i have such a cynical view of love like I don't believe anymore that it exists. my past relationships ended when my exes decided I wasn't worth the effort anymore and maybe theyre right. maybe relationships mean tolerating the other person and losing a sense of self entirely. my last experience "dating" felt like they only wanted to get to know me so they could learn how to manipulate me into having sex with them. I wasn't even a person. just something to be acquired. I don't even think my parents love me, I'm just their obligation. i'm someone to control. they don't even know me. im worried because I haven't found love yet I never will. i'm entirely unloveable even though I try so hard to be a good person. but maybe i'm not a person at all. maybe to be loved is to not be a person. maybe to be loved is to be acquired, consumed. i hate not belonging anywhere and not belonging to anyone. I want someone to choose me and to love me even though sometimes I am bad and awful to be around. but i am boring and a loser and I used to have nothing to offer besides my love, but now I don't even think I have that anymore. i'm tired of being a broken person. I know no one can fix me but myself but I don't have the strength to keep on going, day after day, hoping the next one will be better. all my energy is wasted just getting through the day. I cant find the strength to brush my teeth and shower regularly. I can't find the strength to find a way out of this labyrinth.
gummygunk
blakekathryn
kianamaiart
