welcome to hell

ongoing stream of my addled hyperfixation thoughts doodle requests always open

[roryevansolla]

Robby is coming back from vacation. But they're both so tired at the end of their shift that neither Dennis nor Robby notice anyone.💕

This news will be going around the department for a long time.

[snowsmoked]

I honestly don't think Yuna struggles to accept Ilya's role in Shane's life. I know a lot of people find her overbearing (although I don't think we really saw that in the show) and even though we see her guiding Shane early on (he was a baby) about wearing his sponsored outfits or handling his brand deals, we never see her pushing Shane into anything he doesn't want. She understands he needs help with things (every person does) but she's respectful of his boundaries and independence.

We see this a little bit when she waits while Shane's 'freaking out' to see how Ilya will handle it.

She likes that Shane has another person in his life that can support him - one that he is probably much more receptive to than his mom and dad. Yuna knows about that first hand - it was so much easier to let David bare some of her burden than her parents. And vice versa.

So Yuna has no problem stepping back and allowing Ilya to be Shane's main support person.

Yuna: Hi honey! Just saw the game. Is Shane okay? Ilya: He is okay. Very grumpy though so maybe no phone calls tonight.

Yuna loves that Shane has such a wonderful, understanding partner to lean on. It's really all a parent wants, to know that their child will be taken care of. And Yuna is very confident Ilya will take care of her Shane.

The first time she's absolutely confident of that is when Shane is downright angry.

"No, mom, it's fucking ridiculous," Shane fumes, blinking. He's gotten better over the years, but when he was little, he couldn't get angry without crying.

"I know," Yuna agrees with him because that is usually the best thing to do. She glances over at Ilya, who seems relatively unbothered at Shane's anger.

"It's in the contract for a reason," Shane continued, paused, and then smacked his hand on the table. Not hard, but hard enough.

At that, Ilya stood up. "Come on."

"What?"

"We are going to the rink," Ilya stated simply, grabbing his and Shane's jackets from the coat rack.

Yuna winced. Shane didn't get angry too often, but ordering Shane around when he was angry never went well. He was going to-

"Fine," Shane said tightly, grabbing the jacket Ilya held out to him and walking through the door Ilya held open.

Yuna raised her eyebrows.

"I will fix," Ilya said quietly to her, smiling. "Tire him out. We will be back before dinner."

"Okay," Yuna smiled back, surprised.

As she locked the door behind Ilya, she found herself realizing she really trusted Ilya with Shane.

He was so confident with what Shane needed, so in step with him. After years of hearing how her son was emotionless, hard to read, anti-social, blank stare, etc. She knew he wasn't. He was so expressive and she didn't understand how others couldn't see that. But Ilya could read him so well - he always seemed to know what he needed, even when she didn't.

She couldn't have handpicked a better partner.

[mina-logan]

When your bro is also your bunny it can be something so special.

[rtteniron]

Whitsantos who say the fakest things in the middle of the ED just for the fun of it.

"Huck you couldn’t even hit a perfect score on Mario !"

"Well you can’t even hit my g-spot when pegging me, you don’t see me complaining."

(This has been sitting in my drafts. I was supposed to add more scenes but forgot about them.)

[ilyarozanovsmouth]

You can literally see it in his eyes:

When he realizes that Shane isn't actually upset and he's going to have so much fun with this. His little smile, too!!

[verothewise]

[limpwristedrose]

Someone asking Luca after Shane's first season as AC on the Centaurs: "So, is it difficult with basically three captains, especially if two of them are married that must be hard to get used to.

And Luca and the other rookies being like, oh you mean the Dad-Trifecta? it's the best thing that has ever happened to us.

You loose your skates or you need help with paperwork or you're just feeling kinda sad and need a dad hug - you go Bood. he will grill you some chicken and go speak to Coach for you. You call him or Cassie if you're sick and they will pick you up and deposit you on the floor with Milo and you are their baby now. I'm 23 years old but that's my dad tho

If you're having trouble with other players, or if you're in like, a crisis? Mama Bear Ilya, will 100% get arrested for any of us and/or pick you up from the middle of nowhere any time of night. You wanna ragebait other players? He has the perception of a God and can tell from one look when a players second wife will leave him. He can also tell when you're feeling like shit mentally and he will pick you up take you to Harris farm and make you dog walk with him while throwing sweets at you. Holmberg got high sticked the other week Ilya spent like, 2 hours going through the guys Instagram with us while wine drunk and ripping his entire life to pieces with us.

