I'm a storyteller who loves to be right. My passions are intersectionality and nerdery. I also occasionally (*cough* all the freaking time *cough*) talk about relationships, polyamory, and sexuality. You can find my fic here and on at: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Internerdionality If you like my writing or want to support my cooperative disability household, please consider tipping me on kofi or even commissioning a fic!
I generally use this blog to talk about my blorbo obsession of the moment, along with whatever else suits my fancy or strokes my funny bone the right way (heh. bone). For the sake of my own sanity I try to avoid the hellscape that is our current timeline, but I don't always succeed.
You can check out my writing on AO3 or purchase my original novel (cowritten with a friend) on Amazon!
I write a lot of emotionally cathartic, character-driven fiction, with occasional dark themes; frequent explorations of asexuality, polyamory, and kink; and exceedingly common unhinged horniness—for example, the crab-based alien abduction smut, the deeply sweet and loving pirate cannibalism, or the cephalopod Superman with paralytic saliva. I also write occasional pure fluff, such as turning Batman into a cat to teach him the importance of self-care and cuddles.
You can tip me or commission fiction here!
In my mundane life, I run a queer disability cooperative household for my brother, wife, partner, house mom, the straight girl we keep in the basement, and the trans anarchist lawyer down the street. I'm currently trying to avoid going back to having a day job on top of that, because doing that brought me perilously close to burn out.
I've gone through several fandoms over the lifetime of tumblr, including (not comprehensive), Heated Rivalry, Conclave, Percy Jackson, Hamilton, Good Omens, Ted Lasso, Our Flag Means Death, SuperBat, Eureka, the Matrix, Stargate, Buffy/Angel, Firefly, Doctor Who, and more. My ask box is always open!
I think it’s both Shane’s worst nightmare and also lowkey a fantasy of his to imagine Ilya being outed and Shane having to swoop in to rescue him. I think that boy has more than a little savior complex the way he agonizes over Ilya’s citizenship more than Ilya even does
I think a persistent daydream of his is like oh no what if Ilya was outed by an evil ex boyfriend (that fucking coach’s son probably…) and Shane had to use his considerable resources and influence to protect him like oh no. Maybe they’d even have to get married right away. Maybe Ilya would need to move in to hide from the scrutiny. Maybe he’d be sad all the time and Shane would have to hug him and pet his hair. Hmm
No but the Hunger Games really said "what do you hate more- the atrocities or the people who commit them against you? Because like it or not there IS a difference. If you hate the people who commit acts of pure evil more than you hate the acts themselves, what will stop you from becoming just like your enemies in your pursuit of justice? What will keep you from commiting those very same acts against THEM when the opportunity arises? And what then? The cycle of pain and suffering will never stop. Round and round it'll go. Nothing will ever change. But. BUT. If you hate the atrocities. If you hate the vile, senseless acts MORE than you hate the people who did them to you. If you are able to see that evil is evil regardless of who does it... The cycle ends with you. No, you may never get justice. But you will never be responsible for making others, even your enemies, suffer the same crimes you have. The atrocities will never be committed by you, never by your hand. And that's the way you change the world. It's the ONLY way" and that's why I am sure it will never stop being one of the most relevant works of fiction ever created
totally obsessed with your crashout summer au and absolutely adore seeing your all of your answers and insights into it. I noticed in one of your recent asks that you mentioned the Shane’s family put out a public plea to help bring him home and that unfortunately has me imagining a giant billboard next to the Consider Sweden billboard requesting him to come back to Canada. I know that his parent’s and friends’ pleas are supposed to be sad (and will probably emotionally devastate me if I read them from you) but the mental image will not leave me alone. I mean picture being Yuna (and David learning about it later) whose last words to her son were the obvious breaking point that very well could have sent him on a bender then seeing him go on worlds craziest road trip that includes ice sculpting and who knows what else then having to learn that multiple world governments have been briefed on your son’s bedroom activities then being told by the Canadian government that it’s a matter of national pride that you find a way to stop his weaving and dodging. It’s just really funny to me in a kind of sad way
The Canadian government to an increasingly despondent Yuna and David: so the Olympics are coming up and nationally we will never recover if we lose to Denmark—
I'm re-reading the Vorkosigan Saga for the first time in a long time (I think it's been maybe 15 years since I read the earlier books) and I remembered how much I liked them, but I forgot how feral they made me. sorry to anyone in my general orbit for the next 12-14 months.
