A Sexy-man you say?
Get the inside scoop on Phineas and Ferbās double enty into Tumblr's biggest event of the year
Nemesis turned MORE. Heinz Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus (human) shock and amaze at this yearās Tumblr sexyman competition. Both were nominated, and now both compete. We sit down with these two fascinating men to learn more about this prestigious competition.
āQ. WHAT IS THE TUMBLR SEXYMAN COMPETITION?
Heinz: Itās been around for years now. Once a year, Tumblr users -these are a specific type of internet user- can nominate men, and if they get picked to compete, they get pitched together in a set of polls. Winners get pitted against each other until one remains. Last year, I made it to the finale, but I lost to Grunkle Stan from Gravity Falls.ā
Q. DO TUMBLR USERS EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORD SEXY MEANS?
Heinz: HEY! How RUDE! You-
Perry: (interrupting) Whether a person is sexy or not is a matter of taste, not a matter of fact.
Q? āā¦AND THE PEOPLE ON TUMBLR HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE?
Perry: Yes.
Heinz: Iām not so sure. I DIDNāT WIN, LAST YEAR!
Q. āSO YOU ARE IN IT TO WIN IT?
Heinz: I love a good competition! Weāve only just started, but so far I seem to be doing well. Nothing feels as good as crushing the competition into a fine mist before moving on to the next
Q. AND YOU, PERRY?
Perry: Iām only in the first round and already struggling, but I donāt mind. Once I am out, I get to chill out in my hammock and watch him (Heinz) win. If I make it to the second round, that would be great, but I donāt expect anything.
Q. āARENāT YOU USUALLY A PLATYPUS?
Perry: (whilst clamping his hand over Heinzās mouth.) My canon platypus appearance usually gets nominated for the sexy-furry competition. I got second place last year. And yes- I know Kermit is competing in the sexyman competition, but heās not furry. He is a frog and also a muppet.
My human appearance has gained traction on Tumblr and Ao3 over the last few years. There is plenty of fanart and fanfiction where I am human. For the PnF fandom and the Perryshmirtz shippers, this competition is a fun way to let more people know itās out there.
Q. āAND YOU ALWAYS LOOK THE SAME?Perry: No. No, I do not.
Q. āAND IF YOU WIN?
Heinz: I will use my newfound sexy powers to TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE TRI-STATE-AREA! VOTE FOR ME! DOOFENSHMIRTZ FOR SEXY MAN 2025!
(Itās 2026)DOOFENSHMIRTZ FOR 2026- Man, where does the time go? Really? Is it 2026 already?
(if this is the second time you've received this ask then im sorry, it's just when i sent it the first time i had internet connection issues so tumblr told me to go š¦ myself, but this latest art by Chio gave me the courage to try again now)
hi!! First of all, i really love ur story "Let's all assume the worst" (i love all of ur stories, just this one is my ultimate favourite of the ones i've already read ā i still have around 4 and a half stories left, and i'm still vibrating coz of the storyline of Heinz&Reaper's interaction, it was so !!!)
Second of all, do u find the idea of "Platyborg/Heinz (Heinz from the 1st dimension) with Heinz fixing the damage (aka the sloppy cyborg-making work that 2nd Doof did) and Platyborg crushing on this version of the guy he hates (And maybe 1st Perry speedrunning his own realisations)" drabble-worthy? if not, i'm still interested in hearing ur thoughts on the matter, i was quite surprised by how rare this pairing (subpairing?) is
Anyways, i'm very happy that this fandom has u, u are the author who attracted me to the idea of Perry's humansona at the time when i was firmly convinced that i would never ever be interested in platypuslessness lol
(English is not my first so if smth looks weird i responsibly implore u to blame any external circumstances)
Hi anon! I'm going to go ahead and apologize for taking 4 months to write this. I don't have an excuse. I hope you're still in the fandom lmao.
Thanks for the kinds asks, I do think I got 2 from you, but idk what order you sent them in. I wrote you a drabble but it turned out more serious and emotional than you might've been gunning for. plz enjoy!
also since you censored yourself in your ask, allow me to rectify: FUCK
Pov: 2D Perry
Perry Fletcherās life ended at age 23, when he fought his nemesis and lost. Four years have passed since then, during which heās been dismembered and experimented on. And today, he got his life back. As if through a haze, he saw another version of himself -older, more confident, stronger- fight supreme ruler Doofenshmirtz and emerge victorious.Ā
As he fell to the ground, Perry from the second dimension realized that his entire world was going to change now. He might get his life back.Ā
He hadnāt felt much physical sensations in the past few years; only pain and anger that burned red hot through his veins.
Now, as he lay on a table in a strange room, bathed in clinical light, he felt cold. He felt cold and he felt lonely.
