I Am Not an Adult

We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us -Jake Bass' Rib Tattoo Olivia, she/her, 21, bi as hell Fandom, aesthetic, meme blog. In that order. Because I can't choose. 18+

[awawun]

Dinner In America as textposts (1/?)

[skepwith]

Parts of the Revenge

For Fic Writers and Fans of Our Flag Means Death

The historical Stede Bonnet’s Revenge was a sloop-of-war, one of the smaller types of men-of-war, or fighting ships. Unlike merchant ships, they carried multiple guns (i.e., cannons); merchant vessels were usually also armed, but not as heavily.

Basic Nautical Terms

fore: The front part of the ship.

aft: Towards the back.

bow: The frontmost part of the ship’s hull.

stern: The backmost part of the ship.

starboard: If you’re facing forward, this is the side of the ship on your right. If you’re facing aft, it will be on your left.

port: If you’re facing forward, the side on your left. If you’re facing aft, it’s on your right.

hull: The outer body of the ship. What you scrape barnacles off (assuming you’re not flirty enough to get out of the job).

Decks

The Revenge has four full decks. Plus there are several partial upper decks with weird names.

Main Deck

Also called the upper deck or upper gun deck. This is the deck where everything happens: flag-sewing, sleepovers, duels, fuckery, etc.

Forecastle (Fo’c’sle)

Pronounced, and sometimes spelled, fo’c’sle. The partial deck in the ship’s fore, from which Blackbeard swings off a rope to impress the crew. A few steps above the main deck.

Quarterdeck

You know the sweeping staircases Stede descends like he’s Ginger Rogers in an MGM musical? Those lead between the main deck and the quarterdeck. The quarterdeck was traditionally where the captain, and sometimes his officers, hung out and kept an eye on things; regular sailors weren’t allowed up there, except in the course of their duties. It’s also the location of the wheel, or helm, which steers the ship by turning its rudder.

Poop Deck

Named after the French word for stern; nothing to do with poop. Even higher than the quarterdeck, the poop deck is perched over the stern. Its height makes it a good place to make observations from. The handrail around the poop deck is called the taffrail.

Gun Deck

Also called the lower deck. This deck is under the main deck. You know how from the outside of the ship you can see cannons poking out from their little hidey-holes? Those are gun ports, and the guns (cannons) live along both sides of the gun deck. (The Revenge also has cannons on the main deck, which is why the main deck is sometimes called the upper gun deck.) In some ships, the crew would sleep on this deck, between the guns. In OFMD, this is the deck with the kitchen and the crew’s table, as well as the jam room and the rec room; you can see the gun ports in the hull.

Orlop

The deck under the gun deck. Where coils of rope and other equipment is stored. It’s below the ship’s waterline, so the stuff you store here has to be able to withstand some damp. Has a low ceiling. Historically, was often used as the ship’s surgery during battle.

Hold

The lowermost deck. Where supplies are stored and cargo, if there is any, is carried.

Masts

The masts are the big poles that hold up the sails. Different types of ships have different numbers of masts. The Revenge has three.

Foremast: Frontmost mast. Emerges through the fo’c’sle.

Mainmast: The one in the middle, coming through the main deck.

Mizzenmast, or mizzen: Aft mast. Comes through the quarterdeck.

There are about a million sails, each with its own name, and about a million ropes, ditto. I’m not covering any of that here, because life’s too short. Suffice it to say that the ropes, cables, and chains in general are called the rigging.

Other Parts of the Ship

Head

Generally speaking, the front of the ship. More specifically, the area in front of the fo’c’sle; also called the beakhead. Home of the figurehead(in this case a unicorn) and the bowsprit (the pole that sticks out in front of the ship). This is where Blackbeard throws Lucius overboard, which means Lucius has the whole length of the ship to be thrown a rope by Fang and pulled back on board, which is totally what happened. The head is also where the crew’s toilet was located (head has since become synonymous with toilet.) The captain had his own toilet—sorry, en suite—in the stern, near his cabin. 

Tops

Short for fighting-tops. The little platforms about a third of the way up each mast. Ed and Stede pull their lighthouse trick in the top on the mainmast, i.e., the maintop. This is also where they bond over quality marmalade.

Capstan

The big cylinder that sits on the main deck. The crew turns this to move ropes and cables for heavy work, like weighing (raising) the anchor or hoisting a foresail. Its wooden bars are removable when not in use. Fun historical fact: sailors often sang sea shanties while turning the capstan, to keep them all in rhythm, and if one of the crew had a musical instrument, like a fiddle, pipe, or drum, he might play it while sitting on top of the capstan.

