secondhand news — rue kinda accidentally abandons you at her dealer’s house, and the two of you share a blunt.
♡ feel it out — you and fezco are fuck buddies, but promise yourselves you won’t do it again. you won’t do it… for rue, it’ll complicate things for rue, yknow? but honestly, it’s just really hard to stay away from him.
read my mind — you’re a stone cold bitch, everyone knows that. but to fezco and ashtray, you’re their very favorite person. also, fez may or may not be in love with you.
rain or shine — you and your boyfriend, fezco, are a little too high, and you can't stop asking questions that're maybe a little dumb.
♡ my favorite part — it’s kinda funny how you and fezco fucked, but you really fell in love first, isn’t it?
one last thing — you show up drunk on fezco’s doorstep, unsure where else to go, and he takes care of you.
saturday nights — based on the song ‘saturday nights’ by khalid.
dating fezco
nsfw alphabet: part one, part two
your camera roll if fezco was your boyfriend
rue bennett
your camera roll if rue was your girlfriend
jules vaughn
your camera roll if jules was your girlfriend
maddy perez
love you so — it’s maddy’s first valentine’s day with you, after breaking up with nate. you help her remember how it feels to be loved.
dating maddy
valentine’s day with maddy (moodboard)
the bear
carmen “carmy” berzatto
dating carmy
game of thrones
jorah mormont
♡ nightbird (i, ii, +) — you’re the trueborn and eldest child of king robert baratheon and lady cersei lannister, princess of the seven kingdoms and first in line to inherit your father’s throne, upon the event of his death. except, there’s a catch; you don’t want to be queen.
jon snow
as you’ve always been (i, +) — you, the princess of the seven kingdoms, have been promised to marry robb stark… little do they know, you’re already fallen in love with the bastard, jon snow.
jaime lannister
nsfw alphabet
sandor clegane
sandor nsfw alphabet
as a partner
as a lover
cuddling/affection
being pregnant w/ his child
partner being smaller than him (size kink)
stranger things
billy hargrove
feel you now — billy gets into a fight and shows up at your bedroom window, bloody and exhausted. you take care of him.
going to live aid together
steve harrington
♡ she’s thunderstorms — steve is in new york visiting some distant relatives, and he’s losing his goddamn mind without you.
☁️ love her too — steve brings a very drunk robin home from a party, and she ends up confessing her crush on steve’s girlfriend.
as a lover
domestic!steve
friends to lovers
robin buckley
☁️ love her too — steve brings a very drunk robin home from a party, and she ends up confessing her crush on steve’s girlfriend.
the tribes of palos verdes
jim mason
☁️ don’t think about tomorrow — jim’s drug habit finally gets out of control.
♡ afterglow — it’s a quiet night on the beach and jim decides to show you just how much he loves you.
jim teaching his partner to surf
as a lover
as a partner
misc
spencer reid having a crush on you
bodyguard!nestor oceteva & celebrity!reader
coco cruz as a lover
the arcana: visiting nevivon with julian and portia
♡ all the good girls go to hell — bucky barnes finds himself fascinated with the girl next door. then, she notices him.
Bella Ramsey and Pedro Pascal attend the Los Angeles FYC Event for the HBO Original Series’ “The Last of Us” at Directors Guild of America on April 28, 2023
WARNINGS: Very NSFW, usual TLOU warnings, based on show!Joel instead of game!Joel
WORD COUNT: 5.0k
A/N: I know, I know, I have to stop disappearing for months and then coming back with self-indulgent fanfic about my newest little guy... But, alas, that day is not today. Enjoy!
Aftercare
He’d have to be a little drunk to ever admit it, to tell you out loud in just as many words, but Joel loves those few minutes right after sex. It’s like striking gold for him. The moment where everything is safe and calm and nothing else exists outside of those four walls, it’s just the two of you and your shallow breathing and the way your body feels when it’s pressed against his. He loves to hold you close, or to have your head on his chest or you curled into him. Hell, he even loves to have your arms around him, keeping him safe and grounded so he doesn’t drift too far off from this heaven he’s created. He loves feeling that almost-euphoria as the two of you ride out the last of that high together. It’s intimacy in its purest form, and he loves it.
