desperdiciando palabras

wasting words

[desperdiciandopalabras]

I thought those words meant something but they never did before

Shouldn't have expected them to now

How simply naive my heart can be

Too much emphasis in thoughts

Lacking any pure feeling such as trust

Settling for love through lust

Believing every word he says

Even though I knew they would fade

Two months that's all I last

If even that

An eight week attention span

Coming towards an end today

The second we began

And the cards didn't say

It would end up this way

I really hoped it would last longer

Hate the fact it's come to this

Another I love you and good bye poem

Not sealed with a kiss

[desperdiciandopalabras]

Déjà vu follows her every move

She can't seem to shake this feeling

Or that damned cursed lust

Is it alright if you lie with a bible in hand

God will let it slide

Well dress me up as the whore of Babylon

Sometimes I don't know what drives me

He he he and it's all on camera

Well kinda funny how Orwell said it

Then it came true and no one seems to notice it.

[desperdiciandopalabras]

In one eye I am perfect

Oh so beautiful

In another just disposable

Nothing special

The latter is which I love

Isn't it always?

Love is a bitter joke

Which isn't very funny

And I'm starting to feel

Like I'll never be happy

[desperdiciandopalabras]

Dry sockets hold dehydrated tears

Held it all in till they became condensed

Seemingly never to be released

But I just take one mood swing

To make every problem flow

A violent river of uselessness

Staining a soft cheek hard

Causing a warm heart to turn cold

And cold heart to break

A broken heart to give up, stop beating

One more tear of rest falls from your face

Lying in the mud

Lungs full of dirt

A mind full of hate

Last breath and fate

[desperdiciandopalabras]

So you say you went out of your way

To tell him I want to do it

All on my own

No you fucking belligerent asshole

You forced me into this position

I'd dearly love his help

But I know you deeply long

To watch me fail in life

So you can say I told you so

Tell me all you goddamn want

I'm not listening to your shit

Just don't brag of my accomplishments

To make yourself look better

"I'm the waste of sperm" you said

Remember?

How many times have I been told

That you ever regret having kids

How you want to puff your chest

For the things I must struggle for

Cause I know you get off on it

You're the most selfish person ever

And I'm forced to call you dad.

[desperdiciandopalabras]

He said he wanted to wake up

Next to something beautiful

I still went home

never mind how much he begged

Even frivolous romance

Has lost it's lust

I'd rather be hitting my pipe

I'd rather be writing

Of what he was saying

Instead of sitting, listening

Communications are monotonous

I can stare for a flash

And see it for a decade

But all I hear, I've heard before

The rambling collage of lovers

A rant of beauty; intelligence

The wall I built is stable

Stable as the back I carry

Or my bitter innocence

I built it long ago

No love can slip in

Now even lust has found access hard

Not impossible, just hard

So I kiss him feverishly,

I've always given that much

An empty promise make out

[desperdiciandopalabras]

I'm leaving for good

I'll never come back to stay

I always knew it

Would end up this way

She seemed a bit shocked

When I told her that

And he acts like it's

Only a bad dream

Even though it would be nice

To run to him forever

When shit hit's the fan

Time to be sentimental

Pretend I don't hate

It's all that bad here

I think it may be

Time to call a goodbye beer

Everything will be different

In one year

[desperdiciandopalabras]

My dreams lie in words, your words

How easy it is to fall for them,

So precise and demanding

I can hear every word spoken

As if I know your voice by heart

But life can't be so easy

I know not your tongue

It could be rough as sandpaper

You've not heard mine

All squeaky and disguised

If we ever meet I fear

It will only take hello

To make me fall in love

And your goodbye

To make me cry

[desperdiciandopalabras]

Like a wondering eye going nowhere

How romantically devoid

An emotionless kiss on bloody lips

Tastes of copper, feels of death

Addiction in its fullest form

In every way it affects me

Yet it's him that is its slave

I'm more of a temporary worker

I have no place in that life of his

I've already long past left

He has no place in this life of mine

How awfully divine

These silly little repetitions

Seem to change in every way

Of drugs and sex and lies

This cigarette had found it way back into my shaking hand

My lungs feel heavy again

This stress is you,

Oh my loveless lover of no desire

How did we get in this mess

And oh what cleaning it will take for

Me to scrub away these stains

Lysol to kill the pain and

A bottle of bleach to forget your name

[desperdiciandopalabras]

You play with your guns

Screaming suicide threats

I am the superficial one today

The victim of all rapes

Won't you point that

In the other direction

Oh what if it went off

Do you love me as you say

Your head would be next

It's mine I care to save

The second amendment

These silly commitments

Why the fuck am I here anyway?