Lois McMaster Bujold really did go: here have space opera shenanigans paired with an exploration of societal upheaval and intergenerational trauma, told from the perspective of a family composed entirely of people who are deeply unhinged. A+, no notes.
when i forget to log into ao3 and i have to click proceed to see an adult fic, i actually get a kick out of it. like i am an old timey queen and my bard is apologetic: “gentle lady, dicks doth touch in this next ballad. would you prefer another?” and i give him a gesture of command like, “nay, you may proceed, minstrel. bring forth the tale of dicks”
To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.
some hyper famous artists like Van Gogh transcend overratedness and become underrated because they're so normalized. Like I'll look at a van Gogh and I'm like wait this really is amazing you guys don't get it
doubly funny that I saw a compilation of all the corporate accounts like "aw thanks elmo, we're doing well" meanwhile all the flesh and blood real human people are extremely not okay
doubly funny that I saw a compilation of all the corporate accounts like "aw thanks elmo, we're doing well" meanwhile all the flesh and blood real human people are extremely not okay
they literally won every category they were nominated for. the only Heated Rivalry nominees who didn't win lost to a different Heated Rivalry nominee (Ksenia to Sophie and Francois to Hudson)
Picture this:
You played women's ice hockey in college and even now, 20 years later, you still wake up in a cold sweat some nights remembering that time The Truck checked you so hard you thought you could taste colors. Your son inherited your love of the game, and he's pretty good at it! Good enough that his U13 team is in the finals of this tournament. You're watching the skaters come onto the ice when out of the corner of your eye your spot her: The Truck, standing in the other team's parent section. When you see one of the opposing defensemen has an Asian last name on his jersey, you're already mentally preparing for your son's funeral service. And then, aside from the other team's center scoring a hat trick, everything is fine. There aren't any crazy checks and despite the loss, your son's spirit is unbroken. You think that maybe the long national nightmare is over and The Truck's genes have become dormant. That feeling lasts just long enough for you to watch her embrace the victorious center, at which point you realize that the nightmare has only just begun.
Now that I am caught up on the behind-the-scenes snapping birch lore, I keep thinking about that one throwaway line in the Kimmel interview where Scott is like "and, well..." and Kimmel says "Well, they're athletes!" and the audience laughs. Because. obviously "athletes" is a stand-in for "hot" here. Like, Kimmel isn't saying, "c'mon, guys, you can excuse them for having gay sex because they are professional athletes who play in a professional sports league," he's saying, "c'mon, guys, you can forgive them for the gay sex because they're hot" and consequently their gay sex would be hot. He's saying, "Haven't you looked at both of these men and wanted to be them? Haven't you looked at both of these men and wanted to fuck them? Look at them. They're athletes. They're hot. You can't be mad at them for doing to each other what everyone else wanted to do to them." And they're athletes, their bodies are so perfect, they have so much stamina, think about all of that pent-up energy, isn't it so hot if they're fucking? Don't you want to see Shane Hollander do a Calvin Klein ad again? Don't you want to see Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov do a Calvin Klein ad together? They're athletes. Of course you do. Look at them. Wouldn't you be more likely to buy a Rolex if smoke-show Shane Hollander were wearing one? Don't you want to see him in a Reeboks campaign again and tear out the magazine pages and lick them? Well, they're athletes. Of course you do.
Every part of that interview was planned and scripted, huh. They're such young innocent teenagers who would never rig a game, right? and they're also panty-dropping drool-worthy "athletes" that you want to see in everyone's next ad campaign, right?
I want to emphasize that the sex is really the part of this that Camp Hollanov is the most out of control of. That is the least stable part of this. This is the bomb that may still go bang. 
You are dead right that the sex appeal itself is useful to them and they are trying to take advantage of that. They are two extremely attractive athletes. Cosmo’s top ten hottest NHL players attractive. People find the fact that they are having sex incredibly hot.
They need all of the public goodwill they can get. They need people to have more positive associations than negatives around their relationship. And there are a lot of people out there who are utterly feral at the thought of them together. They are eating it all up.
Be okay with this. At least they’re hot. Sure they’re fucking. Look at them. Why wouldn’t they want to fuck each other? It’s hot, it’s hot, it’s hot.
It is not lost on Shane that he will be renewing his career as an underwear model every single June for the next decade. He has very little leeway to turn down any promotions with Calvin Klein. Calvin Klein was the first sponsor to publicly support him. He can never burn that bridge. And Calvin Klein knows that people want to see Shane Hollander in his underwear.
Shane knows they’re probably eyeing Ilya for his own brand partnership. He’s bracing himself for the call. They cannot afford to turn that down. It is not about the money. It is about support. It is about gratitude. Calvin Klein was the first brand to throw in their lot with Team Hollanov, and so their brands are now goddamn wed. Shane and Ilya cannot create distance with that brand without coming off as incredibly ungrateful towards them. They do not have any goodwill to burn, so they are going to say yes to pretty much anything Calvin Klein asks of them, at least for the foreseeable future.
Shane is already mentally bracing himself for June. Because he knows that the second pride month rolls around there are going to be black and white photos of him and Ilya in their underwear blown up on every bus bench. Everyone will be looking at them. Everyone will be thinking of them together. Of course they will be. Look at how hot they are.