Body Part
On you, he’d be hard pressed to choose just one favorite part. It’s probably just you. How soft your skin is, how sweet you smell, the way your hair feels between his fingers. It’s your hands when you rub circles onto his thighs when he’s nervous, and your legs when they wrap around his waist to pull him closer. It’s your lips when you smile, or when they’re all plush around… Y’know. But, on him? It’s easy, it’s his hands. Sure, they’re rough and covered in callouses from years of working construction and usually a little dirty from the whole part where he sleeps on the ground most nights, but they’re his. They’re the same hands that hold you when you need him, when you’re scared or sad or your emotions are just a little too big to process alone or even when you just want him close. They’re the same hands that bring you so much pleasure, that make you beg and plead for something else. And, most importantly, they’re the same hands that load your guns and clean your knives and whatever else, the same hands that work every day to keep you safe and sound.
Cum
Joel hates cleaning up messes, but he sure likes making them… Where he comes really just depends on the situation and the circumstances. When you’re on your back and he’s on top of you, depending on how fast you untie your legs from around his waist, he’ll do it on your stomach. Or if he’s taking you from behind, he can’t explain why but he really likes seeing your ass all covered. One thing he doesn’t like though, would be coming on your face. He’s never really been one to do that; it feels strange, almost disrespectful to you. If it’s something you love, he’ll do it, but if anything, he prefers your mouth, if you’re comfortable with it. He loves to kiss you afterward, to taste the physical evidence of him once being there left on your tongue. It might be a little gross to some, but he just can’t bring himself to care, not with the way you gasp every time. His favorite, though, his go-to, would be your curves... And really, he doesn’t mind cleaning up after himself. It’s all part of the fun.
Dirty Secret
Appropriately, his most private, most strongly guarded secret is a dirty one… And he’s definitely never told you, at least not outright, but you’d probably pick up on it at some point… There would definitely be signs. But Joel would love to come inside you, to just have that moment where the world stops on it’s axis and everything is so still within those four walls, where you’re absolutely, completely his in every single way. So full of him, marked and ruined for any other man, all by his physical presence. He’d love it, and he’d do it every goddamn day if he could, but he just can’t move past the possible consequence of it. Not with the state of the world being how it is right now. But he’ll do it eventually, once both of you are safe and sound and settled down on some farm in the middle of nowhere. One day, one day he’ll get to do it, and what a glorious fucking day that’ll be.
Experience
Before the outbreak, Joel only ever really had one serious relationship, and that was with Sarah’s mom. After her, over the years, he’d had a few one night stands and maybe even an extremely casual ‘friends with benefits’ type of thing with someone, probably a co-worker or an old friend. That’s really the extent of it though. However, he’s always open to exploring new things with you… Which, to be honest, there’s quite a lot of. He thinks he knows what he likes and how he likes it, but he also realizes he was pretty plain and vanilla back in the old days. And that’s not a bad thing, he’s happy with it, but he’s also chill with seeing if there’s anything else that gets him going, especially if it’s something you’re into. No guarantees he’ll like it or want to do it again, but he’ll definitely try most things. No such thing as too much pleasure.
Favorite Position
He loves anything where he can see your face. He loves to touch you here or kiss you there, and see what expression crosses your face, or see what sounds you make. It’s almost like a game for him, to work you up as much as he can and make you come undone all around him. Making you fold is a hobby of his, and he’s gotta see your face to do that… In the beginning, at least. He’s fairly quick to learn your body, your likes and loves, what you react to and how you react to it. He reaches a certain level of confidence in his ability pretty quickly… He means that in the least cocky way possible. Well, maybe a little cocky. Who else could make you come that hard? But honestly, aside from that, he’s a sucker for a little doggy. Taking you from behind, watching you struggle to keep holding yourself up as you brain goes numb, seeing your ass and the curve of your back right in front of him, it all makes him go a little crazy.