āCan he hear us?ā A young voice asked from the side.
āI canāt tell,ā A voice that sounded like his former master responded, but kinder; with patience.
Through his one remaining eye, Perry tracked how Heinz Doofenshmirtz, the other one, took him apart with more care than heād been assembled with. He couldnāt trust him, but his hands had such a gentle touch.
A voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he could reach out. He could wrap his fingers around that manās neck and strangle him to death.
āHold this, Baljeet,ā The kind Doofenshmirtz instructed, unaware of the murder-machine-he-confused-for-a-manās thoughts. āI need to pry this loose, it looks painful.ā He tugged at something, and with a disturbing wet sound, a crude machine part was pried out of Perryās flesh. Instantly, Perry realised that yes, that had been hurting. And now it didnāt. How was that possible? He tried to stop himself, but couldnāt. Despite his best efforts, he whined and whimpered like a kicked dog.
Horrified with himself, Perry closed his eye. That was all he was at this point, wasnāt he? They could take him apart completely if they wanted to, but they wouldnāt be able to fix him. Not anymore.
āHey,ā A soft rasp murmured beside him. A warm hand kindly clutched his shoulder. āHey,ā Heinz repeated. Perry opened his eye and watched. āItās going to be okay,ā He said with a warm glow in those blue eyes. Something heād never seen before. āIāve got you now.ā Despite everything, he believed it.
ā-
Pov 1D Perry
āHeās a lot younger than you, did you see?āĀ
Perry Fletcher, successful OWCA agent and interdimension traveler (against his will!) looked up from the pile of papers in front of him. Heinz was at the sink, washing his hands with utmost care. His doctorate might be fake, but his medical knowledge was impressive. A man doesnāt design and build himself animatronic arms without figuring out how the human body works first.
He had watched for a few minutes as Heinz attempted to disassemble the crude modifications made to his alternative dimension self, but he had to quickly retreat. Watching Heinz pull an entire leg of someone who looks just like yourself is deeply concerning and not at all enjoyable.
Heinz wiggled his hands to air-dry them quicker.Ā
āHeās like ten years younger than you.ā Heinz pointed out.
With a sigh, Perry put down his pen. He tried to recall their last fight, but between the glowing animatronic eye and the tube sticking out of his neck, he hadnāt had much time to observe the lack of wrinkles.
āI wonder if that anomaly was the reason the alternate me managed to defeat him.ā Heinz had no issue separating himself from his interdimensional form. Perry not so much.
[Youāre kind.] Perry signed, and he watched as Heinz sank into the seat across from him; he looked exhausted. He took one look at this dimensionās Perry and announced that he wouldnāt be going home until heād helped fix him.
āI disagree,ā Wearily, he rubbed at his hair. āBut compared to the other me, I feel like an angel.ā With a soft bonk, he placed his forehead on the table. Like many things in this world, it was cold and metal.Ā
Perry reached across and rubbed one shoulder. Heinz's shoulders were always tense on account of his poor posture, but today they were straight-up stiff with tension.
Patiently, he sat and waited for the other man to regain himself. It took hours to take that poor kid apart and put him back together in a shape that vaguely resembled a person. He refused Phineas and Ferbās help. Perry was thankful. But, it had taken hours.
āHe was awake the entire time,ā Heinz told the table. āI couldnāt figure out how to put him under. I could tell he didnāt trust me in the beginning. Maybe thatās be better, since weāll be leaving in a little bit.āĀ
Since Heinz was still conversing with the tabletop instead of him, Perry put his elbows on the table and waited. He hadnāt even been very busy, and yet he was tired. He couldnāt imagine how Heinz felt.
āHe looked at me. Just the one eye, of course.ā Heinz sat up as if it took herculean effort. āHe had that look in his eyes, just like yours.ā Their eyeline met. There was a profound sadness in Heinzās baby blues. āLike he couldnāt help himself. He was so much like you.āĀ
In a rush, Perry abandoned his uncomfortable chair. By the time he cornered the table and reached Heinzās side, he was ready to receive him; he wrapped his arms around Perryās waist and buried his nose against his shirt.Ā
āI canāt believe I- HE would do such a thing to a kid.ā Heinz whimpered into Perryās chest as the insistent pounding of his heart lulled his panic.
Perryās fingers disappeared into Heinzās hair, petting him delicately. He couldnāt think of a way to answer. He didnāt understand it either.
I know we were supposed to draw Perry the platypus, but all I found was someoneās weird uncle?? Sure hope thereās no teenagers at home watching who potentially will be mortified seeing him on the carpetā¦
Background by @chio-chan2 (sorry for tagging again)
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