Okay I'm not done talking about Trying Too Hard, no you're not allowed to move on sit down and listen
I wanna talk about Purple bc that's the aspect I most relate to (especially right now)
Thomas said, and I quote, "Purple was built around the presentation of mental illness and other darkness."
And unlike the others, I could tell right away exactly what Purple was meant to be.
Because it's written ALL over him.
He's dressed down the most of all of them. And that's purposeful. Like they chose these outfits, I suspect, very carefully.
This is a comfort outfit. Sweatpants, a t shirt, and a hoodie. This screams "I hate the world and myself so at least let me wear something soft." The hoodie isn't fully zipped, the sleeves are pushed up: this is exactly what I wear during a depressive episode. And this is a high effort comfort outfit, by the way, because the socks match.
Now the make up is a completely different story. The make up is, obviously, more metaphorical. There's glitter, there's eyeshadow, there's effort here.
It's also ruined, streaking down his cheeks because he's crying. It screams of an attempt of trying to look put together when you really, really aren't. It's beautiful, in its own way, and I definitely get that: of course you want to make something of the Nothingness that consumes you. Of COURSE you do, because what else is there if you don't? Pain for its own sake?
And what kills me about Purple is that he's crying, and that it's probably sat there for awhile and that make up has dried on his skin that way. It kills me both for reasons of caring about Thomas and his wellbeing, and much more selfish, personal reasons. He's not crying because he's given up.
He's crying because he hopes.
The lines Purple sings, of course, are important.
"I'm already strong and tough."
"We're trying too hard to be us."
"Gotta keep 'em laughing, though I'm only halfin'."
Purple carries the weight, the darkness, and knows this thing is breaking down and fast. He insists on looking for the light anyway. That shit is hard to do. Like, really hard.
I've got depression. It's even been called severe by a therapist, so I'm like extra good at it. I struggle with it a lot, the idea that maybe I don't deserve pity or sympathy. This darkness came from me, didn't it? If it's in my head, is it not my own creation? What does that say about me?
And Thomas. Fucking. Sanders. Said, "No, actually. Those things are not the shadowed reaper in the corner, not evil, and not your fault. Those things are fears, and they're scared, and they want to be free all the same as you do."
Or at least that's what I heard. Art's cool that way. It's like you and the creator stand on opposites sides of a canyon and you hear the echoes of the original message. You can find what you need in it.
And Purple is included! Embraced, even! He's an equal part as much as the others are, an important part of the conversation Thomas clearly wants to have.
I love them all, but Purple speaks to me. He speaks to the conversation I keep having over and over again.
Why the stigma? Why am I always hiding?
That answer is complicated, but I appreciate a person in my corner at any time.
Saying, when you're ready, you can say it. We'll wait.
gummygunk
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
theartofmadeline
andulkaphoto
