Lost Cause

Declan Bouchard // Sixth Year // Slytherin House // Beater // Pureblood

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

captainaidensummers:

Aiden was glad that Declan didn’t resist the hug; he had a strong feeling that he would. “Yeah, he was your first love right? That’s…,” he began but stopped. He didn’t really know. Aiden had never really been in love before. Crushes, yes, but not love. “It’s hard to get over your first love,” he said simply, with a small shrug.

“What?” Aiden asked, frowning. Why did he even ask about sleeping with him? He had just been teasing him before. “That’s not… what does that have to do with anything?” he asked, keeping Declan in his arms but looking  at him curiously.

It was supremely awkward to be talking to Aiden about Marcus, but if Aiden wasn’t scared off by any of the other bits of awkwardness, Declan supposed this one wouldn't hurt, either. “Did it take you a long time to get over the first guy you fell in love with, or am I just special because... You know." Because Marcus would be the last one. He knew that. Falling in love was too much of a risk.

“Wait, what?” Declan drew back in surprise. He’d been sure they were on the same page; was it possible that he’d just thrown that one at Aiden with absolutely no context? Shit. “I thought... I mean, you’re... hugging me, and being nice to me, and... Wasn’t that the whole point?”

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quinn-nolans:

“Gross.”he scowled, not wanting to think of his brother with Declan, because he definitely didn’t need that mental image. “Yes. Yes you do.”he emphasized while throwing his hands in the air and shrugging. “It’s like you live under a rock - and my brother talks and so does Whispers.”

“Oh, Merlin’s beard, he told you. Or I told you. Or--fuck, does it matter?” Declan ran a hand through his hair, his nails scraping his scalp. “And those gossip bastards, and... Does your grandmother know? Is that why she was all... weird during parents’ weekend? Shit,” he cursed under his breath, and then he repeated it a few more times for good measure. “I’ve fucked up in a fairly big way, haven’t I?”

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

littlelioncov:

Marcus rolled his eyes but didn’t feel the need to remind Declan that he was bloody awful at keeping his secrets. His face fell and Marcus immediately felt bad for his careless words. “I didn’t…” He started off, biting his bottom lip for a second. “I didn’t mean it like that, Declan. I just thought that maybe if you experienced what it meant to have parents that accepted you, you would stop blaming yourself for the things you cannot change about who you are. That’s all.”

“I know you didn’t mean it that way, all right?” Declan pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m just being an ass.” He needed to be a little bit of an ass right now. He didn’t think it would help, but part of him really did need it. But as Marcus kept talking, his eyes widened, and he stared at Marcus in surprise. “Wait, what?” he said. “You think... You really think I blame myself?” He shook his head. “No, Marcus. I never thought I did anything to make myself like this. I... I always knew I never had any choice about any of it.” And that was what made it hurt.

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

captainaidensummers:

“Oh c’mon. That’s not what I meant. “The whole innocent thing,” he said. He was joking mostly. Aiden looked around, glad that no one was around because he pulled Declan into a hug. “There were so many things that were different there okay? What’s to say that wasn’t one too?” he asked, softly. Obviously it wasn’t, but other people wouldn’t know that. “Since when do you care what Marcus thinks anyway. I’m sure he wouldn’t be that pissed off. I mean, he’s gay too. So it’s technically not wrong or anything,”

“I know,” Declan said softly. He stiffened as Aiden hugged him, but after a moment, he relaxed, resting his forehead on Aiden’s shoulder. “I’m always gonna care what he thinks. I love--I loved him. It’s always gonna bloody be him. Fuck.” He could see it now: married to Aurelia, too scared of being found out to actually meet somebody he could love, still stuck on the boy he loved when he was fifteen. He was pathetic. 

Aiden was warm, and Declan stayed in his arms for as long as he could, sighing at the touch. But this wasn’t a good idea, and he knew it. “Aiden, I... I can’t sleep with you again. You know that, right?” Because why else would Aiden be nice to him? Why else would Aiden try to comfort him like this?

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quinn-nolans:

Quinn sighed out and shook his head. “You’re exhausting you know that?”he rolled his eyes, and then he let out a long groan. “Merlin Declan, you know it’s the twenty’s, right? Like the twenty twenties. You’ve literally been sought after all the boys in the world, twice by both Marcus and Aiden. You’ve had sex with both. You’ve fooled around with my brother. You’d think that -”he gestured to Declan’s face. “-wouldn’t emerge on every beat of them trying to touch your cock, yeah?”

“So I’ve heard.” He stared mutely at Quinn, blinking dumbly until he could think of something to say. “Interesting what does and doesn’t count with your brother, isn’t it?” he muttered, mostly to himself, before saying, “Does it matter what year it is? That’s still... It’s not something you talk about in polite company, is it? And it’s not...” Not something he should want. Maybe the reason he got so flustered about it was that he was ashamed of it. “Wait,” he said slowly. “I don’t remember telling you that I... you know, did things with Charlie. Or Aiden, or Marcus.” Fuck, he was losing track of who knew what, and that was a one-way ticket into trouble he’d never get out of.

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charles-nolans:

Charle’s eyes narrowed smoothly as Declan opened his mouth again, and watched as the boy blubbered on. “Why is it that he went for you in both worlds before I was even an option - I mean I was dead in the other world.”he scoffed, shaking his head and letting out a huff. “Doesn’t matter. I need to practice - I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Maybe because it’s easier to stick your cock in a blushing virgin than a ghost?” Declan snapped, rolling his eyes. “Tell me honestly, Charlie, would you have fucked him after a few dirty comments and a hand on your thigh? In any world, were you that bloody desperate? That bloody easy?” He shrugged. “Whatever. Fuck it. If you’re gonna run away because I’m not telling you what you want to hear, go ahead.”