They’re hoping if they normalize it all that the public will burn itself out on speculation faster, but that’s more of a shot in the dark. Yuna did not get to test this strategy with a focus group first.
The NHL wants their sex to be novel and scandalous. They want this to be a hidden sex affair. It is a Sex Scandal to them first and foremost. They want this to feel like Shane and Ilya were hiding because they had something shameful to hide. Shane and Ilya are trying to avoid the impression that they’re hiding. Where’s the scandal? They’re not ashamed.
People know they have sex. No one in the goddamn world believes that those two agreed to wait for fucking marriage. Choir boy Shane Hollander let The Womanizer of Boston Ilya Rozanov take his virginity instead of Rose Landry. It is blowing people’s minds.
That’s driving a huge amount of the speculation and scandal right now. And they’re a little bit hoping if they just act like it’s not a scandal, people will match their energy.
There’s this scene where they have to talk about strategy at the war table before they start doing anything and it’s a meeting/conference call with Shane and Ilya + the Hollanders + Rose and her PR sharks + Scott and Kip + Svetlana + Hayden + Andrea and they get to How To Deal With The Sex Thing and Shane is like. No. No dealing. We do not talk about it. Ever. No one ever needs to know or discuss or imagine that, ever, from now until the heat death of the universe. And His Own Mother had to be the one convince him that it wasn’t that simple. The only reason why that wasn’t a Top 10 Most Excruciating Moment of his fucking life was because there’s so much competition.
Yuna at one point tries to pitch it as a way to ultimately take heat off of them. They’re gonna get people to adjust to the news faster by exposing them to it. Like boiling a frog. And Shane has to be like. You want to boil the world in my homosexuality. Like. How we kill frogs.
Rose is the one to propose that maybe Ilya leaks the Shane Folds His Clothes bit. It’s cute. It’s intimate but not scandalous. Doing it is very Shane so it helps repair the damage done to his own image. Talking about it is very Ilya so it helps neutralize the claims that Shane is his uptight wife reining him in now. It implies the act but tells people nothing about the act itself. What do they think?
Ilya Thinks He Hates That Rose Shares This Knowledge With Him.
Like. Is he obsessed with that fact about Shane? Yes. Has he wanted to tell people about it since 2010? Yes. He would rent a billboard if he could. Did he want Rose fucking Landry to know about it from personal experience? No. Remember, he is wife.
Shane is taking his own pulse.
He’s. Hes fine. Hes so great right now. Shane actually always wanted to have this conversation with his parents and every single person he has ever touched and also fucking Scott Hunter is here.
Sorry. Sorry Scott.
There’s a different point where Yuna asks if Ilya they have ever made a post about their sexual history that could be traced back to Shane the other because they need to be ready to deal with that. And Ilya is like. No no, they have been very careful, there were no posts.
And Shane is like. Ilya.
Ilya.
There was one post. There was the post Shane threatened to fucking murder him over if it was ever traced back to him.
And Ilya is like. Oh. Yes.
There was one.
And Yuna had to be like. Okay. Okay. They can work with that. What was the post?
And Ilya is like. Well—
And Shane is like. Ilya.
Ilya.
He cannot tell Shane’s fucking parents about that post.
And like. He has to. They need to know now before they find out when it’s trending globally.
And Shane is like. Okay. Okay. The post uh. Severely misconstrued the situation. There was—it was, it was some accidental tripping, and, and falling and causing damage that way, actually, and not. Not sex related at all—
Ilya says it was a picture of a damaged bed frame.
And Yuna is like. Ah. Okay. So the implication is—
They don’t need to talk about the implication.
And David, Shane’s dad who taught him how to tie his shoes who now has this knowledge about him, David, he’s like. Okay. Okay. But like. Shane wasn’t in the photo, and, and even if it was around a Boston v Montreal game, the chances of anyone noticing that is slim, and also even if they do notice it doesn’t mean it was Shane—
No. No, they will know it was him. Shane had just done the hottest thing anyone had ever seen on NHL ice. No one will believe Ilya was with anyone else after that.
Scott, immediately and with great understanding: Oh shit. The 2015 playoffs?
Kip: •_•
Shane: •_•
His fucking parents: •_•
Scott himself, already flooded with regret: •_•
Kip, pained: Scott
Shane, taking deep, deep breaths: okay. Uh. Obviously it’s not, not ideal to have. The implication
Ilya: the implication that we broke the bed after a game that had actual consequences for the playoffs you mean
Shane: yes that implication
Scott, with no small amount of wonder: that was only round 1. how did you go into more games after that
Kip: SCOTT
Scott: I’m sorry it’s just that he won round 2 in 4 like how—
Shane hates this fucking strategy. He thinks this fucking strategy is dangerous. But it’s the strategy they’re running with. Let’s hear it for sex appeal, he guesses.
