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schizoid who doesn't need his thoughts tied to main, just a collection of posts. feel free to reblog

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I write my letters backwards or in the opposite motion I usually would because I don't want people to be able to recognize my hand writing, and I'll change fonts because I don't want to be recognized by a font either

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[deaddogbrain]

even i cant always tell

[eyeballdango]

i wanna talk about having szpd and what living with it is like but. theres not much to talk about bcs all i do is self isolate and live my life in my fantasies............ sometimes i even feel like its. not a part of me. like. im still kind of in denial about having it.

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would it be okay with you if i made my own version of your explaining friendships comic depicting my experience with ASPD? if yes, would you want to be credited and/or tagged? no worries if not! wishing you a good day/night :)

Go for it lol, I don't own the concept of comics. Be free; no need to credit me at all though if you'd wish to send me the link when you do finish it I'd be happy to see it

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I love swimming but I don't want people to watch me swim, I want to be able to just float and fall asleep in a pool and drift away

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Had a classmate ask "what do you even do" because I don't really have any hobbies I partake in, or at least not regularly

And that's a good question

I just said I don't really do much

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I think szpd should be researched more but what do I know

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I really love collage as a medium

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2 seconds of normalcy

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Scrolling the schizoid tag and seeing my own posts is something I did not think would bother me

I just don't like seeing my own posts if I'm not on my own profile, stay out of my sight..

[narcissistswaltz]

Something I don't like about people is that they don't understand you can cognitively care about something but not emotionally care about it (And vice versa)

There's very few things I care about. And even less things that emotionally impact Me enough to care deeply. But I'm still able to realize something is important enough for Me to post about it, even if I don't find Myself truly caring about it how you'd think someone would

[lepusflocculus]

This still doesn’t look accurate to what I was going for

Transcript below

Panel 1: Im.. sad. That’s what this is. Sad... Im sad.

Panel 2: So. Uhhhhh… why don’t I…. why can’t I…

Panel 3: I mean. This is really ineffective, right?

Panel 4: I can’t.. I can’t get past it..

Panel 5: this.. Barrier.

Side text: It’s like, I get so close to feeling it for real. Or at least I think I do anyway…

Text above panel 6: And then.. I hit it again. The wall

Panel 6: that me?

Panel 8: still me!

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Schizoid symptoms and Me

More because I didn't feel like drawing anything else: obligations aren't all equal either, sometimes it's being expected to always be there for someone in their time of need, sometimes it's being expected to keep up the routine of someone else, sometimes it's literally just being expected to respond.

I currently have connections who do not care how long I disappear because they understand I need to, or rather I just enjoy solitude. It makes socializing a lot easier. Any connections I don't have contact with over the phone, are all strictly irl and not in a position where I HAVE to interact with them, and if I'm around them I'm not forced to speak. I am lucky to have people who don't gaf

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Omori whitespace

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Explaining friendships through my point of view.

I assume this is how the typical friendship acts, where two people share a mutual bond that pulls each party towards the other. Or rather, the emotional connection/bond.

When someone wishes to create a friendship with me, I'm often forced to be a part of this connection, but I don't feel it. It is not connected to me or my being, it is something I must carry and maintain, it is heavy.

When I can not carry this burden anymore, I drop it. This weighs the emotionally connected person down, and I am a bad person for it. I am not emotionally invested, I will never bond with people the same way, if someone's forces their friendship upon me it feels as though I am forced to hold a grenade with the pin pulled out, clamping down on the handle, and if I get tired it explodes.

Now I am a covert schizoid, high functioning if that's the proper word, and do have friendships like this, where the other person is emotionally invested but doesn't force anything upon me. They don't expect me to care, to want, to understand exactly. They carry the emotional investment for both of us and this allows me room to isolate and avoid engulfment while still experiencing socialization.

I do not like these people, but something something shizoid dilemma it's better than nothing. My closest friendship is one of 6 years who lives in a different state, and who I respond to maybe monthly but visit once a year (give or take). And they never mention this, or demand me to stop being absent.

Yeah maybe this is worded poorly idk, I don't find my thought processes vulnerable or personal in any way so I may as well share them.