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She/her 🏳️‍🌈

[asparrowdraws]

Gaming Dice.

I learned a lot about edges and light and color relationships here.

[greywolfheirs]

PAINTING!!! THIS IS A PAINTING

[sensoryscorpio]

CHAT THIS IS A PAINTING!!!

[almaignismare]

I went over this post twice before realising. I was like "oh it's just set up like a still life painting, right". NO IT'S FUCKING NOT!

[berryjosten]

Andrew knew he was gone when Neil fell into him at Edens after he was pushed into Andrew and Andrew didn't move. I imagine Andrew just kind of stared at him after like: fuck.

[baleful-meat-worm]

apologies to anyone who followed me for tma. cow studies :) ❤️

[viiiiiliiiii]

a moment of your attention, WHAT THE FUCK?? I genuinely thought my brain had made this up as a joke, but now I have actual proof, and WHAT THE FUCK 2.0?? so you’re telling me that in Exites, Andrew covered Neil’s mouth with his hand just so he wouldn’t kiss him?? SECOND BOOK? and he’s already ready to devour him, pinning him against the wall with those stupid racquets??? ANDREW. WHAT THE FUCK. dear Exites, please install security cameras in your store. I need the footage.

[exylover32]

we talk a lot about how much of a revelation andrew’s confession is for neil, and not enough about how revelatory neil’s reaction is for andrew. because like. imagine you like this boy. but he doesn’t swing. you know the answer would be “no,” so there’s no point in even asking. then he goes and gets himself needlessly tortured for you, and tells you there’s no amount of suffering he wouldn’t endure for you. not because he thinks you’re weak, but because he thinks you’re worth protecting. he says things that you would interpret as advances if it were literally anyone else. you remind yourself that he doesn’t swing. now you’re at eden’s and he’s asking about your feelings for him in 12 different ways. he really wants to know. so you tell him, in the most casual and crass way you can, thinking that’ll put an end to it. but unfathomably, it doesn’t. he asks you why you didn’t tell him. why would you have? it would have been a “no.” you say that, and instead of confirming it, he just echoes your words, clearly still reeling. you start to leave, and he tells you that he wants to keep playing your game. while the absence of a “no” is obviously not the same thing as a “yes,” you’ve been operating for months and months under the assumption that the answer would be unequivocal. so you keep waiting for that answer, but it never comes. for the first time since you met him, you wonder if maybe it’s not a “no” after all. if maybe you could have this. you can’t remember the last time you were able to have something you wanted. the world tilting on its axis, indeed.

[dustisus]

the trifecta

[neilsdinosaur]

only neil would watch someone get shot in the head and then giggle to his teammates immediately after

well except andrew ig

match made in hell

[chaoticgremelin]

I find It kind of wild that people somehow think Kevin handled the whole 'Neil is actually Nathaniel' thing badly or in a wrong way, because I honestly cannot see It.

When he finds out, the first thing he does, as soon as he is able to talk to Neil in private, is tell him to RUN, bolt, save his life. They are going to lose the season, yes, It is going to suck, but Neil needs to run before It is too late.

Neil tells him he doesnt want to. Explains his decision to him. And Kevin....respects it. Because there is no good choice for Neil in the moment. He can stay and die or he can run and maybe delay his death in a few years. This is not a easy choice to make and Kevin respects and accepts whatever Neil has decided.

This doesn't mean he likes It or that he is fine with losing Neil. Just means that there is nothing either of them can do about the fact there are way too powerful people who want Neil's head on a silver platter.

Then Neil asks Kevin to not tell Andrew, and Kevin immediately understands why. He says with all the words: "Andrew wouldnt respect your choice"

Because Kevin understands there is no good or safe choice for Neil and he understands the least he can do is allow Neil to autonomy to decide.

Most of all, Kevin keeps Neil's secret. Not because he wants to keep It, but because Neil asked him to. Kevin understands this is the most he can do for Neil in that situation.

He cannot fight the Butcher, much less the Moriyamas (neither can Andrew). He cannot make Neil stop being Nathaniel. He cannot stop the people that are after him

But he can respect Neil's choice and keep his secret. So he does. Even If he knows this will make Andrew mas at him. Because for most of Kevin's life, he had all his choices made for him, because where Kevin comes from, keeping secrets was the most power he could ever have.

It baffles me that there are people who think he has somehow been selfish of done something absurd here.

[inejsgirl]

i actually love this quote sm because fym jean just spouted some crazy bullshit like "my family exists to serve" which would spark major concern in any other person but neil is just like "you family stupid asf" because even though his father was a serial mafia boss at least nathan gave himself basic human rights

[that-one-idiot-11]

whenever I tell a story I feel like Uncle Colm from Derry Girls

[pandy-landy]

When the foxlings ask about where Neil got his scars, Neil always gives them some funny, made up story.

