Disabiliboy on Tumblr

Disabled twenty-something with a blog. Will edit DNI image it's from my twitter account.

[disabiliboy]

Disabled Character Spotlight is an analysis and celebration of disabled characters in media, including how they’re good rep, bad rep, and good characters or bad characters. For the first episode, I…

Check out my new series, Disabled Character Spotlight!

[disabiliboy]

Accessibility Explorations 1

this post was originally posted here on my blog

NOTE: parts of this were written quickly on my phone while exploring, others were written post-trip as a consideration of the whole thing. Different tenses are used in the piece because of that. Editing has been done for clarity but not to remove the feelings associated with being in the moment.

This post was written far before the COVID19 situation.

Today I start a series where I explore accessibility in places around my town. I went to a little shopping center called the Landings. Its very modern and there are quite a few wellness and mommy stores. I try to look for places with mommy stores, because where strollers go (sometimes) wheelchairs can too!

Joining me today is a Model H wheelchair, a hybrid manual-power chair. My experiences with this chair have been rocky to say the least, but at least it’s better than my Drive Rebel.

I started my day parking at one end of the center, on the bottom level, and entered the I Love Juice juice bar. I signed up for rewards and learned that this franchise allows you to fully customize any of their juices. Last time I was a bit disappointed that they had basil in a lot of things, turns out if I had asked they’d have remade my drink without the basil free of charge! Entering the building was a snap. The curb cut was gentle enough where I could easily navigate up. The accessibility aisle was clear. There was only one accessible spot for the store and the massage parlor beside it. Surprisingly, a woman leaving the store ASKED if I needed her to open the door, and when I said “no thank you” she politely said okay and continued upon her day. A+ civilian! Inside the building there was a room to the side with extra seating and no door leading into that space, a wide entryway, and a central room with all the seating to a side, leaving the area in front of the cashier free.

There was a “Juice Peep” free who I asked about options and offered me a paper menu. Their wall menu has good sized text but is a bit low, due to the height of the ceilings and the length of the menu. The whole bottom is cut off to people in chairs or people who are short.

End rating: 9.5/10, with only points deducted for small and handle able things, like high countertops and small staff size.

Making my way to my next destination wasn’t simple. I had to pass all the way to the closest sidewalk to the road to find a crosswalk, and I had to go into the road to get on it. No curb cuts on the sidewalk itself. I then had to navigate by applebees, where the sidewalk was very slanted and hard to go up. My motor despaired, but we made it! Upon getting where I wanted to go next, I noticed no curb cuts between the parking area and the stores, save a single crosswalk one. If I had parked here I’d have had problems getting to and from the car, having to go to the same spot over and over.

Next I traveled to the center of the bottom half of the Landings for some chicken salad! I love Chicken Salad Chick. My option of choice? The Barbie-Q. All their salads have southern women’s names, like Olivia’s Old South or Miss Tamara’s Tarragon Dijon. I ordered The Chick, which is their version of a meal. One scoop, one side, or one soup. Choose two. They also offer a version where you can choose all three! The meal comes with a pickle spear, lots of crackers (6 packages of “Wheat Twins!) and my favorite, a small buttercream frosted cookie. Yum!

CSC gets a little tougher when you look at the accessibility side of things, though. To get to the counters, there’s a high wall leading you around the side of the building. I could not see over this while seated. PTSD issue. The aisles in the seating area are technically ADA compliant…when no one is sitting in their chairs. Being a mommy-attracting store, there were two groups with small kids, and diaper bags plus people sitting in chairs made passage impossible until those nice parents showed how absolutely delightful they are and one stood, moved her diaper bag, and helped me get through. Seating is also a little tight. I found a table for four that I could sit at without blocking aisles, but this was the only place I could see where I wouldn’t be in the way, and I’m taking up a large table. I have no idea from this part how I’ll get out of the store without breaking something, since the doorways are obscured by staggered tables.