Great cabin

The biggest cabin on the ship, usually the captain’s quarters. Often had a row of windows facing aft and a library. Directly under the great cabin was the wardroom, where the officers ate their meals. It looks like this is where the Revenge’s crew entertains Captain Nigel Badminton and his officers during their memorable visit.

Everything I know about ships I learned from Patrick O’Brian and Wikipedia. If you see any errors, please let me know.

[nonpracticinghumanbeing]

A Fellow Masochist’s Perspective on Izzy

(I wasn’t going to write about Izzy anymore. But then of course I did, because I’m me. We just gotta do what we gotta do. FUCK.)

[This is like half meta about my views on Izzy as a masochist and half my attempt to explain why him being shown the way he is is so important to me on a personal level. I just can’t separate these two issues even though I know I’m getting way too emotional over this. I guess there’s not a lot of people who would be a target audience for this, but I need to get it out of my system.]

Soooooo… So. So so so so. I made this comment on Facebook about how Izzy being a sad little masochistic boy gave me feelings no other fandom has been able to give me in about a decade. Which was a joke, of course, we all laugh at Izzy’s pain kink. Ha ha. But then I realized it’s also very much not a joke. Because I can indeed remember the last time I felt like this and it was when I first watched Lawrence of Arabia. And that movie turns SIXTY this year.

——————————————————-

Let’s be clear. Izzy IS a masochist, plain and simple. I’ve already written about how I think he’s more into power play than pain itself, but then I do realize how often these seem too similar to be simply labeled as one or the other. These things are way too complex to be simply analyzed and quantified as often pain becomes a tool of power. And I don’t necessarily mean “power” as in a relationship between two people, it may also mean (and often does) power over one’s own body, and in a larger perspective, one’s life.

In episode 3 there’s this scene with Izzy back on the ship, giving Blackbeard a report on Stede. He comes into Edward’s cabin and tells him how Stede isn’t interested in meeting. And while doing that, he burns his hand on a candle. Edward has his back to him, so he’s probably unaware that Izzy is even doing it. So he’s not doing it for Ed (I’ve written about the power exchange dynamics between them here), he’s doing it for himself. Is he punishing himself for lying to Edward (’cause he didn’t tell Stede he was working for Blackbeard because he didn’t want them to meet)? Is it a way of proving to himself that he’s strong - unlike Stede - and therefore worthy of Edward’s attention? Does he even know why he’s doing it? I really don’t think he does, I think it might be something that he just does instinctivenly and without any deeper thought (especially seeing that he does the same thing in episode 7 while talking to Spanish Jackie and accounting for the fact that he’s not the type of person to analyze his feelings in general). And I absolutely adore it to bits.

It’s shown from a few different angles, so we’re being made aware that it’s important. But at the same time he’s talking to Ed about Stede, like him doing it wasn’t all THAT important. Like it’s just a thing that he happens to do while carrying on with his responsibilities as Blackbeard’s second-in-command. And yet the camera shows him burning his hand with nothing else happening visually. It goes on for about ten seconds, which is A LOT when it comes to movie editing. They’re coding it as something that is BOTH a crucial part of his identity AND just one of his many traits. (And it’s not just here that they’ve done this, the scene when Ed cuts off his toe with Avalanche playing in the background with its lyrics about conquering pain is just pure damn genius.) And honestly, when did that ever happen before?

——————————————————-

Now, I know there’s been a considerable and overall very positive move to normalize BDSM lifestyle and practices. (And I’m certainly NOT talking about the horrible abusive garbage like 50 Shades of Grey or 365 Days.) But it always seems to go one of two ways, neither of which makes me feel the way OFMD makes me feel.

So, on one hand we have the media meant to educate vanilla peope about the issue, while at the same time trying to build their capital on being somewhat naughty, with Netflix’s Bonding being the prime example. I’ll be the first person to say that the show was important in disspelling a number of popular misconceptions and trying to broker some deeper understanding between kinksters and the rest of the populace. Hell, I LOVED the talk about trust and boundaries Tiff is given by her boss in the second season. But its characters - those who are truly into the lifestyle and not just in it for the money - don’t really come off as fully fleshed characters. They are mostly just Tiff’s clients and are often characterised solely by their kinks. And that makes it impossible to relate to them.

