* GAYLE : YT SERIES. SEASON 1 &. 2
my labradoodle just got accepted to carnegie mellon ! EARLY ACCEPTANCE !
are you calling me a liar, [ insert name here ] ?
but frankly, it’s been a little difficult to trust you since that last episode, last summer. the one where you faked your own death to have inedible arrangements sent to your home ?
you watch your mouth in my house, [ insert name here ].
today you look like a storyteller &. i can’t stand it.
the coward’s way out ? i’d rather take a bullet.
when god closes a door, she opens a window.
well, tuesdays AREN’T GOOD FOR ME.
[ insert name here ] went to art school, so she is a functional illiterate.
so i put the [ insert object here ] in a balloon &. swallowed it whole. a lil’ trick i learned on sixty minutes about drug mules.
needless to say, my plate is FULL.
if they only offer you store credit, tell them that i will be ghost riding my car through their store front.
i’ve been having a hard time trusting the ladies.
nothing gets me hot like a decorative twig bundle.
son of a bitch, i gotta get outta here.
i can do what katie couric does, so fuck you.
that’s not any yoghurt, that’s chobani ! it’s a thick greek yoghurt !
no more late fees, my ass.
LOOK AT ME ! EYES ON ME !
those are the abs you want on a woman.
[ insert name here ], we haven’t joked in 25 years.
hey boo radley, get back in the house.
i’m fine, got a little singed in there but not the end of the world.
[ insert name here ] told me you paid them $25 to go in your place.
i know you’ve been through hell &. back. i just want you to know i’m going to be nominating you for the medal of merit.
god volleyed another shitcake into my court.
people say that if you play mozart while you’re sleeping it makes you smarter. i think conversely, if you play smashmouth while you’re asleep, it’s gonna make you a little bit dumber.
no [ insert name here ] , not here ! no !
boy , you don’t know scary ‘til you’ve been to a jimmy buffett concert when the houselights go up.
two words: co-ed acapella. it’s turned my life around.
homemade yoghurt ? that sounds like an adventure.
but … do you really think they … are good mating material ?
trust me, you don’t want to see them swim. when they do the crawl stroke, they look like an old woman fighting off a sneeze.
i’ve never seen you in the deep end without a fun noodle.
there’s no two ways around it, [ insert name here ] is an absolute queef.
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE ?
ever since you beat them up, you’ve been so happy. it’s nice to see an emotional range with you.
okay, to each their own, but at least i don’t cry, when i look at e-cards.
oh, tiddlywinks. i’m in trouble.
are you using dog shampoo ?
if they find out, i’m up piss creek.
if i wanted to have fun while i shopped, i’d bring a razor scooter.
i can’t go in until this song is over ! they never play this on on the air.
you better start making senses &. start making sense FAST.
pop. pop. the shoulders out.
i’m so mad, i’m going to blow chunks.
are you trying to get punched with my legs.
you gotta put some swan legs in there.
i will be screaming into my dryer for a good portion of the night.
is that just [ insert name here ] ? oh, that’s even worse.
i appreciate you trying to help but seeing you in that costume is doing more damage to my psyche than an actual [ insert fear here ] ever did.
in attempting to pull me out of my post traumatic stress, you’re actually sending me spiraling deeper &. deeper into its mire.
