[divide-by-triple-zero]

*knocks on skull* I hate it in here

[importantcatpics]

[rickybabyboy]

secret methods

secret reasons

[sealouree]

falling in love (literally)

happy birthday sam may you drink a thousand more joja colas from the people who want your hand in marriage by spring year 1 💗

[makingtrouble]

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

[makingtrouble]

Actually I've decided this is a poem

[travelling-my-little-pony]

Posey went to enjoy the flowers at Tulip Fest at Strawberry Fields!

In Lifton, in Devon, England.

[nettlewildfairy]

quick question why does your cat command you to print something on the printer

he really likes to watch the printer print. It seems like he thinks there’s some kind of creature in there that I have the mysterious power to summon that he can then hunt for sport?

he sticks his entire arm inside the printer and breaks it if I don’t put some kind of physical burrier between him and the printer but like he purrs so loud when it starts printing and will beg harder for people to print things than he will for treats.

he just loves hunting the printer so much. he even tried to climb inside the place the paper comes out of the printer when he was a kitten.

No matter where he is in the apartment if the printer makes a noise he sprints full speed. He also knows which button to press to get the printer to print like the ink levels info and alignment sheet, so you have to make sure it’s off or locked up or he will print nonstop himself and then attack the printer and jam it.

is it inconvenient that my cat is obsessed with the printer? yes, but damn if it’s not also adorable.

I don’t actually have a ton of photos of him sticking his whole arm in there though because stopping him from jamming the printer is usually a task that involves all of my arms and also all of my roommates arms.

[nettlewildfairy]

Thinking about the post because I had to unplug the printer today because he broke into the closet and printed the info sheet 3 times in a row and did bite me when I tried to stop him

The face of a boy who is sulking because I expelled him from the printer closet.

[nettlewildfairy]

the good news is that my cat is so happy, the bad news is that my sticker cutting machine that I got recently instils the same curiosity and lust for violence in my cat that my printer does so no matter what I do I will not know a moments peace.

[kingsillysmilez]

Artfight Attack for @starruberrii !

[dragongirlbunny]

there is nothing a corporation hates more than having employees, but a close second is having to provide a good or service in order to make money. these two reasons concisely explain is why the ai bubble formed in the first place.

[leo0berry]

[ifishouldvanish]

ngl I'm really trying not to be consumed with existential dread in the face of ai and environmental destruction and fascism and the growing surveillance state but I think I'm reaching my limit 🥲

[clownfactories]

there should be a second pride month in fall or winter for people who have heat intolerance. no other reason.

[nyquillionaire]

who goes there

[silvernevermind]

small town diner waitress voice: Omelas? Oh, oh no, easy mistake, you're in oh - MAY - las right now, with an A. Plenty' people get the name mixed up. Nope, no utopia here, just our small little town. *face gets really grim* We do still.. Okay well we do still have a kid that we... I mean it isn't working but- well- You know. It- It's fine. I'm sure it'll start working soon.

[apollos-boyfriend]

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down

cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

[sherbertilluminated]

Promethean task: opposite of a Cassandraean task. You have the right information, and SOMEONE has to share it. But it's all in the delivery and if you're the person to identify the problem you WILL be hated forever.

[thearrogantemu]

Oedipal Task: (1) Attempting to avoid an unspeakably awful outcome and in doing so creating the circumstances that will bring it about. (2) Trying to solve an problem and discovering that you are in fact the problem you are trying to solve.

[theoppositeofprofound]

Odyssean task: you’ll complete it but it’ll take 20 times longer than it should and involve multiple side quests and mini-adventures

[goblinindenial]

Ah feel 'sif an Odyssian task is basically a poor sod mid ADHD

[haarlow]

A Pandorean task - just the act of starting it unleashes all manner of disasters.

[cyranope]

damoclean task: the thing you've been putting off long enough that it becomes a constantly hanging doom over your head

pyrrhic task: you can get it done but it's going to cost you

medean task: you can get it done and you don't care what it costs you

dionysian task: task that might not be -better- if you do it drunk, but -will- definitely be more fun

hegelochic task: it was a simple job, but your name will be recorded in the annals of history for how impressively you fucked it up

task of theseus: a project for which the parameters have changed so many times that you're not sure it IS still the same task

gordian task: ok technically there Is a Right Way to do this but it's going to be fiddly and awful and take forever and what if. what if you just said fuck it. and started slicing

[crystaltoa]

Orphean task: You are the only person even capable of attempting it, yet it also seems maliciously designed for you, specifically, to fail at.

[celebritysanctum]

[miamaimania]

Pigeon 215 by Unknown ⌘ Water bends to nature’s simple needs

[r00ib0s]

every time i draw a high energy pose the gremlin in the back of my brain tells me to do this