Picking back up after my lunch, I was pretty hot and extremely tired, so it was time to head back for my car. I considered a longer route back, but I wasn’t in the mood to stay out in the Georgia heat much longer. So I hooked back the way I came. Getting out of Chicken Salad Chick wasn’t easy, I had to weave between tables and over a spilled drink. The building is carpeted almost completely throughout the dining area, so this is a mildew hazard as well as making it hard to navigate. The door leading outside was heavy and there were no accessibility buttons. A nice pedestrian opened the door for me and didn’t stand directly in the way of me getting out the door.

NOTE: if you’re helping someone in a wheelchair or using a mobility device by holding the door, ask first HOW you can help. Don’t assume your help will be useful and act based on what makes sense to you. My chair is a few inches thinner than the average doorway, so if you’re standing towards the inside of the door I can’t squeeze through without stepping on your toes.

Ending the day one more thing of note happened: I made a man angry.

It wasn’t on purpose, but it was intentional in a way. I’m a staunch proponent of doing things myself when I can, of being independent as possible. I sometimes burn myself out or hurt myself trying to do things all myself, never asking for help. Part of it is I’m stubborn. Part of it, though, is the hopeless, helpless feeling of having people truly believe in their hearts that if you’re in a wheelchair you can’t do anything for yourself, that you’re not going to be able to contribute to society, that you’re going to be a burden your whole life.

So, I’m ambulatory. I can walk if I have to. Doing it, though, takes a huge toll on my body. So I usually transfer from my chair to the edge of the trunk of my car and then pull my chair in behind me. Of course this isn’t super safe as I should lift more with my back, but those rules can’t apply easily to disabled life.

Here I am, then, pulling my chair into my car, and a guy rips into the parking lot, pulls into a spot super quick, and runs over to help me. I hold up a hand and holler “I’m okay!” but he continues approaching, my PTSD rumbling a little. He asks briefly how he can help, and I say I’d prefer to do it myself. He finally agrees after some arguing, though he’s definitely not happy, and I finish up, secure my chair, hobble to the car, and drive away. Still, his face of disbelief that a disabled person, especially a small, female-bodied one, can handle a heavy chair? It haunts and invigorates me; haunting – because I am seen as so little, invigorating – because I am so very much.

[disabiliboy]

Story Time: Weighted Blankets, Trends, and how sometimes they can be a good thing

This post was originally posted on my blog here

Okay, so I know a lot of people – autistic and allistic (not autistic) – don’t like how many trends have occured around things autistic people need to survive and thrive. And I get it. I totally do. But lemme give a different perspective: how these trends can help us, too.

I used to be a part of a social group on my college campus. That was the year I started really living as an autistic adult. I started using chewelry in my junior year of high school and started thinking I might have autism at that point, since the chewie helped me so much so quickly. But in college I started actually investing in my mental health. I took the plunge and bought a weighted blanket. It was unbelieveably expensive, but it was so helpful. Soon after the trends moved from fidget spinners to weighted blankets for everything from sleepless nights to stress.

A member of the group said we should all have a day where we get together and make weighted blankets. I was having a lot of trouble with anxiety and tried to get across that it was a bad idea. They thought I was gatekeeping, saying autistic people are the only people who can use weighted blankets. What I was trying to say was for autistic people there’s often no other way, and I had just spent $300 for a weighted blanket. The materials alone could easily cost $100 a person for a decent sized blanket.

Everyone screamed at me, hated me, were very rude to me. I finally found the words via text to explain that the materials would be too expensive. I was instantly forgiven, but seeing how much these people hated me for trying to explain my own struggle broke me. I stopped going around. I lost my friends.

I don’t blame them for being upset, but I do blame them for never – not one day – putting effort into understanding my life.

Now, a weighted blanket can be bought at walmart for $40. If I had been able to wait long enough, I could have 7 cheaply made but effective weighted blankets for the same amount. That desire I had to explain why it was so hard for me to survive so that my friends didn’t have to realize it themselves is useless now.

