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Why going on a date with Harry Potter is a disaster

By Draco L Malfoy.

1. He turns up in scuffed boots and an unironed shirt. 2. He insists on driving instead of apparating. 3. He blatantly speeds and runs through two orange lights. I have eleven new grey hairs by the time we reach the restaurant. 4. The restaurant is muggle. 5. And the word restaurant is used generously in this context. 6. They don’t have cloth napkins. 7. Or more than one fork. 8. There are visible fingerprints on my wine glass. 9. Never mind. It’s BYO and Potter forgets to bring a bottle anyway. 10. The menus are laminated. Laminated. 11. Potter crosses his legs under the table and accidentally kicks me right in the knee. 12. He doesn’t stop apologising for the rest of the night. 13. I tell him if he’s left a bruise he’ll have to wait until the second date for me to get on my knees for him. 14. He doesn’t speak coherently for the next four minutes. 15. The waitress thinks I’ve upset him and shoots me a filthy look as she sets down our meals. 16. Potter finally mumbles something about the food looking good. 17. When I comment that his meatballs do indeed look exceedingly delectable, he coughs up some food into his (paper) napkin. 18. My meal is almost inedible. 19. I offer a bite to Potter and he says he’s going to order it next time. 20. (I am never voluntarily coming back to this restaurant.) 21. He won’t let me pay. 22. I insist and make a scene. 23. He relents. 24. The restaurant won’t accept my galleons. 25. Potter pays. 26. I am told there is no reason to apparate home when Potter has a perfectly good car. 27. I get into the car. 28. We are pulled over by the police. 29. Potter tries to flirt his way out of a ticket. 30. In front of me. His date. 31. It isn’t working so I discreetly cast a confundus charm on the police officer. 32. Potter actually thinks he flirted his way out of a ticket. 33. He doesn’t notice that I’m giving him the silent treatment for the rest of the drive. 34. At my door, he tells me he wasn’t flirting with the officer, he was “being charming.” 35. I ask him why he isn’t “being charming” with me. 36. He blushes and mumbles something to his feet. 37. He leaves without kissing me.

Wait. I can hear Potter’s car coming back.

37. He leaves without kissing me.

Also, on an unrelated note, it turns out I don’t have a bruise on my knee.

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onlinecounsellingcollege

You have to get to the point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else.

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lionandwreath

You should not feel bad for avoiding people with selfish agendas. Everyone deserves genuine attention and kindness, and you are under no obligation to give your time and energy to people who only value you for your ability to make them feel good about themselves.