Deus Mortem

|| there's no corherence || They/Them || 

[deusmortemaeternum]

you think in nightvale there's a podcast about our world, and everyone listens in thinking about how the normalcy is the weirest thing?

[deusmortemaeternum]

am i stupid here

okay maybe it's cause i /barely/ use tumblr outside of my weird nightvale posts and don't actually understand the way it functions cause it just- it isn't my thing

but the tumblcryptids

am i supposed to see something or is everyone just drawing them in manually

seriously am i dumb or is it glitched

have mercy

tumblr isn't my normal platform and i am but a small goblin with the tiniest of brains

[deusmortemaeternum]

i like to imagine that when no one's looking khoshekh rolls within his fixed position like one of those hot dogs

[deusmortemaeternum]

imagine it.

imagine

nightvale, but instead of a radio show, it's just cecil standing on the building yelling at everyone.

the weather is him singing

mothers cover their childrens eyes and pull them away from the scary megaphone man

cecil is telling them about how recently doors have been disappearing from blue trucks specifically

[deusmortemaeternum]

"I'm sorry I insulted your cakes, they're all perfect"

"And i'm sorry i threatened to sell you the mexican cartel for less than a gram of cocaine"

a conversation between my and my lover

[deusmortemaeternum]

genderswapped nightvale au except it's only carlos and cecil, meaning that instead of gettin together within a little bit they spent like 25+ episodes going on dates, followed by ".... but does she like me??? i know we're moving in together but ??? i just don't know!"

meanwhile everyone else, who are all unchanged, watch on with disappointment.

though i personally prefer it as dudes tbh

[deusmortemaeternum]

floaty friends go float float

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I actually use a google doc to keep track of the likes/dislikes of my friends & loved ones. details like food preferences, allergies, hobbies, favorite animals/flowers/flavors, gift ideas, birthdays… I have trouble remembering that stuff, so when I care about someone I write it down

[deusmortemaeternum]

hey i do the same thing :O tbh it's a really good way to remember things about people and if they find out it'll show you care

if they don't find out, it'll be nice for them knowing you remember the little things :)

very good post guad

[deusmortemaeternum]

imagine if instead of a dog park it was a water park not a dog park... how many would be lost to the bleak land of water slides? what would be within? would it be a real water park? who would find out?

me. i would. i would go straight into the water park.

[deusmortemaeternum]

nightvale but khoshekh and cecil switch places. cecil sits in the mens litter box, ever floating, while khoshekh meows into a mic

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

You're always prepared to say anything and its hilarious, someone could post about a single grain of sand and your comment always makes us question reality

there is always a grain of sand in your belly button

i don’t care if you’ve never been to the beach, look around long enough and it’s there 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

And if you really can’t find it, it’s in your ear

[deusmortemaeternum]

absolutely despise everything about this; good job, gaud

[deusmortemaeternum]

i want someone to talk about me the way cecil talks about carlos- just pure, utter infatuation, adoration and love

[ultrafacts]

[bestnatesmithever]

What if it bites me and it dies?

[finalellipsis-deactivated201807]

that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.

[babblingfishes]

What if it bites itself and I die?

[william-petrisous-and-other-blo]

It’s voodoo.

[the-ordinary-nerd]

What if it bites me and someone else dies?

[tpt-moved]

That’s correlation, not causation.

[pizzadut]

what if we bite each other and neither of us die

[demonsinsuits]

that’s kinky

[pizzadut]

oh my god

[the-last-snow-elf]

this is still my favorite text post collaboration ever

[takineko]

I haven’t seen this post in like 3 years

[supercalifragilisticosteoporosis]

IT’S BACK IT’S STILL ACTIVE

[dragonindigo245]

Dude I remember this post back when I didn’t even have Tumblr. This is great.

[hissingvirgil]

This legendary post… on MY dash? Dang.

[theeldritchbeesechurger]

I FOUND IT

[the-squid-inks]

[Image ID: White words on a black background

“If you bite it and you die; it’s poisonous.

If it bites you and you die; it’s venomous.”

End ID]

[deusmortemaeternum]

this post- on MY dash-?? i've only seen it in legend, compiled into videos' on youtube. truly, a blessed day

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

my friend was like "what if you're unconcious in an emergency situation and they have to do an MRI and you can't tell them you have nipple piercings" and instead of the real answer I immediately thought "medical alert bracelet" like

[deusmortemaeternum]

i have listened to 'it was agatha all along' like 200 times now and it's still a banger

10/10

[deusmortemaeternum]

nightvale but cecil baldwin is replaced by a parrot that has listened to cecil talk

[deusmortemaeternum]

im just saying, if a pirate lady came and lifted my chin with her sword i'd be really okay with that