Love you, hate you, let's break up
Have you ever told yourself that you will never do something or let something happen to you only to find yourself in the very position you never wanted? I guess we all have. I said to myself that I wasn't ever going to date a girl if I perceived that we will breakup. It’s not like I saw a bold “this relationship won't last” banner on almost every girl’s head, but something within always told me that what I felt for most of them was ephemeral so I didn’t waste my time making a commitment. I never wanted a breakup to be a part of my "relationship CV". In my mind, I wanted to marry the first girl I officially dated, and not jump from one relationship to another because I was simply lonely—and trust me I was. But yes it did happen, my perfect “CV” was marred and stained by that dirty word: breakup. I tried to live in denial for a while but after sometime, I had to deal with the fact that though I do love her, we weren’t entirely prepared then for what we prayed for.
So as most of you know, after a breakup comes the heartaches and questions: why did you leave me, wasn't I good enough? You know, all that post-relationship drama. But that never quiet answers the question as to why the breakup happened and usually never heals the hurt after the breakup is over. So just as in the case of The Heartbreak Monologue, I was approached by a couple of friends who either asked what to do after a breakup or what my thoughts were on relationships and so forth. These mini conversations led to the release of this article. I must confess, this article is actually is a transcribed version of a voice note I recorded to myself a few days after my very first breakup—oh, I loathe this word—and I pray it blesses you just as it did me.
The recording (semi-edited)
In all ups and downs, can we remain focused on our calling? Can we still focus on our calling even if the very thing we prayed to God for—a wife, a girlfriend, a child or whatever—is taken away from us? Can our lives be in such a way that no matter what the devil does to destroy the relationships we value most, we can remain focused on our purpose? I think this—the loss of something or a relationship we truly cherish—is the biggest test of our dedication to our God-given purpose on earth.
You know, we aren't perfect—though we strive Godly perfection; we all keep on making mistakes and we keep learning each and every single day; for this reason, and with every sin, there is an open door that the devil can use to gain entry into our lives to wreck more chaos; all he has to do is to ask God for permission. All he has to say is: God look at these people, they just sinned or broke your word at this or that point, can I do what I have to do. Truly it is impossible to be happy or have peace in a relationship that doesn't please God.
Yes, there will always be storms every now and then, but the question is when the devil attacks can we still remain focused on God’s calling. Can we wake up everyday even after that final storm that lead to the breakup with God’s purpose for our lives in mind? Can we confidently say: "God you called me to do abc, and I am going to pursue your calling or do this thing with all my heart, no matter what; even if I am heartbroken, even if I feel so hurt and rejected; even if I am in tears or crying, I will still rise up everyday to do your will? It’s easy for many to say yes, because they think they haven't changed jobs or are still attending school and therefore are continuing whatever purpose they have. But truly the purpose of God is greater than that, and one has to be pure at heart to clearly discern this purpose: sadly heartbreaks and hurts fill us with pain, bitterness and cause us to build walls that blind us from totally seeing and fulfilling God’s will.
I don't know, I am just reminded of David right now, and the part of the Bible that says that he found comfort in the Lord, I think this was after the Amalekites took his wife and kids [1 Sam 30] , and his own men wanted to stone him and all; but the Word of God says He found comfort in the Lord, in all that was happening; he didn't react in a negative way, he didn't give up, he didn't kill himself, he just found comfort in the Lord. I guess there is a lesson there for all of us: to find comfort in the Lord in all these things: in all we are going through.
Because honestly sometimes it just doesn't make sense; especially when we have prayed all the prayers, every single prayer, in the spirit, out of the spirit, everything; every prayer that needs to be said, but then the attacks are just too many you know. All you want is happiness, I mean all I wanted was happiness but then comes the attacks, then comes this and that, then comes everything and all I ask is why? Why all this? You see something and wonder; I don't even know how to explain it, but then when all that hits you, how do you keep moving. How am I moving right now? I don't know. (I guess mine is just to record this audio note. I don't know who is listening to this or will probably be inspired by it. But then, I pray that someone out there will be inspired by it, and know that in all things the focus is God and His purpose for our lives.
There are some battles you can never fight on your own. The battle is the Lord's, it not about the number of prayers you say or how much you try to reconcile with people (your girl/boyfriend or whatever), you know, its not about all that, especially when there is something like a mental stronghold that makes people treat you in a way that makes you wonder, and I am not just talking about marriage relationships, but when you feel like the people you need for your calling, your purpose, whatever it is, either reject you…or when you basically feel abandoned or like the love isn't there anymore. The question is what do you do; and all that comes to me now is that: you should come to the very point that even if everything is taken away from you, you don't leave your calling; you should have the kind of heart that says that: "God, if you can give, then you can take and most of all you can always provide again." Thats the thing…I remember was it back in 2014, I became very wealthy overnight and the problem was that I became so dependent on the money: I was more worried about losing all the money and becoming broke than looking to God and saying that you are the provider and that you can always provide again. Immediately my mind switched from God to thinking about ways in which I could preserve it, I lost it all.