and Shane? He will come early to practice for you, he will tell me things wrong with my playing I didn't know EXISTED. Boyle was in a slump Hollander turned up at our house with a fucking smoothie get your ass out of bed we're going to the rink and he will completely pull apart your playing style with such precision that's it's beautiful to watch and I'm not even mad about it. Roz will be giving a fucking captains speech about how we can do better next week and he'll fucking pipe up in the corner going, well we will if Lapointe improves his footwork Coach, we're gonna be staying late on Saturday and Wiebe is like, sounds good Hollander like COACH you can't Agree For Me and he'll just go, Shane Hollander is giving you a private lesson I don't care what you're doing cancel it

[ilyarozanovsmediatrainer]

After spending so much time hanging out and talking with Ilya (Shane really doesn’t want to talk with that many people) and Ilya feeling comfortable to speak “lazy” English when he’s at home/with Shane, Shane starts accidentally speaking “lazy” English too. It starts with dropped articles here and there, which he doesn’t even notice. For a while it only happens around Ilya (and Ilya doesn’t pick up on it), but eventually Shane is chewing out a rookie in practice or something, and he’s just so pissed he’s not even thinking and goes, “is not hard! You see puck, you put in goal, yes?” And then he just pauses and the rookie is very confused about what just happened but it appears he’s off the hook because Shane also seems very confused about what just happened.

Along with this, there’s a handful of words that Ilya always forgets the English for (and a few that he just thinks the Russian word sounds better), so he’s just started using the Russian word with Shane, so even before Shane gets very good at Russian (or really knows any at all), he knows a few obscure Russian words (stuff like cufflinks, baking soda, jellyfish. Things that don’t come up a whole lot for Ilya, but come up enough that Shane remembers).

Then one day Shane is on a run with Hayden, and after looking down nudges him and says, “Шнурок, you’re going to trip and die” and it takes a few seconds of Hayden staring at him in confusion before it finally clicks “shoelaces. imeantyourshoelacesareuntiedfuck.”

[mutinsfromthemoon]

a lot of the centaurs learning that shane fucking hollander hockey robot is a YAPER. some of them are walking towards the locker room and as they get closer they start hearing very animated voices talking loudly and they recognizes ilya and shane’s voices and shane is explaining something to ilya and ilya is laughing hard at that and they’re just going back and forth about this topic and having fun with it and then the teammates finally round the corner and walk in and see ilya sitting on the bench half dressed fishing to putting his hockey gear and shane standing up gesturing with his hand talking very animated and still in his compression clothes and then it hit them that they genuinely didn’t know nothing about shane outside his PR image and they learn that not only shane talk loudly and a lot but shane and ilya are genuinely best friends on top of being married. and of course ilya wouldn’t be wiling to marry someone that doesn’t make him laugh or understand his type of humor. the chemistry of hockey husbands are in and out of the rink. that’s soulmates shit fr

[oknotgood]

my darlings. i want to read your writing. your thoughts. your feelings. your creativity. your horniness. your characterization. your style. your voice. your point of view. your quirks.

and i want your imperfection! your typos! your spelling errors! your grammar mistakes! your misused/misplaced words! your clunky phrasing! your awkward metaphors! ALL OF IT!

and i don't care how long it takes. i don't care how long i have to wait between the time you first mention the concept and the time you debut the work itself. i don't care how long i have to wait between chapters. whether it's weeks, month, years, or DECADES! i will wait. joyfully.

the value of your work is that you made it. i want to read what you wrote because i trust you and i love you and fandom is about community, not consumption.

you don't need AI to check your work. you don't need AI to correct spelling and grammar. you don't need AI to edit your work. you don't need AI to make it sound more polished. you don't need AI to make it more flowery. you don't need AI to fill in the parts that are hard for you to write. you don't need AI to write more, or write faster.

You. Are. Good. Enough.

Even if you make mistakes. Even if it takes you forever. You're good enough!

The worst thing you make will always be better than the nicest-sounding, most technically perfect thing made (even partially) by AI. only human-made things are art. AI cannot make anything new. AI can just regurgitate something that has already been made by a human.

don't fall prey to the pressure to produce a large volume of writing, that looks and sounds professional, in a short period of time. that's not the goal. the goal is to enjoy making something!

i want to read something that you had fun writing! i want to read something that you wrote for pure love of the game. something born of your passion for the source material. that's what fandom is.

if you surrender or delegate ANY part of the process to AI, that defeats the entire purpose of fanworks. don't give up the joy, the fun, the challenge, the triumph of creating something. make something out of love. share it out of love. we will read it out of love.