[desperdiciandopalabras]

I had such longing for you tonight

But I know it's not right

One day so quickly turns to weeks

Weeks which swallow years

And I simply cannot waste

Not time nor love nor money

I know I must forget you

That single night we spent together

Next year I can't remember

Next week I won't regret

There just really is no chance

I won't rest on your back,

Taurus, I simply can't

I laughed inside when you said that

But I cried outside for what we lack

I cried outside but not tonight

For tomorrow I'll forget this plight

[desperdiciandopalabras]

I'm "just always doom and gloom," he says.

Have you looked around us? I need to feel hope again, I must. Getting away from here is all I can muster.

I can audit my experiences and write a report to check on the progress. Yeah, it's not great, fact is that nothing good has come from here. I'm ruining my life here, but hey, if I didn't do it, surely someone else would.

There's someone everywhere calling where they are bad, the worst, it's not the location its the season, it's the pollution, the lists of everything that's wrong And there will always be everywhere else to be that could be better than we're at, but what if it's not? What if it wasn't gloom and doom but bloom and grow up?

Maybe a change of the actors would help, cause these ones really suck.

[desperdiciandopalabras]

I told him what no one else understands

He's been gone awhile, but he knows

And I know I hate not alone

I know that you were wrong

Now I'm in the right to take your life

I'll never be a friend to you again

I'll never be your doll to hold

I'm not a walking chance

My eyes being closed never welcomed

My lips never said yes

Or even maybe

But my unconscious arms couldn't fight

That became your rights

All drugs and alcohol can do you

And you've become a symbol of sin

My mental picture of evil

Intentions so feeble

Worse than a false promise, lies

A superficial sorry

No surrender, I've been exploited

But this time it's not okay

There's no benefit of doubt

And you're no longer a brother

You're the rape I survived

The worst part of my life

You've become all that I hate

A bitter illness in my mind

He understands you pretend

you don't know that I know 

and he knows you know

An advocate will admit the truth for you

Evil deeds beamed on speed dial.

[desperdiciandopalabras]

Been in my life so long.

Is he a spy?

We've schemed so much.

Is it all lies?

I never can tell if he's telling the truth.

This time it feels like he's setting me up.

Did he do this on purpose?

Try to blow it apart,

Follow a spell to finally surrender.

Did he think it was easy for me?

I can't hit the ground running

With my kneecaps being all fucked up.

Why would he play games with my heart?

He knew I needed the proof,

And if there's none, there's none.

So, what was he hiding?

Cause I'm feeling really mixed up.

[desperdiciandopalabras]

I know you and I know you're out there

Man I've never met, with eyes I'll never forget.

I've searched and searched

But I'm very, very lost.

Will be hard for you to find me

Since I never leave this house.

Is it home?

Nah, I think it's purgatory.

[desperdiciandopalabras]

Geez Louise!

Is it really that easy?

If I shallow my intentions

I can have all that I want

But I want something else

I desire

Something nameless

And require a little bit better

But I want that too

I guess you could say

(he he he)

I kinda want it all

Just not gonna sell myself short

For any less

Call it greed

I'll call it passion

Something I can feel

I'm ever in search

For something real

This vizard just ain't selling

I suppose I'm not biting

After all, I'd like to keep my options open

[desperdiciandopalabras]

Tick tock tick tock

When is the bomb going to go off?

Placed in the web of the gossipiest spider,

A fate is tangled up together.

Oh what will they spin?

They've think they've caught a live fly,

But it's a decoy.

A Roundup laced feast.

Tension as precise as chemistry.

There's a mathematical way to solve this.

People have their natures.

Sometimes it just takes exposing your own

To privy into how theirs work.

Gotta bait the web with a real live fly,

A big fat horsefly that bites,

Carrying all the trendy viruses,

A good old fashioned scandal can't beat.

Feed two lies, tainted flies, to every truth;

It'll explode like an industrial strength bug bomb.

And then just wait for the cobwebs to take over.