Wrestling With My Demons

This 'blog' is just for me really Abducted Soul in a Depression Headlock "Let me find and use metaphors to help me understand the world around me & give me the strength to get rid of them when it's apparent they no longer work."

[centuriespast]

The Seven Stages in Man’s Life unknown artist Calderdale Metropolitan Borough Council

[depressionheadlock]

If we are all energy & energy can neither be created or destroyed, energy can only be transferred or changed from one form to another.

I think in each life we live we go through different situations, learn different lessons. Our spirit, our soul needs has & always will to go through a whole lot more than ‘we’ as humans do here in this one lifetime.

[depressionheadlock]

I had to clear up my messy life. By letting go of the debris & filth, I have come to a deeper, more soulful beauty & clarity like an oasis in the desert. From that place of clarity, a vision of what I could have, what I could do, who I could be has emerged if I allow my heart to become a place of compassion, acceptance & forgiveness.

Sharon E. Rainey

[depressionheadlock]

Back to life. Got the knife out of my back. I'm Different. I'm Better, Stronger, Faster. Don't let the pain & the darkness determine who you are. I now know why the caged bird sings.

[depressionheadlock]

I'm done. There is no reason for anything.

[depressionheadlock]

Haven’t posted in a while because I’ve done something that will haunt me every day & every night for my entire life. Because I’ve been over-overthinking too much. Overthinking because of not knowing, which lead to bringing me down, way down. To a very bad place, a very dark place. I don’t like it but it’s becoming all to familiar. Paranoid feelings because of love. I feel I’ll be feeling miserable for a long time. I don’t deserve to be loved. I don’t love myself anymore more, nothing about myself. Even though I know I’ve changed, I was so overwhelmed by the demons in me. She deserves all the love in the world & I know I could of gave it to her in this life & every other. I wanted to marry her in this life. So no matter what she will always my love, forever. Even if she doesn’t want it, she’ll have it. I can not forget her. I will never forget her. I will never ever unlove her. I will never fall out of love with her. If it’s not her, I will never love another. The hell inside my head ruined my life & what has kept me going? *Don’t Die Wondering*

[depressionheadlock]

A person who values you wouldn’t ever put themselves in a position to lose you.

Trent Shelton

[depressionheadlock]

I wish I’d done everything on Earth with you.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

[depressionheadlock]

What disturbs men's minds is not events but their judgements on events:

Epictetus

[depressionheadlock]

The thing about chaos, is that while it disturbs us, it too, forces our hearts to roar in a way we secretly find magnificent.

Christopher Poindexter

[depressionheadlock]

The spark in my life has been extinguished. Everything now is dark. My muse, my spirit & my soul have left me. Can’t sleep, can't eat. Thoughts running wild in my mind, demons playing games, breaking me up. I hate these feelings. Feels like there is no escaping. I need a light to break this darkness. I always wanted too much & did too little. But the harder I'd try the farther I'd fall. I'm getting tired trying to find any peace, or seeking some sort of truth. Death is fine. Give me mine. Give me peace. Let me sleep.

[depressionheadlock]

Anyone who knows me, should learn to know me again; For I am like the Moon, you will see me with new face everyday.

Rumi

[depressionheadlock]

I’m really struggling & I’m so fucking scared. I know where this leads, but yet I’m not afraid of what I might do, which is a real mind fuck. If something does happen to me, I don’t want anyone to shed a tear, no one should cry. I was the designer of my own downfall. Just carry on as you would on a normal day. Carry on like the spring carries on after the winter snow, or like light after the darkness. Don’t worry for any reason, I am nothing. I was nothing. From nothing we come, & to nothing we shall return. Give me peace. Let me sleep.

[depressionheadlock]

You should always keep Your Word. All the setbacks in life come only because You don't keep Your Word.

Sivananda

[depressionheadlock]

Depression talk

I’m feeling worse than usual. Everything is off, way more that my ‘normal’, stuff isn’t right, like everything is hanging over me. I’m more anxious, scared, agitated, worried, insecure. It’s hopeless, I just can’t feel happy. I’m crying a lot. Sometimes it’s over something stupid that makes no sense to cry over & other times I just don’t know why at all. I want be held & made better. I never want to get out of bed because I feel so low & slow, my brain is working in slow motion. I don’t go anywhere anymore, I can’t deal with being around people for too long. I have no short term memory. I’m very forgetful. I can’t concentrate on anything or decide what I wanna do, even something so simple. I watched a movie last night, can not remember what it was or anything about it. I’ve fallen out of love with so much. Everything annoys me. Nothing is going right for me. What is happiness? My thoughts torment me. Thoughts of death visit me sporadically throughout my days & nights. Constantly covering me with dark clouds. Taking me to that place again. Reality will break your heart, Survival isn’t the hardest part, It’s keeping all your hopes alive, When all the rest of you has died. Give me peace. Let me sleep.

[depressionheadlock]

Good culture is born of a good disposition; & since the cause is more to be praised than the effect, I will rather praise a good disposition without culture, than good culture without the disposition.

Leonardo da Vinci

[depressionheadlock]

It is precisely facts that do not exist, only interpretations.

Friedrich Nietzsche