hurryuptowait

Zoe 33 they/she

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Tap tap

Is this thing on? I’m going through a heart break/heart shift whatever the hell folks call it. What better place besides therapy to spew my feelings than tumblr. Also very timely that my old injury in my arm is acting up again. Inflammation yay !

Back to the heart break. I was falling in love with a person as they were falling out with me. Should have would have could have !I should have had better boundaries about changing the nature of our relationship . I should have known when they weren’t interested in Brazil it wouldn’t work. That I couldn’t kiss their lips with the same mouth that loved fish. We were not long term compatible but for the time we were. But I guess they didn’t have much time left. Friendship is an option and I’ve been friends with ex’s but never with an ex I was in love with. I’m not pushing this feeling aside to get to friendship but I’m also uncomfortable with it. I feel to wet and dry at the same time about them. I miss them dearly and know we will talk again it’s just gonna take time. Time I have and time I fear they may not have . Perhaps thats why it had to end.

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Lmaoo

Yall I went to look at my profile on here cuz I’m thinking of coming back and using it.

I am screaming my last age shown is 25😅😩

I

Honestly I feel like I shouldn’t have to update my age since I’ve literally been on tumblr since 2008. Let me update that. I’m 33 and this blog is a wild museum of my late teens to mid twenties . What a time.

[moghedien]

A League of Their Own as Reductress Headlines, Part Four

ALOTO: Part One, Part Two, Part Three

Gretson as Headlines: Part One, Part Two, Part Three

The Rockford Peaches: X

[rootsandcultureworld]

work of, heitor dos prazeres, afro-brazilian painter (1898-1966) , who was also a singer and a pioneer samba composer who also participated in the first samba schools in brazil. his works depicts the life and culture of afro-brazilians.  

[swartzmark]

Rosana Paulino, A Geometria à brasileira chega ao paraíso tropical (Brazilian-Style Geometry Arrives in Tropical Paradise), 2018. Digital print, collage, monotype and linoleum on paper.

[blindbee]

[avodaco]

me when i get my student loan

[g8dtier]

this is the money cat. reblog in 30 seconds and you will find yourself with more wealth

[strikercorbie]

#this is the only money cat i will reblog because it’s actually doing the manekineko pose151,646 notes (via lolwhutninja)

OMG YOU’RE RIGHT

[nonespark-blog]

and it has its right paw up! the correct paw for this. and from the markings on its ears, it looks like it might be a calico cat. which is the luckiest kind!

[carrionbeast]

extremely lucky cat

[ladynorbert]

I don’t even care if it actually works, I’m mostly reblogging because it’s freaking adorable.

[sweet-cherry-fairy-deactivated2]

cute cat and need money, good post, 10/10

[allthenamesilikearetaken]

in case anyones interested in the other versions

http://www.namaii.com/manekineko/maneki-neko-types.html

[mmusclechan]

Y’know I reblogged this a bit ago and was saved from financial probation and getting kicked out of school because of it, just mere months from graduation. Got a call from the financial aid advisor telling me that they made a mistake with filing my account (or some other sort of clerical error) and said that, basically, they owe me money. Welp.

[winjennster]

Last time I reblogged the money cat, I won two $100 gift cards at work.

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I’m alive lol. Just creeping a little on here.

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Anger

Have you ever felt so much anger that your body feels like it’s on fire? That you might combust into a thousand pieces? Because I feel that in my chest like I might explode from all this anger at myself and this person. I’m feeling all of Lucille bluth, I’m so angry I could set myself on fire. Not in context to the homophobia preceding that quote.

I’m tired. Good thing I have a therapy session this week.

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I mean if I didn't spend the weekend crying and writing in my journal, did the weekend even happen ?

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Btw

Therapy is going great. Why is everything rooted in how to view your life and upbringing ? Also in less than 60 days I will be getting on a plane to Rio de Janeiro again. I'm so excited yet also nervous. I will be going alone this time. I'm hoping to use this trip to improve my Portuguese as I will be taking classes, 4 hours a day for 5 weeks. I'm staying with a different host family. I'm also looking forward to doing some independent research/observation of tourist sites and museums, particularly art museums. I am also trying to visit a few friends in Salvador so fingers crossed it works out. As my prep for my trip I've been trying to listen to more music in Portuguese and use the app Duolingo. I have a book I'm gonna take with me as well. I'm also going to look for children's books while there to improve my reading comprehension and for my niece and nephew. Since I finish my masters in the spring I've been thinking about what it would take for me to move to Brazil for 6 months for more intensive and immersive experience because 5 weeks aka 37 days isn't enough. Tchau !

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Counseling update

So last Monday I met with an intake counselor at my school to let them get a feel for what's going on. Gave them the rundown and ended it saying my fear is that there isn't anything wrong that perhaps I'm just an asshole. They then said you know I'm hearing a lot of harsh self criticism . Told me that we could make a lot of progress with the time together (school only provides 12 sessions a year) and that I may not need all 12. Yay? I mean yay! I'm feeling determined to try and get out of my head. They also pointed me to apps/websites to use for anxiety, depression, sleep and something else. On the not sneak tip but to not cause me any alarm, but suggested I check out this link for self compassion. Go figure. I think I started crying cuz I was like finally but also like vulnerability >__< . My first session with my assigned counselor(therapist? ) is next Monday . Wish me luck.

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Blah

I'm going to counseling help figure out why I am the way I am. My biggest fear is that there isn't something wrong just that I'm an asshole who is lazy and selfish. I've lost a lot of great friends these last couple of years. I feel like now I finally realize what I've done but I'm not sure how to stop it . It's like a train of self destruction and self sabotaging behavior.

[serious]

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I feel like I look like my mom in this selfie ha.

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Post cards?

So for the 5 or so people who still read my blog (lol) if you message me your mailing address I would love to send you guys a post card and or trinket from my time in Seoul !! (If you love me you should send it my way or ask for my email if that's better)

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Good news

So I survived my first semester of grad school with flying colors. Basically since September ended my life has felt like falling down a flight of stairs. You think you are at the last step and will stop falling but you don't. I've entered a new relationship so there is that. This one isn't long distance so this is different .i only had to pull two all nighters this semester. My sleep schedule is kind of trash in that I can't sleep more than 6 or 7 hours regardless of what time I go to bed. But the good news is on Monday I leave for Seoul to see Imani who I have not seen in forever!! I got all my things for my two week adventure with her. Maybe I will post more during my trip. I'm currently laying on my bed stretching out some shoes for South Korea ha.

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Y'all I’m going to South Korea in December to visit my friend! I’m so excited yet kind of nervous.

Edit: got some more saving to do since I have two 15 hour layovers over night in China but not enough time to do much per say .anyone live in china wanna come kick it with the girl on her layovers LOL? Also I don't know any Korea well besides like respected woman lol