What does this have to do with trends? Well, what if I hadn’t had to explain to my friends that it would cost $1,200 USD to make us weighted blankets that some of us may not use? What if thinking “will this help me?” was answerable with a simple “take $40 to Walmart”? That would be so much more accessible for everyone.

Fidget spinners aren’t great for every autistic person, but they’re great for many, and they cost $1 easy. I have a bluetooth speaker one that cost me $7. That easy? It’s wild. If I can just march to the dollar store and get one, and then if I don’t like it I can pass it off to someone else? That’s amazingly important.

So, next time a trend makes you upset that someone is taking your thing, try to consider the benefit. If not for them, for relieving your own anxiety.

NOTE: my thoughts on stim toys as a trend has nothing to do with cultural aspects as a trend. I do not support cultural appropriation.

[disabiliboy]

Poem of the Day 5

You were soft,

But so, so cold

[disabiliboy]

Currently, my currents point to

Electrifying new currents

[disabiliboy]

Poem of the Day 3

You call it annoying

I call it water

A babbling, bubbling brook

               When I feel joy

A tumultuous, torrential typhoon

               When emotions run high

An ocean’s undulating overtures

               Whenever I try to stop it

[disabiliboy]

Poem of the Day 2

To hold it inside

Is to deny the ocean

Inside of me

[disabiliboy]

Stim Toy Review: Simpl Dimpl

Originally posted here

Alright, today starts off a review series. I’ve always loved sharing my thoughts on different products, especially ones I use daily. I’ll be reviewing stim toys, which are items used to self-regulate in people with autism, Tourettes, or PTSD and others.

The Simpl Dimpl by Fat Brain Toys is a simple tactile and sound stim, designed with versions for both stimmers and infants. Great for motor function!

Want this item? Check the link!

https://www.fatbraintoys.com/toy_companies/fat_brain_toy_co/simpl_dimpl.cfm

I got this neat toy from Amazon and it’s been a life saver. It’s the Dimpl by Fat Brain Toys, and it’s a simple item. I don’t know which came first, but Fat Brain has an infant version of this toy that is much larger with different sized bubbles and this one as well, in multiple colors. The infant version is advertised as increasing motor skills. We all know how hard those are!

There is only one main function of the Dimpl: you push the bubble and it flips to the other side. In the infant version, this teaches babies that pushing the bubble creates a fun sound (a “pop!”) and makes the toy change slightly, increasing tool using, motor skills, object permanence, and colors.

I like this toy because it is a great way to deal with a panic attack or when I’m overwhelmed. I’ll be honest, popping the bubble hurts, especially if you’re repetitive. But sometimes that’s what I need to get back in my head. It feels almost like snapping a rubber band, since it’s a similar material, but it’s a bit broader and not as sharp.

So here’s the rundown:

PROS:

Very tactile: rubbing the logo on the bubbles is very different from the smooth underside and the hard plastic shell is also a different texture.

Easy to figure out: just push the bubbles. No difficult features, you don’t have to decide what you want to do with it, just do it.

Good for focusing: Without those extra features, you can focus on regulating or tasks.

Small: It’s maybe 2-3 inches in length. Very small, fits in any pocket and almost any hand. The carabineer is small but still fits most belt loops.

Customizable: The Dimpl comes in several color combinations, all are very vibrant. The outer shell is always white.

CONS:

Painful: popping the bubble over and over can make your fingers numb and sore.

Choking Hazard: Small enough that it could conceivably go down someone’s throat.

Not Chew Safe: In addition to being a choking hazard, it’s not fun to chew, trust me! The plastic and silicone are all good quality, no bad smell, but the silicone of the bubbles seems easy to tear with enough chewing (kind of line the Chewigem chewipal) and is thin. The shell is not fun to chew but doesn’t seem like it’d shatter off into pieces easily. Carabineer could come off easily and be swallowed, possibly pinching.

