237 ‘Nathan for You’ Pitches; Here are my top 10
Nathan Fielder came to Chicago in spring 2017 for a festival. When I heard he was coming, I started writing pitches every morning for Nathan For You. After about a month I had 237 pitches. I narrowed them down to 10.
I tried giving them to him. It didn’t work. I tried e-mailing them to his lit. agents. They wouldn’t look. Wasn’t sure what else to do, so here they are.
Mattress Store
Objective: Increase monthly income
Strategy: Maximize the use of the display room by turning it into an Airbnb
Tactic:
No one uses the mattress store beds at night, so create an Airbnb of the mattress store. Put curtains around each individual bed. Lay down the ground rules of, ‘guests must be out with all their stuff by 6:00am’ and ‘check-in happens an hour after the store closes’. Put in the online description that the guests must be okay with being locked in the store over night and with passerbys watching them sleep through windows.
Water Park
Objective: Get more people to sign up for season passes
Strategy: Convince people this is a very clean water park
Tactic:
Create a Pee Pool and a Non-Pee Pool. The Pee Pool is a pool that swimmers can get into to pee before they go into the Non-Pee Pool. This will ensure no one is peeing in the regular pool.
Enforce a “No Pee” rule at the park. Hire “Pee-Guards” or “Pee-Police” to keep watch for people that may try to pee in the pool. If they catch a swimmer who peed in the pool, they must sit in a pee shame area for 30 minutes.
-----If they do not fess up to peeing, bring the swimmer to Pee-Court. If they lose Pee-Court they are forced to buy a season pass.
-------New Water Park Tag Lines:
------------100% Water, 0% Pee
------------Pee Free Pools c. 2017
Dance Club
Objective: Get more people to come to the dance club
Strategy: Lightly guide people into the dance club without them knowing
Tactic:
Create an enormous entrance that starts blocks away and casually funnels unexpected pedestrians into the dance club. This can be done through sidewalk detours. Let the pedestrians in for free, but instate a 1 drink to leave policy.
-----Put a sign somewhere outside the club saying “By entering this club you acknowledge you must buy one drink to leave.”
Bagel Store
Objective: Get more people to buy bagels
Strategy: Force customers to bring more customers
Tactic:
Open mics happen at night when bagel stores are closed. Be the only spot in town that has a comedy open mic starting at 6:00am. Make the open mic a “bringer” show, where each open mic person has to bring at least 3 people as audience members in order to be in the set.
-----If same episode as Mattress Store, can advertise to 6:00am guests checking-out
Strip Club
Objective: Boost business on a slow night
Strategy: Open up the target audience
Tactic:
One night a week offer a Teen Night, in which teens/ minors are welcomed to the strip club to watch fully clothed strippers dance on stage. Additionally, in lieu of alcohol, that night only serve soda.
-----B-Plot: Nathan falls in love with a stripper and is hurt when he finds out she is with other guys. Nathan rents out a private room with her to confront her.
Rickshaw
Objective: Get more people to take rickshaws
Strategy: Make rickshaws that can compete with cars
Tactics:
Create a rickshaw bus that can fit X-times the amount of people than a normal rickshaw, allowing the rickshaw driver to maximize his or her profits
Guarantee rides in 10 minutes or less. Train the rickshaw biker for a week to make sure he or she can make it everywhere within a certain radius in 10 minutes or less. If the destination is outside the radius, have a flatbed truck that the rickshaw driver can pedal onto that will then deliver the people to their destination.
Instead of a 1 man-powered rickshaw, create a rickshaw that uses the power of 10 men via a 10 person tandem bicycle. This will ensure a very fast delivery of the patrons.
Gym
Objective: Get more people to register
Solution: Give people the thing they want to gain with a gym membership
Tactic:
Offer a gym package that will get you a significant other. The package can be a Doppelganger Package. Get a doppelganger of what the person will “definitely” look like when they are in shape. Have the doppelganger date people for the gym member, so by the time the gym member is in shape he or she can swap out and already be months into a relationship.
-----B-Plot: Nathan can participate to prove it works, but ultimately get jealous of his doppelganger and try to meet the same girl on his own.
City Tours
Objective: Get more tourists to take tours
Strategy: Distinguish self from other tours by offering “Prediction Tours”
Tactic:
Tours show places where things have already happened. Team up with a psychic and have a Predictions Tour that drives around the city and shows places where things “will happen.” Be very specific about the predictions. Hire people (like the Johnny Depp impersonator) to fulfill one or two predictions to show the tourists it’s not b/s.
Children’s Clothing Store
Objective: Get parents to buy clothes for kids
Solution: Get kids to ask for the clothes
Tactic:
Hire actors to pose as firemen, policemen and other professionals children look up to. Have them lead elementary school assemblies wearing adult versions of the clothing sold in those stores. Frame the assemblies as “safety rules” assemblies, but have the speakers subtly talk about fashion.
-----ie: “There is little more valuable than your life that is worth grabbing before exiting a burning house. And if you’re already wearing a fashionable outfit, you’re set.”
Day Care
Objective: Have more parents enroll their children
Strategy: Gain the trust of parents by ensuring safety for their kids
Tactic:
Create a maximum security day care. Dig a moat around the daycare and build a giant cage with barbed wire around the daycare so no people, let alone children, can get in or out, or really go beyond a certain perimeter without being let in by a watch tower guard.
-----Can also hire a guard to stand in front of the daycare with a gun to ensure the parents the protection and safety of their children. If the guns are too scary, can use realistic looking toy/ water guns.