Then we get the shows with well rounded characters who just happen to be more or less tangentially connected to BDSM, for whatever reason. Irene Adler being a dominatrix on BBC’s Sherlock. Kat doing the video dominatrix stuff in the first season of Euphoria. Joanna and Tyrell doing bondage on Mr. Robot. That whole fake-kidnapping-actual-s&m-roleplay thing on Cucumber. It happens more and more which is great. But it never really felt all that important to who any of these characters really are. It’s usually about money or just a simple way of quickly allievating boredom in the bedroom (which are both totally valid, to each their own, it just doesn’t feel like it’s something that is crucial to the core identity of any of these characters). Or worst of all, it’s just an embarrasing eccentricity intended as a pun. So of course I can’t really relate to any of it, even if I do appreciate it being shown in mainstream media at all.

If hard pressed for an answer about any representation I found compelling, I’d have to say that Transparent hit the closest to home with Sarah’s experiments with BDSM, but even that felt more like a three-episode-long subplot rather than an attempt to really make it an integral part of her character. And then I’m given Izzy. Izzy for whom his masochistic tendencies seem so deeply ingrained that they are crucial to who he is. And yet he isn’t at all reduced to being just the sad little masochistic boy, because there’s also so much more to him. No wonder I’m so drawn to him, because the only other piece of mainstream media that made me feel so seen is sixty years old. 

——————————————————-

I’m not at all saying that what Izzy is doing is in any way healthy. His relationship with Edward - the only meaningful relationship in his life - is very toxic and right out mutually abusive. He’s so fixated on the balance of power which makes him feel safe that he’s willing to suffer a great deal to keep that balance - and willing to hurt Edward as well, even though he’s the closest thing to a friend Izzy has. A point has been made (here) about how he feels that he only deserves physical closeness when it’s justified by his own defeat. He clearly craves submission and yet he has to be forced into it - and I don’t mean “forced” in a fun, playful, BDSM-like way, I mean he literally needs things to be done to him without his consent. He doesn’t just need pain (which is fine), he needs abuse (which most definitely isn’t). Because Edward making this decision for him means he doesn’t have to acknowledge this need. Because acknowledging that he wants to submit to another man would shatter his self-image and make him feel weak, which he can’t afford. None of this is healthy.

But. Let’s imagine for a moment that he was to learn to let his guard down and let go of the toxic masculinity he’s so dedicated to - which would also very much help him stop seeing his need for submission as shameful (because it’s toxic masculinity, with its inherent homophobia, that tells him that no real man would be willing to submit to another). I’m not saying that it’s going to happen, I’m not even sure if I want it to happen. But let’s just imagine it. That wouldn’t stop him being a masochist. These needs don’t just go away, but you can learn to fulfill them in a safe and healthy (both physically and mentally) way. To find a healthy outlet for them. The feeling OFMD gives me is that everybody around Izzy would be 100% fine with him being like that. And THAT feeling is so very difficult to come by.

Why exactly does the Kraken cut off Izzy’s toe? Sure, it’s a punishment for threatening him and being disrespectful in general, Edward is full of rage and acting out. But I don’t believe he would necessarily do that if Izzy wasn’t the way he is. Blackbeard recognizes that in order to trust him again, Izzy NEEDS that punishment. It is fucked up for sure, because their whole relationship is fucked up, but there IS the act of recognition that this man needs pain (and humiliation of being made to eat the toe) to feel safe in the world. Edward ACKNOWLEDGES that Izzy needs this even though Izzy himself isn’t capable of acknowledging it. What Ed is doing here is that in his own twisted fucked up way he is actually showing respect for who Izzy is. (Then there is the confrontation between Jim and Spanish Jackie’s husband. Jim spits him in the face and he quite matter-of-factly tells them that he’s into that. And everyone around just accepts that, and I didn’t get any feeling that they judged him for that in any way.)

What OFMD was able to do that no other TV show has done for me before is to create a safe space for pretty much everyone (I do get the criticism of it glossing over the implications of Stede being a slave owner, but that’s quite a different conversation). We get multiple queer couples on the show, we get a non-binary representation, we get a huge and diverse POC representation, we get a wonderful discussion of toxic masculinity and a brilliant deconstruction of the stereotypical top/bottom dynamics in gay couples (in the fencing lesson scene, with Edward being the more experienced one and still being the one who gets penetrated by the virgin Stede). And for the first time in oh-so-many years (or maybe ever?) we get a world where I feel being an out masochist would be fully accepted by everyone and yet it wouldn’t get you reduced to just this one aspect of your identity in their eyes. 