[hollanovscuckchair]

instagram posts shane and ilya make during their first year of marriage ranging from realistic to in my wildest fantasies. they are posting shit like this:

they're both posting photos from their wedding day ofc. shane's post is a photo of their intertwined fingers, wedding bands pressed together -- shane's on his left and ilya's on his right hand as is russian orthodox tradition. the caption simply reads "Я тебя люблю" and that's it. tasteful and respectful. ilya's post is several pictures and a little more... well, more. he's posting a photo of them kissing at the ceremony first, ilya's hands buried in shane's hair and holding him close, their mouths locked together in a kiss that was probably too intense for the crowd of guests. the second photo in ilya's post is the wedding band photo and then the third is shane and ilya stood between yuna and david. so first three images are good but it goes downhill from there. the fourth image is an obviously drunk shane photo taken on a smartphone 0.5 lense and his face flushed and a silly smile on his face. the fifth image in boodram doing a handstand in the foreground and ilya chugging a bottle of moet and chandon in the background. the sixth image is ilya with his arm slung around a very pissed off looking hayden pike who is staring off into the distance with a scowl on his face and red ears and ilya is obviously midsentence. the seventh picture is a blurry photo -- courtesy of sveta -- of ilya in shane's lap on the grass and tugging on shane's cheeks cooing about his freckles. the eigth photo is a photo of shane curled up on the patio beside anya and giving her a cuddle as he naps, flushed and rumpled and obviously wiped out cold. and the ninth photo is shane the next morning at their kitchen island with sunglasses on and a frown and his wedding tux still kinda half on his body and his hair a mess and a very obvious bruise the shape of a mouth peeking out from the collar of his shirt. his caption reads "second best player (shane hollander) and best player in the league (ilya rozanov) got gay married!"

the honeymoon photos are tame in comparison. ilya got a talking to from their agent about image and branding and what would be best moving forward given the scandal of their outting whatever whatever. people want some sort of wholesome straight relationship vibe from them and ilya is rolling his eyes because 'whatever the fuck that means' but he's posting some borderline saucy photos anyway. fuck it. he's on honeymoon and his husband is hot. so he's posting a series of photos at the end of the trip, waiting in the airport for their connecting flight. the first is shane shirtless on a lounge chair by the pool, glasses on, reading a book looking stupid hot in ilya's opinion. the second is a selfie of ilya in the pool with shane is the background, still reading, and ilya grinning wide in the foreground. the third is a selfie of the two of them from a hike they took around the island one day with the sunset behind them and the two of them sweaty and flushed from the exercise. the fourth is a mirror selfie, ilya stood behind shane holding the phone, an arm wrapped around shane's waist, his head tilted so he is kissing shane's cheek. they are dressed to go to the club and shane isn't looking at the camera but at ilya's reflection and he is smiling fondly and the internet is dying bc his shirt is mesh and they can see his nips. the fifth picture is a photo of a massive plate of breakfast food from the hotel buffet. the sixth picture is ilya lying face down in the pool pretending to be dead. the seventh picture is another mirror selfie with ilya in the foreground doing his best blue steel shirtless in a pair of low hanging sweats and shane is on the bed in the background, also shirtless and in sweats with his hair all rumpled and his mouth all swollen and he's got the room service menu in his lap and the phone to his ear ordering. that picture sends everyone into a tailspin bc it is obviously a post-fuck selfie. the eigth photo is a photo of ilya with a drag queen in an ibiza nightclub. the drag queen is flexing her biceps and so is ilya and ilya looks totally wasted and also totally chuffed. the ninth photo is a screenshot of a facetime call between shaneilya and anya back home. and the tenth and final image is shane asleep at the airport, headphones on, hair a mess, mouth open and obviously snoring as he sleeps on ilya's shoulder. the caption is "honeymoon with the hubby 🤵🏻🥵🏖️❤️‍🔥" and shane says "ew no don't call me hubby". shane posts about their honeymoon too. the selfie of them on their hike, a photo of ilya in the waves at the beach all shirtless and tanned and big smiles and glistening abs, and then a photo of ilya asleep in the airport with his neck stretched way too far back over the back of a chair waiting for their flight to ibiza. his caption simply says "honeymoon".

not a post by ilya or shane but one by the cens introducing shane. a photo of shane in a cens cap and tshirt looking serious down the barrell of the camera. caption reads "welcome three-time stanley cup winner, rookie of the year, 2time mvp, olympic silver medalist (etc etc...) shane hollander to the centaurs!" and ilya is commenting "you forgot cosmopolitan's sexiest man in the nhl 2016 and 2017" and a fan is replying "dude what?" and ilya is responding "i married hottest man in league. i will not let anyone diminish this acomplishment".

as the season goes on and things continue to be weird in the media re the idea that shane threw the last playoff series in ilya's favour ilya is posting the photo of their CCM shoot and writing in the caption "since the summer before" and everyone is freaking the fuck out over what that means but ilya says nothing until farah is making him edit the caption. he leaves the photo up but removes the caption. when people ask about it after games and what it means ilya is just shrugging and saying "i have known hollander long time, yes? that's all i am saying". it's his one little way of biting back at people accusing them of throwing games for one another without getting into the timeline of them.