Goofy
Joel is mostly a pretty serious guy, and he likes to keep it that way, especially in such a private time… But, of course, he has his moments. Sometimes he just looks at you and he can’t help but smile, no matter how hard he tries to wipe it off or will it away and focus. You’re so fucking beautiful, you’re just so pretty, and you love him. Him! You love him, how awesome is that! It’s not exclusively in a sexual way, but there’s been a couple times where you’re beneath him, eyes closed and brows furrowed together, lips parted as you whimper his name, and he just can’t hold it all together. It’s corny, absolutely, but he loves you and he’s so grateful that you stick with him, even if he’s n old man or there’s an apocalypse or whatever. And besides that, sometimes funny things just happen. There’s definitely been a time or two where the walls creak a little too loudly from the activity they haven’t seen in years, or when something falls off a table and breaks into a million pieces below. It’s just a little funny, he can’t help but chuckle a bit before he goes back at it.
Hair
To be honest, he’s usually pretty natural. Razors can be a bit of a luxury in this new world, and it always seems like time is of the essence, but he tries to keep it all as tidy as he can for cleanliness sake. Whenever he’s at his little apartment in the Boston zone, he takes the time to make it neat, but that usually only lasts a few days. If you prefer it any sort of way, he tries his damndest to keep it that way, to form the habit of keeping it like that. As for you, he genuinely has no real preference. There’s hair, no hair, some hair, whatever? Okay, he’s going to eat you until you cry anyway, he’s alright with whatever’s down there. He wouldn’t really let such a minuscule thing get in the way. Whatever makes you feel good is good by him.
Intimacy
He swears he’s not, but Joel is an oddly very intimate person. It’s just sort of in his energy, the way he carries himself, he embodies it. Well, once you’re his person and he truly cares for you, at least. There’s the more obviously intimate things like sex and the moments after, or showering together, or just how he holds you. But there’s also less obvious forms, like how he rests his head in your lap and falls asleep as you comb your fingers through his hair, or how, about once a month, you’re able cook a meal together and he embraces you from behind, his head buried in your neck. Hell, anything involving his head in your neck. He can’t even begin to fathom how, but you always smell so sweet to him. Even in the field, you’re so sweet, a little earthy and oh so familiar, it’s intoxicating and comfortable. And another form of subtle intimacy would be in how he cares for you. He’s always zipping up your jacket and making sure you stay warm or tying your shoes so you’re ready for anything, or making sure he takes the time to clean your weapons and assuring you’re good with them.
Jack Off
Joel doesn’t really jack off. It’s a bit difficult to let his mind float off enough that he gets horny, and there usually just isn’t any time or anywhere private enough. But, on the rare occasion, the mood does strike and he’s gotta go take care of it. It usually happens at such an inconvenient time too, like when he’s on a long smuggling run and he’s just about to fall asleep for the first time in a couple days. He’ll offer to take the night shift and Tess always happily accepts. She’ll drift off to sleep, and then he’s got to go find somewhere out of sight and out of mind. Memories of you flood his brain. Not even only sexual ones, either. At some point, the memory of you cooking dinner for him back at the QZ will appear in the mix, or you just standing at the window in his t-shirt. Other, more obvious ones would be in there too though. He’d swear to God you were right beside him with the way he could hear you whispering in his ear, begging him to come for you, to just let go.
Kink
Joel isn’t a particularly kinky person, and he’d tell you as much if you asked him. Sure, he appreciates a good restraint or gag (usually your panties) here and there, but not a whole lot more beyond that. It’s more in the way he fucks you, not how. He’s naturally sort of rough without even trying. He grips the soft flesh of your hips and slams into you like it’s his last chance, and when he’s between your thighs, his fingers dig into your skin to pull you closer, even if there’s already less than zero space between his mouth and your cunt. Or, his favorite, how his hands hold your waist so gently and how they guide you, rocking you back and forth, pushing himself into you as you ride his thigh… The rough part there, you ask? Well, it’s when he looks you dead in the eyes and tells you not to come until he thinks you’re ready. It’s a game; you’re chasing him, the pleasure, and he provides it happily and willingly, but at the cost of getting to watch you break down. Eyes squeezed shut and body quivering in front of him, he gets to hear all those pretty little sounds you make. He revels in it.
