i'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine

Dolce DiCaramello Gamer on Twitch, Baker on Youtube. Find me doing Stardew Valley Community Bundle speedthroughs on Tuesdays and cooking through all it's recipes on Thursdays. Undefeated Mario Kart Champ. Not interested in games that aren't available on Switch, sorry not sorry.

[legaciesladies]

[dolcedicaramello]

How do you feel about the speed limit?

I understand why it’s there, because not everyone has driving in their code. However, I think that maybe those of us who literally were born in a racing game should get a free pass.

[dolcedicaramello]

text 🐦 dowie

Bowie: SHUT UP, DOES THAT SANDWICH ACTUALLY EXIST? Can we go buy it now? I'm so hungry, I want it, I need it! I CAN'T FOCUS ON ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD UNTIL IT'S IN MY BELLY!

Bowie: Something can suck without you hating it! But that was mostly when I was annoyed about the guys they kept casting as the Flash. Why are none of them COOL? I know they're supposed to be nerds but like, HEATH?? If he wanted to be an actor he'd be a way better flash. COMICS ARE ALL LIES AND BAD SCIENCE but I'd rather stick with my comic friends than my science friends, they make more sense to me. Ooooh, flaming candy... which do you think would taste better to eat on fire, a Reeses or a Twix?

Dolce: It doesn't but we could probably MAKE it exist. I have cream cheese and chicken and I'm SURE you have cheetos. Wow, that's awfully dramatic considering I invented it five seconds ago.

Dolce: I was more concerned with them casting LOML Candice Patton as Iris. But I will say Ezra Miller definitely fucking sucks, everyone is all up their ass but they're such an pretentious asshole and I'm glad they got cancelled. Um, Grant Gustin is at least a LITTLE cooler than Heath for like that grave meme alone. Also, he can sing. Bowie, you aren't good at science anyways. What does it matter if they're bad? I'm biased because I think Twix is a trash candy, have you ever tried eating the inside if you take the chocolate off? Nasty bland biscuit. A Reeses is delicious with or without the chocolate, especially a mini one. We should try to make like Reeses smores.

[dolcedicaramello]

How do you feel about Call of Duty?

Not going to pull any punches here, it sucks. I’m not here for games where the main objective is shooting or killing anyways, but I’m especially not down for it if there are a bunch of men yelling at me about what a slut I am for beating them on the chat system and threatening to kill me for real. Um, nope. Bye.

[dolcedicaramello]

text 💬 demi

Hemi: WAIT, I THOUGHT OF A BETTER EXAMPLE! Have you ever ridden a MOTORCYCLE in the rain? (Don't waste the water, the plants need it more than you do!)

Hemi: Why does everyone keep asking me that? When you're somewhere fun you don't want to LEAVE to go somewhere less fun, it's just how life is.

Dolce: Nope, motorcycles are more of a slaughter race thing and Slaughter Race is LAME. Although I do sometimes use them in Mario Kart. What if I water the plants with it WHILE I do it?

Dolce: If your ability to have fun is limited by being pelted then isn't it less fun anyways? Besides, anything's fun if you try hard enough.

[dolcedicaramello]

How do you feel about Mario villains?

Oh man, don’t get me started. The latest Mario villains are LAME, I’m LOOKING AT YOU ORIGAMI KING. I’m always so disappointed with new Paper Mario games in particular because their original villains were so cool. Like the Koopa Bros? A ground-breaking Ninja Turtles rip-off and definitely a future Halloween costume plan.

Obviously there are other decent early villains. Bowser being one of the ultimate villains slash anti-heroes. And Donky Kong, the ultimate villain bait and switch. Where would we be without the DK Rap?

[dolcedicaramello]

text 💬 bello

Wynn: I'm not going to hurt your little friend, I'd prefer to stay far away from her at all times if I can. I mean, I didn't technically start this job until after I graduated and realized I don't want a fucking job, so I haven't been doing it THAT long. Aren't bosses supposed to recognize when you're amazing and just give you promotions for it, though? And better yet, demote other people in the process???

Wynn: Gunny would rather light things on fire than smash them, I guess? But I don't see why you can't do both; smash first, toss into a fire pit, voila.

Dolce: Lmao, I don't think you could anyways. But lol, it sounds like you definitely don't have a lot of job experience. Bosses are DUMB, if you're good at your job they typically just give you more work and then expect you to do it for the same amount of money then act shocked when you leave for the first thing with better pay. If you want a promotion, you've got to like ask for it and advocate for it or you'll literally get ignored forever.

Dolce: Well, arson is illegal and I don't think they offer any "light shit on fire" experiences that are also safe yet.

[dolcedicaramello]

How do you feel about brown vs white sugar?

They both have their uses? I’m a big fan of using a mixture of the two to get optimal taste, but if I’m pressed I’d rather have brown sugar.