Noisy: I’d call this a medium noise toy. The popping sound is there, so not good for a library, but it’s not loud enough to disturb anyone in a moderate to loud area. The sound is sort of annoying to me. See video below.

Not Discreet: it’s a white and almost neon piece of plastic. It looks like a children’s toy. Not a good serious toy, but could be a nice addition to some desks if you’re in a more modern office. But your coworkers may just fall in love with this one!

See the video HERE to see this toy in action!

Conclusion? I’d recommend this one to a wide variety of people, but it’s not perfect for anyone I’ve had try it. 6 out of 10 for me, better than average but kind of a one-trick pony.

[disabiliboy]

On the Issues: Autism as a Cop-out

Trigger Warning: This blog post contains mentions of, descriptions of, and analysis of sex scandals, sexual abuse, pedophilia, sexual assault, and abuse of individuals based on, incited by, or involved with their autism.

All articles open in a new tab

I’ve seen so many articles lately that have boiled my blood as an autistic adult. I avoid at all costs using my autism as an excuse. Now and then there’s been a moment where I’ve explained my behavior by referencing my autism, but there’s a difference.

Saying “I’m sorry I upset you, my autism makes understanding certain things hard. How can I fix it?” is different from “I downloaded illegal images because I’m autistic.”

That’s where I’m going with this. I’m referencing two articles, one where an autism advocate was arrested for downloading child p*rn and another where a Harvard professor lost so much in his life because of gullibility and bad decisions.

First we’ll talk about Nick Dubin. This article is the one I’m referencing (TW for child p*rn, homophobia): External Article from Slate.com

In the article, journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer (science and science-based parenting columnist) discusses Nick Dubin’s arrest following his (allegedly accidental) downloading of multiple p*rnographic images of minors. Moyer claims that the holder of a doctorate in psychology had no idea that his downloading of sexual images of children was illegal.

She claims that a “social age” test places Dubin at understanding social cues at an age of approximately 7-10 years old (I’ll be talking about this concept in another post), and so he doesn’t see looking at erotic images of children as any different from erotic images of adults. If that is so, though, how can he claim to have “never had sexual feelings about children” if he sees them just the same as adults?

The second article is actually a series of articles about a single situation. THIS is The First Article I Read About the Situation (CW: Transphobia, Misogyny, Gaslighting and Emotional Abuse) To make a long story short, Bruce Hays, described in the article as “The Most Gullible Man in Cambridge” ended up embroiled in a ridiculously complex controversy and cites the possibility of being “on the spectrum” as contributing to his current woes. And why is it that being “on the spectrum” and being “an absolutely gullible fool” are seen as the same in this situation?

While these two separate articles are not indicative of the autistic adult experience, they are indicative of how we talk about autism and adults with it.

For a moment, think about any parents of children with autism you know, know of, or have briefly seen the posts of on the internet. How many times has the sentiment of “my child will never function as an adult” come up? We’re setting autistic youth up for absolute failure. The same parents who say “my child is nonverbal and will never speak” forget their child is still human and knows what they’re saying.

Setting autistic kids up with the assumption that they’ll never be able to function, know right from wrong, or hold a sense of empathy is first most absolutely wrong and secondly creates an image that autistic adults are not capable of being considered adults. It assumes that people with autism can commit crimes or hurt people willingly without being held accountable.

I mention how we look at autism because these people are using a disorder that directly affects me and millions of others across the world as an excuse. That first article? It’s titled, “Autistic Sex Offenders Often Don’t Realize They’ve Broken the Law. Should That Matter?” This autistic adult says, “absolutely not.” Breaking the law, especially with such volatile crimes as sex crimes, should be taken just as seriously in autistic adults as neurotypical adults.

The infantilization of autistic adults does nothing to help us. It harms us. I’m not saying Nick Dubin should be locked up for his natural born life for downloading child p*rn, but I’m saying he should face the same consequences a neurotypical sex offender would. I’m not saying Bruce Hays should have no help in fixing his own mistakes, I’m saying Bruce Hays’ actions, including how they affected his family and his job, should be treated just the same way as if a neurotypical adult cheated on their spouse and otherwise got wrapped up in antics.

