1. Triggers arenāt as easy as they seem.
Some things are easy enough, tw: rape tw: victim blaming tw: graphic content.
Some things arenāt. How do you explain to a friend āIf you make me feel small- I will get sickā. How do you tell a lover, āDonāt call me beautiful, or gorgeous, or pretty. In fact- just please, donāt say anythingā.
Or explain to someone, ā I canāt go through that line. That line has a man wearing a yellow shirt in it- and he is wearing a cologne and no. no. no. no.ā
People think triggers are easy to understand- that those unaffected by trauma should still be able to understand the why.
If I canāt understand why Iām triggered by it- what makes you think you can.
2. Trauma would effect everything. Literally.
Something as simple as buying groceries, or going for a walk. Where Iām willing to be in public by myself.
What I will wear and when. And it isnāt so simple as just ācovering upā. Itās ādress nice enough that no one will think there is something wrong with youā next to ādonāt dress too nice though- you donāt want anything to happen.ā
It effects what I eat. Stress effects the stomach, and when your mind is constantly trying to avoid new trauma or thinking about old trauma.. then you have a lot of times where youāre either stress eating, or forgetting to eat from stress.
Sleep to avoid reality. Insomnia because nightmares.
It changed my speech patterns. Had to be careful not to invite things. Had to be careful to not be āb****ā who deserved what was coming.
Trauma changed everything.
3. Recovery isnāt a straight line.
The common theme seems to be āavoids life for x amount of days- maybe a week or two. friends come over pull victim back into the real world. there are 2, maybe 3 set backs- but by a few months- life returns to normalā
Personally it was more like ālife goes on fast forward for the next two months, nothing is wrong- NOTHING IS WRONG- NOTHING IS WRONG IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME- crash. Refuses to deal with life 4 months. Begins to recover. set back. recover. set back. simultaneously does a little bit better in one area- and completely falls apart in another. set back. Too many weeks of wondering āis this behavior more attributed to recovery or relapse? how do I know?ā
There are way too many variables for recovery to move in a straight line. There are times when we do things that are good for us- while simultaneously regressing in other areas.
4. Recovery isnāt always about going out, facing your fears, or punching your assailant in the face.
Sometimes recovery is making art about what happened.
It is talking honestly about your fears and doubts.
It is talking- at all- about what happened to you.
Recovery is reading terrible terrible fan fiction where the MC goes through something terrible- but finds their best friend through it all- and they go out and slay the dragon and win the hearts of everyone. It is believing that maybe you too will be able to slay the dragon.
It is admitting that you are hurting.
It is asking for help when you need it.
Recovery, is a thousand things.
but not an end goal. not really.
5. Love wonāt actually save us.
Too often I saw this idea- that maybe if we found someone who found our pain tragically beautiful.. they could convince us of our worth. they could hold our hand in public and kiss away the pain. after a decent amount of time, youād have sex- and youād realize that things were going to be okay after all.
Our pain is not tragically beautiful.Ā
We donāt necessarily have to save ourselves- not alone. But we have to put in the foot work, we have to respect our need to rest too though. We are more likely to get better with friends who extend hands to help us up- than lovers who kiss away memories of what happened.
6. Survivors actually arenāt that uncommon.
Too often I feel alone in a crowded room, feeling like everyone knows what happened and everyone thinks Iām a monster.
But Iāve learned, that when I speak up- inevitably, other people do too.
Whether it is reading a poem at a venue, or an offhanded comment. Ā Once one person speaksā¦
someone else, who thought they were all alone, speaks up too.
We arenāt alone. The more we talk, the more we reach out, the more we find one another.
was probably the most healing thing I ever did.
andulkaphoto
romaincrisis
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