Location
In the QZ, he’ll only do it in his apartment or yours. Even then, he can be a little hesitant, the time has to be right. FEDRA are all jackasses who love to make examples of folks whose crimes are much less than public indecency or a few noise complaints, and he’s not trying to fuck around and become one of the people he sees on the street past curfew. Outside of the QZ, however? The whole world is pretty much fair game, baby. Abandoned houses in the middle of nowhere, broken down cars on previously-busy highways, the dining table of some old restaurant that used to be filled with patrons, the front desk of a hotel and the luxury suite upstairs, the list goes on. It’s all possible, but usually only if you can keep the noise down. He often wonders if moans could attract clickers; the thought is enticing, and honestly a little funny to him, but he’s definitely not trying to find out. He’d really hate to be cockblocked by a dead guy. Anyway, the whole world is waiting for you.
Motivation
Truthfully, we’d be here all day if we were to sit here and list every little thing that gets him going. With you, so much as a gust of wind in the right direction would be enough to send his mind to a much dirtier place. But to act on it? That’s a little tougher. The quickest way would be to just be all over him, to sit on his lap, to touch his neck, kiss his face, to bathe him in your presence. Especially if you do that little wiggle in just the right way that your ass pushes down against his cock, and your hands go up behind his neck so you can kiss him, or to whisper something in his ear. He’s ready to go, now. But the slow burn, the one that’s a little less quick, would just be to touch him. Not constantly, and not overtly; in fact, to touch him so little that, at first, he doesn’t realize what you’re doing. Brushing his hand against yours but not taking it, “accidentally” putting your hand on his thigh and letting it move closer and closer. Or kissing him, but just on the cheek, or the corner of his mouth, combined with a nice hand in his hair to pull him closer. By the end of it, he’s painfully hard and practically begging for you to do something about it.
No
Joel doesn’t have too many hard limits, but he’s strict on the few he does have. The usual harder, more “out there” kinks and stuff aside, he’s not a big fan of anything to do with feet or even anal, that’s just not in his wheelhouse. And he wouldn’t really be comfortable doing anything that would or could hurt you, at least on more than a superficial level. He’s alright leaving marks on you within reason, like little bruises from grabbing your thighs or hickeys down your stomach that he knows you’ll be pissed about once you realize they’re there. He’d be alright with, though very hesitant about, a light smack or two, but mostly anything beyond that is maybe a little much for him. Another boundary, and probably his strictest one, would be people. He will never bring another person to bed with you. Apocalypse brain and safety concerns aside, it’s plain and simple. He doesn’t share, he doesn’t like to share, and he never will share. Seeing someone give you the same pleasure he does really might just finally drive him insane… He supposes he’s just old-fashioned that way. Or just jealous. Probably the latter.
Oral
He definitely has a preference for giving instead of receiving, but he’ll never, ever turn down a good blowjob from you. There’s something about your lips around his cock, the way your mouth is so warm and wet and how he swears it was made for this, it makes him crazy. Especially when you take the lead, when the tables are turned and it’s you, hand on his cock and eyes looking into his soul, telling him not to come until you think he’s ready. He’s not a very submissive man, but God, it’s real easy to be one in that moment. But on the other hand, given the opportunity, he’d happily spend the rest of his life between your legs and never complain about a damn thing. He loves everything about it. How close you are (physically, but metaphorically too), how hot and just how fucking wet you get for him. The way your pussy clenches around his fingers when he hits that perfect spot inside you, eyes nearly rolling back into your skull as he works his tongue. But really, it’s the way it has you whining and whimpering, hands grabbing at his hair and begging him for more.
