Quotes from Terry Pratchett's Discworld Books

GNU Terry Pratchett.

[discworldquotes]

'Are you introducing young children to the occult?' said Madam Frout suspiciously. This sort of thing caused a lot of trouble with parents, she was well aware. 'Oh, yes.' 'What? Why?' 'So that it doesn't come as a shock,' said Miss Susan calmly. 'But Mrs Robertson told me that her Emma was going round the house looking for monsters in the cupboards! And up until now she's always been afraid of them!' 'Did she have a stick?' said Susan. 'She had her father's sword!' 'Good for her.'

Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

[discworldquotes]

The Patrician opened his eyes. 'You are a doctor, aren't you?' he said. Doughnut Jimmy gave him an uncertain look. He was not used to patients who could talk. 'Well, yeah... I have a lot of patients,' he said. 'Indeed? I have very little,' said the Patrician.

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

[discworldquotes]

'What? You can't mean... Doughnut Jimmy? He's a horse doctor!' 'So I understand,' said Vimes. 'But why?' 'Because many of his patients survive,' said Vimes.

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

[discworldquotes]

'Sorry... let me make sure I understand this. Corporal Nobbs... my Corporal Nobss... is the Earl of Ankh?' 'He would have to satisfy us as to proof of his lineage but, yes, it would appear so.' Vimes stared into the gloom. Thus far in his life, Corporal Nobbs would have been unlikely to satisfy the examiners as to his species.

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

[discworldquotes]

“They won’t even tell me what charges are going to be made.” “Being Bad Girls,” said Tonker. “Who are we fooling, sir? The enemy wanted just to be quietly rid of us, and the general wants the same thing! That’s the trouble about the good guys and the bad guys! They’re all guys!”

Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

[discworldquotes]

Silver stars weren't awarded frequently and gold stars happened less than once a fortnight, and were vied for accordingly. Right now Miss Susan selected a silver star. Pretty soon Vincent the Keen would have a galaxy of his very own. To give him his due, he was quite uninterested in which kind of star he got. Quantity, that was what he liked. Miss Susan had privately marked him down as Boy Most Likely to Be Killed One Day By His Wife.

Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

[discworldquotes]

'You got no soul, Fred,' said Nobby. 'I wouldn't've minded being a knight in shining armour. That's what a king does if you're useful. He makes you a knight.' 'A night watchman in crappy armour is about your métier,' said Colon, who looked around proudly to see if anyone had noticed the slanty thing over the e.

Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

[discworldquotes]

Igorina had good eyes. Polly wondered if they’ve ever belonged to someone else. She gave Polly a wink and held up a thumb. It was, to Polly’s relief, one of her own.

Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

[discworldquotes]

“I’d like you to think about this black ribbon I’m wearing. Know what it means, do you?” The barman winced, and mumbled: “Tem’prance League . . .” “Right! Well done!” said Maladict. “And one more thought for you, if you’ve got room. I’ve only taken a pledge not to drink human blood. It doesn’t mean I can’t kick you in the fork so hard you suddenly go deaf.”

Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

[discworldquotes]

“Any good with [a sword]?” said the sergeant to Maladict. “Not really, sir,” said Maladict. “Never had training. I carry it for protection, sir.” “How can you protect yourself by carrying a sword if you don’t know how to use it?” “Not me, sir. Other people. They see the sword and don’t attack me,” said Maladict patiently. “Yes, but if they did, lad, you wouldn’t be any good with it,” said the sergeant. “No, sir. I’d probably settle for just ripping their head off, sir. That’s what I mean by protection, sir. Theirs, not mine. And I’d get hell from the League if I did that, sir.”

Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

[discworldquotes]

Sombre, he'd said. You had to hand it to golem tailoring. The suit was so black that if it had been sprinkled with stars the owls would have collided with it.

Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

[discworldquotes]

He gave the impression of restraining himself, with difficulty, from killing you.

Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

[discworldquotes]

Ah. Smart. The word had a very specific meaning here in the valley. A smart boy thought he knew more than his tutors, and answered back, and interrupted. A smart boy was worse than a stupid one.

Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

[discworldquotes]

'What I don't understand,' he said, 'is why you fellows mainly try it here or at the office. I mean, I walk around a lot, don't I? You could shoot me down in the street, couldn't you?' 'What? Like some common murderer, sir?' Vimes nodded. It was black and twisted, but the Assassins' Guild had an honour of a sort.

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

[discworldquotes]

Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder.

Terry Pratchett, Mort

[discworldquotes]

[Aunty Hattie] was even worse after a glass of wine, and she had one joke: “What does a man stand up to do, a woman sit down to do, and a dog lift its leg to do?” And then, when everyone was too embarrassed to answer, she’d triumphantly shriek “Shake hands!” and fall over. Aunty Hattie was an Abomination all by herself.

Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

[discworldquotes]

[Angua] knew her boss. He thought war was simply another crime, like murder. He didn’t much like people with titles, and regarded being a duke as a job description rather than a lever to greatness. He had an odd sense of humour. And he had a sense for what she thought of as harbingers, those little straws in the wind that said there was a storm coming.

Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment