There is a thing that rubs me the wrong way since becoming a mother. Or maybe since i got pregnant.
From the beginning, I've appreciated the relationship i had with my mother in law. It seemed we had the same simple and uncomplicated visions - mine were a bit more modern, but still.
Since becoming pregnant, something has changed in me. Or at least her vision wasn't that aligned with mine.
I heard comments that she ate "that" when i said that i am choosing not to eat a certain thing. I think i had to repeat 2 or 3 times that since I've read and now know that something is not okay to be consumed during pregnancy, i will not eat it.
The biggest thing was when she came uninvited at the hospital. Me and husband both said that we don't want anybody there, but she had the fucking nerve to come!
"I hope you don't mind, i was just dying to come and see you and the baby. She's so beautiful!" She said something along these lines.
Given how baby's birth came to be and that i was still recovering, i didn't want anybody visiting. This was something that I've discussed and agreed with husband beforehand. In the hospital, no visitors, the first day home we're alone, then for the first few weeks only parents can come and visit.
My upset with her was dimmed a bit since i was decent and awake. But seeing her through the door, waving her hand, then coming to see me, was upsetting.
I hope she understands how rude she was, even though i was a sweetheart.
After that I've complained to husband and we've had the same front on visitors. When going home, I've written my message to her to underline that we will be receiving visitors the second day we are home and made a point to repeat that a few times. Also husband said the same thing (he didn't care, honestly).
Then came all the help we've had from her, to which I'm grateful! Cleaning, making food, helping me bath the baby...
Though the bathing part took a little longer than i wanted, but it was good that in the end, we separated from her and did our own thing. Because she started to complain that the bath time was a bit too late for her or something like that.
One thing again that i didn't like and don't like is that she started checking to see how she should bath the baby or that she checks stuff that parents should check. Surely, that's a thing that parents should look up. Or at least she should find the video and send it to me to watch!
I'm glad I've found my voice with her and started to stand my ground and draw boundaries.
She slowly stopped coming for baths, but at first, she was there to watch. In the end, she took the courage to ask or i said something... I can't remember, but we've agreed that if she wants to see the baby she can come anytime just to tell me first.
And this is the schedule we have in place at the moment. She writes to me and comes. But baby's sleep schedule is unpredictable, and she started making a face whenever i enforce our schedule. I like to think it's not a face towards me, but towards the situation.
One thing that she repeated every time she wanted to come was: "I'll come and get that baby out of your hair". Tried to make a joke once about it, then i made a snarky comment and she got upset. In the end i straight up told her that my baby is not an inconvenience and i don't need her out of my hair. If she wants to come and see the baby, she should just say so. No old time saying of getting baby, but plain and simple "i miss baby, i want to see her".
And all she does when she comes is to hug and stare at the baby and say Tikki Tikki. Baby has grown and needs more interaction, but that's fine.
I am still coming to terms with the fact that she wants to take baby outside and that she now bought a toy. This is not a problem, but she always buys something, usually clothes and diapers, which is fine, but it doesn't make me feel good, because it shows that i can't go out to shop for my baby myself.