[dolcedicaramello]

text 🍌 dandi

Candi: I give it a 4.5 just because I know there's some major douchebags on that app. But for every five jerks, there's at least one decent person. But what can you really expect from a booty call app.

Dolce: I don't know, I probably expect more than it can deliver on? Like I would v much like it to solve my issue where I find most men boring and only know people who are super straight or super platonic when it comes to girls. I don't even know if I'm booty call material.

[dolcedicaramello]

How do you feel about threesomes?

No judgement, but very much not for me. I’m a person that gets jealous, not easily, but a situation like that would be insecurity central for me.

[dolcedicaramello]

text 📺 doverly

Haverly: THE TEEN DRAMA IS COMPELLING!! Idk what to say other than that. Other than bold of them to start the show with pedo creepers online. That was so dark, so cringe.

Dolce: The teen drama is like BEING TORTURED SLOWLY BUT YOU'RE DOING IT TO YOURSELF. At least graduate to Grey's Anatomy, which is also slow torture but FOR ADULTS. God, that did scare me off the internet for a while I'll give it that. One of my friends growing up did almost get scammed by a creeper who tried to get her to meet him while we were on like a class sleepover trip to Charmington.

[dolcedicaramello]

What song would you choose to describe your love life right now?

Not really much going on, maybe I Wanna Know You from Hannah Montana.

[cassidystabbington]

Okay, I waited until it wasn’t the damn season anymore to make an official verdict on the best song off of evermore, but guess what? It’s February, and ‘tis the damn season still can’t be topped. 

[dolcedicaramello]

Okay, I don’t want to say you’re wrong buttttt I’m totally going to. Tis the Damn Season is so damn depressing! I want my holiday music to be loud and happy and more Jingle Bell Rock. Or if they’re going to be depressing, more like Trans Siberian Orchestra’s Carol of the Bells where they still rock. I don’t want to be reminded of my lost love or whatever. I think my favorite is probably No Body, No Crime because girl power anthem is more my style. But I also really like Willow, the whole sneaking around kind of vibes of it.

[bobotomago]

Dudes, does a game being called Bowser’s Fury mean that Bowser isn’t already furious all the time? Because spiky giant turtle guy definitely had me convinced…

[dolcedicaramello]

I think it just means that Nintendo is coming up with clever names for Mario games. I feel like in Paper Mario they’ve definitely shown he’s capable of throwing a full-blown temper tantrum at the drop of a hat. To be honest though, I still kind of feel sorry for him though? The guy just seems lonely. I think that’s why he’s always trying to steal Princess Peach and crash Mario Parties. No-one ever invites him.

[jungleboyblake]

If I created my own holiday, how do you think people would celebrate? I have to know what International Blake Day festivities would look like before I commit to this plan.

[dolcedicaramello]

Maybe? If history has taught me anything it’s that the best way to get your fictional holiday celebrated is to incorporate it into a TV show. Treat Yo Self Day? Still see it on my dash and when I do, totally use it as a reason to buy myself a little something. Annoy Squidward Day? Totally recognized on the fifteenth of every month by annoying someone whose face I hate. I hate Seinfeld and I’m even aware of something called Festivus or something from it, because enough other people care. So really, what TV show are you going to make to publicize International Blake Day? Also, you probably want to come up with a better name, like Half Blaked Day or something. People love puns.

[aspenfrederickson]

Less than two weeks until the premiere of Superman & Lois, and I still can’t decide if I want to tune in and give it a shot while it airs live, or if I’d rather wait until it’s all on CrownFlix and just get it over with all in one fell swoop. How are we feeling, fellow comic nerds? Because I’m not going to lie, I still just miss Tom Welling as Smallville’s finest, so for me these are dark and confusing times. 

[dolcedicaramello]

Honestly, I think I’m just over the whole superhero thing at this point. I was really psyched when it started but now that every other show that gets greenlit is Marvel or DC I’m just...meh. And like Smallville pretty much did the Superman origin story as well and as thoroughly as it could. It was on for almost a decade! Plus, the selfish, slightly thirsty side of me doesn’t find Hoechlin or whatever the name of the female lead is cute. So eh.

[crisdubois]

I guess Valentine’s was cute for some people and all that, but now that it’s over, can we fast track things to spring now? I’m ready to put all these damn layers I have to put on every time I go out away for a while. Spring’s no fall, but it’s second best, so I’ll take it.

[dolcedicaramello]

Yessssss. First of all, I am so sick of talking about love. I mean it’s nice, yes, but V-Day is just like an excuse for people who are insecure in their relationship to SHOVE IT DOWN OUR THROATS. So glad it’s over. And secondly, I’m so done with the gold. Bring on spring. I miss shorts and tank tops and the sun, it feels like it’s been so long since I’ve seen it.