzels. she laughs and says why would you need that?

it's weird, i guess. i have so many very-very-very good memories, barefoot and dancing in yellow kitchens, humming to old music, my hands around a bowl. why, out of everything, is that what the grief stole? just this sudden, strange ... missing piece. and to be honest; it kind of scares me. because it happened so quietly is the thing. i never meant to stop baking. it just ... kind of happened to me.

i'm in the hard part of therapy - where you have to start feeling things. the whole world opens up and suddenly, everything hurts like you're 19. exciting! i am also, at the same time, and for the first time in my whole life - only beholden to me. any longterm choice i make only impacts my life. my first and only priority is just... me. for a while, the only way i experienced this sensation was to think how blisteringly lonely.

but i cleaned my kitchen today. later i will call nick and we will talk about stupid shit. tomorrow alex and i are binge watching tv. i have finished rearranging my plants today; they span my ceiling in a river of green.

and i think. i think. tonight i'll make cookies. i don't know if i'm happy. but it's just. you know. in the spirit of trying.

[hrimceald]

discussions about language from the discord call i was just in w/ friends:

- "my girlfriend can never remember the english word for 'rubber band', so she just calls it 'circle rope', and i've accidentally started saying it too"

- "when i was a kid i didn't realise that when my grandmother spoke english she used to mix in italian with it, so i used to say 'allora' instead of 'then' because i just assumed it was english too and my parents didn't realise until i wrote it in my schoolwork once and confused my teachers"

- "when i first met my girlfriend's mum she asked me if i wanted to eat thai food and i tried to say, in thai, "sorry, thai food is too spicy for me", but i accidentally said "sorry, thai food is too sexy for me"

- "one time my flatmate went to print off something at her friend's office and heard her greet her boss in French, and asked her if she had been greeting him like that everyday. she realised that her friend had been saying something like "good morning, i'm horny" to her boss every day for the last six months"

- "that time i got really drunk on a boat a guy came up to me asked me where i was from in english, and i replied in swedish. every time he spoke to me i replied to him in swedish and he asked my friend if i spoke english, who had the joy of telling him that english was my first language and i was just really hammered"

- "my parents came to visit me at the end of my stay in sweden and i was so excited to show them how much swedish i had learnt, so i took them to a pub and went to the bartender to order. i ordered everything in perfect swedish, the bartender waited until i finished and then said, "i'm really sorry, but do you speak any english? i don't speak swedish"

- "one time my friend was on a train in the netherlands that stopped because of losing electricity. the announcement was given in multiple languages, 3 of which he could understand, and all of which made sense until it got to the english one, where the conductor announced that the train had "lost its elasticity"

[darkearthsuggestions]

At the base of the old sycamore tree lies a pile of leaves that never rots. Red and yellow and gold shine vivid against deep-winter snow. You feel yourself called. What would happen if you thew yourself into that bastion of autumn, the immortal, ever trapped in decline but never passing into peace? How would it feel to be embraced by that wilting forever? The only way to find out is to fall. 

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

I was talking about being afraid of people leaving me behind because I'm too sick, and my boyfriend just looked at me and said: "It's my choice to be your boyfriend. It's your friends choice to be your friends. You don't have to understand it, but you have to respect our choice. Don't try to make the decision of whether you're worthy of people on their behalf because that's not your decision to make." I think that's an important thing to remember. That whether we're worthy of someone's time and effort is something others can decide for themselves regardless of whether or not we agree with them. There's a lot of peace in realizing that literally all you have to do is accept the love other people choose to throw your way. That you aren't the one who gets to determine that you aren't worthy of their love. That other people can choose to love you regardless of how you feel about yourself - and that you can learn to respect their choice even though you're feeling unworthy.

[timbllr]

[makemelaughblog]

[azeoa]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

ive probably said this before but i LOVE the twilight zone episodes with no quantifiable moral at the end, they just wrap up like “wouldnt it be fucked up if that happened?”

[cheaphalloweencostume]

everyone saying black mirror NO the whole point of black mirror is that it’s rife with unwanted morals! no! i don’t want to be told how technology is making us distant and how helicopter parenting makes kids hate you i want “what if astronauts found their own dead bodies on a random planet and had a breakdown for a full episode then realized they’re dead for real and then forget and do it all again forever, wouldn’t that be fucked? i’m rod serling”

[dragonkyng]

[s]

if a british person is named shaggy does it kinda feel like being named fucky?

[craiganthonywells-deactivated20]

The first time I watched Scooby Doo I was distraught

[s]

that’s what I wanted to hear

[shrike-and-stag]

I'm a victim of the magic tree house arthurian legends norse mythology tokyo ghoul killing eve jennifer's body hannibal lesbianism stigmata catholic cannibalism raw meat double suicide industrial complex

[foxmouth]

[ruinedchildhood]

[4estchild]

“I actually got the J&J” 🤣

[ruinedchildhood]

[philosophybits]

What makes for a livable world is no idle question. It is not merely a question for philosophers. It is posed in various idioms all the time by people in various walks of life. If that makes them all philosophers, then that is a conclusion I am happy to embrace. It becomes a question for ethics, I think, not only when we ask the personal question, what makes my own life bearable, but when we ask, from a position of power, and from the point of view of distributive justice, what makes, or ought to make, the lives of others bearable? Somewhere in the answer we find ourselves not only committed to a certain view of what life is, and what it should be, but also of what constitutes the human, the distinctively human life, and what does not.

Judith Butler, Undoing Gender (via philosophybits)

[thehopefulquotes]

I was always attracted not by some quantifiable, external beauty, but by something deep down, something absolute. Just as some people have a secret love for rainstorms, earthquakes, or blackouts, I liked that certain, undefinable something.

— Haruki Murakami, The Unvisited

[rockum]

[recommend]

These people’s tweets about what they’d say to their pets will make you ugly cry (x)

[it-do-be-ket]

Too late. I’m already ugly crying. Make it stop