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littlelioncov:

“For awhile. I’ve been dealing with it. Trying to figure out how to explain everything to Charlie without it being too much.” Marcus opened his mouth to speak but then closed it quickly. He had forgotten that in the other world Gabe had been dead. “I didn’t mean it like that,” He said in a soft voice. “I just, was happy that you were able to experience being free to be you.”

“I don’t think I could give you any advice on that one,” Declan said. “I deal with my secrets by not telling anyone.” And then by accidentally telling all the wrong people, but he wasn’t going to mention that. “You’re bloody cruel, Marcus, you know that?” he said with a bitter laugh. “Why would I want to know what that’s like? It’s not like I’ll ever have it, and now I’ve got to miss it. Whose stupid fucking idea was that?”

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charles-nolans:

“Yet Marcus still was trying for you.”he uttered evenly, his eyes shifting as they trying to find purchase, and lips frowning. “He still outwardly kept choosing you.”

"You can’t seriously be jealous.” Declan regretted it as soon as he said it, but it was too late now. “Nolans... No. You said it yourself, I was a virgin. Everybody wants to prey on the virgin. And Marcus was... he liked fucking with people, and I was easy to fuck with. That’s what it was about, and you know it.”

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

captainaidensummers:

“Aw, c’mon it was kind of cute. You being all innocent like that,” he teased, leaning in a little bit. “Kind of hot actually,” Aiden laughed, before frowning. “Hey, c’mon. No they aren’t. It was all… whatever it was. Things were different. I wasn’t in Quidditch. I’m sure everyone will just think that was the different part about you,” he said with a small smile. He reached out and pu a hand on Declan’s arm, trying to reassure him.

“What, you’ve got a thing for virgins?” Declan tried to smile, but it was a half-hearted, bitter thing. “Hate to break it to you, but...” He gestured toward himself. “That ship sailed a long bloody time ago.” He flinched when Aiden touched his arm, but he didn’t have the energy to fight Aiden about this, so he let Aiden touch him. “Everyone already knows what changed about me,” he said. “My parents were both dead. Gabe... he was...” He bit his lip; he didn’t want to talk about Gabe. “What am I supposed to say if someone asks, that being a Coventry made me... you know, like blokes? I think Marcus’d kill me.”

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

quinn-nolans:

“Why must you always compare me to him?”he spat out after a beat, his heart clenching in strange ways as he stared at Declan, and shook his head. “You know what wasn’t different about that other world? I was never a jackass to you. Unlike virtually everyone else - though I can imagine Aiden still tried to get in your pants - again.”

“Because right now, I don’t think there’s anybody else but Charlie who hates me for that specific reason,” Declan said. Not that there weren’t people who hated him for other reasons. Merlin’s beard, he’d managed to make some enemies. “I know,” he said with a sigh. “I know. You’ve always been like that. Like you didn’t want to hurt me--or anybody, really. I... I guess I should thank you for that.” His face began to heat up at the mention of Aiden, and he covered his face with his hands to hide it. “He tried,” he said, “and I almost let him, because I was a bloody virgin and stupid.”

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

littlelioncov:

Marcus rolled his eyes but didn’t continue with faking his surprise any longer. “I am the heir of Slytherin,” He muttered with a shrug of his shoulders. “That’s one fact that didn’t change between worlds. And yeah, I guess it’s a little weird that my parents were your parents in that world, but at the same time…I’m happy you could experience a life with them.”

“So that’s what was different,” Declan muttered, mostly to himself. “Your parents didn’t give you to the Coventrys. You’re... Fuck, you’re the bloody heir of Slytherin, Marcus. What...” What the bloody hell are you going to do with that? was what he wanted to ask, but instead he asked, “How long did you know?” He shook his head. “Well, I’m not. My brother was dead, and I had a better life. That’s not bloody fair, Marcus. And it’s not bloody fair that...” That he had to come back. But he wouldn’t say that, not to Marcus. “Never mind.”

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

quinn-nolans:

“Yeah, know you’re right it’s probably best to leave the past in the past…”

“Good,” Declan said with a sigh. “Your brother already hates me because my hormones got out of control; I don’t need you hating me for the same bloody reason.”

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

charles-nolans:

“Or the fact you were still virginal and prey for all the boys in our life.”

“Turns out, having a family that wasn’t totally fucked-up kept me from turning my v-card over to the first guy who looked at me funny,” Declan snapped. “Who would’ve bloody guessed?”

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littlelioncov:

“What a silly dream…that…wow, Declan. Your mind goes to some crazy places.”

“Everybody had the same dream, Marcus, and you know it.” Declan’s eyes narrowed as he stared Marcus down. “You were the heir of Slytherin, and I was a Coventry. That doesn’t bother you at all?”

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captainaidensummers:

“So we’re not gonna talk about how you were a blushing virgin and we were practically fucking in the lake?”

“You know what happened. I know what happened. Do we really have to talk about it?” Declan stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “They’re gonna know, now. Everybody’s gonna know.” It wasn’t just that. There were a whole lot of feelings he wasn’t quite sure how to grapple with, but that was the closest one he could grab, and it slipped out before he could stop himself. “Shit,” he muttered, biting his lip.

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it, all right?” Declan put on his best scowl. It probably wouldn’t deter anything, but it was worth a shot.

[declan-bouchard-blog1]

littlelioncov:

“No, no, no please tell me that was all just a bad dream..”

“Bad dream? Funnily enough, I dreamed you were the bloody heir of Slytherin. Can’t have been that awful for you, could it?”