Apathy, and Other Small Victories

[depthtakesaholiday]

Satan: Hey I bought your soul last month and-

Me: No returns.

Satan: Please it's making me sad.

[securesuggestions]

Someone thinks about you before they go to bed

[ml-j]

the devil and how he’s gonna fuck up my day when he wakes up

[snazziest]

They call me coffee cuz I grind so fine

[thatpunnyguy-deactivated2016051]

They call me coffee I keep you up past 2 am

[xjustcallmethedoctorx]

They call me coffee because I’m really bitter and most people don’t like me without changing some aspect of what I am

[depthtakesaholiday]

an emotion: *happens*

me: Get Back Into The Feelings Box You Dirty Gremlin

[pumpkinland]

my mom likes to tell me “you have to pick your battles” well im full of rage and im picking all of them

[gotitforcheap-deactivated201611]

[depthtakesaholiday]

Me: I am a smart and capable Adult.

Someone else: How about some Responsibility

Me: my name is Fuckup McDisappointment and you will address me as such.

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

life hack

throw it in the ocean

[shadesoflibra-deactivated202105]

what if it’s the ocean

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

throw it in a different ocean

[depthtakesaholiday]

Brain: Hey! You know when would be a great time to start thinking about how what a total fuck up and disappointment you are and how you have no real future would be? When you have to get up at 7 am! Lol!

Me: If I could lobotomize myself I would fucking do it

[poisonedscarlett]

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they’re like can I have some and I’m like no fuck off what do you think this is a charity

[smutfemme-deactivated20220218]

honestly don’t insult me because i’ll fuck your dad

[wormixix-deactivated20160716]

“i dont like short hair on girls” yeah well i dont like short dicks on guys but here u are

[callmekitto-deactivated20220425]

physically i would describe myself as a noncommittal wiggly hand gesture with a vague “enhhh” noise

[poisonedscarlett]

“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so fuck off

[screenspender-blog]

liquor before beer youre in the clear

beer before liquor youll be okay dont be a little bitch

[foodchewer]

when i die just remember i don’t care

[richist-deactivated20150511]

You finger yourself??? Disgusting. Those fingers should be turning pages of the holy bible

[urulokid]

gotta get em wet before you turn the pages tho

[madredenutrias]

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[urulokid]

this is going to be the text post that sends me straight to hell isnt it