“I was cursed by a witch and the spell left this.” Or “I saved a baby kangaroo from a burning building. These are warrior scars.”

It always makes the kids laugh, and keeps them innocent from Neil’s past. One day, Dan and Matt’s kid asks about a scar on Neil’s side. Neil says “I got into a fight with a bear.”

After the kid giggles and runs off, Matt smiles and says “these stories you make up are hilarious.”

Neil stares at Matt for a second and goes “Thanks. But that one wasn’t made up. I really did get attacked by a bear.”

Matt: what

Neil: yeah when we were in Montana.

Matt: are you fr

Neil: yes??

And then Matt has to wonder if the stories he hears Neil spin for the kids have any truth to them after all.

[tactiletelekonesis]

wait hold on i never see people talk about this specific part of aaron’s bonus chapter and it drives me fucking crazy

“Someone like you wouldn’t understand the importance of hiding scars.” can we talk about how significant this line is???? aaron has andrew so on the backfoot in this conversation that andrew is trying to deflect by bringing up his scars. his scars, of all things. he’s seeing discussion of neil as such dangerous territory that he’s willing to risk aaron figuring out he has self harm scars

and aaron KNOWS he’s implying something, he just is so focused on his goal that he tables it for later. “There was something more there; he could feel a warning heat along the back of his thoughts.” he’s not stupid!! he knows andrew is trying to distract him with a secret!!! once he takes the time to focus on it, he’ll put the pieces together with a little effort

and andrew KNOWS this. he is banking on aaron putting it together and hoping it’ll pull the conversation off track. it doesn’t work, but that’s his goal. he doesn’t want to talk about neil with betsy so badly that he decides he’d rather aaron know he has self harm scars than allow the conversation to continue

everyone focuses on aaron’s snarky comments and the fact that he wins but i never see anything about the fact that andrew gives up this secret to try to avoid talking about neil. it’s crazy!!!

and on the next page we get the line “Andrew was picking idly at his jeans: an agitated tic that had mostly disappeared once his medicine was out of his system. Maybe he was a thousand miles from here, pretending this conversation wasn’t happening, or maybe he needed a few more moments to come to terms with their easy acceptance.” the whole scene is just andrew being uncomfortable and on edge when he can’t steer the conversation in the direction he wants. he’s so uncomfortable that he’s indulging in a nervous tic he has more control of now than he had in the past and using his own closely guarded secrets as bait to try to get control back

i’m going insane i’m like that one iasip “can we talk about the mail?” meme but with this scene (meme under the cut)

[minerva-yearns]

thank you. you were amazing. is such a devastating goodbye in literally any circumstance. neil is a poet.

[allfortherot]

i genuinely am cackling over the vision of neil crouched over kevins computer, looking somber and deeply in study and all he's looking at is porn because he wants to figure out the mechanics. like, bro is not turned on whatsoever this is totally one hundred percent a study thing lmao

maybe kevin walks in and with the serious look on neils face maybe assumes its a ravens game. what else would neil be that concentrated about if not exy? and he goes over to check and its two men just fucking. going at it, ruthlessly. neil has no shame about it, why would he? he knows others watch it and its common enough he knows kevin has dabbled in it even. and neil turns to kevin with an analytical look like, "how would that work" and kevins face is just beet red, fumbling words and embarassment thats not even his own

or maybe andrew is the one who walks in. he takes the bean bag next to neil's and looks over to see gay sex? fullscreen with wired earbuds? and neil even has a notepad out, scribbling away basics. he's probably baffled, though he staysstone faced and still. what the hell was neil watching porn for?? but one look at neils face tells him that he is not watching for pleasure, and andrew just in kinda a shocked disbelief watches it with him for the remainder of the video, unable to get hard from the sheer absurdity of the situation. after the video ends, neil turns to andrew with his notes and is just like,"well, i dont get why people watch this but its been helpful i guess. i figured i'd learn a bit for you, so you're not the only one with the burden of knowing." then he rambles on about exy, seemingly more interested in the mistakes of kevin than in literal porn.

[max-worm]

wondering about all the times neil and andrew must have interacted during the books that neil didn't bother to tell us about #wondering

[link-links]

when aaron called the armbands andrew gave neil a promise ring i was like damn. didn’t realize i bought a one way ticket to gag city

[vatbis]

I'd love to see the universe where Andrew never kissed Neil on that roof and they would just continue getting closer and closer, trust each other more and more as years pass. They would always be around each other, feel each other, protect each other (maybe even casually touch each other) and all of that stuff they do now but just without kissing and sex stuff. Would they be considered as friends? Absolutely no. They would be just Andrew and Neil as they are until the tension is finally broken with one kiss. No matter when it happens there would be no difference between their relationship before that because trust and desire to be close are what makes Andreil. Kissing and sex are just a nice bonus.