Pace
The pace sort of depends on a lot of things, and it’s mostly just coincidental; the mood, how well he slept last night, the location, those are all important when deciding how to fuck you. He usually tends to just go with the flow and let your bodies figure out the details, where, oftentimes, you’ll end up with a little bit of both worlds. The lines get blurred as he blends speed and depth and touch. He starts out slow, his tongue sweet in your mouth as his hand falls between your thighs, using his fingers to help you, uh, open up for him… Well, more open than you already are, if that’s possible. But once you’re there, one orgasm down, another already building in your stomach as you desperately reach for his belt? It turns rougher. Harder, faster, and needier than you ever would’ve thought it would be. That said, Joel loves a vocal partner. If you ever want it a certain way or want to do something, all you have to do is tell him. If you set the pace, he’ll do his best to keep it up, to keep himself in sync with you.
Quickie
Joel isn’t the biggest fan of any kind of quickie… But he is a fan, period. He very much prefers to be able to take it slow with you and enjoy his time with you to the fullest extent, but sometimes, that just isn’t possible. Sometimes, he’s gotta pull you into the nearest, safest building he can see. It’s only happened a handful of times, where you’re in the field on a run or whatever else, and he’s just gotta push you against some old graffiti and make out with you. That’s enough sometimes, but when it’s not? Well, if you’re down for it, you’re getting bent over a dusty desk. Or in the bed of a rusty truck, or on the kitchen counter in an old farmhouse or… The list goes on. It’s dangerous, and so fucking thrilling to beat the (relatively) self-imposed allotted time limit for his little extracurricular activity. It’s always quick and dirty, and when he’s done, he always hungry for a second round despite knowing he can’t have it. So, he tucks himself back in and pulls up his jeans, helps clean you off and get situated, and back on the road you go.
Risk
In a way, risk ties in with quickie. Outside the quarantine zone, Joel knows that one wrong step can cost a little blood or even his life. He doesn’t much like taking risks, especially unnecessarily ones. But calculated, unnecessarily risks? Especially in such a moment of need? Well, alright, he’ll do the math… And he usually ends up buried deep inside you, in some sort of risky little location, certain you can both kill or outrun whatever may come your way. Risk inside the QZ is a whole other monster though. One bad call and he isn’t sure he could outrun that punishment. He tends to lay low in the zone for smuggling’s sake, his and yours, and getting caught fucking you somewhere random just wouldn’t be good for that. Also, there just really isn’t anywhere random to fuck… Trust me, he’s looked.
Stamina
When Joel was younger, he was insatiable. He could go round after round, for hours and hours, not quite fully satisfied until he physically couldn’t keep going anymore. When he wasn’t inside his partner, his hands or tongue were all over them, which allowed him some much-needed rest time, or to take breaks so he didn’t come until he wanted to. But now, that’s all slowed down a bit… Which, honestly? He doesn’t really like to think of himself as old because of all the stigma nowadays that comes along with it, but he’ll certainly take that one little perk of aging. Now, he’s pretty solid, just a lot less… Wild. He’s learned to be patient; he knows what he wants, and he knows his body’s limits a lot better than he used to. As long as you allow him a little break here and there, he can go for, uh… Quite some time.
Toys
Toys aren’t a very common thing in this new world, but they’re certainly there, and available if you know the right guy and can pay the right price. Joel hasn’t ever really felt a need to get any, not when he’s got the hands and tongue he’s got, but he isn’t totally against it. It’s actually kind of hot, he thinks, the idea of fucking you with a faux cock while he eats you out and how he could get you to whine for him, or your asshole being plugged while he takes you from behind, just seeing it in front of him. The thought of using toys on you is a turn-on, even if it’s a little unrealistic on some level. If it’s something you’d like to try, he’ll do his best to make it happen. All you have to do is ask. Maybe he could get you a real gag and save your panties some use, best kept on you instead of stifling all your noise… Oops. Well, that mental image is gonna stick around in his head for a while.