We’re not above the law. We’re not above making mistakes.

[disabiliboy]

On the Issues: Autism as a Cop-Out

Trigger Warning: This blog post contains mentions of, descriptions of, and analysis of sex scandals, sexual abuse, pedophilia, sexual assault, and abuse of individuals based on, incited by, or involved with their autism.

All articles open in a new tab

Blog from my main blog here

I've seen so many articles lately that have boiled my blood as an autistic adult. I avoid at all costs using my autism as an excuse. Now and then there's been a moment where I've explained my behavior by referencing my autism, but there's a difference.

Saying "I'm sorry I upset you, my autism makes understanding certain things hard. How can I fix it?" is different from "I downloaded illegal images because I'm autistic."

That's where I'm going with this. I'm referencing two articles, one where an autism advocate was arrested for downloading child p*rn and another where a Harvard professor lost so much in his life because of gullibility and bad decisions.

First we'll talk about Nick Dubin. This article is the one I'm referencing (TW for child p*rn, homophobia): External Article from Slate.com

In the article, journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer (science and science-based parenting columnist) discusses Nick Dubin's arrest following his (allegedly accidental) downloading of multiple p*rnographic images of minors. Moyer claims that the holder of a doctorate in psychology had no idea that his downloading of sexual images of children was illegal.

She claims that a "social age" test places Dubin at understanding social cues at an age of approximately 7-10 years old (I'll be talking about this concept in another post), and so he doesn't see looking at erotic images of children as any different from erotic images of adults. If that is so, though, how can he claim to have "never had sexual feelings about children" if he sees them just the same as adults?

The second article is actually a series of articles about a single situation. THIS is The First Article I Read About the Situation (CW: Transphobia, Misogyny, Gaslighting and Emotional Abuse) To make a long story short, Bruce Hays, described in the article as "The Most Gullible Man in Cambridge" ended up embroiled in a ridiculously complex controversy and cites the possibility of being "on the spectrum" as contributing to his current woes. And why is it that being "on the spectrum" and being "an absolutely gullible fool" are seen as the same in this situation?

While these two separate articles are not indicative of the autistic adult experience, they are indicative of how we talk about autism and adults with it.

For a moment, think about any parents of children with autism you know, know of, or have briefly seen the posts of on the internet. How many times has the sentiment of "my child will never function as an adult" come up? We're setting autistic youth up for absolute failure. The same parents who say "my child is nonverbal and will never speak" forget their child is still human and knows what they're saying.

Setting autistic kids up with the assumption that they'll never be able to function, know right from wrong, or hold a sense of empathy is first most absolutely wrong and secondly creates an image that autistic adults are not capable of being considered adults. It assumes that people with autism can commit crimes or hurt people willingly without being held accountable.

I mention how we look at autism because these people are using a disorder that directly affects me and millions of others across the world as an excuse. That first article? It's titled, "Autistic Sex Offenders Often Don't Realize They've Broken the Law. Should That Matter?" This autistic adult says, "absolutely not." Breaking the law, especially with such volatile crimes as sex crimes, should be taken just as seriously in autistic adults as neurotypical adults.

The infantilization of autistic adults does nothing to help us. It harms us. I’m not saying Nick Dubin should be locked up for his natural born life for downloading child p*rn, but I’m saying he should face the same consequences a neurotypical sex offender would. I’m not saying Bruce Hays should have no help in fixing his own mistakes, I’m saying Bruce Hays’ actions, including how they affected his family and his job, should be treated just the same way as if a neurotypical adult cheated on their spouse and otherwise got wrapped up in antics.

We’re not above the law. We’re not above making mistakes.

[disabiliboy]

Poem of the Day 1

some things flow

some things ebb

but the balance

will remain

in flux