——————————————————-

As someone whose policy has always been total openness, over the years I’ve had people approach me and ask what the appeal was. Why did I enjoy getting hurt. And I really DO get the curiosity, because it’s very counter-intuitive for most people. It’s just that it’s so hard to explain it to someone who isn’t like that. Either you feel this way or you don’t, and if you don’t, understanding may be quite difficult.

So I’ve always used one of two things to try to explain how I feel about it: Bob Flanagan’s poem Why? or the opening scene from Lawrence of Arabia (the trick, William Potter, is NOT MINDING that it hurts), because these were the only pieces of media I could truly relate to. But then, one of these is just a short poem by a man who’s best known for being that guy from the music video for Happiness in Slavery by Nine Inch Nails, so it’s hardly mainstream media. And the other is a sixty-year-old movie - based on a ninetysomething-year-old book - which is deeply problematic in more than one way (from glossing over just how dishonest Lawrence was with the Arabs concerning their chances for actual independence to Alec Guinness playing an Arab prince which is just totally off-putting).

And then I’m given Izzy. Yes, he is a horrible and toxic man who’s both abusive towards everyone around him and dealing with his own needs in an extremely unealthy way that borders on being self-destructive. BUT. He’s being acknowledged for what he is, both by the characters within the show and the creators who make sure the viewers won’t miss it. And yet he’s not just that, he’s his own person, with his own motivations and feelings that go way beyond his proclivities. AND he exists in a world where him being like that would most probably be completely fine with people around him. No wonder I’m losing my mind over it. Because I was given a piece of modern mainstream media that makes me feel more seen and more validated than I even thought possible. And it’s a feeling I will treasure FOREVER.

[wearfinethingsalltoowell]

You know, if that “Ed and Izzy are matelotaged” theory is true, Ed will never win another post-reunion argument again

Ed: You went back to your wife!

Stede: You went back to your husband!

Ed: Izzy and I were never like that! It was a financial arrangement!

Stede:

(Izzy, in the background: 🥺🥺)

[goatedgreen]

i like 2 types of characters:

God won’t Let me die!!!! (feral, manic even) God Won’t let me Die. (so so tired. exhausted)

[definitelynotadulting]

There’s a line in Communicating Want on Ao3 where Oluwande says to Jim something to the effect of “imagine being so shitty people stop being racist just to avoid dealing with you” in regards to everyone liking Ivan and Fang more than Izzy.

And that’s such a good take. It made me laugh at the time but now that yt fans (myself included) are beginning to poison the enjoyment of bipoc fans by not doing the work to expand our scope and change our lens, I’ve been thinking about that line a lot.

Honestly I’m an Izzy apologist, but perhaps that’s because Izzy’s white tragedy is easily accessible to me. I think yt fans like me need to be better at leaving and honoring space for bipoc voices in fandom and not letting an obsession with a rotten little meow meow override our duty to each other.

[magnetic-maverick]

One word: DILF

[dubiousculturalartifact]

people keep being like ‘izzy is the only human in a muppet movie’, ‘izzy is the only adult onboard’, ‘izzy is like a game of thrones character who accidentally ended up in a comedy’

and to this I say: absolutely the fuck not. izzy hands is just as much of a messy disaster as the rest of them.

he cuts off a guys shirt with his sword for literally no reason. like there was no function to that other than The Drama™

this guy resigns from his job with two middle fingers and yelling at his boss that he’s a twat, all while claiming he’s going to come up with a plan and then literally never does

he lurks around at night eavesdropping on a sword fight and immediately comes to the conclusion that they’re having sex

he tries to blackmail a guy over erotic drawings, and *fails*

he gets hit in the face with a sandwich he's finally put in charge of his own crew and they mutiny on literally the first day. he’s a pirate who GETS SEASICK y'all keep taking his melodramatic attempts at Seriousness™ at face value when there is absolutely no foundation, it's like an extension of that thing where fiction tends to get taken more Seriously™ if it’s grimdark even though it’s often just as ridiculous as something more lighthearted.

tl:dr izzy hands is just as chaotic and ridiculous as the rest of them, fandom is just easily impressed by emotionally manipulative assholes

[voyagerblackbeard-deactivated20]

pov: you've just been asked for directions to the nearest hot topic

[kcsplace]

Our Flag Means Death + Text Posts (?/?)