Unfair
God… He’ll sit there and pretend he isn’t, but don’t let that little facade fool you; Joel is one hell of a tease. He’s kind of annoyed at how he’s grown older, but if aging ever did one good thing for him, it would be how it calmed him down. It seemed like he was always a bit short on time, but now, he could afford to sit around and wait for a good thing to come… You being the good thing, ironically. He loves the build up and the chase, the little dance that leaves you wondering… Will he, or won’t he? He loves to keep it nice and long, to have you squirming with just his words, and to have your panties soaked without him ever even having to lay a hand on you. It takes a little while to get you like that, so needy and broken for him, and he savors it. But, he’s not a cruel man, not usually. If you do the same, if you wait, take the time and enjoy the chase, you’ll always get your reward.
Volume
It might be surprising, but Joel really tries to be vocal for you. He loves nothing more than hearing you, hearing every little sound you make and every word you moan or utter… So he’s always just kind of figured, you probably want that too, the same as he does. He’s full of little sounds; grunts and groans, whines and moans, low growls of your name when he’s almost there. The filthiest things tend to spill from his lips, as sweet as the Southern accent that comes with them…. Especially when he’s on the bottom. It’s easy to get backed into a corner, trapped in his own bush mind and forget to let all the pleasure out, but God, it’s like that filter is totally removed once he feels your weight on top of him. Little moans start pouring once you start touching him, and he kind of loses himself a bit; it’s never long before he’s a whiny mess, groans and cries mixed between gasps and little moans of your name, or whichever one of his nicknames for you comes to mind first.
Wild Card
Joel is not a submissive man. He’s strong, and dominant… But all that tends to slip his mind and go out the door once you slip your hand down his pants. You’ll have that strong, dominant man reduced to a whining, whimpering mess in about… Twenty minutes. And he fucking loves it, he eats it up every time and he’s always left begging for more. He loves to be a pathetic little mess, hands tied above his head while you ride him so goddamn, painstakingly slow, he can feel you around him but it isn’t enough stimulation for him to come. He’s worked up, his face and chest are flushed bright pink and he’s practically biting at the bit to touch you, just to put his hands on you, to guide your hips and demand they go faster, harder, he wants to be so deep inside you that he can’t breathe. But you deny, deny, deny, until you’re done playing. You aren’t terribly cruel, he always gets his release (or two). The thrill, that euphoria of realizing you’re moving, actually moving, and that he ain’t gonna last too long, is better than any drug or drink he’s ever tried. But, if you were to ever ask him what he thought of it, he’d get all bashful, cheeks immediately pink as he just mumbles “‘s alright.”
X-Ray
It might surprise you, but Joel is pretty average down there, at least in terms of the outside. In length, he’s average, or maybe a little above. And probably a little more girth than usual too, but it’s not too remarkable, he’d be the first to admit it. His real charm is in how he uses it. But if it’s not quite enough for you, he more than makes up for it with his true talent… His hands. It’s honestly a little impressive, just how good he can be with them. He’s only had a few partners over the course of his life, definitely less than ten, but he’s always made sure to explore their bodies, to be an observant lover, and there no exception with you. It doesn’t take long for him to figure out what you like (and what you love) and what you hate, what makes you shiver, what makes you come. How you gasp with surprise when he slides his hand over your hips and give your ass a sharp little smack, how you whine when his fingertips dig into your thighs, the way you moan his name so desperately when he curls his fingers into that sweet spot inside you… He can fuck you pretty damn well, but with his hands, he’s amazing.
Yearning
Well, Joel had to admit… It ain’t quite what it used to be, but it’s still a hell of a lot higher than he’d have imagined it would be at this age. And, honestly, it kind of surprised him. Before the outbreak, back when he was twenty years younger and a little more ??, it wasn’t ever the highest. It’s true, over the years he’d had a one night stand here and there and occasionally got himself off when he just couldn’t seem to shake the dirty thoughts, but that was pretty much the extent of it. His teenage self would’ve considered that a nightmare, but really, he was fine with it. His primary focus was raising Sarah. Immediately after her, he focused on working his ass off, and taking care of his brother. The plate was already full, there just wasn’t a need for it, or much time available. Then, he’d have thought the world damn near ending and all the years of bullshit afterward would’ve killed most of whatever was left. And it did, for a few long years. But once he met you? Shiiiit, he was done for, all of it came flooding right back. Didn’t much help that you were, uh… More than willing, really, to help him explore it.