And what God brings my mind to when it comes to relationships and marriage and friendships and all that is, when you hold on to your girl/boyfriend as a god in your life, and say things like “God I can't afford to lose him or her and other seemingly “romantic" gibberish like that. Or "If I lose her or him I can't or won’t continue your work again, blah blah blah." That's a huge mistake because the devil can use anyone to kill your God-given calling.
We are all going to have trials and tests and all, but the bottom line is that you have to be strong. The key thing is that nothing, even if your wife doesn't want to worship God with you, you need to keep your focus on Him, your God-given calling, and if the calling is to do abc, do it and leave the hurdles to God.
I mean I know people who have been near suicidal because of a relationship and do you know what this means if you have a great calling upon your life…I mean every calling is important because we all have to work as a team, but then if you have a calling to be like a Moses, a Peter or a Paul, a heavy calling to really make a dent; Suicide is kind of the biggest thing the devil will want to use to destroy you.
You get a heartbreak and start feeling you aren't wanted in this world; this is the biggest thing, the biggest blow the devil will want to throw at you to keep you from fulfilling your purpose. Because you are so important. I think sometimes we don't realise how important we are to the world. I mean just think about it, if out of about a billion people God chooses you to do something, then that alone should tell you how important you are. It isn't that everyone else isn't important but then, you can't explain why God does that. But if He chooses you, and it's so clear that you are talented and all and you are thinking about suicide...that should clearly tell you something. You know, someone doesn't want you here...it's not about the heartbreak or abuse or whatever it was that happened to you. It's not about all that, the key thing is your future. You future is so important that if it ends now, the devil gains more ground on the earth. But then if you prevail and go past today with all the pain and hurts you will be surprised at the number of lives and things that will change in this world. And I think that's the biggest thing here, because I have been through that before, where you feel like you aren't wanted here. I was in tears and asked God why I was on earth and if He could just let me leave without a trace or memory of ever having lived. You know I had thoughts of it, not that I wanted to do anything ridiculous like jumping of a bridge or all the methods people have used but I just felt that I didn't have any role or contribution to make in this world so I wanted to leave. Not in a painful way, or to end up in hell or Heaven…but it was more like Lord kindly just erase my existence. But then I have just come to realise this, I mean I know what I have to do on this earth, some know and have a glimpse of it, but then when everything like this is happening, it just tells me something: that what is more important is the future and even the people who will be impacted by the message, and not the pain I am going through. You know, because it gets to a point where what I am going through doesn't matter at all.
I mean all things and resources are from the Lord. I want to tell you this if you are not married and someone has hurt you, the most important thing I have realised is this: God has created so many people and as long as you are unshakable in your quest to fulfil His purpose, He will provide you with someone who is unshakable as well and who will help you fulfil your God-given purpose. So the key thing is to be unshakable in your purpose, to know where you are going and to be unshakable in it and to allow Him to provide the other. Do not waste your time, if someone doesn't want you that's fine, the key thing is that you should want your purpose and that God wants you. Just focus on your purpose. If they like you and your purpose they will run with you and everything; you cannot force someone into your life. The most important thing is your purpose: that’s the most important thing. A great many destinies have been killed because of a wrong decision, and I just feel like many times people don't realise that…if the relationship (pre-breakup) was from God, then your purpose will draw you back together again, your purpose will because, both parties (you and him or her) will know that your being together is about the purpose: it’s not about you or your spouse but about God’s purpose. So the key thing is to be unshakable in God’s purpose and to go ahead to do what you have to do.
Do not pursue someone because of love, do not pursue someone because of attention, or because of their beauty, its all about purpose. And if they aren't willing to be a part of yours then they will keep you off the road God’s wants you to walk on… I mean you should see traces of that. And you know, when we get to Heaven the question is going to be did you fulfil your purpose, it's not going to be: did you have children with so and so, did you help them fulfil their purpose…the question will be did you do yours?
Okay, so that’s kind of the end of the recording I made. I chose to transcribe it because I don't think you will like to hear me in heartbreak mode…On a more serious note, the recording just wasn't that clear. But anyway I do hope you have been blessed by this post. Thanks for reading and God bless you.
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