[aanakin]

My name is Mr. Hands, First Mate Hands, or God, as far as you’re concerned.

Con O’Neill as Izzy Hands in Our Flag Means Death (2022-)

[ofmdaily]

nathan foad thirsting after con o’neill on instagram live (ft. kristian nairn)

[definitelynotadulting]

I mean who amongst us could say otherwise

[ofmd-renewed-yet]

Had to take my like away when I saw the author is an Izzy Hands apologist.

Izzy Hands apologists are abuse apologists and need to stop being allowed to interview the people involved with the show. Every article they put out ends up being all about Izzy and Con, they constantly bring him up, to the detriment of other characters and cast members.

And they downplay the villainy of Izzy. It's disgusting. Izzy Hands stans can get fucked with something hard and sandpapery.

lmao my guy you sent this to the wrong blog i love israel hands and ill say it with my whole chest.

he’s so pathetic and he tries SO hard and has so much emotion but thinks the only one he’s allowed to show is anger. when he thinks ed and stede are fucking his reaction is to say ‘oh my god’ with tears in his eyes. “villiany”?? literally the worst thing he did in the entire show was sell out ed and even that backfired. he was captain for like a day before his crew mutinied. he can’t even be homophobic correctly ‘oOoOhHhh dAddYyy’ like. what do you want me to say. he’s one of the best characters in the whole show and con o’neil retweets bdsm izzy fanart with nice comments. stay mad about it.

[naturalshocks]

Little psycho (affectionate). Graphite pencils, white and black coloured pencils and ink on toned card, A4.

[itsclydebitches]

I was thinking today about Stede and Izzy’s hate at first sight dynamic (which, as a Steddy Hands/Gentlehands shipper is hilarious to play with) and how Stede’s initial disgust of Izzy is so all-consuming that it even overrides his pirate obsession.

Like, we’ve already talked about how underneath Izzy’s chihuahua fury there’s this seed of interest in Stede — Why are you so eager to get his shirt off, Izzy? You’re a little obsessed with Stede Fucking Bonnet, Izzy — and how the reverse should be true as well. After all, Stede’s crew is made up of a bunch of misfits and Izzy, hailing from Black Sails land, is the first proper pirate he’s come across. Dressed all in leather, badass tattoos, awesome sword skills, effortlessly managing the hostages Stede lost… this is his pirate adoration made real, Stede’s lifelong interest brought to life, and though he clearly enjoys the thrill of winning the encounter, Izzy himself gets that “Ugh, you again” reaction.

Amazingly, it even extends to other, tangential pirate opportunities and adventures. Can you imagine if anyone else had told Stede that a legit, totally authentic pirate captain wanted to talk to him? He’d be over the moon! Holy shit, yes, let’s go right now, this is a dream come true for me! But because Izzy is the one delivering the message Stede is immediately in a ‘Hell no’ state of mind. Go suck eggs in hell, mysterious pirate captain who has committed the sin of being connected to Izzy Hands. The Gentleman Pirate doesn’t want anything to do with you. Oh, you’re actually the love of my life and we’ll bond the instant we meet? Doesn’t matter. You have to track me down because I won’t be caught dead giving Iggy’s co-worker a second glance.

Stede really went:

“I will do anything, ANYTHING AT ALL, to have an authentic pirate experience.”

Izzy: [exists]

“…never mind I’m drawing a hard line here.”

and I love him for it.

I do feel like there’s a potentially ~deep~ analysis in all this about how Stede doesn’t actually want the authentic pirate experience. He wants the modified, healthier experience he’s been trying to carve out on his ship, so for all his romanticism at home with the kids — “Die, dog!” — when faced with the first person who actually embodies that life, Izzy, Stede took a hard left and kept himself firmly in Muppet land… but also it’s just so funny to think about this instinctual, visceral, illogical dislike that’s so strong it overrides the obsession that had Stede secretly building a ship and leaving his family in the dead of night. Izzy’s bad vibes are just that powerful.

Which, again, as a shipper of quality trash I am LIVING for all the potential avenues here. Yes to Izzy having a, “I’m in love with him?” revelation, I do so love to see it, but I raise you Stede looking at Izzy, realizing he has come to care for him, and immediately wanting to scrub his brain with lavender-scented bleach.

[kcsplace]

Our Flag Means Death + Text Posts (?/??)

[shrugsinchinese]

Izzy Hands.....