ZZZ
After everything is said and done, once you’re both all cleaned up and the bed is made and you’re both tucked in comfortably, he usually falls into a sort of state of half-sleep. One where he’s somewhat conscious, but his eyes want to close and he’s not thinking much. When he’s like that, he usually just watches you for a bit. Not in a creepy way, but out of love. It’s rare that he gets the chance to see you well and truly asleep, in such a safe or comfortable place. It’s nice, it’s good for you, he can tell by your face. You look so soft and serene, hair pooled around the pillow and lips parted slightly as you curl into his chest, one arm lazily thrown over his belly. You aren’t worried about infected or intruders, you’re exhausted and at peace, your body and mind can finally take a moment to catch up to each other. He almost wishes he could capture that peace and bottle it, but he always falls asleep beside you before he figures out how… Maybe some other time.
the sheer offensiveness of rereading something you wrote, discovering that, hey, it’s actually pretty good, and then reaching the end, wherein you realize that if you want more you actually have to write it
A/N: These are maybe a little self-indulgent, sorry. I’m just in love with this man😭
He’s kind of messed up emotionally and has trouble letting people in, and he needs you to know that.
He wants to work out his problems, to get his head straight and clear, but he usually just doesn’t know how. And he doesn’t like asking for help because putting all his bullshit onto another person just makes him uncomfortable. If you want to help, you basically have to force him to realize that it’s okay, you’re there for him. To silently hold him while he cries when all the emotions become too big to be bottled up, to cook for him when he hasn’t eaten a meal in three days (and maybe crack a joke about cooking for the chef, which he’ll always find funny). You just have to show him that you’re there for him, and only then will he let you in completely.
He loves the little things you do, all of them.
You showering with him and lovingly washing his hair, or somehow getting all the stains out of his clothes, even cooking with him sometimes. He loves it. He’d hardly admit it, but he loves the security and comfort in the feeling of being taken care of. He was very lonely for a lot of his teenage years and into his early twenties, exaggerated by his move to New York. He went without that feeling for a very long time and Mikey’s death only made it worse, and the stress of running the restaurant and being back home did too. But he has you now, and you love him, it’s one of the only things he’s ever really been certain about.
Cooking for him is always nice, and goes in a way you might not expect.
At work, he’s kind of neutral or bordering on cold most days, but at home, he’s a loving boyfriend ready to try anything you’d like him to… And he keeps the feedback to a minimum, simply enjoying your food, unless you specifically ask for it. And if/when you do, it’s not all the culinary-world language bullshit. He just says adding more garlic would make the flavor bolder, or tells you how a little more salt would enhance the dish. It’s not so blatant like it might be if he were at work, it's a much gentler form of honesty, but also not coddling or childlike. He praises and thanks you for dinner, and is just glad he finally has something other than junk food in his stomach, that you care enough to do that for him… Even though he’s a cook. Hell, especially because he’s a cook.
Carmy loves you more than you could ever know, but he doesn’t like to feel smothered.
He’s affectionate, yes, and he does love you, but he likes to have his own space to relax. Sometimes he comes home in a bad mood from work and doesn’t want to put that on you, even though he knows you’re the only person who can fix it. It's less common with you than it was before, but the occasional off day still happens sometimes. So when he just needs to be by himself, he usually greets you with a kiss and goes to the bedroom to decompress. He'll come out in a few minutes and wrap his big arms around you, pulling you close into his chest. And he knows the smell of grease soaked into his clothes isn't very nice, so he always makes sure to change his shirt for you.
But in that same breath, he’s also kind of like a stray puppy when he’s with you.
