elio 🥢

he/him | 21 | pretentious hedonist

[dephylirium]

(half writing / half therapeutic reminder)

I will not let their misguided, ignorant, and ill intended judgement become my own perception of my reflection.

Who I am to them is not communicating who I am but what they have made me feel towards them. And I will not let that hurt defensive pose I've been pushed to hold represent who I am outside of these walls.

I will not let their rotten seeds grow a tree of self-hatred in me.

Who I am will be written by me and narrated by my loved ones, not my oppressors and abusers

I will not let them destroy one more thing in my mind.

I will not let them break my heart once more.

Who I am is better than they have ever been or will ever be and I will not let them deny that truth and convince me of their hateful delusions, not anymore.

[angelbumbum]

i am once again experiencing urges and desires

[angelbumbum]

y’all thinking this is a horny post but it’s about violence actually

[dephylirium]

Is it fucked up that I feel reassured by being hurt? that I derive pleasure from living in the comfort of my life-long battle with hopelessness? or maybe it's a battle with my seemingly unstoppable instinct of romanticization of emotional decadence

Am I, the hopeless romantic, a broken romantic or a romantic of brokenness? the one who yearns not for love but for it's wounds and permanently unhealed scars

Wine, sex and the perpetuity of the undead soul call for me more than connection does

And for some reason unbeknownst to me that feels more like a blessing than a curse of any kind

[dephylirium]

next time someone calls me adorable (or anything similar) I'm committing first degree manslaughter

[wiltking]

if you're writing and find yourself thinking 'this is too weird/gross/offputting/esoteric/ambitious/catered to my specific interests + sure to push away a broader audience' that is the devil speaking and it is a lie. you are already firmly on the right path and you need to double down

[dephylirium]

and if you're writing and find yourself thinking 'it's too erotic, too kinky, too specific a fetish, too #DDDNE' don't listen to that, baby, keep on writing.

as a matter of fact, send it to me specifically.

[aa05150]

[dephylirium]

oh, my favorite

[stjohnstarling]

I think of myself as sort of like if an evil genius was benevolent.

[dephylirium]

instead of the gay best friend, I'm the villain best friend (also gay)

[prettybearbutch]

your teeth are a gift from god and you can sink them into other people's flesh btw

[dephylirium]

I can be trusted around exposed necks

I can be trusted around exposed necks

I can be trusted around exposed necks

[babygh0u1]

Flirting telepathically tonight so if you get nightmares its just me

[dephylirium]

a while ago I (a trans man) had a sex dream with a trans lesbian, and I think that singlehandedly could make a terf die of an aneurysm

[homunculus-argument]

Unreliable narrators are one hell of an idea. You can just write whatever, and if a reader points out "hey the way this scene happened should not be physically possible if it's done the way this character described it", you can just be like "yeah I don't trust that fucker either."

[dephylirium]

or if you remember something incorrectly and the reader points out the inconsistency you can just blame it on the character's bad memory instead of yours

gaslighting the blame away from you with academically approved methods

the new solution to adhd in writers

[velvetdevotion]

I found this on Pinterest!

[dephylirium]

me and who

[dephylirium]

craving sex but the one only two desperate switches who are both sadists and masochists can have

where you can't tell if we're fucking or fighting each other

an erotic sparring session if you will

(with bruises and bitemarks as a souvenir)

[dephylirium]

humiliation ritual except it's just me having to explain everything I allowed my ex to put me through

[dephylirium]

remembering how I couldn't spend a day without talking to my exes (while we dated) and now I cannot imagine having to worry that if I spend one day without speaking to a partner (with prior warning) it will be an issue

[dissociate-d]

sorry for being inactive i’ve been going insane