I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

Devon Puckerman || 25 || Switch Your knight in shining armor or your prince charming, just don't call me late for dinner. Definite lesbian, if you've got a problem with that I suggest you fuck off. Head of Security and part-time Switch at Haven Resort. I just want to be somewhere that no one knows my name.

[andysmcnally]

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[twicexasxnice-deactivated201501]

And yet we’ve only just met, nor am I someone who you’ve ‘dealt with’.  I don’t want you to deal with me.  If that’s your plan, you can keep walking.  However, if you’ll help me, and not go easy on me because of some preconceived notion you have, meet me in the gym dressed to sweat and then I say to you: “Bring it on.”

[devonpuckerman]

Bad choice of words then, I don't make it a habit of overestimating their capabilities because there are always consequences involved. I have no intention of goin' easy on you Quinn that's the point I'm tryin' to make here. I'll see ya there, bring your A game.

[keep-chasing-rainbows-deactivat]

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[twicexasxnice-deactivated201501]

I have to be.

Are you underestimating me, Dev?  I have high tolerance for spice, among other things.

[devonpuckerman]

No Quinn, I don't make a habit of underestimating people. That being said people I've dealt with before have overestimated their tolerances for spice shall we say. So I'd prefer not to get in a situation like that again.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[franniesubfab-deactivated201412]

But of course.  We’re all happy you’re looking out for us, Dev.

[devonpuckerman]

That's what I'm here for darlin'. How are you doin'?

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[whipsandpuckzilla]

What went down, baby sis? Some asshole fucking with you?

[devonpuckerman]

Nah, one of the clients was harassing one of the girls so I dealt with it.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[puckerupjoy]

I’m glad this place has so few. I’d hate to have to deal with them here. Lemme know if you need anything else, I’m free all night.

[devonpuckerman]

Thanks darlin' but I think I'm just going to crash from the night. I've got some uh aggression to work out first.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[twicexasxnice-deactivated201501]

No, don’t be sorry.  I just let things get to me when they shouldn’t—I am grateful that your injury has healed and I’m grateful to still be alive.

Why not tomorrow, you give me an upper body workout.  Throw in as much spice as you want.

[devonpuckerman]

I'm glad that you're positive about stuff, no need to dwell in the past and all that shit.

We'll see how much spice you can handle then we'll go from there. Deal?

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[franniesubfab-deactivated201412]

Nice work as always, Ms. Puckerman!

[devonpuckerman]

Thank you, thank you milday.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[stardomseekingrachel]

That certainly was an interesting post.  I don’t think we’ve met.  I’m Becca Berry.  Is everything okay?  

[devonpuckerman]

I like to provide some entertainment here and there. Nah don't think we have, Devon Puckerman at your service but most people just call me Dev. Everything is peachy, no need to worry.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[twicexasxnice-deactivated201501]

…a car accident.  I…I’m glad to hear you’re okay now…

I have to be committed.  If I slack, something as mundane as getting into bed becomes an ordeal for me.

A little spice, hm?

[devonpuckerman]

Yeah it sucked at the time but it led me to better things. I mean I still love to play but bein' a professional athlete isn't what I want anymore. And I'm sorry if I upset ya Quinn.

Guess that's true, I think you could give me a run for my money though.

Or a lot of spice, whatever you're up for.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[puckerupjoy]

Good. Douchebags are the worst. But not so good that he hit you, you okay?

[devonpuckerman]

They are and this place has a surprisingly small number of 'em. Yeah I'm fine darlin' I just have a date with some tylenol and an ice pack tonight.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[puckerupjoy]

Did you get ‘em good?

[devonpuckerman]

Course I did, he hit me and I broke his face. Good times if I say so myself.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[twicexasxnice-deactivated201501]

And what happened that you didn’t end up drafted?

I do arms and upper body workouts twice per week, same for aquatic training, and my final day is devoted to core.  Pepper in my usual floor to chair exercises, and you’ve got the basic gist of my week. 

[devonpuckerman]

Got in a car accident and blew out my knee, it's healed now but it took too long at the time.

Nice so you don't skimp on your workouts then, you're committed I like that. If you're lookin' for a little spice in your routine then my offer stands as long as I'm not working.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[twicexasxnice-deactivated201501]

Oh really?  And what did you play?  Needless to say I’m relegated to core and upper body exercises but perhaps I might take you up on your offer, Dev.

[devonpuckerman]

Soccer, I was on my way to get drafted to the national team. Not a problem, I used to do gymnastics which involved a whole hell of a lot of upper body workouts and shit. What kind of stuff do you do now?

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[twicexasxnice-deactivated201501]

You’re a trainer too?

[devonpuckerman]

Nah just used to be a collegiate athlete on the way to the big time. So I know a little thing about training.

[devonpuckerman]

That was fun.

[twicexasxnice-deactivated201501]

And how long have you been working at the resort?

Well Man is a subjective term, anyway.  It’ll be weird not having my trainer here, I got so used to having him at my beck and call, but now that I’m clear across the country, I’ll have to make do on my own.

[devonpuckerman]

About three months or so give or take now.

Ain't that the truth. Well there's no shortage of exercise 'round here but if you're lookin' for actual sessions I can lend a hand if you'd like. But I'm sure you'll have no problem with handlin' anything.