"Life’s too short to be serious." @dinosdiedforklaine - Tumblr Blog

parks-and-recreation-department

misskingss

Ron Swanson is a simple man.

shostabr0vich

and THIS, children, is how you write a stereotypical masculine and rugged character without resorting to bigotry :)

youknowyouarerussianwhen

winawinadajcie

“Russia is so big the geese went for a walk in 1991 and only got back in 2014.”

“The geese built Dubai and returned.”

imovedtomynewblog-deactivated20

#jake holding amy’s hand with both his hands

imovedtomynewblog-deactivated20

prokopetz

If you’re trying to catch a housecat that’s gotten outside, don’t forget: they’re an ambush predator and you’re a persistence predator. You have several times more endurance than they do - use that to your advantage! Don’t run after them; that’s playing to the cat’s strengths, and vigorous pursuit may cause them to hide. Instead, follow them at a brisk walking pace until they get tired and need to have a lie-down, at which point you can simply pick them up and take them home.

graveyard-whistler

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itkeepsusmoving

I FUCKIN HATE/LOVE THIS

michaun

no context B99 part 1

grammatically-incoherent

these two are terrible influences on each other and i love it

thigh-highs

Four rich fathers go golfing.

One of them stays behind to pay the bill and the other three proceed to the first hole. While golfing, the three fathers start bragging about their sons.

The first father says, “I am very proud of my son Arthur; he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel and now he is at the top! He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.”

The second fathers says, “My son Ivan is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He went to flight school to become a pilot and managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”

The third father says, “Well, well, well - congratulations! My son, Ludwig, is also my pride and joy and is also very rich. He became an engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He built a mansion especially for his best friend.”

Then the fourth father catches up and they ask him how his son is doing.

The fourth father replies, “Oh, my son Alfred is gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”

The three friends shake their heads and say, “What a shame, you must be so unhappy! How tragic.”

The fourth father replies with a bright smile, “Oh no, I am not ashamed at all! Alfred is my son and I love him just as well; he’s my pride and joy. And he is much loved by his friends too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a Mercedes Benz, a brand new jet and a huge mansion from his three suitors?”