shane, tired of people questioning 'why rozanov?' or implying the question 'why rozanov?' has taken to posting sporadic images of ilya being the man he loves. so there's a recording of ilya talking very seriously to anya as he prepares her a very elaborate dinner full of chicken livers and bone broth and organic freezedried beef and egg yolks etc. ilya talking to anya saying "is important that you grow big and strong and live for long time, дорогой". then there's a post of ilya sitting in the airport with luca asleep on one shoulder and young asleep on the other. there's a post of ilya sitting at the dinning table with david and doing a puzzle. there's a photo of ilya coming off the ice after scoring a hat trick -- professionally taken at the rink -- and he's grinning wide and his face is sweaty. there's a post of ilya at the farmer's market with yuna, holding her grocery bags as she holds organic soaps to his nose and makes him sniff them. there's a photo of ilya asleep on the couch with anya asleep on his chest. there's a photo of ilya playing mario kart with the pikelets and a post of him playing mario kart at the children's hospital. there's a post of ilya wearing a children's plastic crown and drinking imaginary tea out of a princess tiana tea cup with amber pike beside him and a crowd of bears surrounding them with tea cups set in front of them and tiaras on their heads. there's a post of ilya in ibiza doing shots with a drag queen and a man dressed in leather and a hot woman in a bikini. there's a post of ilya at the gym, towel around his shoulders, sweaty and flexing and grinning past the camera obviously at shane. over the course of their first year of marriage shane posts a dozen photos of ilya with no caption and no explanation. a silent protest against people suggesting ilya rozanov is not good enough for shane hollander.

yuna is posting a bunch of secret photos she took of hollanov over the years. the two of them by the firepit at her and david's cottage, sitting close together with ilya's thigh slung over shane's knee and their hands intertwined in shane's lap. a photo of shane and ilya conked out on the couch, shane beneath ilya, ilya with his head underneath shane's sweater and curled on top of shane. a video of shane and ilya chasing each other and wrestling in the grass at shane's cottage -- the audio a bunch of laughter and chirping and bleeping that yuna carefully edited in. a photo of ilya asleep on the hollander's couch in ottawa wrapped in a blanket and with his cheek squished and his hair messy. a photo of shane and ilya on the dock at the cottage, ilya has shane is a headlock and is giving him a noogie. a photo from shane and ilya's wedding of shane and ilya slow dancing and staring at each other looking stupid in love. a photo of shane and ilya with anya in the backyard playing fetch. a photo of shane smiling at his phone dopily with the caption 'the ilya is calling smile' and that one goes viral. she is simultaneously helping their 'wholesome' couple image that her and farah agreed would be the best pr strategy for her boys going forward -- mkaing them as sexless as possible really to avoid people's discomfort -- but also enjoying getting to post her boys.

boodram is posting photos from team bbqs and team gatherings and people are playing 'spot hollanov making out' with all the photos. the first time someone spots it is blurry. in the background of a photo of zane with his wife someone draws a circle around two figures pressed tight together by the firepit -- it's obviously shane in ilya's lap on the grass by the bonfire and they're clearly kissing. after that people start stalking all the cens photos for potential hollanov making out in the background. one time they think they've caught hollanov but its actually harris and troy. but they find plenty. a group photo of hazy with holmberg and young and haas at Monks and there's shane and ilya in the booth behind them kissing, shane's hand on ilya's face and hiding their mouths but they are obviously kissing. a photo of dillon and dykstra at a team pool party and shane and ilya are in the distance wrapped up in each other pressing their laughing faces together and clearly ignoring everything around them. after about three incidents of being caught making out in the background the cens start double checking their posts before uploading and making sure the husbands are okay with it if they can be seen in the background. sometimes they ask to be cropped out. other times they aren't bothered. usually whatever they are doing is pretty tame and only lasted about one or two seconds anyway. they are not PDAing to the extreme. when zane -- or one of the others -- get asked about the 'excessive' PDA of their captain and his husband they are saying "no, they are not excessive. not any more excessive than me and my missus. in fact, they are usually a lot more aware of how they behave in public than me and cassie ever were when we were newlyweds".

that's all i have for now i think :)

[casualcarpetshark]

[wayward-delver]

I shall hold the child.

[petzah394again]

@mx-brahms

[strawberriesandsoup]

How it feels watching this show sometimes

[raymondcest]

babygirl i’m making the worst digital footprint you’ve ever seen

[determinedprocrastinator]

dennis whitaker visits on his day off

fuck i spelt his name wrong

full drawing below the cut <3

this hit me at 1:30 am and i unironically had to get out of bed to draw this because i couldn't sleep. enjoy.

[determinedprocrastinator]

does anyone have a link to or the name of that one awesome animation of dennis dancing on the coffee table in a green (?) tshirt to his music with his headphones in and then falling over when robby walks in??

cannot find it for the life of me!

[alenseress]