You show him love and affection, helping with his problems and filling the gap in his life that he didn’t even know he had. In turn, he’s whatever you want him to be, and he gives you whatever you need. If you need a friend, a lover, someone to vent to or scream at, he’s there. If you’re hungry, he brings you something he made at work, special and just for you. If you’re lonely, he spends whatever bit of free time he has trying to help you feel better, even though he’s not really sure how. Whatever you need, he does his best to give it to you, to show you that he cares and values you more than he could ever manage to put into words. He likes how you encourage him to be kinder to himself, and to take care of his needs, so he does the same for you.
His lack of relationship experience does kind of scare him, but he knows the two of you can make it work.
He’s in his twenties and has never had a girlfriend. Not in his teen years when he was at home, and not in New York; Carmy was too broken and unstable to have a girlfriend when he was up north, and too busy when before he left Chicago. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t scare him, how there’s a chance he could fuck everything up because he has virtually no clue what he’s doing. But he looks to you as an example, because you’ve done so much for him, and he really tries to copy and twist your methods of helping him to fit your needs. He’s a very “lead by example” kind of person in his work life, but with you, it’s more mutual understanding, love and respect. It feels like a breath of fresh air for him.
He’s a big softie, even though he doesn’t really feel like it most days.
Don’t get me wrong, Carmy loves being the big spoon and having you between his arms, falling asleep listening to you breathe (in the least weird way possible). But he also loves the comfort of you holding him. You're so warm and so soft and you always smell so nice, he loves feeling you behind him, pulling him into your body. One of your arms is usually wrapped around his chest, the other underneath his head. He'll always put his arm up so he can hold your hand, thumb stroking the delicate skin. It's one of the very few calm, genuinely relaxing moments he has in a day. And his favorite thing is when you think he's asleep, how you'll tuck his hair behind his ear to get it out of his face, and press a kiss to his forehead before ever-so-slightly adjusting so you can fall asleep too.
His whole life, Carmy was never really sold on the nuclear family; y'know, wife and kids, white picket fence in the suburbs.
And he still thinks that’s bullshit and even a little weird, but he has actually thought about it more than he’d ever admit. What can he say? Those smoke breaks at work can get pretty boring. He’s decided that if he’s ever gonna have kids, it would be with you. He’s not dying for it or anything and it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you didn’t want any, and it definitely wouldn’t be anytime soon, but he just thinks it might be nice. Coming home to his gorgeous wife and sweet little kid every evening, cooking for the two of you, having a little dude to chill with and seeing such a perfect mix of the two of you in them. And having someone in the family that he could pass The Bear down to, too.
Speaking of being a dad, believe it or not, he’d probably rock at it.
Having a kid would definitely make Carmy a little softer, a little less rough around the edges. It's not a dramatic change, but it is one that almost everyone around him would notice. And when they got to the toddler stage, they'd definitely notice him, very sleep deprived, gently (but also very annoyed) trying to scold someone in the kitchen... And the look on his face when he realizes he's trying to parent a fully grown adult. He'd laugh, but he'd also realize he probably needs to put Sydney in charge and take a few days off to spend at home. He’s a very loving, doting father and loves teaching the kids about food whenever they’re old enough to be in the kitchen. They’d truly be his pride and joy, his most beautiful achievement.
Date nights are a little uncommon given his work schedule, but they they happen, they’re great.
Carmy loves going out with you when he can, and doesn’t much mind where you go or what you do. Honestly, he’s down for anything, he just loves being with you, but a little extra bit of excitement isn’t unwelcome either. It could be a walk through the park, seeing a museum, an aquarium, buying books (cookbooks specifically, usually) together or, a little less commonly, even a bar crawl. Or maybe on the occasional holiday or long weekend off, a little hotel stay so the two of you can explore all Chicago has to offer. Having grown up in the city, it all seems so small to Carmy, but it’s in times like those that he remembers that it’s actually pretty giant. And that’s all fun, but his favorite kind of dates are when it’s just the two of you in the tiny kitchen in his apartment. He’s trying to teach you how to cook, but really, you’re just dancing around to the radio and making out and putting some ingredient or another on each other’s faces. And honestly, his heart is just so full, he can’t really bring himself to care about the mess the two of you are making.
