Help, My Friend is Fat
Ellie, 6 January 2016:
My close friend of 50 years has always been supportive. She started gaining weight 25 years ago. It became worse 20 years ago when she moved to the U.S. Despite a few (ill-advised) attempts at weight control, the bulk keeps growing. She visits me annually. Her face remains pleasant-looking but I find her body, limbs, and trunk painful to look at. She recently retired as a doctor, puts efforts into getting āin shape,ā acknowledges that sheās fat, but doesnāt acknowledge obesity. She says that she has only enough energy to stop gaining weight, not enough to lose some. She attributes her weight gain to In Vitro Fertilization treatments, menopause, stopping smoking long ago, and various drugs she must take to control some medical problems and depression. I have trouble accepting those excuses especially considering her medical knowledge and experience. Iām starting to feel disgust, and fear showing repulsion at her next visit. I donāt comment but she probably picks up my negative vibes. She says sheās trying to love herself and her body. How can I learn to just accept her body or blank it out of conscious vision? Worried Friend
Dear Worried Friend,
The relentlessness with which fat people insist on existing on planet earth without making a litany of constant apologies for their repulsive bodies and demonstrating continuously that they are sorry for not removing themselves from the worldās gaze is, in a word, selfish.
YourĀ āsupportiveā friend obviously isnāt supporting your need to have her companionship without bringing her unmitigated flab into the equation by being physically present in this universe.Ā
Sheās a doctor, but how can she know for certain whether the list of entirely understandable and medically sound reasons she has for not being the size you desire her to be is the realĀ reason sheās an abomination to your delicate visage? Just because sheās lived her life in her body and knows how it works and what itās capable of doesnāt mean she can just write off that thing you read on the internet about lazy, shameless fat people.
You donāt want a friend who is loves herself the way she is, which would be an indication of self-awareness, self-development and self-acceptance, qualities anyone can and should abhor because fat. A real friend would hate herself into the bikini body of your dreams!
But your friend will undoubtedly continue to selfishly live her life without thought for how the appearance of her body makes you feel. Concentrate on trying to un-see her, perhaps by removing your own eyeballs. It will be the most selfless thing you can do, and it will send a strong message to those who need it most.
